Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

Yesterday...I would say sod all but...
there was overnight support to a kid who stayed up all night to do course work.
Driving DD to college and back(85 miles) washing one load at ex's.
Shopping for kid so they are less likely to have a meltdown as they will eat food.
Emotional support for another kid.
Staying up til 1am because course work kid is now dysregulated and won't go to bed.
All on not enough sleep

Today I am several hours into trying to wake up coursework kid to go to school. Not happening.

I’m wishing you strength @BlackeyedSusan as that sounds exhausting. There are just a few days of term left here and we’re on our knees with the tiredness.

I’m planning a very quiet two weeks around Christmas because I need the rest & relaxation.

I’ve finished hoarding parent’s house and actually cleaned my own bathrooms a bit this week. I tried to do a few 5 minute pick ups today and got an awkward and deep paper cut so retreated to the sofa. But little and often has returned and is what I need to do.

Congratulations on finishing the hoarding parents house FiniteSagacity.

Hope you can have some proper sleep tonight BlackEyedSusan.

I decluttered my Christmas decorations last year but I've decided to let some more go when I pack them up this year. Christmas shopping all done and managed not to buy lots of stuff that isn't needed here, so that's a definite win.

I’d like to join please. Everything is too much right now. I can picture how I want the house to look. I know what needs to go. I become paralysed by actually trying to do it.

All the memories that drag me back. Mostly to times when I made bad decisions and had/have to live with the consequences. Unearthing the results of decades of compulsive shopping. Feeling so much relentless guilt.

Hi ‘overwhelmed’, welcome! Joining and recognising things need to change is an important first step.

What works for me at times is telling myself one or more of the following:’ just do something/do the easy thing first/follow your energy (ie do whatever you can find the motivation for)/spend 5 minutes looking round for things to put in a charity bag/ any full ish charity bag out of house straight away eg in a car if you have one/a mountain is climbed one step at a time so just keep taking the small steps/ get rid of the physically biggest things first/get rid of the easiest things first eg little no financial or emotional value/ take a photo and let go to a new home.
I have just managed to get everything off the floor in the bedroom, put some washing on, resewn the Velcro on a kitchen chair cushion that has been hanging around in a bag waiting to be fixed, deleted some downloads from my phone and have now motivated myself to keep going and plan to take some pruning to the tip. (Just logging to show myself I haven’t just been hanged out on mumsnet).
If you feel like sharing more of your situation I’m sure people will be along with advice /encouragement
Hope today is a good day!

Thank you@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies

I recognise myself in a lot of clutter and hoarding programmes. I don’t think my house looks hoarded at first glance, but I know my thought processes are not normal, and it’s too embarrassing to have anyone in. .

The hardest thing for me is to just make decisions and then get things out the house. With adult DC in their own flats, the mess here has spread from room to room and there’s more than forty years of just-in-case stuff and inherited furniture and linens.

DH put up enormous floor-to-ceiling shelves years ago for me to keep stuff off floors. Then I got busy with something else and the stuff stayed.

Lots of boxes stacked against walls as well. I don’t want the dgc thinking this is normal, or that their friends can’t come over.

Things are mostly sorted and stored tidily, but doesn’t ever get used. I feel like I’ll lose bits of ppl if I dispose of their stuff even when they’ve already told me they don’t want it.

I’ve stopped buying for myself apart from food. I manage to keep on top of holey or stained clothes for the ragbag.

Things are mostly sorted and stored tidily, but doesn’t ever get used. I feel like I’ll lose bits of ppl if I dispose of their stuff even when they’ve already told me they don’t want it.

Is it worth telling them you'd like to declutter but you're struggling to let go, so could they please take this bag of their stuff you've gathered together and if they want to dispose of it that's fine by you?

@BlueSummerBaby That’s a good suggestion, thanks. My DD can take dgc’s outgrown clothes or toys to sell or donate. I get bogged down in sentimental stuff like artwork or old primary school news jotters.

with sentimental stuff I just keep a fraction of it, eg pick the best/cutest eg one project book from each year, or just take the best bits out, or take photos of artwork if it’s big. I don’t sweat the small pieces of paper. If you have space you don’t have to be completely draconian with yourself if your heart wants to have some things as memories I think. But just have a sensible amount of this kind of stuff.

things like toys can go on to someone else and be used which is better for the planet than lots of new things being made - that thought helps me let go!

I recommend keeping a scrapbook too overwhelmed. Take photos of things, print them out and stick them in the scrapbook. Make little notes in there, decorate it if you want. Then get rid of the actual items. A scrapbook takes up far less space. I've even got rid of some scrapbooks because over time I've come to realise I don't need those photos of things any more, I've let go and can let go of the pictures too. So don't feel weird if you end up making a scrapbook of photos of your DC favourite primary school art or something else that someone wouldn't usually make a scrapbook for. It doesn't matter. It helps you, so it's an exercise in self-care.

If you can though, I'd hand those artworks over to whoever did them and let them choose to dispose of them. I know they don't want all this stuff but if you explain then hopefully, since these people are family, they'll be happy to take it all to help you out.

I know it's mildly annoying for them if they end up taking a trip to the tip because it's too much for their bin. But with most of these people, if you asked them to do a tip run to help you declutter your hoard so they don't get lumbered with it after your death one day, they'd be happy to help. It's all in how you frame it mentally.

I've never met anyone who says "oh good, now [insert relative here] has died, I can't wait to tackle their hoard".
Nope.
It's always "oh gosh, the state of their house 😭, they never threw anything away! How am I going to deal with this? 😱"

@BlueSummerBaby thank you - you’re right. I’ve just tackled a hoard and now I’m trying not to have analysis paralysis about my own hoard (which is made worse by the stuff I’ve had to store from hoarding parent’s 😞 because we all ended up having to take stuff to clear the house out).

FiniteSagacity you'll get there. Take a short break then get back to it. I get so frustrated but I keep plodding on and I'm slowly getting there.

I keep noticing things I could store better. The odd thing here and there I can let go of.

I look at new potential purchases now and think "it won't make me happier to own it" and I leave it on the shelf. This is huge. I've accidentally retrained my brain into getting things out instead of bringing them in, plus I now have a better idea of what I actually own because I've gone through it all and usually I already own something similar or that does the same job.

Hi all. I'm struggling again to get motivated to clear clutter. I was making a bit of progress then put all on hold for a promotion interview. Interview was Thursday last week and have this week off as holiday but don't feel very motivated and don't know where to start. Every room needs decluttering and cleaning.

Watching tv until late doesn't help as I sometimes have quite early starts so end up quite sleep deprived. I stopped drinking my lemon tea also after reading the sugar amounts.

I'm hoping to get into a better sleep routine, drink more water and eat less to help get me motivated for housework.

My sleep is a mess too. I'm just working round it. You can make your own lemon tea TalkToTheHand with ordinary tea and a bottle of lemon juice just add a few drops. Cheaper too. Honestly just pick a room and do 5min with a cleaning spray and a cloth, then take a black sack and declutter what you feel able to for another 5min. Set a timer, when it goes off you can take a break if you want. Do one room a day, it's better than nothing. I don't think the pace matters so much as that you keep going. Do you watch YouTube? I watch cleaning channels, hoarder channels and productivity vlogs "how to save a half wasted day" that type of thing and it really helps with motivation. It's better than TV. If you want some recommendations let me know. And fingers crossed 🤞 for the interview!

I got 3 bags full of donations out today to a friend who was doing a charity shop visit. I'd been filling the bags slowly for a few months. Nice to see an empty corner now. Although it won't be for long because I'll start filling it again with the next donations bag.

Pissed off parent signing in.
Driving day.
Drive kid to college.
Drive home.
Drive kid2 to school activity
Drive to ex's to pick up washing.
Drive home put car away.
Drive back to ex's to pick up phone.
Drive kid2 home to fetch coat.
Drive back to ex's.
Drive home.
Try and fail to have a nap.
Drive to college to pick up kid
Drive back to ex's to pick up washing and swap kids.
Drive to football
Drive to Asda
Drive to ex's
Drive home.

Put shopping away .
Get out clean bedding for ds.

Congratulations on getting to the end of sorting parents house FiniteSagacity. Very well done!* That's huge and to be completing it at this time of year is doubly hard on all levels, so not surprised that you're exhausted suffering. Keeping going is important but so is balance. You do need some respite and to be a bit kind to yourself and I agree with BlueSummerBaby* that you will get there.

It's a journey and a process and other than in emergencies we have to go at the pace life allows, not the pace we or others may feel we should, otherwise it just becomes cycles of boom or bust.

BlueSummerBaby I know you're at a frustrating stage and feel it's all plodding along, but you're doing so well! It's really lovely to hear the mindset changes and things put into practice and working. I like the 'it wont make me happier to own it' statement. I've been using 'do you need it?' which of course most of the time I don't, but then i have to accept a certain amount of No I don't, but I know it will make me happy long term, because otherwise life becomes extreme just self controlling. I also question is it just another thing that I will later have to try to get rid off with all the unhappiness that causes.
I think for me going forward, I need to ask myself 'will it on balance, actually make me happier to own it or not? And see how that goes.
Thank you for sparking that idea.

OverwhelmedHoarder Welcome. You're here which is a really good start because embarrassment, shame, isolation, and not being able to talk about what's going on, are our enemies and help keep us trapped in cycles of behavior.
Lots of good advice from people. Keep posting, you don't have to be making progress to post, but by posting and talking, and listing whatever you have achieved, even if it's just an empty bottle into recycling, or an old cloth out or a bit of self understanding, or a why am I stuck over X, you'll be surprised at what can happen.
Unearthing the results of decades of compulsive shopping. Feeling so much relentless guilt. Whether it's compulsive shopping, compulsive acquiring or compulsive keeping, when we reach the stage of trying to properly deal with it we all go through that or similar uncomfortable emotions. I find remembering that many other people right this minute are facing and feeling the same, can help a bit. These feelings are actually conformation of our normality.

Guilt is a relatively useless emotion unless it acts to change our behavior, so that's what I try and do with it. Acknowledge why I feel this way, how I can use this feeling to help myself change, and then forgive myself for what I've done or not done and resolve to move forward because life to short for too much self flagellation.
It took me a long time to add the forgiving myself part, but it turned out to be really important. We live in an often unforgiving world, and certainly for me, others aren't going to forgive (very black and white about things) which means I'm in a constant state of 'in disgrace.' So I forgive myself because all this is hard enough without carrying additional difficult emotions while trying to fix it.

I’ve stopped buying for myself apart from food. I manage to keep on top of holey or stained clothes for the ragbag. Both of those are huge steps forward. Well done.

Thehillsarealive I can confirm back to you that you haven't just been hanging around on MN!😄Well done, all progress is progress. Agree with the follow the energy, and whatever gets done is always a win and better than being frozen and achieving nothing, regardless of what part of the situation's been tackled.

TalkToTheHand Sleep is something I struggle with a lot too. Not feeling motivated to use one's holiday time to declutter and clean is actually a perfectly reasonable response! It has to be done if it's the only time you have, so a big yes to BlueSumerBaby's suggestions. Give yourself permission to not do things perfectly and just go for easy wins. Can I suggest eating differently rather than less? We need calories to keep everything going and energy levels up, even if we're overweight etc.

BlackeyedSusan You left 'drive myself to insanity and back again' off the list.
Sorry, that sounds so relentless, I'm not surprised you're feeling pissed off. Hope today is a better day for you.

Hi all. I got the support coordinator job. Fortunately not many people applied!

I managed to fill half a bag of clothes to take to recycling.

One room per day sounds doable. Going to do kitchen next.

@TalkToTheHand123 Yay! Yay, and yay! well done on all fronts. Let us know how the kitchen goes.

Update: We have gas. Everyone affected now has hot water and heating again. (At some point I'm probably going to have to box in some of the new exposed external gas pipes. Landlord isn't keen to add jobs.)
Builders are temporally out for Christmas. Flat was cobbled back together and handed back to us late yesterday, with surveyor promising we will now be left in peace until Jan 2nd, but they will want everything back out at some point in Jan/Feb, but currently no idea when or which, so could be first week of Jan, last week of Feb or anything in-between. Quite a bit is dependent on the the tenants being evicted, and if they go without any fight or not

Have got most carpet and lino back down, and brought some furniture and lots of boxes back from storage so we can start living more comfortably, but exhausted myself even with help.
Annoyingly despite careful labeling, (some of which have come off!) not all have the right things in them, so going to have to bring a load more and play swapping things out. Hopefully it will result in a few decisions at least.
Even more annoyingly Dc emptied loads of them looking for things and left the contents scattered, so I guess first job of the day is to sort all that out, but I'm coming down heavily with something and struggling to build up my own motivation to keep going, remake us a home (that will have to be removed again) around lots of things like removed cupboard shelving and temporary floors/floorboards stacked in the hall etc, and now produce Christmas, while prepping and making for more paid work in January. (may have secured some for March too) Also need to disassemble something a client doesn't need anymore and reclaim materials, and take to storage.

So basically I need to stop whining and get on with this phase of it, but it'slooking to be a slow start!

Hope you can get straightened out by Christmas Elleherd.

Congratulations 🧡🌟🎊✨🎉🎊✨🎉🌟🧡 on the job TalkToTheHand

BlackEyedSusan that's intense. I hope you can have an easier day today.
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I'm still aquiring things but I'm going for quality over quantity now. It's working out well. Less is coming in. I've just ordered four beauty boxes (yep I'm greedy!) But I checked out all the products first to be sure they're suitable and will get used. I ordered two of one type because it's got a particular product in it that makes it an unbeatable bargain. It's my Christmas present to myself 😸. I bought some new makeup from a brand I've been wanting to try for ages too. That arrived in its own beautiful storage container and has been unpacked and a home found for it on the dresser. I'm all set for the new year now. I particularly like that this stuff is consumables so it'll not be around forever but will be used up and leave the home. This is the sort of decision I'm making to help myself.

I also reorganised things to make space for something I wanted to buy instead of what I've done in the past of buying it then having to find space for it. If I couldn't have moved things around to make space I told myself I wouldn't buy it. So I'm having new ornaments for my windowsill too and the old ones have been successfully relocated. In the past I wouldn't have been able to wait I'd have just bought them regardless. I'm happy to see these improvements in myself.

@BlueSummerBaby you've got yourself which is lovely to read about.
It took me a long time to start on the journey of organizing myself. I suspect because I put so much into organizing 'stuff', so I'm picking up on your post for @OverwhelmedHoarderand anyone else who might be a a very different stage but maybe not see it as a stage, and the light at the end of the tunnel you're finding will also come for them if they keep at it.

I initially and for a long time just had to bar myself from all but supermarkets and food shopping and then only the food section. (which I also bought too much off) It was tbh very miserable, but I had to retrain my impulses and get back some control. It worked. I had to stay out of 'good' charity shops the longest, as they had the most affordable 'I could use that for ...' than everywhere else. I am now able to visit them and generally be far more discerning and mainly buy what I came for, not what else catches my eye.

The Achilles heel was still free stuff, but once I'd regimented myself in one direction it became easier to regiment myself in others. I'm now considerably more in control of what comes in, though have my moments still, and specific weaknesses I'm working on.
Getting things out is still very hard work in progress, many of the things like keep a photo don't work for me, and regardless of applying common sense, the effect is very much of throwing myself away piece by piece, so as I have so much that needs to go, (storage units plural) currently I work on what are easier wins, plus using things up, and developing the courage to wear things that truth be told I feel are too good for me or might cause a second glance.
I accept I'm kicking many of the harder decisions down the road, but hope to have developed more emotional changes and strength to deal with them by then as I'm now working on me for me, instead of everyone else. They will also benefit from it.
I hope some of this stuff is helpful for those who are on very long journeys to overcome situations. For multiple reasons its a particularly difficult time of year for many of us. Keep on keeping on.

Update: Yesterdays slow start didn't pick up much pace, so most of what I needed to achieve yesterday will have to be pushed into today's list. But I did dismantle last clients (large) piece that i was asked to dispose off, and decided to chuck most of the materials instead of storing them.. Always nerve wracking as it represents throwing away potential profits on the next piece of work if I can't replace for free/low cost closer to the time, but relatively common for similar materials to come up as freebies, and it means less storage space taken up at least. Crosses fingers.

Thank you for your honesty, Elleherd, can relate to keeping materials in case useful . Hope you have some good times over Christmas wearing the things that you absolutely sound good enough to wear!!

Reading and re-reading all the posts, and putting suggestions into practice. Starting to feel differently about The Stuff as my perspective is gradually changing.

I can see that some categories are not worth any soace eg school maths jotters, so these are in the recycling. The news jotters are at the opposite end of the scale in emotion, and can stay in a box until I work my way through the rest.

I noticed that I can be sitting and relaxing, then suddenly get up and dispose of an item that I’ve just realised I don’t need anymore. That feels good :-))

Yesterday evening I opened a box to look for embroidery thread, and it was half-empty. Remembered that there’s more thread somewhere upstairs. Turned out there were two more containers of threads and all sorts of sewing items. It’s now on the coffee table to sort out and decide what to keep. Found loose needles which had put me off tidying at first in case I got hurt. Getting it all safe now and will be able to do some mending soon. and the bonus is being able to decide what can go in the ragbag because it’s not worth repairing.

A shoogly table collapsed under a pile of stuff, and that has helped with gaining perspective.

overwhelmed this is thread #8, you can use the search function to bring up all the previous ones if you want to catch earlier discussion about The Stuff. Congratulations on your progress. I get the same with things percolating away in the back of my mind then a random decision coming to me that something isn't needed any more.

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies Thank you. Fingers crosses for a good or at east good enough time over Christmas for everyone.
I'm afraid the riot act got read here yesterday. Everyone including me is very unwell but expecting me to manage everything for everyone, and my patience and ability to do so is wearing thin!

@OverwhelmedHoarder Well done, sorry the table's given you more to do. One of the useful standard bits of advice is put like with like. It really does make it easier to start letting go when you can actually see the surplus.

@BlueSummerBaby Good to hear that's happening for you.

Christmas tree table that was as Overwhelmed put it very "shoogly," got taken apart and rebuilt with new frame supports, and now has a large tree sitting on it.
But going to be quicker to get yet more wire to secure the tree, than find which box it's in. Not good, but...

Struggling to do things in a sensible ordered way due to sickness and availability of others, so have ended up just having to bring loads back and hopefully have brought the right things back to create a comfortable home out of it all for now and then get the rest back into storage, so we aren't in box city over Christmas.

Braved shops and market yesterday and will have to brave them again today, along with doing a big launderette wash and trying to actually decorate the tree, and be ready to chase up unpaid invoices tomorrow, because days are flying by.
Cheap Christmas veg does make me feel more food secure at least.🙄😅

So most of yesterdays list is now today's unfortunately, as turn out to be really ill. Did get the cheap and cheerful Christmas veg first though.