Absent fathers to be made into scape goats

[ivykaty44]

absent fathers

as a single mother who has lived without maintenence for periods of time and at times struggled to make ends meet I still think it is awful to suggest making a group of people stigmatised.

there are good NoneResidentParents and there are useless NRP, it isn't just absent fathers but sometimes absent mothers. What sort of country do we live in thuogh where we would want to stigmatise a whole group of people.

Better to keep the CSA free and make it work rather than the clerical mess it is at the moment.

i don't see any problem with fathers paying for their children. They have more responsibility towards them (or should have) than I do. I've noticed a lot of people on here saying 'the government pays this and that'. Its not actually the government its taxpayers like me. and why shouldn't fathers who try and get out of their responsibilites be stigmatised? I would have thought that mothers who are struggling with getting maintenace payments would be pro this message

We already do. Single mums, disabled people etc So why creat more, surely it would be better to stop this type of behaviour for those groups already stigmatised than create more

dreamingofsun where has anyone said "the government pays... etc."?

I can't see it on this thread.

Most single mothers are taxpayers too. 70% of those with school age children, are in paid employment.

My ex pays a reasonable amount of maintenance for dd and has done since she was 4 (she is now 10) but he has messed her up completely by flitting in and out of her life as it suits him with no regard for how his actions affect her.

I appreciate the money but I'd much rather he were a reliable dad who made the effort to see her on a regular basis, was there for her and could put her needs beyond his own on occasion.

The money helps but I think just being a dad is much more important. But I think XP thinks the fact that he pays for her makes up for the fact that he rarely bothers with her and I'm pretty sure he feels no guilt or shame for not being around.

I'm not anti the message as such. Of course it's disgusting that so many fathers think it's acceptable not to pay.

But I'm anti it being the only way to try and persuade bad fathers to discharge their financial obligations. I would much rather that the inland revenue dealt with them in the same way as they would for non payment of income tax. The state shouldn't depend on stigma, it should bloody well use the justice and revenue system.

Ah yes the only post which refers to the govt paying.

As opposed to "lots of people"

Yes I know where you're coming from verity. Agree with you, of course the only reason they want fathers to pay, is so that the state doesn't have to pick up the tag - crucially, not because they think it is a moral imperative for fathers to support their own children. As you rightly say, they don't give a shit whether the fathers function as decent fathers otherwise. As long as it doesn't cost the state money directly (because they don't care about indirect costs caused by neglect of children, because they can deny it) they're just not interested.

LOL the fuckers always threaten suicide but somehow never manage to succeed at it do they?

That's exactly it SGM -all words, no action

Oh I think my xp is supposed to owe me a fiver a week over 10 years, what's that?

And no fucker in the country, is responsible for ensuring that it's collected. I'm not even allowed to get a solicitor and sue him for it, because the CSA is supposed to be dealing with it. Very effective they've been, for the last 10 years. And now I'm supposed to pay #100 if I want to pursue it more. Because that would be a really sound investment, wouldn't it?

D'you know, I try not to think about it because it disgusts me so much that the state protects him from his own fuckwittedness. What use is his stigmatisation to my children? They need the money.

here is the BBC's take on it - please note the absolutely lovely contribution from E. Pizzey, reminding us all that "feckless women" are partly to blame for the situation

She is such a handmaiden, isn't she?

I mean really? 60% of lone mothers not paying anything towards their children's upbringing?

Er no, maybe not as many feckless women then...

She really hates women doesn't she?

I don't feel that I'm stigmatised as a single mother tbh - most people I meet are quite sympathetic and express admiration. I suppose the DM is very negative but I just avoid reading it and most people I know wouldn't pay it any attention.

I'm not sure I like the language DC uses: 'leaving single mothers, who do a heroic job against all odds, to fend for themselves' is a bit suggestive of fallen women who have lost their man to protect them, whereas I see myself as quite independent and capable. Single parenting is hard but it doesn't make me a heroine, I've always taken it into my stride.

I am also not happy with his ideas of what a good separated father should do: 'spending time with at weekends, attending nativity plays and "taking an interest in their education"'. All the fun things in other words - not the dull everyday school run, doctor's appointments and bedtime routines. A pat on the back for the man who turns up to parents' evening and the school play once a year, and lazy afternoons in the park on a Sunday.

But then, his own experience of his father was 'seeing him get up before the crack of dawn to go and do a hard day's work and not come back until late at night'. If I didn't have to deal with kids from dawn until late at night I wouldn't find parenting half as stressful as it is...

DC is in fact a complete arse who lives in cloud cuckoo land most of the time.

" I suppose the DM is very negative...."

LOL.

Yes DC's view of what constitutes a good father is somehwat limited. But then, I guess that reflects his limited experience.

And I agree re the struggling thing. I struggled more when I was living with the extra man-child in the house (when DC would have thought of us as being an unbroken family) than I have as a lone parent. Much easier to go it alone, than have a knob in the house who doesn't function as a partner or a father.

But the government would hate women to know that single parenthood can be so much more fun than miserable partnership, wouldn't it. All the tax concessions in the world or punishment with poverty, won't persuade women to stay in shit relationships, why don't they just accept that and concentrate on persuading men to behave better so that we want to live with them? That might be a more successful strategy...

I agree with SGM - if you don't pay your council tax, you get an attachment of earnings order! Why should the same not apply to child maintenance?

SGM - GOD YES!! Make it actually mean something if they don't pay.

My exh hid his job for 9 months and said he was 'desperately searching' so that I didn't go to the CSA. I didn't want to kick him when he was down so I believed him. Eventually I found out through a mutual friend that he'd been working the whole time

What did the CSA do? Not much, they can't backdate apparently so he cheated our child out of 9 months maintenance with no negative effect for him whatsoever.

Now, if his wage goes up apparently he doesn't have to tell the CSA If I find out its gone up (quite how as he moved 200 miles away) then I can ask for a reassessment but that only applies from when they reassess, not from the pay rise. Therefore, negative effect for not disclosing your payrise - nil. No penalties, no backdating no nothing. Thanks.

He also owes me £6000 that I have a court order for. He's been ordered to pay it at £10 a month for arrears [fucking great]

DD's dad has an attachment of earnings for a small amount of maintenance assessed 10 yrs ago by the CSA when I had to go on income support for a couple of months!!!!

I wonder what DC has in mind now. It's like history repeating itself when they brought it the dreaded CSA and made life very difficult for single parents, their childrens and the absent parent too. It was done under the guise that men should pay for their kids when in reality, they were only interested in getting the men who's kids were being brought up by the state to pay into the system and the resident parent and child didn't get anything.