Cleaner gave out my gate code and invited her husband in

[JuniperAndLamplight]

I'd really appreciate any advice re what to do re my cleaner who I've had for many years. I've been away for two weeks and gave her a key to our home and the gate code. I also gave her a schedule of hours required, and paid her in advance. Our home security system sends notifications of all activities, which revealed that she only worked 2hr shifts when I paid her for 3hrs, gave our security gate code to her her husband (not a very pleasant man who she is always about to divorce on account of account of his untrustworthy and troubled behaviour), and let him into our home for 12 minutes, when there was nobody home. I have no way of knowing what he was doing in that time, and it's been a great worry, as there was all sorts of sensitive paperwork lying around etc. I know she really needs the money (which ironically is why I made the arrangements, even though I didn't need her to clean in my absence), and she always does a great job, and is reliable in every other way, but I just don't know what to do? I am usually at home when she's here, so maybe I could keep her on, but not leave her home alone again..?

Wow! Did you tell her you have proof?

I actually didn't - I made a conscious decision to not put myself through the unnecessary stress of a full on confrontation... it was clear from the get-go that she was being dishonest and aggressive and I did not want her in my house, so did not waste energy on trying to prove my point.

Not only is this unforgivable lying, dishonesty and breach of trust - the husband could have given the security code to any number of other people, having had a good look round your home to see what’s worth taking.

I know, it's such a worry and is costing us a fortune (and a lot of inconvenience) to get the gate engineers and locksmiths over to secure our home. My ex-sister in law found out an aggrieved former employee had been giving out her burglar alarm code down in the local pub... You just never know what they're going to do with their ill-gotten information.

Wow - the fact she was aggressive is interesting. If she'd said - I couldnt get the hoover unblocked, or I wanted to move some heavy furniture to deep clean and he was working nearby and helped is one thing. I imagine being agggressive is because they know they did wrong, and she is trying to make you 'back off'. You can't have this in your house. Glad you are getting resecured. It makes you wonder what they were up to.
Have you checked that nothing has been stolen? I might contact the police for advice.
I had a friend - and her cleaner 'broke in' and stole stuff and even her luxury car. (in cahoots with her husband ) the cleaner was well known to the police! The friend only found this out after the burgarly. take care - worth a mention to the police.

What was her reason for letting her husband in?

Not telling her you've got footage was actually a smart move. She thinks she's free and clear.

If she got aggressive with you, that would tip me over to reporting it to the police plus would make me really sure he was up to no good in the home. If anything happens down the road, you've got that on record.

I have to ask, with the aggressiveness, could she be using drugs?

I agree it was the right approach. She'd already jumped straight to argumentative and aggressive rather than apologetic. Who knows where the conversation would have gone with presenting evidence.

Once your gate code and access details are updated, I'd definitely make sure you've saved a backup of all the video evidence and any correspondence with her.

You mention you're rural, so I'd perhaps suggest mentioning it to someone "well connected" locally that might mean it gets round, just in case she has other clients that she might do this to. Or, just a simple asking around for recommendations "because we've just had to end our relationship with our current cleaner" might give others the heads up.

I'm in two minds as to whether this would be something I'd notify 101 online. Probably not, but the minute I heard anything more dodgy about her and her husband, I would.

I'd get rid of her. You can't trust her now.

Don't leave sensitive paperwork lying around, tidy it away or lock the door of the room it's in, in future.

Start a monthly donation to a charity that helps disadvantaged people and don't get involved in people's personal sob stories.

Understand she's a business associate and in future don't mix business with pleasure. She's not your friend, shouldn't be trauma-dumping her marriage or financial problems on you and shouldn't be employed to do pity-cleans when you're not there and don't need it.

To be fair to her, if you only employed her for the usual workload I imagine she got it done quicker because nobody has been there making mess. If she's self-employed then I guess she's employed to do the job and a time estimate is used to work out the fee. So as long as she gets it all done properly, leaving early isn't an issue then.

Understand that people, no matter who they are or what your relationship with them is, are a walking red flag if they have a toxic relationship with someone and aren't extricating themselves from it. They can't be trusted to do anything other than putting the toxic person first to save their own skins. Chances are she innocently asked her husband to collect something she'd left behind at yours accidentally, because he was passing. But you'll never know. Perhaps he demanded to see where she was working and kept on at her until she gave in. Keep people who can't stand up for themselves at arms length, not because they mean you harm but because they are not the one in charge of their own actions, they've given that power to someone else.

Shame she abused your trust esp after many years of service

if she was there cleaning why did her dh let his self in via gate code

and not just ring the bell

it’s easy enough to change gate code and locks on door