Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

Cleaner gave out my gate code and invited her husband in

85 replies

JuniperAndLamplight · 27/01/2026 06:24

I'd really appreciate any advice re what to do re my cleaner who I've had for many years. I've been away for two weeks and gave her a key to our home and the gate code. I also gave her a schedule of hours required, and paid her in advance. Our home security system sends notifications of all activities, which revealed that she only worked 2hr shifts when I paid her for 3hrs, gave our security gate code to her her husband (not a very pleasant man who she is always about to divorce on account of account of his untrustworthy and troubled behaviour), and let him into our home for 12 minutes, when there was nobody home. I have no way of knowing what he was doing in that time, and it's been a great worry, as there was all sorts of sensitive paperwork lying around etc. I know she really needs the money (which ironically is why I made the arrangements, even though I didn't need her to clean in my absence), and she always does a great job, and is reliable in every other way, but I just don't know what to do? I am usually at home when she's here, so maybe I could keep her on, but not leave her home alone again..?

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 27/01/2026 06:26

You’re unreasonable to be leaving sensitive paperwork where it can be seen. And in future I’d only let her clean when you’re there.

zipadeeday · 27/01/2026 06:28

Your idea sounds workable as the only alternative i can see is to dismiss her which you dont want to do.

i would confront her about giving the code out thougjh. She shouldnt have done that.

Namechangedasouting987 · 27/01/2026 06:30

Change gate code
Get key back
Decide if you csn cope with her in your house or not.
Have to be in every time she comes round.

olympicsrock · 27/01/2026 06:31

She’s got to go. Untrustworthy. Change the code.

PermanentTemporary · 27/01/2026 06:34

I’d certainly change the code. I’m useless at confrontation but I think even I would be able to say to her that I felt she owed me a paid hour and how would she like to work that back? I would also say that since she’d brought someone to the house without discussing it I therefore had to change the code and I wasn’t delighted. Basically let her know that you know.

Pinkcheerios · 27/01/2026 06:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sesquipedalian · 27/01/2026 06:37

I would confront her and ask why she let her untrustworthy husband into your home, and why she only did two hours of cleaning when you paid her for three. If she’s apologetic, change the gate code and the locks and keep her on, if you feel she’s a good enough cleaner to warrant it. If she’s isn’t, don’t. I would find it hard to get beyond the betrayal of trust, particularly over letting the husband have access to your home.

Heyhelga · 27/01/2026 06:47

Nope that's reasonable loss of trust to terminate her role without doubt. Plenty of other cleaners out there to try.

BollyMolly · 27/01/2026 06:53

She’s letting you pay her money that she hasn’t worked for and has shown you that she can’t be trusted. That is more than enough reason to let her go.

TimeForATerf · 27/01/2026 06:55

I would finish her, but not before I asked her why she let her husband into your home, what he was doing there inside for over ten minutes and why she didn’t work the hours she was paid to work.

she was a good cleaner, it’s a shame, but this is on her, she can’t be trusted.

DwarfPalmetto · 27/01/2026 06:59

I wouldn't be able to trust her after this and would let her go. Her need for money is not your problem to solve.

remotefly · 27/01/2026 07:06

id ask her to leave - she is not trustworthy and I wouldn’t have her work one minute in my house after she did that. I wouldn’t leave paperwork around - we leave ours in the study and the cleaner has been told that room does not need to be cleaned. I wouldn’t confront her because I won’t want the discussion it wouldn’t benefit me, because she’s not trustworthy, she wouldn’t be back.

Original poster
JuniperAndLamplight · 27/01/2026 07:16

Thanks for the replies... My gut instinct is to sack her, but we live in quite a rural area, and the previous cleaners we had were all so flaky and unreliable, and didn't clean nearly as well. Hence my dilemma... What I didn't mention was that I accidentally sent a WhatsApp message to her that was intended for a friend detailing how hacked off I was to discover she let her husband in, snuck off early, and gave him my gate code etc - I quickly deleted it, but seconds later she was online and probably saw the notification preview, so she's very possibly already on notice... If she approaches it defensively rather than apologetically, then that will be the deciding factor.

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 27/01/2026 07:16

She surely knows that you have CCTV all over the property so why would she cut her hours like that and bring her (untrustworthy) husband to your house? Hard to believe she doesn't understand this was a massive breach of trust. She may have been coerced into this by him which means having a chat with her and getting an apology isn't going to bring you the peace of mind you want that it won't happen again.

SENmumof22026 · 27/01/2026 07:21

You need to sack her, you will never trust her again after this.

Zonder · 27/01/2026 07:25

It's really sad but she has abused your trust. Are you back now? I hope you can get your gate code changed asap. At least you need to make sure she doesn't come again while you're away.

Owly11 · 27/01/2026 07:35

I don't see any point talking to her. Her husband basically has access to your home through her and whether that's because she lets him or he is controlling/abusing her doesn't make any difference to your security. Whatever she says can't undo the fact that she has let a stranger into your house who could have done god knows what. It would be him you would need to talk to and you have no relationship with him so you can't Unfortunately there is nothing to be done except to change the gate number and sack her.

Alcoholrecovery · 27/01/2026 07:39

She needs to go. Trust is everything

BellissimoGecko · 27/01/2026 08:03

I’d tell her that you saw she had been sneaking off early, giving out your code and letting her h in. So her what she says.

The trust would be gone for me, and I’d have to sack her.

YABU to leave sensitive paperwork around, and why did your house need cleaning multiple times if you were on holiday?? There probably wasn’t much for her to do.

AwoogaAwooga · 27/01/2026 08:08

Sack her, change your locks and your gate code.

Go through your possessions and see if anything is missing: if so go straight to the police with your security footage.

Do a credit check regularly and see if anybody has used your data to take out a loan: if so go straight to the police with your security footage.

This is really straightforward. However much you want a reliable cleaner it would be insanely risky and stupid to keep her on after this.

She has stolen from you already (taking money for work not done) and she has let somebody dodgy into your home unsupervised.

AwoogaAwooga · 27/01/2026 08:10

BellissimoGecko · 27/01/2026 08:03

I’d tell her that you saw she had been sneaking off early, giving out your code and letting her h in. So her what she says.

The trust would be gone for me, and I’d have to sack her.

YABU to leave sensitive paperwork around, and why did your house need cleaning multiple times if you were on holiday?? There probably wasn’t much for her to do.

We have our cleaner round while we’re on holiday - she needs the regular income, it’s not fair to suddenly stop paying her for 2 weeks. While she’s her she deep cleans or tidies areas that don’t get as much attention on her normal visits.

Zoec1975 · 27/01/2026 08:14

JuniperAndLamplight · 27/01/2026 06:24

I'd really appreciate any advice re what to do re my cleaner who I've had for many years. I've been away for two weeks and gave her a key to our home and the gate code. I also gave her a schedule of hours required, and paid her in advance. Our home security system sends notifications of all activities, which revealed that she only worked 2hr shifts when I paid her for 3hrs, gave our security gate code to her her husband (not a very pleasant man who she is always about to divorce on account of account of his untrustworthy and troubled behaviour), and let him into our home for 12 minutes, when there was nobody home. I have no way of knowing what he was doing in that time, and it's been a great worry, as there was all sorts of sensitive paperwork lying around etc. I know she really needs the money (which ironically is why I made the arrangements, even though I didn't need her to clean in my absence), and she always does a great job, and is reliable in every other way, but I just don't know what to do? I am usually at home when she's here, so maybe I could keep her on, but not leave her home alone again..?

You have been away for two weeks and she has missed an hour every single day? Then let her untrustworthy husband in and gave him the code etc.get rid of her she is taking the mick thinking you are a fool!

foreversunshine · 27/01/2026 08:26

I can't understand why you'd even consider keeping her on.
She hasn't worked the hours she was paid for; she has effectively stolen from you.

You will likely need to pay to change your locks and get your gate code changed, for peace of mind. You might trust your cleaner not to burgle you, but do you trust the husband not to, or to inform others of how to go about it?

The trickiness of finding a replacement cleaner is not a good enough reason to employ someone you can't trust.

It's a shame about the WhatsApp, as she'll now have had time to come up with excuses and justifications.

LaundryScales · 27/01/2026 08:29

She let a stranger into your house a breached your security by giving them the gate code.

There’s no coming back from that.

Original poster
JuniperAndLamplight · 27/01/2026 08:57

I think I'm just trying to find a way round the inevitable fact that she needs to go... The only reason I had her clean while she was away was because she is struggling to pay her bills and needs the work, and the paperworks was just bank statements etc on my desk which seems reasonable enough to me, but I wasn't aware strangers were going to be free to pry. I wish I hadn't bothered as it caused me a lot of stress to discover what she was doing behind my back. I'll let her go.

OP posts: