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Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

966 replies

Solo · 27/06/2024 21:18

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

Decluttering Expert: Dana K White of A Slob Comes Clean

Learn more about decluttering expert Dana K. White and her cleaning and organizing blog: A Slob Comes Clean. Author, podcaster, blogger and YouTuber.

https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/about-me/

OP posts:
TalkToTheHand123 · 03/11/2024 09:56

Hi all. I spent about an hour in the kitchen tidying. A little improvement. Bagged up a few bags worth from middle bedroom cupboard, so again not much improvement to notice. It was getting late so didn't do any more. Quite impressed with myself as night time tidying very rarely happens.

My target of being sorted by xmas is becoming very unrealistic, so moving it to summer 2025. I'll keep trying to do as much as I can though.

Elleherd · 04/11/2024 07:46

@Revelatory Do you know when you are moving house and have a time scale or is it still quite abstract?

@TalkToTheHand123 Well done, you are making progress and good changes. Recognizing when something has become unrealistic and instead of beating ourselves up, changing plans to make it actually work a different way or to a different time scale, is in itself progress. It's easy to think that if it doesn't make a visible difference It isn't much, but that's not correct.

Elleherd · 04/11/2024 07:56

Update: Abandoned meeting aunt at hers as she ran so late I ran out of time waiting, though the hot bath was much appreciated, left her lunch to reheat.

Cleaned up worst of the gas boards mud swamp. It's still a mess but should reduce amounts tracked into communal areas. Lots more earth moved into the garden, but still more to go, running a day behind on that, and remains of shed still to be tackled. Fingers crossed the liquid chili peppers may have worked, fence is holding.
Also broke down more rotting fallen tree and reinforced chicken wire fence where it goes over it. Hoping this autumn/winter might break it down enough that I can break it all up next year.

Sorted out chomped up compost bin to a usable state, (of course 🙄I had a spare fit-able hatch and lid!) and discovered next doors dog had been storing it's owners chewed up shoes and washing in the bottom of it! Happily de cluttered those back to their owner the dog! 😈

Got the shelves set up in temporary storage.
Only got one load packed and into storage, and didn't make it to the dump as left unfit to drive after first storage load, but have two more black sacks ready to go. (6 now waiting)

Diverted the plan instead to finish rebuilding low bathroom cupboard (damaged in sewage flood) and get contents of large box of bleach and cleaning products that have been sat in kitchen, up to the bathroom. All ready to go into it but physically couldn't complete it, and had to stop for the evening.
Hurting so much but there's no way round it, and feeling a bit more resolute, but three days of paid work to fit into this week too.
Eat and sleep done, it's rinse and repeat now.

Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies · 04/11/2024 09:28

Wow, Elleherd, sounds really productive even if much of it is tasks unexpectedly thrown at you by life/other creatures

wildfellhall · 04/11/2024 15:05

Can I ask for your advice?

I have cleared out DD's wardrobe of excess and now have about 100 white wire coat hangers. Our tip is closed for weeks to be enlarged so I don't know what yo do with them.

I hate binning metal but do I keep them until the tip opens?

Thanks for any advice - these quandaries slow me to a halt.

Revelatory · 04/11/2024 15:42

wildfellhall · 04/11/2024 15:05

Can I ask for your advice?

I have cleared out DD's wardrobe of excess and now have about 100 white wire coat hangers. Our tip is closed for weeks to be enlarged so I don't know what yo do with them.

I hate binning metal but do I keep them until the tip opens?

Thanks for any advice - these quandaries slow me to a halt.

Advertise them on freecycle .

wildfellhall · 04/11/2024 17:40

Thanks, that's a good suggestion

BlueSummerBaby · 04/11/2024 17:42

You could also put them in your kerbside metal recycling wild, if they don't take them then you know they're not recyclable and can bin them guilt free.

wildfellhall · 04/11/2024 17:52

Our collection doesn't take metal unfortunately.

BlueSummerBaby · 04/11/2024 18:11

Do you have scrap metal vans come round collecting wild? You can leave it out by the entrance of your driveway and they'll take it, if you do.

wildfellhall · 04/11/2024 20:22

Thank you, not that I know of - but when I lived in east London I remember a man coming round the area with a kind of wagon who rang a bell - I think he was called the rag and bone man but he collected metal.

Elleherd · 05/11/2024 04:59

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies Thank you, it was.

@wildfellhall As others have said Freecycle, but there's also WasteNothing, and Gumtree freebies (see Gumtree freebies London, or St Albans or whatever your area is) Generally I put things up on all three.
If you have a local scrap project for artists and makers, they might be interested in them.
The rag and bone men are now mainly small flatbed scrap metal men who sometimes trawl the streets for washing machines, fridges and other scrap metal when there aren't enough industrial lots going. Some are sign written, some not. You can often send them a message you have scrap outside your address and it will magically go, but the scrap value of wire hangers may not bring them out.

Elleherd · 05/11/2024 05:03

Update: managed to meet up with aunt and talk through options including her able to stay put until mid November if needs be, which takes the panic down a bit.

Launderette got done, so everyone sorted for the week.
Moved all boxes indoors from vehicle.

Got all the bleach and cleaning fluids away and into the cupboards. (I'll be working my way through it for a long time.) Still have to make and put on new cupboard doors.

Got most of the rest of the earth moved. Still a few sacks, and some sacks of gravel and stones, and building materials to go. But on target for gas people to have access at the back when they want it.
Few bits packed, before pain stopped play again.

Elleherd · 06/11/2024 07:47

Broken the blooming hoist I've been using to lift sacks of earth onto my lap!
Have to manage to fix that or get it fixed, before I can go any further. I use it indoors to offset disability too, so it's an unexpected priority.

Did get the majority of sacks moved first thankfully, and a few bits from bedroom and kitchen packed up, but feeling very time pressured as court appearance tomorrow morning (praying for a decent judge!) and much needed paid work tomorrow afternoon, Friday and Saturday to fit in around and really struggling physically.

Calls from both gas contractors and surveyor due today, firming up dates for next week. Right now it feels like I can get what the gas contractors need done in time for them, but less sure about being ready for builders to start, packing up so much is actually an untidying first, business.

Aunts flat's drying out's slowed down, but have been lent a bigger dehumidifier, so going over to set that up. (will do anything for a hot bath!) She's finding getting over daily to her cats, quite challenging, but have had to say there's little I can really do until I've got myself in a better position, unless neighbors insurers help.

Keeping on keeping on, and hoping people don't mind me posting so much.

FiniteSagacity · 06/11/2024 09:09

@Elleherd we want to hear from you and think you’re amazing, wishing you luck with sorting the hoist.

I’m quiet only because coming to crunch point with hoarding parent’s house clearance (basically we’ve done the easy stuff and it’s now all the more emotionally charged decisions). Wading through treacle. But its aversion therapy too - really want to get back to my own house and throw everything out I don’t use/wear want any more. One thought provoking find was hoarding parent seemed to have every toothbrush any of us ever used stored for cleaning. I have definitely copied/learned some behaviours that now seem bonkers.

Elleherd · 07/11/2024 04:54

Thank you Finite I sometimes get a bit paranoid that I'm talking too much!
Afraid the only amazing thing is the sheer size of what I've accidentally created.

I'm guilty of recycling toothbrushes for cleaning in crevices too, though I've learnt to limit the number of spares to a couple.
Clearing others homes certainly helped encourage me to see the insanity, but it must be so much harder when it's your parent's. Sympathy with the treacle wading, it is emotionally exhausting.

Got a small amount out the back done and a bit more packing up, but can't fix the hoist without a bigger chain link extractor than I have, so trying to track use of one down is on today's list.

Elleherd · 13/11/2024 09:30

Much of last days have gone on meetings, phone calls, emails, and impact of court case. Original judgement that I'd previously got set aside, now quashed, which is good, but means the case starts again if I can't get an out of court agreement in the meantime.

Aunts situation's looking up hugely. Found a loss assessor who takes on uninsured clients for fires and water leaks! (sadly not sewage ones! I did ask.)
Now know why neighbors Ds thought there would be help and was keen to just get aunt out of there. Neighbors flat's substantially damaged. A wall between neighbors flat and aunts has to be rebuilt and joists have to be investigated.
The costs of her B&B are to be met up to the end of November. Redecorating rebuilt wall and around it will be covered, and there will be some money towards running the humidifier and additional expenses around relocation. Contents wont be covered and carpets are landlords.
(She's also getting a contribution from me towards gas for hot baths and batch cooking, and I did a brief clear up of her garden.)

Situation here's changed for the worse short term, but hopefully for the better long term. A new surveyor's taken over and is doing some project managing which is a relief, but has said the whole flat (and neighbors) needs to be stripped to almost bare bones for four /five days for later next week! 😳 It's to complete a proper schedule of works and plan them out. The latter's good but so much work to enable it, and once again forced to change plans. 🙄

We are being promised a proper schedule of dates, and he's very aware we went through last Christmas in disarray and is assuring us it will be very different. He'll also be partly supervising the building team which is hopeful.

Has also tipped us off that the entire buildings are to be scaffolded, so removal of rear decking and clearing front gardens will come next. 😣

I also have paid work making some large items as a last minute order, to somehow achieve this week as well, and no making space to go to, but money and continuity of employment are both much needed so somehow have to split time and just make it all work.

Gas team's done some work and back next week once they have documented permission to dig a (non essential) trench, and then we can have gas back on.

Most of the damaged shed is cleared, and part of it now down. Most contents reasonably cleaned up, apart from a wood pile.
Another set of shelves with the legs chomped, is waiting to be cut down.
Chilli spray seems to be keeping the dog from eating the fence, but am having to be outside when gas men work as they're very unhappy with its interest in them!

Taken all the rubbish sacks to the dump, other stuff to recycling.
Two more black bags created yesterday and a couple more items for recycling.

A reasonable amount of stuff made it to the unit in readiness for the original plan for this week, but reorganization of what's there, is now needed so that lots more can go, to comply with the instructions for the new plan next week.

Launderette done, and a weeks meals batch cooked at aunts for all of us.
One adult DD finally formally assessed with MS, which is a sad relief after years of being told 'just' POTS and anxiety.

Got repaired hoist back yesterday, and a few more sacks of earth moved.
Very very tired and hurting, but but it comes down to there's a week to do everything that needs to be done and only a few days for some of it, so somehow it has to happen.

I hope others are getting somewhere with whatever you're trying to achieve, big small, simple or complicated!

FiniteSagacity · 13/11/2024 18:21

@Elleherd wishing you strength and admiring your stoic mindset.

We have a deadline too and it’s all go, coordinating others as well as doing but thankfully not all by myself. So I just popped in briefly to wish you strength and say the surveyor sounds like an improvement and gives me hope that things will get easier soon.

BlueSummerBaby · 13/11/2024 18:39

Elleherd ask gas men to report to dog warden, and whatever councils department is for dealing with antisocial dogs. It's not for you to keep the dog off them it's for the dogs owners so maybe them needing it for work will force a better/extra fence to be erected on neighbours side. IME you moaning is seen as you moaning, workmen moaning seems to get people to sit up and take notice. New surveyor sounds good and glad aunt has some helpful progress.

I think I'm stuck now with my own situation unless I want to start doing Marie Kondo type things. Yes I have excesses but unless I'm prepared to get rid of perfectly usable things in near new condition, which I'm not, then it is really all down to using things up/wearing them out now. Sometimes in the process I find something that's actually no good for it's intended purpose but I only know this once I've tried to use it, I can't tell from looking at it or a quick test. All I can do now is to approach it from cracking down further on bringing stuff in, which is the most difficult thing. Oh well, must try harder!

Elleherd · 14/11/2024 07:19

@FiniteSagacity Thank you, though it doesn't feel like there's other options. Also wishing you all you need to get everything done in time, and others to co-operate with co-ordination. Flowers
(Attempts to get others helping here eat up so much time and energy, and then often yield little result. There's understandable resentment on all sides.)

@BlueSummerBaby That's a good idea. though doubt they will. Dog's not actually doing anything beyond barking furiously and staring at them drooling and sometimes growling, but it calms down if I talk to it. Fence line's an ongoing issue as their tree came down a few years back, crushing it, and they managed to later further shift the top end into my garden. Fences are on us, not landlord, though we're required to keep them in good order, or not have them.
The branches are long dealt with and gone but I've had to leave the trunk to rot down, and have heavy chicken wire up over and across the remains. Keeping it adjusted continuously as nature and dog reduce the bulk, meant I wasn't paying attention to the surviving wooden fence paneling behind the shed!

Very "usable things in near new condition" make up a lot of the issues here too. (Quadrupled since loosing business premises.) It is hard when you get to that point. I've not been totally there for many years, and wonder sometimes if some of my tendencies are there to prevent ever getting to those really hard choices...
But the level of the "excesses" is probably more extreme and the instinct to use everything sparingly, especially as it runs low, definitely needs retraining!
I know security, barriers against want, memories, and ability to make, are all strong drivers for me retaining things.
I found (generally) not acquiring more, is easier than disposing of what I have, but others find it the other way round. I wonder if there are keys to what might help people based on such tendencies.
From what you've described you've done well in reclaiming a lot of your living space and hopefully are able to lay your hands on everything more easily.

Elleherd · 14/11/2024 07:31

Stupid time consuming argument with landlord over getting paperwork for gas people stole most of the morning, then made the mistake of trying to do more with the wood pile in shed remains, as needed some of it and it was a bright day. Got stuck into a lot of sorting and clearing up which is ultimately needed, with the intention of then doing a load of packing in the evening, but hit pain and exhaustion threshold earlier than expected, and couldn't finish well enough to just safely leave things, let alone then go round packing up. It means doing a lot more today outside and inside, but not making the same mistake.
Some good work achieved and another black sack to go, but wrong target!

TalkToTheHand123 · 16/11/2024 23:54

Hi all. Washed some bedding today and a little general tidying. Not much progress but at least I haven't gone a few days without doing any which is what I often do.

Elleherd · 17/11/2024 05:43

Well done, @TalkToTheHand123 it all helps, but thats more than "at least."
Be pleased with yourself with the building up of whatever habits are needed to reclaim control over situations, because those are really good progress.
They remove the need for bigger work.

Update: Shifted all but six bags of earth out back. The six need re bagging but gas men could probably work round them. Got more boxes to storage and more ready to go. Was hoping for some help this weekend, but looking unlikely.

Struggling to manage paid work and pack and clear home in time. Getting very worried at this point. Working hard every, and mainly all, day, but just not managing to get enough done fast enough.

Today I have to finish a paid work project for tomorrow morning delivery.
Going to get some packing/moving done before, and hopefully after it, and get laundry and cooking done tomorrow, alongside a mega packing moving busting effort.

I'm getting better at throwing things away than previously. Nowhere near what's needed yet, but some definite progress in that department, vital for bigger plan.

Elleherd · 21/11/2024 06:50

It's D day here, they're coming later, ready or not. I should be running around like a mad thing but I still have some paid work to be finished off before it gets put in a cab later, and have to clear up and pack up from that too, and tbh I have pretty much given up trying to make the situation any closer to what they want than it is.

It isn't exactly what they wanted for the start date, which was virtually nothing here, so most cupboards, wardrobes and drawers are still mainly full of stuff, 🙄but all the many shelves are empty, many removed entirely, most furniture can be easily moved around, but carpets and lino are still down and contractors will have to help me with them.
There are boxes and boxes of books that I realized too late I packed exhausted and now can't lift so will have to be split up into ones I can move, and there are stacks of empty boxes waiting for whats in the cupboards drawers and wardrobes to be decanted into them. But all rooms are otherwise empty.
I'm beyond exhausted physically and mentally, haven't been able to sleep properly for forever, and can't function properly tbh.
I'm having a well earned breakfast and some time for myself and trying to remember what normal is supposed to be, before working out what to try and accomplish in the last few hours before they come and start and we find out how long this is likely to go on for.

Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies · 21/11/2024 07:50

sounds so tough, you’ve moved mountains maybe literally and metaphorically. Hope today goes as smoothly as it can 🌺

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