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This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

824 replies

HillsBesideTheSea · 31/12/2021 16:54

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

  1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)
  1. Goals vs system.
We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.
  1. You are never behind.
You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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YesIReallyHave · 02/01/2022 19:21

Welcome everyone

Tada
Everything on the list

CorsicaDreaming · 02/01/2022 19:24

I have been hooked by the discussion of shiny sinks!

@ExtremelyDetermined - especially loved the pic of your shiny sink! Can I ask what your sink surround is made of ? Currently dreaming of / planning new shiny kitchen - and your worktop is exactly what I've been looking for, I think 😆

HillsBesideTheSea · 02/01/2022 19:32

I am going to post the links early tonight. My sink is not shiny, i never got dressed, and i am totally ignoring the step target I had. I am already ready for sleep so I am going to just go with it.

Welcome to the new folks who have joined us. Forgive me for no more personals. I am barely able to keep my eyes open and very grateful I drafted the links earlier when I was inspired to.

OP posts:
HillsBesideTheSea · 02/01/2022 19:34

3rd January: Do what you have been doing.

Thought point You can not fail with Flylady, because you are building a habit. And to build that habit you are learning to do a thing consistently. NOT perfectly every day. Even the family fun days/home bleurgh etc are a habit to be built into the routine.

Habits are not things that you do perfectly from the beginning. Habits are things that you do consistently. They are built by doing a task repetitively, but in the process of building a habit, you are building the consistency of a task. There will be days that you fail, it doesn't matter it is not about being perfect it is about building consistency.
The first week you might do the thing twice or thrice, the second week 3 or 4 times, 3rd week might look the same as the 2nd, 4th week you might get it done5 or six times because you looked and on one day there are things that make it hard that you find a way to work around, by week 5 you may be up to getting it done every day. You might be able to do this consistently until week 12 when the dog throws up, the kids have a fight and life just gets in the way. It's ok. you haven't failed. Just go back to doing that task consistently.

And that is how habits are formed.

So why do we want habits? Well habits are things we do without thinking. Most of us are the “family brain” our brains are so full of what we have to do for ourselves, our kids, our partners, a lot of us also our parents. We have to coordinate schedules, activities, remember things, pay attention to the things we never knew we didn’t need to know until our little darling offspring decides to educate us on them. Our brains are full and tired. Habits are a way of reducing the workload on brains.

example. When I go into the cupboard to make a cup of coffee I don’t think about it, I just do it. I grab a cup, a spoon, the coffee jar etc. How do I know that it is a habit I do almost by rote? Try moving the cupboard one of those things lives in, or switching from coffee to decaff/tea. You will catch yourself reaching for the wrong thing/place.

So if it becomes habit – whilst the kettle boils I do the pots. Then I will eventually find myself stood at the sink doing the pots because that is the habit and I don’t have to think about it, it is just what happens. It becomes an SOP (standard operating procedure).

So why do we want to build habits and put the work in to consistency? Because actually it makes the workload on our brains less. It helps us to feel less drained trying to figure out basic stuff, and gives more brain space/energy for the things that we do need to think about.

Daily Focus - Monday is home bleurgh day. Let’s be honest we all think that she is pretty delusional to conclude this is a 1 hour activity. And some of us will spread it out over a week fitting the tasks in where they fit. That is ok. It is called personalisation, adapting to meet your needs. We actively encourage it. The key point is these things get done, and get done regularly. (Again building up that habit/routine).

The Zone we are in Zone 1 for Monday only (the porch, hall, dining room), and zone 2 for the rest of the week (kitchen)

The launch pad with the other links is here

OP posts:
BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 19:59

Thanks so much hills you get your rest. I was in PJs all yesterday ⭐

And you are entirely right about the home bleurgh 'hour' - whatever planet she's on an hour must be 120 minutes ( and I've customised my home bleurgh to include quick bathroom cleans)

frankiefirstyear · 02/01/2022 20:11

Thank you for the welcomes.

Really loved the self soothe/care chat as it resonates with me. Some of the soothing (dressed up like self care) things friends urge me to do actually just create more things to do 😅 I find list making so helpful to me, yet that task has never been suggested as a self care activity 🤭.

I love how a lot of you are aware of your pit falls. Today I have tried to be more aware of mine and the one job that seems endless is the recycling! It's at full throttle atm due to still unboxing Christmas gifts but I'm in and out the house several times a day. So even though I'm trying to do a no spend I actually do think I need to invest in a multi section bin - does anyone have and love one?

Thank you for the dailies, for the first time in ages I have shined my sink and put away the dishes (usually do it at breakfast) I've also prepped breakfast boxes for the next 10 days for my dc so it's a grab and go sitch in the morning 😁 food is also a really big stressor for me so any time/faff saving ideas help so much.

Readytostartagain · 02/01/2022 20:23

Shined my sink yesterday and got the kitchen clean and to its normal level of clutter rather than the post Christmas boo site it has been. Didn’t get anything done today apart from some laundry but had a trip to a museum so taking that as my spiritual replenishment. Know I won’t get the home bleurgh all done tomorrow but need to take the tree down so I can I reclaim the living room from Christmas stuff

YesIReallyHave · 02/01/2022 20:44

Thanks for that hills. I find it very calming to read the thought points.

I like anything that makes the brain work less on mundane things so we have the energy/brain power to concentrate on the important stuff. Routines are obviously great for that. Along with this is reducing your choices? Eg. my morning routine consists of eating the same breakfast every single day. I also wear the same type of clothes every day (eg I have the same style top in various shades of the same colour) whether at work or not. Don't have to think about it. Reducing choices is good for the brain.

SingToTheSky · 02/01/2022 21:09

Welcome new fledglings! 🥰🥳

Had a nice evening doing escape room puzzles with DH and DS. Must get moving now though.

po3.3
❗️Put fresh bedding on - will need help with the fitted sheets!
❗️Edit tesco order with shopping list
❗️Listen to audiobook

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 21:20

I am planning an epic home bleurgh for Monday - not my normal home bleurgh at all. Post Christmas straighten.

And I need plants. I have 7 lovely plant pots awaiting plants.

The windows will be opened. And the understairs clean has commenced.

StillUp · 02/01/2022 21:22

Welcome newbies

Thanks for the links Hills, hope you get your rest . That’s a really good point about habits. I always feel like I’ve failed if I don’t achieve whatever new habit I’m trying to create every day, but the whole aim is to create the habit, not suddenly acquire it.

Love the new name Bean.

I’ve concentrated on self care today - taken all my pain killers on time, tried to move about regularly, done my post-section exercises, napped, eaten plenty of veg and chocolate. We had a few family members visiting, which was nice. DH has done everything again, although I did help by putting away a bit of clean laundry. I also did some reading and maths with DD ready for going back to school, and ordered myself a beautiful new undated planner that I spied on Facebook. I’m pretty sure I have a similar one with a few months to use up but ordered this ready for when that is finished before I lost the website.

We are now all in bed with two sleeping children 🙌🏻 Going to get some sleep in now before the little one starts her feeding marathon. May be back in the middle of the night Grin.

Hope Red has had a good new year, don’t think she’s appeared on the thread yet.

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 21:31

It's pronounced Ban On Tay ❤️

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 21:33

Glad to hear things are going well Still and that you have sleepers. Big wave to Red 🍒👋

Shannaratiger · 02/01/2022 21:47

Zoo The book is 'Mindfulness for Beginners' by Graham Cann.
Haven't done much today because my knee has decided to start really hurting again.

Ta Da
Christmas decorations away
Kids Christmas duvets put on.
Dd's Christmas duvet removed after 10 minutes because it's different material and she doesn't like the feel of it, joys of buying fabric for autistic people and me not checking the material properly! she loved the look of it though! Hmm

Hopefully will get more done tomorrow
have a good evening everyone.

Mc3209 · 02/01/2022 22:07

Frankie I'd love a multisection bin too. At the moment I have a reusable bag for recycling next to normal kitchen bin, but that gets full a bit too fast and then it's the frustrating circus of who can add one more item to it without it all toppling over.

Bean I am planning a massive home bleugh tomorrow too.

Still two sleeping children - that's a win!

Mc3209 · 02/01/2022 22:08

*I mean the recycling gets full fast. I don't play leaning towers with kitchen bin, that would be over the line gross 🤣

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 22:39

I don't know if you are familiar with the game Buckaroo MC but that's what I thought of!

ExtremelyDetermined · 02/01/2022 23:48

Mc - we decided against a multi-section bin having used them in holiday homes, someone always jams in too much cardboard so the whole lot gets stuck. We have a freestanding normal bin and a reusable bag for the recycling under the sink. It does overflow a bit sometimes but at least it's hidden away.

@CorsicaDreaming - the kitchen worktop is quartz, specifically BQS Rapture. We had it fitted last summer (total kitchen refurb). Our old kitchen was falling to pieces and badly laid out so we are very happy to have a new one now but it took a lot of planning.

Self-care vs self-soothing. Totally agree, self-soothing is often just distraction / procrastination. While it has its uses for calming down a racing mind, it doesn't address the root cause. Which self-care can do. My example, a couple of months after submitting my tax return last year I realised I had made a mistake and almost certainly owed some tax. I had the paperwork but wasn't sure how to sort it so put it to the back of my mind for a few months where it festered away. One day I just got out the laptop, logged onto HMRC, checked MoneySavingExpert for advice and it was all done in an hour, could have saved myself months of niggly worry if I had done it straight away.

Also, similar but not the same. They say if you are anxious, it helps to talk. Well it certainly does for me, but not if I proceed to talk too much about how anxious I am and what is making me anxious, it can make it worse. Even more so if the person I am talking to is also anxious, I have a dear friend and I realised this was happening and I sometimes felt worse after seeing her not better. Now when we chat it might get mentioned, that's fine but we don't get into the competitive anxiety cycle just reassure each other and move onto general chat (I told her my theory and she agreed).

Anyway, should be in bed by now. Night all.

SingToTheSky · 03/01/2022 00:08

ta da
🦥shower
🦥reading/audiobook
🦥booked covid booster for me and first jabs for Caglets
🦥stripped beds
🦥bedding LOLs
🦥maths for spirit renewal
🦥Tesco order
🦥family fun - escape room with DH, DS and even Cagletini!
🦥DLMS with frustrating situation via messenger

Shannara I hear you on the difficulties of fabric textures!

SingToTheSky · 03/01/2022 00:09

Plan for tomorrow - volunteer call, more bedding washes and other laundry, and I must write the week up on the planner as I didn’t get round to it today.

Ladyrattles · 03/01/2022 00:22

I felt so motivated reading everyone's posts. As well as doing the bathroom sink & mirror, I polished the wardrobe doors & did our bedroom window. Tomorrow I'm braving leaving the house to get some refills for bathroom supplies.

ExtremelyDetermined · 03/01/2022 00:27

I shined the sink properly before bed, with barkeepers friend because a cast iron dish had left some marks. Also got upstairs and remembered we had stripped the beds and washed the bedding today so the bed needed remaking, as luck would have it I washed the mattress and pillow protectors as well as the outer layers today (do the protectors every other time usually), so that took ages but I'm now tucked up in a fresh and cozy bed with my cat on my lap.

Redsquirrel5 · 03/01/2022 00:28

Happy New Year

Congratulations Up so glad it all went well and you are home with your new squidgy daughter. How is Dd1? Glad you are getting some sleep and hope you aren’t too sore.

Welcome all the newbies. Goodness what a lot this year. Look forward to hearing about you.

Thank you for December thread leading.
Thank you Hills for stepping up and I am liking your new style. It is interesting to read so many are stumbling with the clothes putting away. Me too. When I went to work I could afford to buy myself some clothes. I found going to Sainsbury’s after work when I was tired was often a danger zone. So occasionally bought something ( for work) as reasonable, washable and not too pricey which meant if it got glue on it or snipped ( happened twice😖) then it wasn’t a disaster. I probably need to weed them out. I have decluttered some last year but need to do another. I also have clothes that are too small and I don’t want to get rid of them. One is a beautiful Laura Ashley suit. I wore it to a works Christmas party when we used to go to very lovely restaurants. I would love to get back into it but have also been in the biscuit tin too much over Christmas.

My sink is shiny. DH washes up but fails to clean the sink. It annoys me. He also pours the tea dregs down and doesn’t rinse so it gets tea stains.

I haven’t done much today we are isolating. Had very bad headaches ( I get migraine)on Friday /Saturday and a local came on New Year’s Eve to see why we weren’t in the pub. We had been missed.😁 He told us that he had Covid over Christmas. We suspect we might have it. However LFT are negative so far. Heard someone had three negatives then a positive. We have both been very tired and napping in the day. I usually only nap for 10-15 mins but DH can do an hour and a half. He has been having two day time naps. He never gets ill. He had his booster but I haven’t. Confusion as I still have stomach ache. Quite a lot of people have had covid in the village. Last year there (2020 I mean) only three but in November /December I think we are in double figures. We had collected the beef so had roast beef with Yorkshire’s both ordinary and Dairy Free 👏🏼yeah me.Thank you Mary Berry. I used oat milk this time and they rose more, so worth a try for those DC who are dairy free. I also substituted and made Sticky Toffee Pudding. DF sauce with oat cream for me and made DH some with cream. I haven’t touched my gin and only had only glass of wine since Christmas.

The wind is really getting up now and we are forecast snow on Tuesday. Need to get in greenhouse and sort some pots as the primroses have done well in their holding bed under the blackcurrants and are flowering now. They need to go in the pots with the violas. My arch arrived in time and I had lights along the wall and over the arch. It is just one strand but actually looks rather pretty. Next door have cluster lights and lots of them. I refuse to pay £50 for them.
Lots of you have the decs down but mine stay up until Twelfth Night. I plan a good clean then. As I changed the sheets on Friday I won’t be doing beds. DH sees to his own. I plan to blitz the kitchen this week.
Wash glasses in dresser. Clean cutlery drawer. Then start doing cupboards.
I did worktops last week and polished them. ED I do like your worktop.
Did The New Year meal go as well as Christmas? Lots of pics on the Everhot discussion groups I love seeing everyone’s kitchens. It is like a glossy magazine of kitchens 😂
I feel a bit sad that Christmas is nearly over. I was a bit weepy about DD a few times. Luckily not when I saw her. I don’t know what happens when their Visa runs out. They are applying for Australian ones now in the hope they can move. I found some photos on DHs phone that he hadn’t shown me. Bit mean!

Sorry for the epic post.

Redsquirrel5 · 03/01/2022 00:34

Sorry forgot to add a big welcome back to those who have been here before.🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒😁🍒

Stilllivinginazoo · 03/01/2022 06:49

Welcome newbies
Hope you remain ok red(extra naps are never a bad thing)

I've had less than three hours sleep again and am totally fed up with it.i am exhausted,I go to sleep in a flash.i wake up after 2 or three hours.sometimes I have couple mini naps after that(5-15 mins)and that's my lot☹️

Kitchens a tip.i don't have enough cupboard space so lots things on sides.

scout cats been fighting again and had swollen ear that then burst abscess..I need examine EVERYTHING on sides for any unsavoury fluids as last time he shock head and I ended up throwing away a granite pestle and mortar streaked with pus

I'm not sure a very tired brain will be a calm capable one,but oh well ..

I've assigned all zoolets hygiene rules and minimal daily chores