Five-a-day parenting 'checklist'? What do you think?

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello. We've just heard about this proposal to give all parents a five-a-day checklist, detailing how they should bring up their children.

Apparently, it's an idea that's winning the support of many politicians.

Would it win your support?

But where is the help for the not so obvious things? I can tell you right now that Surestart (which I think is a fantastic things in itself) did not offer the sort of parenting classes I needed to help me with DD1. I didn't need to be told to be consistent or to offere regular small rewards as 3yr olds cant wait a week or to praise the good behaviour or to make sure she had a healthy diet and lots of exercise. I wanted to know what else I could do that wasn't so obvious and I actually felt quite let down that so called professionals couldnt offer more than the obvious.

Spotty the original report does call for parenting support for a wider rage of families.

"This commitment has been reiterated and developed in the recent
Foundation Years policy statement with the government?s stated
desire for all families to be able to benefit from parenting advice
and support by ensuring that ?high quality parenting classes
becom[e] widely available? through active efforts to ?work with
voluntary and private sector partners to look at ways of making
these classes accessible to more mothers and fathers?

I have a quite difficult very bright dd, I have found parent line to be quite useful.

They should add to it for the Cameron's etc.'having a stream of nannies is not particularly conducive to ensuring happy confident children'...nor is packing them off to boarding school at a young age.Utter patronising bollocks.

You see, I read it as meaning a wide range of families socially rather than families who parents very well with most children but then have a child who would be classed as 90th centile for difficulty and need non-obvious strategies.

I hated, hated, hated the fact that that the HV was basically saying, 'right, everything you're doing is correct and its really down to the fact that she's 3 and can read fluently and use numbers up to 500!'

So it was that that made her 'make ladders' so she could climb up and open windows just to see if she can climb on the roof and its that that makes her constantly try and cook things in the oven because she wants to be a big girl?'
I desperately needed help and there was nothing there unless I didnt understand obvious stuff like being consistent and following through and stuff.

Twinkly it's far too late for parenting courses when kids are at school.By then bad parenting habits have set in and schools are picking up the pieces.When kids start school it's a whole lot easier.

I needed the help when I had 3 under 18 months and was terrified looking down the barrel of the parenting gun.

I have an early years degree and was a primary teacher too.If I found it hard anybody can.

Oh and re the quote I don't know who commissioned it or what a think tank is but this government has done more to make life difficult and loaded the brunt of cuts onto, yes that's right PARENTS!!!!!

"How society can support mothers and fathers".This report highlights big time the damage the Tories are doing to families so maybe some good will come of it.

I agree it is too late mila, especially as I teach secondary, I was just making a suggestion for you personally. But part of the problem is that parents leave it too late because the attitude has been that only those in the worst situation need help and advice.

The original report talks of groups in the Netherlands that are a little like our prenatal classes but they continue to meet until the children are 5 I think. That would be very beneficial as I think many of our problems are caused by the fact that many parents are isolated. I notice this suggestion - which would presumably cost more money - is not being seized by the government and is not all over the press.

Twinkly if that is true things have changed a lot since I went to school (not that long ago!).

Child development was an option, and involved more about designing a board game and philosophy (montisori movement etc) than actual parenting skills. 1 boy out of 400 children in my year took the class.

We had approx 5 weeks of actually cooking. This involved a short crust pizza, choux pastry and a lemon mousse. Hardly everyday stuff. The school couldnt afford the time or ingredients to get kids cooking properly.

Budgeting was never mentioned. Working out APRs was just for the clever kids (and then skimmed over)

And the only person who ever taught me how to format letters, create a decent cv or any interview skills was my mum. It's a blooming good job I have a great Mum or I would have been screwed. I have seen the damage poor parenting can do and I think it will take much more than an add campaign to sort it. Bad parents wont care anyway. MOST parents seek out help and support when it is needed. That help needs to be there when that time comes.

Imo schooling and support networks are the key. These are where the money is needed most.

I can only talk about the schools in which I have taught, we cover all of those things. They are also covered in subjects that the whole school takes rather than options.

It is terribly sad that parents need to be told these things! It will be as usual, those who do it anyway will listen and those who haven't a clue won't listen!

Good idea, i have always thought that as part of the maternity checks etc a parenting course covering dealing with the highs and lows etc should be included.

I repeat again exotic that is not the case, I was someone who needed to be told, I listened and acted on the advice. I have also worked with lots of families who have acted on similar advice.

In that case I will change my mind-if it helps anyone it is a good idea.

I would recommend parenting courses.

So Twinkly out of interest who commissioned the report/study?

But it's still not addressing the issue of those who will listen if they can access parenting classes that are not all about doing the obvious. Where are the classes for those who
-Feed their kids healthy food. Sit at the table, eat together.
-Have regular conversations with their kids
-Have good wind down bedtime routines
-Use age appropriate, consistent discipline
-Go for regular walks in the woods etc talking about animals and plants
-Use praise where appropriate and lots of positive reinforcement
-Cannot move around the house for dog eared books which the kids know almost by heart because you all sit and read together so often

BUT still have difficulties due to a child's behaviour and need guidance that doesn't include telling me to switch off the tv and talk to my children.

Where are those classes?

here is the report

Centre forum are a liberal thinktank.

I'm a primary school teacher - and in my experience, an enormous amount of parents (from both ends of the economic spectrum) have absolutely no idea how to bring children up. I would say the majority of young children are NOT read to at night by their parent, and very few parents spend quality time with their kids. Lots of talk of expensive presents, computers, gameboys, mobile phones etc etc...very rarely hear of trips to the beach, trips to castles, museums etc etc. We find out a lot about your children about what you do, and don't do, with them. I have to say that the children who are read to, interacted with etc are more intelligent, better spoken, have better manners and overall nicer children. A TV and a computer is not a substitute for your time!

They don't need TVs they dont need computers and they don't need lots of money. They need time.

I agree exotic, time is the thing we tend to have the least of. I know I am certainly guilty of this, during the school holidays I am always available for my dd. During term time I work 15 hours a day.

spottyfrock you've been peering through my window!!!

You might find some good ideas in parenting books aimed more at parents of children with ADHD or on the autistic spectrum, since we have to deal with a lot of impulsive behaviour and sometimes some pretty nasty fall out if we try to nip it in the bud. My eldest is twice exceptional - gifted in addition to his ASD and ADHD and the book The Explosive Child could have been written about him. If you can borrow a copy, it might be worth a look, since there is often so much overlap between behaviours in autistic and highly gifted children. I suspect you might gain a lot of insight from The Out Of Sync Child, since your daughter appears to be constantly craving an extraordinary amount of stimulus. (Both books are available at Amazon)

Spottyfrock I couldn't have put it better myself.
Just because a parent does all the right things and ticks all the boxes, that does not guarantee success ime.
Too many "experts" are telling us how to lead our lives ime but when we actually might need a bit of help/advice with any topic to do with family health/wellbeing then we have very little support.
Many's the time I've turned to MN because there is just no-one else you can ask.

Twinkly, I'd like to ask, as you seem so aware of so many parenting classes where they all are? More specifically, where are all the ones who won't spend hours telling me about all the obvious stuff?

I'm not being confrontational. I'm genuinely interested in knowing if they are readily available and we just slipped through or whether they're only available if you need the obvious pointing out.

Where are the ones that don't talk about diet, exercise or positive discipline but instead are willing to impart their years of professional knowledge in difficult cases?

Thank you both, Ouryve and CrosswordAddict. I just typed a huge reply but lost it in posting.
Ouryve, I will look at the books, thank you. I think I would have coped better if she had additional needs in the sense that I wouldn't have constantly felt at fault and been so upset at the lack of professional support and help.

I think that's why I find all this obvious stuff so patronising because I really think that most parents, whatever their income do strive to do their best.

Spottyfrock I've come to the conclusion that you get the kids you are given.
Let me explain what I mean: Twin DDs (non-identical) have turned out to be so very different (tried to treat both equally but not the same if you get my drift)
Their GENES are not the same, therefore they have totally different strengths and weaknesses and this comes out more and more as they get older and their characters are more formed. Nothing we have said or done has made a huge impact apart from supporting and nurturing whatever talent they show.