Mums who work full time long hours. When do you clean?

[Gymmum82]

I’m about to start a full time role I’ll be leaving the house around 5.30-6am returning home around 5.30pm.
I’ll then need to transport the kids to clubs 4 nights a week. Make dinner, make lunches for the next day, eat dinner, do kids homework/reading etc.
So when do I clean?
What tasks should I be doing every day? Do I just leave the mess to build up and do a big clean at weekends? Then where does that leave family time?
Help. What do you do?

We pay a brilliant cleaner £15 per hour for 2.5 hours twice a month.

best £75 I spend a month

Will the kids be getting back around 5.30 like you too? If so you might find it doesn’t get as dirty/messy as quickly if you’re all out more

I’d choose easy quick dinners. School dinners for kids. Saturday cleaning, the kids can hoover/dust/put washing on. Cut back the clubs if possible.

Not a very exciting job or highly paid. It’s the long commute and the two drop offs which make it a long day.

If its not highly paid, is it worth commuting to? If you found something more local you'd save time & money.

Also can you not find childcare near home or work, having to factor in an extra hour for a childcare drop is madness.

Fortnightly cleaner and cut back on a takeaway/meal out. Saved my sanity and my waistline 😂

Wow, so many middle class people, who knew.

Op, sounds tough. A few things to help. Cleaning takes way longer and is less successful if it is messy. So, start by having a really good declutter on a weekend. Now is a good time, old toys, books etc. You need to know when you take the vac out you can just vac. I clean on a Sat morning now for same reason but that's a full top to bottom vac, including skirting boards.
Use up every bit of time whilst other activities are happening. Cooking dinner? Clean kitchen at same time. Kids in bath? Clean bathroom. Polish whilst watching TV.
Invest in good storage. Have a place for everything and train the kids to use it. Baskets for school bag/shoes/sportswear/club kits. They have to use them as soon as they come so there is no picking up.
Get a jobs board. Everyone's name on it. Everyone. Even small people can help.
You do need to sit your husband down and talk to him on jobs and boundaries. Noone sits down in front of TV until everyone's helped. If you are vaccing on a Sat am, what's he doing? I found my husband LOVES Washing/folding etc and will vac. Hates all the fiddly stuff (polishing, oven, mirrors, mopping etc).
Get rid of shopping. Set it up online, book delivery slots in advance. Set up a 4 week menu and shopping list.
Batch cook. Massive pans. Slow cooker.
You need to treat it like a project.

My DD started dance on a Sat morning and for ten years I've cleaned/tidied and shopped in the 3 hrs she's there. You'd be amazed how you can get it all done if you put your mind to it. She's stopped dancing now. So, I do 1.5hr max on a Sat morning, and the rest through week.

When I was in this position I did the housework on Saturdays. I was always resentful and exhausted . OH worked very long hours and often weekends too so it was hard. I never had a cleaner as I felt I would be stressed having a stranger in the house and would have to clean up for the cleaner. Probably stupid. Good cleaners are hard to find .

When did life get so full on that we have to choose family time vs cleaning?! It's a nightmare isn't it?!

I'd start getting the DCs to help - little chores once a week in their rooms - tidying up, taking the bedding off their beds and helping choose and put new bedding on. Vacuuming/sweeping the floor.

Try to get into a routine with DH to put a load of washing on every other day. One leads the other empties and hangs/moves to the drier. Then take it in turns to put away or put into piles so each person takes their clothes and puts them away.

Get onto a routine with DH to take it in turns to sweep/vacuum floors/dust (I hate dusting it's never ending. I bought air cleaners and switched to bamboo toilet paper to reduce the need for dusting.) Sweeping/vacuuming might be needed more than once a week, dusting can be done less frequently tbh.

Ref dishes - if you have a dishwasher, everyone loads their dirty dishes and cutlery - jut make sure it's empty in readiness.

It's hard to sort out the other jobs, like lunches etc. You do work less hours, but you shouldn't be doing everything.

I WFH

I clean intermittently, and during lunch breaks

I chose minimal cleaning.
tidy, and clean enough not to be a hazard. Usually done at weekends. Dh used to do downstairs and i did up. Kids are now teens, so they do a bit too. But as a pp said, with everyone out, it wasn't too bad. School holidays, however....
Couldn't afford a cleaner, well possibly could have, but I prefer a holiday.

I'm a single parent so have had to do it all. Mostly it's about routines and keeping motivated to stick with them. Plan your weekly meals and prep what you can on days off. Make sure everything is cleaned up or put in a dishwasher the night it is eaten so you're not walking into yesterday's mess when you get home from work. Laundry in machine ready to put on in the morning then dry when you get home in evening. Actual cleaning and bed changes are on one weekend morning. Always keep one day for fun and to so stuff as a family.

The main thing to remember is unless you are outsourcing to a cleaner your home won't be spotless in the working week. You need to turn a blind eye to all but the essentials you can manage. Essentials include everyone clean, everyone fed and all obligations (ie homework) being dealt with on time.

You could drop at clubs and he could collect on his way home.
my dh is gone by 6am (often having put a meal in the slowcooker before leaving). We have a fortnightly cleaner and spend a few hours together the evening before blitzing. We couldn’t handle it weekly! Dh does half, he leaves work early to pick them up. It is chaotic and if my husband weren’t pulling his weight I couldn’t control the rage I’m afraid.

It doesn’t get much worse beyond that. You just have to hold your nerve.

As Quentin Crisp said: There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.

We really struggled when the kids were littler but now we both work from home 1-2 days a week so can keep some stuff going (laundry and dishes). One morning a weekend the whole family cleans the house. My kids are 8/11 and we've done this a few years now so the kids are actually somewhat helpful now - took ages to teach them though!

We also just accept some things wont happen. Deep cleaning is hard to manage as weekends get busy and I don't want to spend my entire life working and cleaning. A cleaner isn't a financial option for us and we also both work full time and spend most night driving our kids to football or ballet.

Usually in the evening one parent does the driving and the other does some tidying or whatever else is needed. Everyone is done by 9ish though as we also need down time.

Thinking about it I only know 1 person who has a cleaner… it’s really not the norm in my world ( unless people just don’t talk about it??)
Can you imagine a thread like this by men though? All these tips and planning? I can’t.
I totally agree with the poster who said she had more time after divorce too. My house as a lone parent was a calm, chilled place and I never felt particularly overwhelmed by it all.
If you must keep all the clubs, definitely do lift swaps with other parents. I always did that, plus lots of inviting other kids over after school / weekend days because it gets reciprocated and that gives you time spare!

I'm a solo parent but thankfully I work from home and so can run the hoover round etc in the breaks between meetings. That's the theory but in reality there's too many jobs to fit in the few min gaps I have in my day.

I don't invite people to the house because it's often in a state, and I also very rarely use my sitting room because then I know at least that room is always tidy and that helps me keep my sanity.

Lots of your posts don't make sense op?
If you live with the other path of your children don't they do any housework? If they don't then surely it's because they earn enough to pay someone to do their share? And also if you are now earning more money why doesn't some of that cover the cost of a cleaner?
Are you in a financially controlled relationship? Because it doesn't add up you having to do it all.

You hire a cleaner. If you have a partner, share the cooking and prepare things in advance. Have a takeaway once a week.

A million percent you need a cleaner with those hours. It’s about £30 per week. If money isn’t tight then you spend it on things that free you up to spend the weekend with your children when you barely see them during the week.

If you are out of the house that long each day you can’t. It is either a pig sty a cleaner or a full cleaning and laundry session at the weekend. Relentless.

Sounds tough. I just accepted our home would be messy and jobs would be left undone when the kids were that age. Sometimes we’d reworn nearly all the clean laundry before I’d got around to putting it away.

As long as things are hygienic (i.e. kitchen and bathroom regularly cleaned), with a deeper clean every couple of months, that should be fine. But people have different thresholds, I guess. When the kids were younger, I used to multi-task by cleaning the rest of the bathroom while they were in the bath. Or wash up/clean while making dinner. Also used to give myself regular slots for things, e.g. Monday eve mop the kitchen floor.

You’re both out of the house 12 hours a day or more. You’re not superhuman. Something has to give. Take it easy. It’s only for a few years until the kids are more independent and you get more time again.

However, your OH should do 50/50. It’s what adults have to do.

In this situation, I would try to free up money for a cleaner - even just 2 hours per week to keep bathrooms and kitchen in a reasonable state. Is there a subscription you could cancel, a weekly takeaway or some other expense that you'd be willing to skip if it meant you could have a cleaner? The you and OH split what's left between you and also lower your standards. It's not possible to do everything you've listed without ending up on the floor and (rightly) resentful.

I have a cleaner (3 bedroom house) but she only manages to clean the main living area (open plan living room/kitchen) and the main bathroom so still quite a bit to do myself as well as the biggest household task, laundry! I’ve had various cleaners, some for 2 hours, others for 2 and a half hours. I think for someone to clean the bedrooms, utility room and other bathroom it would take about 6 hours and it’s not even a big house 🙈 It’s also so much prep for her coming as our kids are still really little so I end up just hiding everything in the bedrooms out the road. I found myself last week thinking the sink looked minging and gave it a quick bleach BEFORE SHE CAME 🙈😂 What is the point?! I just don’t want her going away thinking we live like slobs

OK OP...

You cannot have a full time job, 2 children with extra curricular activities and a clean house unless you start delegating.

You need to communicate a clear standard for your family of what your expectations are of a clean house. i.e. the toilet bowl should be clean etc. This is is how you communicate to your family so they can start picking up after themselves.

8 and 10 year olds can clean, dust, polish and tidy. They can also probably hoover if you teach them. They can do basic meal prep, make sandwhiches and pack their own lunch, probably chuck something in the slow cooker if you have one. Start asap and be persistent. If everyone in the house eats, shits and showers on their own they can clean up their mess.

You can carpool with somepeople at their activites. Even if it is just one child, for one activity thats an extra night a fortnight.

If you can afford a cleaner to do the big jobs oven etc.. then definately do that.

Leave a shopping list on the fridge, if its not on there don't buy it.

You are not their servant. Everyone shits, eats and lives in that house, they all need to start contributing.

It's obviously not possible for everyone, but my family would give up a lot of things to fit a cleaner into the budget. Even every other week helps - that reduces the bathroom cleaning, dusting and mopping in particular to pretty low-level maintenance. It's usually more affordable than most people think. And the bonus is that it creates a built-in "deadline" for the family to have rooms tidy and ready to be cleaned. When I was a kid the house rule was that if our play room, bedroom and bathroom wasn't ready for the housekeeper (everything off the floor, clean sheets ready to be put on the bed, toiletries off the counter and bathtub ledge) then we got to spend the next Friday evening or Saturday scrubbing it all ourselves, and that's the same rule in my house now.

I don't know if that's just off the table for you, but regardless I would prioritize setting clear expectations from the entire family as your schedule changes. 8 and 10 is well old enough to have regular chores. My DC all pack their own lunches, fold/hang their own laundry (at least), help some with either prep or cleanup for dinner every night (they usually get to choose which), and have 1-3 age-appropriate household-maintenance tasks (approx. 10 min per day on average) that they do regularly to earn their pocket money. Right now my middle-aged kids are in charge of vaccuming or sweeping the mud room, play room and entry-way, taking an all-surface cleaner and cloth to the bathroom vanities/sinks/mirrors and quick brush to the toilet, taking out the kitchen bins, managing the shoe piles by the doors, and feeding the dogs. Give them some options (a variety of tasks, some that will be quick but daily, some that will take longer but be weekly) and allow them to rotate. Set expectations for them regarding picking up after themselves after all snacks and meals, when playing in shared spaces, and "if you drop it, pick it up." They know and do this at school already.

But I'd start all of this with a direct conversation with your DH. Tell him your increase in work hours means home tasks will need to be split evenly and ask which tasks he plans to add to his list. Look at the family budget to see what you can trim to add a bi-weekly cleaner.

So you’ve been working part time until now and are about to have a full time salary.

If this full time salary isn’t enough to stretch you cleaner once a week then it’s not worth going full time for. And leaving at 5:30 am every day is absolutely brutal. Is it really worth it?