Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies great news about the box.
I deliberately forgot my purse when dropping off at the charity shop, so I couldn't be tempted.
Tomorrow is the final drop off at the charity shop for the weekend clearing. There is room for the uni student to return.
Still much more work to prepare for the next influx in September.

@Elleherd I really appreciate your words of advice and warning. Actually, I now see the knife edge between outward control with looking tidy and chaos.

School’s out and I’m not sure how we’re going to manage everything this summer. My paid work is causing lots of headaches and stress and sleep is proving elusive which makes it a million times worse.

I hope everyone is coping and a warm welcome to the new folks. You’ll find wise posts aplenty from many of the regulars here, I often read a post and it really strikes a chord or makes me see something in a new way.

Hi all. Off on jollies today. Haven't made much progress last few days. Hopefully can get cracking when I return.

Going to try keep my accommodation clean and tidy when away for practice and good habits.

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies Well done with the box!

@indignatio and well done on on the charity shop.

@Sameclutternewname Hopefully in amongst it all will be the chance to have some nice times with the children, though I know how stressful it is trying to manage everything, and everyone's magical inability to co-operate at the exact moment needed.

@TalkToTheHand123 Enjoy, the time and hopefully some uncluttered space.

I'm working today but trying to plan a productive weekend as we're headed for trouble if I can't notch up several gears fast.
With typical timing I've injured myself. Idiot grabbed my chair and swung it when I was moving fast, resulting in me being slammed down hard on my back and thrown out of my chair. My ribs hurt like hell and breathing and coughing are no fun, but we have suddenly received mass missives from both builders, new builders, and surveyors, liaison officers, and landlords, all at the same time, claiming they are getting ready to now come en masse and effectively gut lots of the flats, as a result of what the first trance of builders discovered. They need x,y,z that would give issues even with a property with less content. So looks like after having to live with everything in the center of the rooms for so long, it's not enough, and an awful lot of work our end has to happen, and fast.

@Elleherd I really hope some help is at hand for you and you feel better. I also have a big weekend and looming deadlines so solidarity here.

In addition, I’m trying to finish work and supposed to have a holiday of sorts next week which will mean no progress can be made then (but hopefully I will be able to compartmentalise my to do list and actually have a break).

Hello, I haven't posted for a few weeks I've only had a quick look though the posts on the old thread but not on the new one yet, I will have a look later on to see how everyone is getting on.

I’ve been communicating with a mortgage broker to see if I can find a new lender, I had interest only mortgage (25 years, an endowment type of saving plan was meant to pay it off) and I let things slide, so now have to find a new lender through the broker, the full amount is due so I have to find a new bank to take it on or sell the property. Not a lot of money involved compared to today’s property costs as I moved in to the flat in 1998 but still a largish sum. I’m 60 now, so not many years to pay off a mortgage.

I haven’t known what to say, so haven't posted, as I’ve felt in limbo with all the stress but it’s good news BUT doesn’t’ feel like it one bit as I’ve got to face something that feels like I’ve missed the last life boat on the titanic type of feeling, a feeling of dread and don’t know how I will manage but I have to have a valuation done and they need to look around the flat, it’s going to take me months to sort out what I’ve neglected for years and they probable want to book to visit in the next couple of weeks so I can’t really explain the extent of how my emotions are right now, I’m sure you can imagine, no words, it’s just as if I’m falling down a black hole with no rope to hold onto.

I will try to delay by saying I have family issues or something, while I plan, but can’t think straight at the moment and work has been awful, people have retired and left but no replacements and not much support, I’m sure you’ve all been there. What I do know is that I won't be able to go to work each day and sort things out, it's impossible, I should have planned leave ahead but I think deep down I knew they would need to come into the flat but I was hiding from the facts, no wonder i felt low, the broker said sometimes they do a remote valuation by searching online but that doesn't seem the case for me.

I may have to take time off from work with stress, which would be true but I would rather not, but don't have the choice at short notice.

Hope for a miracle for me, I need it.

KingArthur1964 that all sounds really hard. It’s probably obvious but I always start with the physically biggest things and the easiest things to part way, or do the easy thing first and then can create some energy to care you forward, basically anything you can manage is good. Do you have anyone who can come over and do it with you to help you get started? Hope you make progress this weekend if you’re off work!

@KingArthur1964 Good to see you, I've thought about you and hoped you might be getting somewhere. Despite how scary things feel you are actually getting somewhere, and should hold onto that.

Going off how things were for you previously, I honestly think the most sensible thing you can do for yourself, is to go sick now before your health collapses, and get on with digging yourself out of the situation, working to a daily plan.
The longer you leave it to start, the worse the effects on you as you start to run out of time and energy.
No one wants to do things like that, but if you can't get the time off as leave, then I'm going to say just take it, because you know you are going to end up of sick anyway from all the stress and fear, so more sense to take the time to get your life in order so you can work well later, than wait till you're good for nothing through it all, and then have to take time off. That's a loose loose for everyone,

I do hope for a miracle for you, but I wouldn't wait for it, I'd start engineering my life as best I could to make it better for me.

Arthur the remote valuation is likely for properties sold recently with pics online still. I totally understand your feelings on it all. They won't be coming in to judge you though, just to objectively value the place. I don't know if it's possible but if you could do what Elleherd did and move things to the centre they'll be able to assess the condition of walls and measure the rooms. You could provide a "before" pic showing the condition of the floors in the middle. If it helps at all, my friend in the same situation as you with the mortgage (admittedly without the hoarding) got a lodger to help pay the mortgage and then when payment of the full amount became due they downsized to a 2 bed flat so there was no need for a mortgage, because of having a 3 bed house originally. If you'd be downgrading into rented though, get yourself listed on the social housing register and start bidding if you don't want to rent privately.

Elleherd you poor thing. That sounds like a nasty accident (assuming it was an error of judgement on your part. If it was someone else grabbed your chair it sounds like assault!) and I hope you feel better soon. Hopefully your LL will get to the bottom of whatever has been causing you problems in the property and fix it properly this time.

Happy holidays FiniteSagacity.

Hope you had a great day out TalkToTheHand.

SameClutter totally agree not sleeping makes it all worse.

I've been plodding on doing a bit here and there. I've weeded through another drawer, getting rid of about 50% of it and using the space for other things that didn't have a home. Bought a small storage crate for my bathroom cleaning products, to make it look tidier. A bargain at £1.50 in Morrisons. Sorted out a shelving unit for some ornaments so they're not in a box under the bed any more, could get rid of the box then too. Got rid of a few books and another bag of clothes. I can't remember if I posted about this before but I don't have any messy pile-of-doom areas now. Everything is, at a minimum, boxed up like with like.

@FiniteSagacity Sorry I missed your post. Hope you get it all done in time, and get away and actually get a break from it all, or at the very least a pleasant change.

@BlueSummerBaby
Sadly it was interference not accident. Though I doubt they expected the consequences. It's like idiots who think it's funny to grab someone on a bicycle with no thought of what will actually happen.

I think the 'plodding' sounds very healthy. Another bag of clothes, a few books and 50% of a drawer is great progress, as is the banishment of pile-of-doom areas.
Working with others (sadly not ever got to the point myself) It can get harder as you move forward because the impetus of it all looking horrendous or being unable to access things etc, has gone, but it's then that being persistent and consistent pays off.

@KingArthur Blue makes a very sensible suggestion; this is your home, and your (very understandable) fear of judgement over it. There isn't a landlord to worry about and what you're doing in it is your business.
We've had to do what we've done so builders could walk in and out at any time to with total access at all times to all walls, and the joist supports under the sides of the floors. We alternate dust sheets over everything when they are working.

It may look slightly 'odd,' and does mean acquiring dust sheets or long lengths of cotton, but actually having everything in the middle of the room but covered in dust sheets as if you're about to be repainted or have builders in, it would allow them to entirely measure etc, and any pictures will be 'non identifying' and not humiliating?
Be warned it's still a big job to undertake physically and time wise, but possibly considerably less mentally and emotionally stressful, and more doable?

That's horrific Elleherd I'm so sorry that happened to you. There's something wrong with the minds of some people where they can't treat another person like a person but just see them as entertainment.

I'm surprising myself with being able to plod on still. I can't believe now I did a little bit when I first found these threads and thought I was done. I've done the easy stuff so now it's harder decisions about every little thing, but all I can do is keep going so that's what I'm doing. Decluttering this and that as I can and little organisational tweeks here and there. I'm feeling like maybe I'll never be totally finished, a bit like tidying up - you don't only do it once, you have to keep doing it.

Thank you @Elleherd I will plan to move some things to a part of each room and cover up with dust sheets but a lot to do to even get to that point so much to throw out and have that awful low and lonely feeling which is really sapping emotionally and physically, such a feeling of being alone with tackling this stuff, wish I knew where it came from. Hoarding is a lonely business at times isn't it, isolating. I will have to go off with stress but just got to go in for a couple of days as we are moving office so got put stuff in a crate at work.

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies thank you, yes really hard, no one to help unfortunately, pleased to have this group.

@BlueSummerBaby I won't be able to downsize much unfortunately as already in one bedroom flat, need to find a way with the current process I've started and to make it work somehow.

Sending hellos and hugs to everyone that needs it. Welcome to new people. You are very welcome.
@Elleherd I'm so sorry that happened to you. Did you get checked out in the hospital? Some people! 😡
You speak so much sense, @Elleherd.

I've been washing laundry. Kept up with the washing up. Got a very small amount of clothing that Dd finally admitted doesn't fit anymore to get rid of. Not much else done which is annoying as we go away next weekend.
Kitchen floor is further back than square one, annoyingly.

@Solo Thank you for saying I speak sense, as I certainly practice little of it! Stupidly I didn't get checked out. I was in so much pain and shock and just wanted to get away from all the fuss and home and laid flat. Am now regretting it, as not sure why it still hurts so much in un-bruised bits to do some things, but only option is insane hours at a&e at night for an xray which I don't have time for, and it's probably muscle damage anyway. GP offered an appointment in three weeks time but I have to be physically able for later this week...

Well done on keeping up with washing up, washing and getting DD to part with things. It may not feel enough because you're under pressure for next weekend, but it's all good stuff and hopefully you'll get a break and enjoy it next week.

The hoped for productive weekend here wasn't very productive at all on the home front, but lots of paid work bits got done at least. Launderette happened and minor amounts of garden tidying at aunts and ours, but stopped as seriously worried I wouldn't be able to move today if I kept going, so went for non mobile stuff instead. Attempts at eating sensibly also went awol, and I've annoyingly made up the gap to the next kilo.

Elleherd try a private physiotherapy appointment with someone who'll do more than giving you exercises to do. You could have displaced something, rib cartilage, tendon, joint etc and it needs putting back where it belongs. No bruising with things like that. I imagine you're good with pain so things that would have others carted off to A&E screaming, you'll just put up with.

@Elleherd Bluesummerbaby is right. When I was assaulted at work 11 years ago, I don't think the paramedic believed I was in agony because my blood pressure didn't rise. But I'm used to pain, so why would it. Same for you I would think.

BlueSummerBaby & Solo, Thank you. Really good idea. I've booked an appointment for tomorrow.
Lots of bruising on lower back and hips, and a lot of discomfort but what you'd expect from what happened.
The bigger issue is where my back's come down twisted onto the handle, hard, apparently with my arms in the air. No bruising, (surprised) very painful, and taking a full breath, sneezing and coughing are all but impossible. I only really have what others say about how I landed before being coming out. It happened too quick.
You're right about being used to putting up with pain and unfortunately I'm going to have to work through it this week whatever it is.

That sounds like a broken rib

@Elleherd Gosh that sounds really painful, sending sympathy. Physio appointment sounds like a great idea.

@KingArthur1964 what a difficult position. Is there anyone from whom you would be "happy" to accept help ?

Having spent last week desperately trying to tidy and reduce the volume here so there was room for the uni student to return, they did. On Monday I could have cried, the amount of stuff which appeared absolutely took the house over Elleherd's knife edge. It is a good job I was so happy that they themself had returned.

Monday was spent squirrelling stuff away and washing, washing and more washing. So actually now, there is some semblance of control.

The reverse hanger trick is in play for DDs wardrobe, so that should yield a cull in say 3 months time.

Otherwise, I think I will take the pressure off the decluttering for a week. Still loads to do in advance of the next influx, but I could do with a short break from it all.

Sounds good to have a blitz and then allow yourself a break from it. Also got the uni student influx in this house but hoping younger DC will take some of it when they start uni in the autumn.

@Elleherd Ouch! Have you been checked over yet? I hope so. I think I'll join you in the injury and bruising area. Dd and I took some dinner (salad) to Dbs on Monday. I took the plates away and my maxi dress must've moved the cat food box and I tripped over it and went smack down onto my knees. You may ask how a box of cat food could be moved by a summer maxi dress. Well, I'l tell you. It had 1, yes ONE pouch of cat food in it which made it ultra light. Bruised up and swollen knees. And the pain! Worst of all is he didn't rush to my aid, Dd did. And he didn't ask me if I was okay. He was worried about his broken plates and where he got them from . It took him until this afternoon to message me how are my knees.

Today, I have sorted out the utter crap that was at the side of Dd's bed. She has a terrible habit of just dropping things. All things. Rubbish included. Another terrible habit is petting any old cat she comes across and today she told me there are fleas in the bedroom. Honestly, I'm sick and tired of all this. I have possibly 2 afternoons and evenings after work to get sorted and packed for a fortnight's holiday. Dd is unbelievably lazy and it's getting to me. I almost want her to move out the minute she turns 18 at the end of the year. I've had enough.

Keep up the good work, everyone. I'll try to get on when I'm away, but obviously, there'll be no progress from me.

Keep on keeping on.

Have a great holiday!

Physio didn't actually do anything beyond have a good feel, but knew what he was looking for. Conclusion is three broken ribs, nothing to do about it, wait and see. Good news is I'm unlikely to do any damage by working, just going to hurt a great deal. GP has agreed a prescription for pain killers over the phone to pick up today, to take the edge off the worst, so I'm all set. Thank you Blue I'd have never thought of that as an avenue, and Solo being reminded that you get used to pain but it doesn't make it hurt any the less, got me to successfully hustle my pain killer resistant GP. I have to do this five days of very physical work, and you just helped make it all a lot more feasible.

Solo I'm so sorry you've hurt your knees, and right now! Well done on sorting out DD's rubbish trench!
We have constantly overgrown garden, foxes, and a feral cat, and periodically their unwanted friends! Can recommend this style of trap as actually working and will get all of them over time: https://www.amazon.co.uk/STV-Cheese-Flea-Killer-STV020/dp/B001R4PA12/ref=asc_df_B001R4PA12/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14986187880741374469&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9181181&hvtargid=pla-2281435178298&psc=1&mcid=ada72e766bda3c5896be6d66d9ac4842&hvocijid=14986187880741374469-B001R4PA12-&hvexpln=74&gad_source=1

Reviews suggest they aren't as well put together as the one I got years back, but the method works. (personally I do the flat fingernail on them once caught, for more instant dispatch)
I brought Ds a tiny bright colored top, poundland swing bin to go down the side of the bed. It improved a similar issue by about 75%. Something about it being a novelty miniature swinging lid, worked where 'proper' bins hadn't. (joys of ASD)
Hope you get a good enjoyable and unstressed break together.

indignatio Yep, love is definitely a protective factor! 😂(One of mine just acquired another enormous 'interesting' space consuming thing, needing 'only a little work doing'- heart sinking words here.)

Thehillsarealive Blitz and bust works well for some, and consistent habit building and forming for others. Ringing the changes can also help.
For those in over full homes, the opportunity to go away and actively experience staying in rooms with space, can also be an excellent driver. It's whatever works.

I'm hoping to get through the next four days without further drama, get paid off, and embrace the lack of paid work on the books, and fingers crossed start catching up with everything I've had to let go off, all over the place.

Ouch Elleherd I hope recovery doesn't take too long

Thanks Blue. Got work done and thought I'd recover for a couple of days and then get started, but best laid plans and all that.

Depressingly we've had a small fire in the extractor fan on the bathroom ceiling which has resulted in a surprising amount of smoke damage.
Unfortunately also a serious family row.😞

Managed to get a small platform so I could sort things out and repaint. But it's taken so much time energy and tbh pain already, just to get most of the ceiling and walls clean enough that I'm not going to be able to afford to keep the platform long enough to get the job finished.
So, plan B is now just get it all to a good livable with state for now, and plan a proper redecorate later as the best I can do.

So far have got the ceiling clean and de-greased, but some paint has come off with (over) cleaning. Walls are now clean enough to look at but still some light staining where wet soot ran down them. Can't get at one bit of wall at the top of a cupboard without having the whole platform turned round (major time sink) Cupboard doors cleaned but one has soot drip stains, and paint and plaster around seat of fire is badly cracked. Tile grouting has come up ok but could use another go. Bath and loo are sorted, and sink enough to use, but needs more.
Every thing else has just been wiped down enough to be useable and needs another go over, but can happen after the platform goes.

Unexpected decluttering has been a resulting carrier bag of smoke damaged items and one less bottle of bleach.
Am having a well earned lunch break before starting again.