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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

824 replies

HillsBesideTheSea · 31/12/2021 16:54

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

  1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)
  1. Goals vs system.
We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.
  1. You are never behind.
You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
friedeggandsauce · 01/01/2022 11:59

@HillsBesideTheSea I'll be interested to hear about the shoes on, I grew up in a non shoe house and I just feel bad with shoes on (I also think it will make more work for me cleaning my floors!!). As we know from mumsnet this is a very contentious issue and definitely not one for this thread 🤣

@HalfHolly we had a big clean yesterday as we had friends over, now need to keep on top of it (hence why I'm here!)

I think it's got worse since we've had dogs- dust and hair everywhere

YesIReallyHave · 01/01/2022 12:05

Hi everyone. I'm back again. Don't know how long for but hey ho, will keep on trying.

Thanks hills for the thread.

Today is sort my shit out day as much I am able. I got quite poorly and still lacking in energy somewhat. To do:

Put wash on
Clean bathroom
Have shower
Make lunch
Supervise DS' physics revision (my poor brain)
Visit parents
Make dinner

Family fun day=watch Hunger Games with DS who has just finished the book.

Ta-da
Supervised DS to make sure he did his self care. He's a bright shiny boy now with clean hair, short nails, brushed teeth, fresh clothes.

IWasWillingToGoWassailing · 01/01/2022 12:55

Hello Yes, good to see you! Glad to hear DS is all bright and shiny, I need to push DS3 in a similar direction.

Welcome @TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER and @friedeggandsauce. Pull up a pew and get stuck in! I agree with Hills, a) don't sign up for the emails, you'll drown and b) this is as much about building systems as building habits.

I had a blinding flash of revelation a couple of days ago when I was in the kitchen. I've kept hand cream by the sink for years, because my Mum does. Then it struck me, as I tidied around it again, that when I wash my hands in the kitchen it's almost entirely for food prep purposes, so why would I use handcream? We have a dishwasher and I wear gloves for pot washing. So I moved it to the cloakroom and now use it every day. My system is now supporting my habit, and my hands are less dry.

Now, if only I could do that for the rest of my stuff...

Stilllivinginazoo · 01/01/2022 13:07

wassailbaby steps...
Fried/letter welcome
ZireaelI have a hand version for the stairs as there a 4long haired humans who seem to shed everywhere and 3cats and my stair carpet could make a hoover brush snap.its my one true love in the cleaning up battle. In am both delighted and disgusted by what's on the stairs still post hoover!!

Well we were going for a long walk with dd2 and D's taking cameras but pelted down before we got top our street so we abandoned that idea

I've been formulating plans for chore charts,what needs doing/buying around the house and how I'm going to start taking better care of me
Think the hot water may be added.quitw like sings ginger suggestion.

merryhouse · 01/01/2022 13:23

friedegg I discovered, way back in 2006 when I first met Flylady, that for me the shoes thing is a hindrance. I totally get her reasoning, and I make sure I'm ready to go outside apart from that (well, I do when I'm actually following the system...), but a couple of weeks' experimenting confirmed that I cannot settle to housework while wearing shoes.

So now whenever it says "get dressed to shoes" I quietly remind myself of why it says that and why I don't, and consider my duty done.

My housework block is Method Of Disposal. From my seat at the dining table I can see three different sets of things that have In Principle been decluttered but are still in the house because I can't find, or haven't delivered it to, a non-rubbish end point.

There is also (partially related) Dependent On Outside Contact. I am not good at making phone calls where I have to explain things (I can nowadays just about cope with ringing someone whose task is to do X, Y and Z and saying please do Y for me) so anything involving that in any way shape or form will sit about for ages. Frequently to the point where I have to make an explaining phone call simply to achieve the original call.

TaDa
made a non-alcoholic drink from Tesco summer magazine - basically syrup from frozen blackberries and elderflower cordial. It was supposed to have juniper berries but turns out we decluttered the last of those into a duck so I put the last of the old allspice in instead
persuaded H to stay up past 12 to keep S2 company, given that his planned party was cancelled that morning when The Girlfriend's dad tested positive Xmas Sad. Not that we were actually in his company in more than spirit, but it's the principle of the thing. He Zoomed the Girlfriend upstairs while we watched Last Leg and a bit of Hootenanny
bit of a headache this morning ffs might as well have got sloshed
did some ironing
put a wash on (had never heard that superstition before last year)

ToDo
hang the washing when it finishes in a few moments
wash up
chop and freeze the reduced mushrooms and peppers
make cauliflower cheese
H has just started making biscuits, so won't continue with ironing at least for now (shame)

YesIReallyHave · 01/01/2022 13:51

Can I say that my block is housework? 😊

I think more precisely it's motivation or the willingness to do it. I really resent doing it. It comes from having grown up in a traditional family where girls/women did all the work and I saw my brothers not lift a finger. On the flip side, I get a real sense of well-being from a clean and tidy place but the initial impetus to get moving is just not there.

Mc3209 · 01/01/2022 13:55

Happy New Year, peoples!
We are definitely a no shoes indoors household, and there is no way I'm switching. I just gloss over that bit of Fly.

My main sticking point is also folding dry laundry and putting it away. I normally empty the baskets into DS' cot (he doesn't sleep there, just plays sometimes) and then it stays there, and I pick bits out of it. Not good. So that's something to work on.

My lovely cleaner is on leave for next few weeks, so I need to fend completely for myself on the housework front 😬 Planning to do a big clean before I am back from my annual leave and keep it up. There is to hopeful thinking!

Oh and I love love LOVE rubber broom. Massive fan.

SingToTheSky · 01/01/2022 14:14

We very often had Cagletini’s Cot of Clothes mc :o

DH is off to asda shortly, dragging the boys who stayed up insanely late and need fresh air, and also taking Cagletini so I can have some peace and quiet for a bit!

po3.3
❗️Eat and drink something. Note the lack of “decent” proviso - it’ll likely be leftover party food!
❗️Look up exhibition/museum info for possible London trip
❗️Put clothes away (that doesn’t count as laundry I think since it’s washing away the good luck… this was washed last year :o)

HillsBesideTheSea · 01/01/2022 15:31

ta da
scour fleece locks and set to dry
finish the cleaning of the washing machine
Sort my candle draw
deal with expectations of others and set boundaries
review my bullet journal and to do list
take my inhaler and morning vitamins (yay me I remembered! this is not my normal Blush )
Get dressed including hair up - it was an effort not going to lie
declutter the magic kit draw (going to be honest this should have happened a while ago but i am a mean mum and it was on Ds' to do list - he said it need to go as missing half the bits. Today was the day i finally had time to action it) Blush
Start seeing all the component tasks of the "simple tasks" that I have been avoiding and consider the best way to remove blockages.
Avoid urge to go to garden centre and buy plants - very impressive this one Wink

OP posts:
Shannaratiger · 01/01/2022 16:19

Afternoon all

Ta Da

Washed up, dried and put away breakfast/ lunch stuff - usually leave it all for the evening.
Clothes Washed and Dried, Folded and Put Away.
Collected and set up new stereo - Alice Cooper can again be blasted from the kitchen!

Tea on, roast potatoes and gammon

Hope everyone has had a lovely New Years Day.

foxessocks · 01/01/2022 16:21

Well I haven't shined my sink but we have taken the Xmas Dec's down and dh made a nice roast dinner. Also popped to the shops with the kids for a few bits we needed.

My main focus needs to be decluttering as its crept up on me again.

IWasWillingToGoWassailing · 01/01/2022 16:35

Excellent stuff there, Hills and pleased to hear Alice is on your playlist Shannara - new or old stuff? He has been one of my complete obsessions favourite artists for over 30 years quite a while now.

Ta da:
❤️ Discussed financial stuff with DH. Have long list of things to look into.
🧡 Bath and dressed for me
💛 Two actual meals involving fruit and veg so far today, instead of endless grazing
💚 15 minute walk to blow the cobwebs away and start to rebuild stamina
💙 Saw DSis on doorstep
💜 Put gammon on to boil and keep skimming it
❤️ Make delicious ginger chai rooibos tea that my DSis gave me
🧡 Put LOL on (sorry)
💛 Put 3 other LOLs away as that is definitely the sticking point.

IWasWillingToGoWassailing · 01/01/2022 16:38

I think decluttering creeps up on everyone post- Christmas, foxes, no matter how prepared you think you are before hand.

SingToTheSky · 01/01/2022 18:09

po3.4
❗️Ring dad to discuss possible dates for Hokusai exhibition!
❗️Report income/expenses for December on UC site
❗️Arrange next volunteer call

YesIReallyHave · 01/01/2022 20:04

Got everything done on my list. Shining sink soon.

ExtremelyDetermined · 01/01/2022 22:46

I have sorted out with DS the drawerful of card games I mentioned yesterday. About half will go to charity shop, 3 or 4 will be kept and the rest had missing cards and got chucked onto a bookshelf while I think about what to do with them. The drawer needs dusting next and then I can refill it with something else.

Finally fixed the Sky Go mini box! Not sure if I have mentioned this previously but DH and I have been tearing our hair out with this for the last few weeks. It's in our bedroom and keeps dropping the connection to the point of being unusable. I was reconnecting it again tonight when I had a brainwave, fetched the wifi extender disc in from the landing, found it had an ethernet socket, plugged it in next to the telly and connected the Skt box to it with a cable. Hallelujah!

Three loads of laundry (I know but I don't do superstition and I only found out about this particular one on here a year or two back).

Tabletted cat twice - complicated, she's on antibiotics and steroids and she's so tiny she has to have half of one once a day and 3/4 of the other twice a day.

Decorations all still up - might start taking a few down tomorrow.

Homemade pizza for dinner.

Wassail - I have handcream by the kitchen sink too, I do use it if I'm washing my hands after a non-cooking job (feeding cats, sorting litter trays etc). Also it's a pretty blue pump dispenser and looks nice with the colour scheme. But I totally agree with it not getting used much because most hand-washing there is as part of cooking / food prep.

HillsBesideTheSea · 01/01/2022 23:15

2nd Jan - the babystep that needs renaming here

Ok so it has been a long discussed amongst the fledglings wrt shoes. Ignore the shoes and read the rest of what fly lady says. Be dressed with make up and hair so that no matter who comes to the door, or what ever situation happens you are dressed ready to deal with it. - Well that makes sense.
Getting dressed straight away can motivate you to not slob about and actually get stuff done - Ok there is some logic to this, but if you have a chronic illness/depression/etc etc and you only have enough energy to do a few things OR get some bits done; I am going to be honest I am going to do the some bits and slob about. However there is a logic.
Shoes in the house? yeah, lol and no. She clearly hasn't considered the hygiene aspect of outside shoes in the house, does not have children that get muddy and you don't want to trek it all over the place etc etc etc etc. You want to wear shoes in the house. Go for it. If it helps you, makes you happy; there is not one person on this thread that will judge you for it. But it is not the main point of this baby step, and the rest of us are going to ignore the shoes component.

So babystep 2 - get dressed ready to tackle the day

Sunday is renew your spirit day

In the past we have had a number of discussions about how self care can be writing that difficult email, booking that smear appointment add going to it , and not just take a bath and burn a candle. It is an important discussion and the start of the thinking point for the day.

The thinking point is the difference between self soothe and self care. The commercial approach/instagram/social media approach to self care has a strong tendancy to Self soothe rather than actually being self care. So what is the difference?

Technically the difference is the difference between self care and self soothe is that one addresses your needs, the other makes you forget your needs/concerns.

Example. You go out to coffee with a friend for a catch up. Now if you have financial worries, this would be a soothe activity. But if you are feeling isolated and lonely this would be a self care activity.
If you are worrying about sending an email, taking a long hot bath with a book is soothing you, but not actually taking an action to remove the stress which would be to take the time to send the email and get it off your mind/to do list.
Sometimes we need to prioritise our rest with a nap, rather than to pop on a face mask and paint our nails. Sometimes we need to feel like we are focusing on making ourselves feel pampered and that is the priority.

I am not going to say that self soothe is wrong, I am going to say that being mindful of whether we are self soothing to avoid self care may be helpful to consider.

Hopefully you are following what I am trying to say. because the point to ponder today is that when you choose your renew your spirit task for your Sunday focus, are you choosing a self care or a self soothe activity?

But what every you choose. Try to make time to renew your spirit. You CANNOT pour from an empty cup. And it really is the oxygen mask principle - sort yourself first so you can properly help others.

Launch pad with the other links

OP posts:
Stilllivinginazoo · 02/01/2022 04:26

Interesting point in self soothe Vs self care hills
I am with you on dressed to shoes concept having fought often the exhaustion of depression.i opt do what I can rather than waste precious energy getting ready for the day then being too tired achieve anything else!

HazelNuttyElf · 02/01/2022 07:17

Interesting points hills about self care vs self soothe. I never would have thought sending a difficult email as self care, but you're right, if thinking about it and putting it off is causing you stress or worry, send the email to stop the stressing and worrying! That makes total sense.
Thank you!

Ta Das Saturday
🥂 2 LOLs done (I'm not superstitious either)
🥂 started writing in budget planner, will sit down with DH to go over actual budget and numbers
🥂 baked rolls for dinner tonight
🥂 made ranch dip for dinner tonight then left it at home in the fridge
🥂 Skyped mum
🥂 went to ILs for dinner, I brought dessert & rolls

We had a lovely quiet new years eve. We had fondue, decorated gingerbread houses & played dominoes & jenga. We went to bed shortly after midnight.
I'm falling asleep as I type so best go to sleep. Night all 😴 💤

Stilllivinginazoo · 02/01/2022 07:25

Night hazel

Giving up trying to sleep..
Might try get a nap in later

Shannaratiger · 02/01/2022 08:29

Morning all

Good point hills, I'm reading a book on Mindfulness at the moment which is really helping with my memory and therefore reducing my stress and anxiety.

Back later when I've thought of my to do list.

Stilllivinginazoo · 02/01/2022 08:43

What's the book called shannara

YesIReallyHave · 02/01/2022 09:46

Thanks for the thought point hills. Very interesting. Would you say self soothing is almost like a diversionary tactic?

We are definitely a shoes off house here.

Ta-da
Wash put away
Wash on
Breakfast in bed for DP

To-do
Another load
Sort out finance 💷
Sew up a rip on DS cuddly🧵
Tidy kitchen
Make lunch and dinner

Renew spirit: Read a book about health (How to Live by Robert Thomas)
Self Care: take vitamin D (make it a habit)

SingToTheSky · 02/01/2022 10:00

Morning everyone!
I’m just dropping yesterday’s short list as I’m determined to keep going with my aim of reading before getting stuck on my phone for ages.

yes ta da
🎉shower/hair wash
🎉reading
🎉listed aims for January
🎉filled in new diary
🎉laundry away

Zireael · 02/01/2022 11:01

I have to take a few different medications and I used to forget whether I had taken them or not each day. So i bought a weekly dossett box and I refill it on a Sunday evening. This is definitely a self-care thing for me.