Five-a-day parenting 'checklist'? What do you think?

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello. We've just heard about this proposal to give all parents a five-a-day checklist, detailing how they should bring up their children.

Apparently, it's an idea that's winning the support of many politicians.

Would it win your support?

A load of patronising drivel - almost worthy of New Labour. And any branding consultant could tell them '5 a day' is already in use.

Pointless

Those who need it wont heed it and those of us who dont need it will feel patronised

Oh and whilst I'm in full rant mode our local library is having it's hours cut.Went to our local city one to find out the same is happening there.

So when many libraries have been closed and had their opening hours cuts where exactly are parents supposed to be getting books from given that it's families that are feeling the brunt of all the cuts/rocketing bills and don't have money to splash around on shiny new books?

Reading daily being one of the goals on the list.

mila I know, its mad.....just mad

Why provide libraries when you can just tell parents to read to their children. That way those who can't afford books can feel extra bad.

Simply not true Becarooo, I needed help with my parenting , an organisation like sure start ensured I got that help and it has had a huge impact. I would much rather my child benefit went towards helping parents who are going through the difficulties I did all those years ago.

Mila have you asked through your school, I have referred parents through school. Admittedly I am in quite an affluent area so the level of need might not be as great.

I think it is noticeable that I am one of the few people on this thread who has been in such a desperate state that I needed the help and I am the one saying that money should be directed towards such interventions and help. Ideally Sure Start should remain and be tweaked, I agree closing libraries is madness.

Mostly this will be another guilt trip for parents who care about it and mean nothing to those who haven't already figured these things out for themselves. Lack of money isn't the issue. Lack of imagination and sense might be. I know a few very wealthy types who would never play with/ read to their kids. Or care if the nanny does it. Likewise I know some parents really struggling with finances who are fantastic at this latest effort at stating the obvious and claiming it's some sort of caring political revelation.

I do not see it as a guilt trip although it has made me think about what I could do to be a better parent, as well as a handy diversion when I am supposed to be writing an essay. Surely there is nothing wrong, and lots to be gained, in encouraging people to be reflective parents willing to discuss and learn from each other. If this makes people talk about parenting and recognise the value in giving our children time it cannot be a bad thing.

twinkly Surestart is great.

This isnt surestart

Instead of an advertising campaign how about teaching real life skills at school. How to budget, work out interest rates, how to cook basic meals, this kind of parenting stuff, self esteem, how to write an official letter, put up a shelf, stop a leak, you know stuff that used to be taught at home.

Ok not everyone would find it useful, but hands up who has found knowing which wife survived Henry viii useful? (Excluding pub quizzes because knowing this won me a bottle of red once)

It would be cheaper and far more comprehensive than an ad campaign.

Oh and as for parents talking and learning from eachother just having a big arrow pointing to mumsnet would surfice!

It's not diverting money for the help I object to. It's the univerality of it. The whole blanket statement thing.

I don't for one minute think poor=rubbish parent or that all affluent parents are good parents. But I don't like the preaching. Why can't the government just have the balls to come out and say a minority of parents for whatever reason are not engaging in the fundamentals such as reading, talking, eye contact, feeding healthy food etc. So this is aimed at them. Why can't they just say that instead of the blanket approach which much surely cost more money.

I agree Issy

I know sooo many people who have struggled at times with parenting(not one of them on benefits).

Surestart was helping with this yet nothing is being put into it.Instead a fancy new meaningless slogan is going to be used at great expense.

If libraries and Surestart had more money(for specific things perhaps) pumped into them I'm pretty sure more good would come of it.

I really resent this widespread assumption that only those on benefits struggle and the rest of us don't need/deserve help,Surestart or anything else.

Parenting is hard enough as it is but in this money strapped times stresses,strains and parenting challenges are surely going to be more prevalent. How ironic that 2 services that would really help are in the Tory direct line of fire.

Speaks far more for government policy than a useless(without services to prop it up) glossy and expensive campaign.

Actually I thought it was a good idea. I am always interested in finding out how to improve my parenting skills. Not sure why people on this thread are so obsessed with income levels - quite a lot of things are easier if you can throw money at the problem - and it would be naive of ministers if they didn't recognise this.

Actually, I agree that Mumsnet is a far greater source of how to improve and tweak my parenting skills than the government or any HV has ever been.

I'm about to have my 4th baby next month and have yet to encounter a useful HV. I want a HV who has useful info, who knows more than me and can help me improve. Where the hell are these brilliant HVs that everyone keeps saying they have?

so how exactly is cutting funding to libraries going to help poor children to read?
or funding to councils for sure start/ building and maitainence of public parks etc for them to play in?
the same government have cut the "health in pregnancy grant, child tax credits & working tax credits all of which could be put to buying healthy foods for the poorer children.

i think the children who get the least of their "5 a day" will be from the working poor as they get little support and work long hours for little pay and are generally exhasuted by the end of the day so things like reading etc just seem so much harder, me and DH both work full time and it is a real effort to read, play cook healthy homecooked meals etc after 10hrs at the office, we do still try our hardest but i do really think there has to be much lower living costs in this country to allow for either me or DH to work a bit less and therefore spend more quality time with DS.

the other side of it will be the parents who just can't be arsed in which case no amount of "incentives" parenting courses will help them.

I know it isn't surestart, I have worked for sure start in the past so I know what they offered and how this could be different. I do think their are merits and pitfalls in the proposals. What I do believe in is taking money from HRT like myself to fund interventions for the most vulnerable.

Bar the leaks and putting up a shelf all of that is taught at school bagospanners.

As a parent who now does not need the input I once did I would not feel offended by an ad campaign which makes me reflect on my parenting.

But Fridayschild, I'm interested too! But telling me to do the most obvious things isn't helpful.

So rolling out a simplistic reminder to 'poor parents' while cutting benefits, putting up prices and withdrawing various flexibilities that cause more poverty?

I see.

The single Mum I know who is desparately trying to finish her college course so that she can get a job has just had the childcare allowance for covering her course slashed. So she can't do the cour

Just stuff it, Cameron.

Of course parents should talk to their children and play with them - but it's no use just issuing nicely decorated instructions from leaflets. Many parents don't know what is meant by this, they need examples, to be given confidence, to know what is meant by it. HVs, SureStart and good examples in TV soaps may be better.

I agree that while money does not make you a good parent it does cushion you from some of the difficulties. I have an illness that means I have long periods of exhaustion in which I cannot keep on top of the house. When I was on benefits this meant my dd lived in chaos and to be quite frank I needed reminding that my daughter should be read to every day, she needed encouraging and a healthy diet rather than a take out. I was not some kind of neglectful bitch who would only seek help if offered a financial incentive. But I did need support.

Now I earn a good income so we can employ help in the home meaning that the house is always clean and tidy, clothes are waiting in the cupboard etc. But even now the odd reminder does not harm and may do some good.

I agree wholeheartedly that this should not be used in place of something like SureStart but running along side it.

So Twinkly, why can't they give us an ad campaign to help improve my parenting skills instead of telling me to read with them and feed them.

I asked my HV once what to do with DD1. Constant visits to casualty. Spoken to in calm voice. Consistent use of discipline. I always carried through. Used praise/rewards in small chunks etc. Once Id listed everything id done and she visited and saw it all being carried through she couldn't recommend anything. Not one thing we hadn't tried for a sig period. She could see how we were parenting the other two and how very different they were. They all had good healthy diets, oodles of exercise and were read to regularly and we had lots of family conversations, ate together wherever possible etc.

So I was looking for her to give me advice as a professional and she couldnt suggest anything because we werent really doiung anything wrong. What I want is advice for parents like me who are doing what they should be and it isnt working. Where are the classes for that.

Btw, DD1 is now 5.5 and is an exceptionally gifted, all round able girl and the HV just seemed to think that because she was so advanced, we should just put up with it all. Where is the help for parents in these circumstances???

Sometimes the obvious things need to be said, though?

When I was taking DS1 to baby clinic 8 years ago I was always shocked at how few mothers were talking to their babies as we waited. That was in the gritty and deprived innner cities. Now we have fled to leafy suburbia and I took DS1 to the GP recently at a time which overlapped with baby clinic. Still very little chat with babies going on - the place was full of yummy mummies texting their mates and checking mumsnet on their iphones.

the actual report
?sets out plans to support a culture where the key
aspects of good parenting are widely understood
and where all parents can benefit from advice and
support...what is needed is a much wider culture
change towards recognising the importance of
parenting, and how society can support mothers and
fathers to give their children the best start in life. We
want parenting advice and support to be considered
the norm ? just as many new parents choose to access
ante-natal education.?

I agree with this, I think we need to move to a culture where there is no shame in saying - " I am finding this parenting lark bloody difficult and I would like some help". I spend much of my career discussing parenting with parents and too often I hear them say that they are coping fine, nothing is wrong and it is an insult to accept any help. Meanwhile their child is beating people up in the playground, coming into school overtired and aggressive, is unable to settle in class to read or write or is just dirty. A campaign like the one suggested could be a start in this shift of culture.

As a teacher I sometimes go to training and I sit there and think I know all this already, however just having to sit and listen makes me adjust my priorities which can make me a better teacher. Something is in my mind so I will try it out. I find the same with parenting.