Are your children stuck in a "materialistic trap"? Your thoughts on Unicef's report about British children and family time, please!

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello.

We wanted to let you know (if you haven't seen it already) that Unicef have just published a report in which they said that British children are caught in a "materialistic trap".

British children, they say, aren't able to spend enough time with their families (because British parents work such long hours) and their parents, feeling the pressure, "buy them off with branded goods".

"Consumer culture in the UK contrasts starkly with Sweden and Spain," say Unicef in their report, "where family time is prioritised, children and families are under less pressure to own material goods and children have greater access to activities out of the home."

What's your reaction to this? Do you agree with Unicef - or not?

And, if you agree, what could we all do about it?

Basically yes, I agree in that I'd always value experiences and relationships over possessions.
Surely any right minded person would, but I suppose it's surprising how many don't see it that clearly.
Not as surprising I guess when you think of all the pressures on consumers to consume !

yes i do think most children and parents are caught in this trap

but the rot is so deep i don't know if we will ever get out of it

i do think the thing children want most of all is their parents love time and attention

my mother and father worked ft, was a latch key kid, even when mum got home from work she made the tea, cleaned up, did all the household chores,washing ironing shopping so basically never ever had time for us.

she was depressed and it was shit.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience carriedababi and your mother was unhappy/ depressed while you were growing up.
I just wanted to say that maybe someone reading this could be depressed and yet still give their children a loving childhood.
Sounds like maybe your mother was taking on too much, I don't know ?

it's rubbish I was a SAHM for years and yet my kids are still materialistically fully gadgeted up

its a bit lentil munchy.you see pragmatically people work for accommodation,food,security and consumer durables.Usually not solely an avaricious lifestyle and fripperies.and well thats the reality unless you live adequately on one wage. i am sceptical such reports are covert way of women know your place,go mix playdough and have precious moments time at homemaking time for kids is not just female responsibility,its a shared thing

both my parents worked ft and materially we had v little (couldnt afford it) but did di family stuff like board games,walks etc

most significant change is my kids have lots stuff,not excessive but fair whack.but we do do a lot family stuff too.walks,park,cinema.they are wee so dont particularly ask for branded goods yet. i know parents of older kids have it harder once marketing kicks in

and no unicef cant ask toy businesses to limit its marketing range,or decrease potential profit.frankly its up to parents to ahve ethos of being open about money and what is affordable,can be bought.not wholly the manufacturer

I think it's bullshit that children were any less materialistic in other times anyway. Perhaps they're more aware of what is available, but even when there was only one toy store in town do you really think they didn't come home everyday and beg for whatever was in the window and X down the road had?

It's all part of this "oh the past was so amazing" nostalgic lie that we buy into.

Parents in Britain have been proven to spend significantly more time with their children (particularly men) than they have ever before so we can't be doing that badly.

TBH I don't remember my parents playing with me and I thought I had a great childhood. I think the point that is being missed is that nowadays children generally don't play outside anymore, with their pals. Perhaps parents buy them more 'toys' to keep them entertained that way to make up for that. I think kids do miss out a lot on that sense of freedom and making your own entertainment, sorting out your own problems.

I'm a SAHM but I can honestly say I don't 'play' with my kids that much. Too many other things to do. They are left to amuse themselves mostly. We do have family outings to places and go for walks or cycles but they are happiest when they are playing with their pals. We are lucky in that we go camping or caravanning quite a lot so our kids run feral at these times. When I see lots of other kids on the campsite doing exactly the same, they honestly couldn't be happier. That's what's missing from today.

I completely agree with SM. Another slyly misogynistic report, let's flog the consumers again.

Yawn.

Do they honestly believe people go to work so they can buy gadgets and crap?

'It's all part of this "oh the past was so amazing" nostalgic lie that we buy into.'

YY, ditto the 'playing out was unconditionally fabulous and can solve society's ills'. I knew several children who were very seriously hurt and one killed because, surprise, children don't have very good judgement when it comes to certain dangers.

I've lived in estates where 'playing out' was actually a form of neglect.

I actually think the report is spot on. Life here may be better than it was in the past, but its pretty poor compared to many other European coutries. My DH is Dutch and it seems to me that the lifestyle there is streets ahead of ours here. The UK is very materialistic and I'm amazed by the amount of parents whose 6 year olds have mobiles and DS's & seem to think that's normal, or 'educational'. Bonkers . No wonder the kids are messed up.

In answer to OP - no, I don't agree. Some DC have lots of stuff, some don't. Some DC get lots of family time, some don't. I don't see any correlation, personally.

If anything I think the materialism is more down to the environment and the parents. I don't feel under any particular pressure to buy my DC "branded goods" but then I have an unsubstantiated feeling that, as rural children at a rural school, they are a bit less "brand aware" than their urban peers. I dare say this will change as they get older but if I do buy them stuff it will be because I want to, not because I feel guilty about the hours I work!

I do agree whole heartedly with unicef

If you trawl mumsnet you can see how important 'fitting in' 'not being seen to be different' etc seems to be cured by buying the latest stuff - phone - games etc the list is of course endless.

I think British parents need to dare to say 'no' and teach their kids that being able to say 'no i dont have/do/wear that fashion item/phone/game' is actually a good thing and can lead to a long term contentment - instead of the need to constantly keep up

I am undoubtedlty criticised for my kids not having 'stuff' including phones and computers or games but my kids are emerging as happy and really confident people. It's NOT the easy option by any means

I am pleased with this study - i think Britain needs change

i think unicef report is woolly and obvius.like OJ affluenza
in depth of a recession when many are priority just getting by,i dont think people are chasing conspicuous lifestyle or heaping goodies on kids.isnt retail spending actually down?

its just an oft touted cliché emotionally poor, consumer durable rich..Yawn

who is meant to facilitate this attitudinal change and make more time? i suppose that it falls to women to make more precious moments and be time rich and work less

I, (F/T WOHM) spend much more time playing with my DCs than my SAHM mother did in the 70s and 80s. My children have some material crap, yes. They will also, as far as I can prevent it, never experience a sleepless night about money or go hungry, like I did. FWIW, I think I do pretty well by my kids.

If UNICEF ensured less poverty, equal access to opportunities, etc and ensured a healthier work/life balance instead of bombarding anxious mothers and fathers with yet another pointless report about how fucking shit we all are as parents, maybe we and our children would be happier.

And incidentally, Maslow's hierarchy suggests that love and "belonging" are basic human needs. Having grown up with parents who seemed to wilfully insist on us being different, even when it made no financial
difference (e.g. my mother refused to allow me to wear trousers as a child) has left me socially awkward and having difficulty forming relationships. So cut your kids some slack and allow them to do things just because their friends do, sometimes. It relieves some of the stress of growing up.

i subscribe to good enough mother and no earnest report by unicef is going to have me angst state about consumer goods and emotional unavialability

Spot on ivykaty44 I think as a nation we're driven to have everything, the next new thing. We seem to think that 'stuff' defines who we are and we 'need' things rather than merely 'want' things. This spills over to our children.

My mum was a SAHM before I went to school and then worked as a sales rep which she fitted round us. We also had a childminder who we adored who picked us up from school occasionally and took us to do Books on Wheels in her campervan. I felt truly loved and cherished, although we had very little money and never ever had the new toy/gadget.

I don't think it's simply a SAHP/WOHP issue, it's about prioritising time with your children rather than being too busy for them and buying stuff instead. I think we as a society have our priorities rather mixed up, but cynically i can't see it changing massively.

I try to have a balanced approach to parenting though my 4 kids may state otherwise. I jave a dh who doesn't see a problem with bedroom TVs. I do. I win. Kids hate me for a while then see I'm right. I just say no it turns your brain to mush. We're not badly off but ds knows I view games as a waste of money, so he uses a 2nd hand shop where he gets his money back later. We probably spend 1/10 of what people on 1/4 of our income earn.

i think in recessionary times many people work for essentials not fripperies
and no i dont subscribe to the unicef findings

Having lived in Sweden - i found it mostly humourless, booze was stupidly expensive so everyone took drugs and you couldn't tell upon visiting someone whether they were taking you to a large shed or a small house ....

Not very relevant but just saying that no where is perfect ....

As I said before: it's bollocks.

People don't hate their children. They do as they can. They give their children what they think they need.

And what their children want? Well, is that so bad?

I fucking hate Unicef and their anti-Western European policies.

And I fucking hate even more the British Government and their cynical, quick-fix, devisive, headline-grabibng wheezes.

Any ideas wrt why the massive amount of risk taking on the part of British teens?

Most other parents I know (both working and SAH) spend as much time as possible with their kids and don't spoil them as such but a huge majority have fancy mobiles and laptops etc. from an early age. Whether it is competition or guilt I don't know. I only know a few who hardly spend any time with their kids (through choice) and shower them with material goods. There is pressure for my daughter (secondary age) to holiday abroad, have a blackberry, laptop etc. But she knows how lucky she is to have these things and they aren't handed on a plate, she has to have things for birthdays etc and we don't go abroad every year. But I feel pressure because all the other kids parents buy them these things.

I personally feel that quantity of time is as important as quality, a mix of both is ideal. I feel much closer to my kids and what matters more non materially since I have been a SAHM but I appreciate it isn't for everyone and not everyone can choose it.

My commute is currently 3-4 hours a day. I was workign 2.5 days a week term time only but we started to really struggle to meet ends meet and I was going cap in hand to ask my mother for loans to tide me over. I don't think that's acceptable for an adult in their 30's. We own one car (an R-reg Ford Fiesta), have a two-bed ex council house with a reasonable mortgage and do not have any expensive hobbies (shoe purchasing incuded).

Yes, I have a Kindle. And a laptop. And other gadgetry... but these are not the items that make life unaffordable or take me away from my kids. If we didn't have to have a mortgage, or could rent for cheaper, or dh would be granted any sort of flexibility to reduce his hours, my son would be in childcare a lot less.

But it is what it is.