Absent fathers to be made into scape goats

[ivykaty44]

absent fathers

as a single mother who has lived without maintenence for periods of time and at times struggled to make ends meet I still think it is awful to suggest making a group of people stigmatised.

there are good NoneResidentParents and there are useless NRP, it isn't just absent fathers but sometimes absent mothers. What sort of country do we live in thuogh where we would want to stigmatise a whole group of people.

Better to keep the CSA free and make it work rather than the clerical mess it is at the moment.

She is one of my heroines SGM
And yes, they do leave all the important things out about her don't they?

It's only hard to structure uyour li;fe equally if you marry up, marry someone older who earns more, target consciously or subsconsciously the good provider so your pathetic salary in the local supermarket is pin money. It is dead easy to structure matters fairly at home if you earn about what your other half does or more as a woman.

Yes, women have responsibilities as well as rights. Every woman who does do this is kicking the rest of us in the shins

"What feminists are doing to lobby the necessary changes is fantastic. But actions speak loudly. Say NO! when you talk to your partner about having children and he says, obviously you'll need to go part time or leave work so that i can continue my life exactly as I did as a single man - tell him to Funck right off."

Don't accept sexism for one day. Say when he implies you might work part time - hang on there mate - babies have two parents which days of the week will you be organising the childcare?

When the gender pay gap disappears maybe women can be the higher earners.

When childcare is freely available, more women will go back to work (for every SAHM who chooses to be one, there are many, many more who are reluctantly forced into that role. Please stop using anecdotal evidence, it undermines your argument).

Until then, women have no power to change things. How can they stop sexism in society if they're not even aware of it existing? Those on high salaries can afford the luxury of choice that is simply not available to the vast majority of PEOPLE, let alone women.

A man doesn't have to be a chauvinistic pig for his wife to end up being treated unfairly because of her sex. If he earns way more than she does and him going part time or giving up completely so his wife can pursue her career means they will have their home repossessed or struggle to buy food, guess whose career is going to suffer.

How can women marry down if they're already at the bottom of the pile? A husband and wife doing the same job will often find the man is paid more. Equalise the pay gap and things might change.

HerBex - I am certainly not more clever than other women! I am dyslexic and left school with 2 GCSEs at 16... I suppose I must be business savvy, but that's mind over matter really.

You obviously don't understand that my arguement isn't that women are stupid, it's that they allowing men to continue as if single.. then complain when they're left with the crumbs off the table when the men leave them - despite being intelligent people! What a waste.

xenia couldnt have said it better.

oh women like you and xenia, who refuse to acknowledge structural issues, make me weary

Also it just sounds mad to say that we should all seek out poor men and marry down. I did that. I still don't get maintenance.

The gender pay gap will never disappear!! Because women are accepting lower paid jobs so that they can be at the beck and call of their children and husbands!
Childcare is available! I have 3 childminder friends locally who complain they can't fill their spaces. And I'm sorry that you don't like my anecdotal references... but isnt that what this website is about? hearing other peoples experiences? I don't need a research book to tell me what i see with my own eyes.

Nor me

Cost me a fortune when we split too.

Oh and when we planned to have a baby, the intention was for me to carry on being the main earner and he would play the role of the primary carer. Funny how he changed his mind afterwards. But I supposed I should have seen that coming, should I?

But did you marry down and then build your own career while your husband did the child care and housework?

did you stick to your guns sunshine?

Your eyes will tell you that people in the world are predominantly white. Not true is it? Research is more accurate. God knows what sort of world we'd live in if we accepted as true and accurate what people see with their own eyes.

Yes, that's why I'm now a single parent (and one receiving no maintenance).

See where that got me?

It worked out well for us both earning similiar salaries.

Neither has scarified a career or is now financially struggling or dependent on the other.

BTW the reason the CMs you know have got spaces is because no one can afford to pay them I should think.

"The gender pay gap will never disappear!! Because women are accepting lower paid jobs so that they can be at the beck and call of their children and husbands!"
Ah yes, the school of thought that says women are responsible for sex discrimination in wages. Women who accept lower paid jobs, are paid on average less than men who accept lower paid jobs. And the glass ceiling isn't just hit by mothers, it's hit by women who don't have children as well.

Also, lots of women think that being responsible for the early years education of their children, is valuable and don't want to hand it over to a childminder or nursery. We need to structure the workplace so that they can still return to it and not face lifelong pay disadvantage for having taken a few years out to do something socially necessary and valuable.

sunshine where it got you I assume is with a career and money of your own so that it doesnt matter that he doesnt pay maintenace... Had you given in and stayed at home while he worked you'd now be receiving no maintenance and you'd have no career?

Living in Leeds actually no, it would not appear that all people are white. I am mixed black and white myself.

It's hit by women who don't have children because the assumption is when they do have children, they'll piss off.

A lot of women do think that being responsible for the early years education of their children, is valuable. But it's not. Not according to any research (or anecdotal references for that matter) that I have ever come across.

In fact i think to assume that you are the sole best person to mentor a child in their formative years is kind of egotistical. My ability to mate didn't make me master of the education of infants. My childminder had 28 years expereince of raising children and gave me a huge deal of support and guidence throughout the first 5 years. My DD simply wouldn't be the child she is without that.

DSD on the other hand (and yes i'm grinding my axe again) has grown up with no social skills, uneducated and completely unaware of her place in society. And she had her mother their 24/7.

Ah yes, mothering as waste of time self-important skiving.
Who needs men to denigrate women's work, when women like you do it so effectively for them?

Also women who don't have children who are 45+ and therefore not likely to have children, who ahve 20 years of work ahead of them, are still hitting the glass ceiling.

But by all means, blame women for structural sexism, not men.

What is "women's work"??!!??!!

I'm not blaming women, I'm saying women are the ones most liekly to have the power to change it, by using action.

what are you waiting for? The patriarchy to wake up one day and decide they've really been rather unreasonable and women can have equal pay after all.. pull the other one.

What we're after is not for the Patriarchy to "wake up one day and decide they've really been rather unreasonable and women can have equal pay after all" but for the Patriarchy to be pulled into line by our democratic leaders who are supposed to represent all of us, not just the interests of men. That is what feminists are lobbying for.

which democratic leaders? Those male ones who are living the life of riley with their lovely important jobs while their wives stay at home and raise their children for them?

Oh, right. I'll hold my breath for that one then.

And yes, it does matter that my XP doesn't pay maintenance. It means my children are poorer. It means I can't afford to have my crown replaced because I shoulder all the financial responsibility for children that we, as a couple chose to have - though no doubt you'll say that I shouldn't be spending his money on myself for that one.

I don't have the career I wanted because I am sole carer. I am certainly better off without him than I would have been with him, but it's still come at a cost.

More and more women are leaving men who are crap partners and fathers. Does society applaud them for making a stand against sexism? No, it demonises them and tries to entrench them further into poverty.

When women make a stand, they don't get results. At least not positive ones. Ask for a raise? If you're a woman you can get 'let go' as often as you're given that rise. Refuse to tolerate sexism at home? You're just as likely to get beaten up as your are to have your partner actually improve. Refuse to settle down with such a man in the first place? You're much more likely to find yourself single and childless than you are to get 'a good un'.

which democratic leaders? Those male ones who are living the life of riley with their lovely important jobs while their wives stay at home and raise their children for them?

Worked for the vote and maternity rights.