Absent fathers to be made into scape goats

[ivykaty44]

absent fathers

as a single mother who has lived without maintenence for periods of time and at times struggled to make ends meet I still think it is awful to suggest making a group of people stigmatised.

there are good NoneResidentParents and there are useless NRP, it isn't just absent fathers but sometimes absent mothers. What sort of country do we live in thuogh where we would want to stigmatise a whole group of people.

Better to keep the CSA free and make it work rather than the clerical mess it is at the moment.

SAF -- If you go through the courts for your divorce you can say goodbye to privacy and your unfettered right to parent as you please anyway, as the courts will decide, maybe with input from you, maybe after mediation, maybe not, how you and your children will spend your lives until your child reaches legal adulthood. Basically, your life is governed by the court until your youngest child turns 18 or 16 or whatever majority is.

I am very familiar with serial litigants/frivolous litigants (that's what you are thinking of?) -- my exH, a lawyer himself, is one. I am currently facing my fourth motion for contempt of court in two years. He has threatened me three additional times, once a few days before Christmas while we still had a temporary visitation agreement, and he even threatened our oldest DD, aged 20 at the time, with a motion for contempt, because he thought she had been rude to her grandparents. It's his little hobby, and he is seemingly able to take an unlimited amount of time off work to attend to court dates, file his stupid motions, etc.

Because I couldn't afford the sort of psychiatric exams for exH that I would have had to pay for if I had opted to contest his demand for joint custody, I am saddled with an angry lunatic whose mind is toxic to facts and hermetically sealed against reason and who wants to have me sent to jail, for the next 8 years and two months. That is why I think everyone should have to undergo a psychiatric exam in cases where custody is contested, and the cost should be borne by the state. Too many women are not able to afford the experts necessary to rid them of the sort of man I am dealing with. I am not alone either, sitting on the public benches waiting for parties represented pro se -- lots of other women in the same boat as myself, with exHs wearing nice suits acting all civilised and presentable in front of the judge.

And exH has been hospitalised for major depression (his illness involved an incident with a steak knife through my pillow) and has been seeing a psychiatrist for years, but the courts perpetuate the stigma against mental health issues by refusing to allow mention of mental ill health when it comes to custody. Yes, I can see how it might backfire against women, some of whom suffer from depression as a result of living with tormentors, but overall, I think it really should be possible to sort out incidental mental health issues from issues that are congenital or that spring from personality disorders. HerB has made some excellent points in this regard in her three consecutive posts earlier (about 8 pm I think) "State institutions are appalling bad at recognising disparity in power relations, in all relationships - men/ women, adult/ children, employer/ employee, rich/ poor ... it has a vested interest, naturally, in denying that a disparity of power has an impact on human relations." This is so true and so well put.

"he even threatened our oldest DD, aged 20 at the time, with a motion for contempt, because he thought she had been rude to her grandparents."

LOL he sounds a nutter.

But surely there comes a point when the courts look at someone like this and actually realise that he's a nutter and not fit to be in charge of children? Or is each application dealt with on its merits without regard to the other applications?

We certainly don't have the time or money to devote to psychological reports of most parents.

The various issues are:

1. Women not allowing men contact
2. Men disappearing when the women would love 50/50 help
3. Men who don't pay
4. The unfairness of divorce law which means higher earners like I am pay much more out to the other half than is fair
5. Contact being awarded to absolute nutters where it is dangerous
6. People having very different but often perfectly honestly held views of the other and perhaps each being right or wrong - you need the Wisdom of Solomon.
7. Abduction abroad (relatively rare but pretty nasty) - if you marry a foreigner there is a much higher chance that will occur. Part of your risk assessment when you choose whom to date I suppose.

Yes, that's a real issue. When the consequence of having more children means you get more money then the birth rate rises - it's apparently the reason we've just had a massive rise because of Labour's reforms. When having more chidlren means you have much less money people restrain themselves.

I think everyone should have a DNA test at birth if the state or the people could afford it. Look like in Monaco the new husband might well have to have another (or even two) as a new mistress has appeared whcih is probably why the bride apparently tried to run away. The older two love children don't matter (although they should have been at the wedding) but one whilst he was seeing his girl friend is a bit much. Still must have known the risks.

Im in the same boat i left my sons dad when he was 10 weeks old for good reason though ,hes dad was a complete waste off space into drugs big time .So i left best thing i ever did for the first 6 months he didnt even bother to contact me about his son when he did ring me he was more concerned that i had his playstation than weather his son was ok ,then over the last 13 years he has seen him about twice a year .That was until him and his girlfriend had a son off there own ,thats when he texted me and told me to tell my son that him and his family would no longer have any contact with him again,he replaced my son just like that ,what kind off father would ever do someting so cruel to a child ,lucky for my son i have a lovely partner who my son loves and thinks off as his dad .So from my experiance absent fathers can be all bad out off sight out off mind in my case .