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This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

824 replies

HillsBesideTheSea · 31/12/2021 16:54

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

  1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)
  1. Goals vs system.
We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.
  1. You are never behind.
You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

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StillUp · 02/01/2022 11:24

Morning! We are a shoes off house here although I’ve found dressed to slipper boots works for me.

Zireael I remember that thread and also love my rubber brush. It’s amazing for cat hair. The electric candle lighter was also a good purchase after reading it as I now actually light them. It has a particular home too so no more do we have the scramble for a lighter for birthday candles.

Definitely agree with the self soothe vs self care stuff Hills. This morning I renewed my spirit with a shower, getting dressed and doing my hair, and then sorting out clean v dirty laundry for myself and MiniUp. Not exactly pampering but I feel sooo much better for it.

Welcome to Friedegg and Letter, and good to have you back Yes.

DH has the laundry basket under control, he’s fed us all and done the dishes, and he’s now taken DD1 to soft play to burn some energy off. She didn’t sleep well at all last night. MiniUp loves her sleep and has napped for nearly 2 hours so far this morning while I got sorted, however she seems to like to be awake and cluster feeding from about 1am to 5 😴. We both got a good chunk of sleep from about 10pm until they both woke, and then all slept in til after 8 so touch wood it’s more disrupted sleep than total sleep deprivation so far 🤞

You all sound like you’re making a good start with January flying. I am moving so much easier today so have been able to do tiny bits but stopped myself shining the sink this morning and reaching for the long handled sweeping brush for the kitchen floor. Why do we only ever feel like doing these things when we can’t or shouldn’t?!

friedeggandsauce · 02/01/2022 11:26

So I've already failed this morning as still in pjs. I have however taken down the Christmas tree and (which is usual for me) washed up all breakfast things and cleared the sink. So a small win there.

Will be off for a shower and will get dressed before lunch!!

SingToTheSky · 02/01/2022 11:29

Just catching up on the thread. I’m so bloody tired, I’m proud I did still manage to get up and washed.

ED I love your new name, an excellent choice for the new year!

I agree re shoes, we don’t have them on in the house. I also agree re chronic illness - sometimes getting dressed is an extra energy sapping chore that isn’t a priority and I can get plenty done in my jammies. However as part of the morning routine I’m trying to build up I want to shower before coming downstairs and then I obviously may as well get dressed. Also, there have been too many occasions even since covid when people have knocked unexpectedly and I’m standing there embarrassed by my unbrushed hair, scuzzy clothes and lack of bra 😳🙈🤣 so while I don’t feel I need to be ready for anything, being able to answer the door without shame wouldn’t be a bad thing really.

merryhouse · 02/01/2022 11:31

Just read over my last post and realised I put allspice when I meant star anise. Obviously it is imperative that I correct this.

Good to see the self-care/self-soothe difference articulated: never thought about it but it makes perfect sense. I do always feel better after having dealt with the Looming Unfinished Task Grin

Sing have you seen there's a War And Peace In A Year thread? I considered it (because I quite enjoyed the tv series and had remembered practically nothing from when I read it in 2005) but after some ruminating have realised that I don't actually want to. Don't like the way most of the men act (Adrian Edmondson's character was the nicest and that was partly because he was considered a bit drippy) and am tired of couples where the woman was a young teenager when the man was grown. Also you can't achieve purity and simplicity by taking over marrying a pure and simply-bred woman.

Sorry, bit of a derail. Instead I will read something from my list of Books I Own But Have Not Read, which I made last February. Did read The Handmaid's Tale but the rest is still waiting. Hey, self-care and self-soothe! Just need to work out which will be easiest to start...

Done nothing this morning apart from ringing for service.

S2's planned D&D session this afternoon has moved on-line - two of them are now isolating anyway and Cases Are Rising here. One friend needs to be particularly careful as he's studying in the US.

ToDo
finish ironing
make meal plan
check with H what will need doing for dinner in case his karate instructors' Zoom meeting overruns the Putting In Oven etc times
read a chapter of something, possibly Casual Vacancy
watch episode three of Lovely David Being Lovely

Stilllivinginazoo · 02/01/2022 11:42

Well 4th load wash is on
Shoppings been done,and put away
New clock I bought on Friday is up on the living room wall

friedeggandsauce · 02/01/2022 11:43

I've decided to have a bath! This way I will have time to relax and will then get dressed- win win 🤣

Sorry, not sure why I felt the need to share that 😳

SingToTheSky · 02/01/2022 11:57

Oi, stop that talk fried! You have NOT failed by not getting dressed yet. You don’t have to do everything. Do what works, what fits in. Excellent wins there too!

Ooh interesting merry! Have to admit that’s never been on my to read list, I struggle with classics at the best of times! I do need to watch Lovely David though. We have a beautifully illustrated copy of it to read to DS as part of his home ed, so would probably leave watching it with him till after we’re done (but we have the rest of Itch and probably a short novel (Holes) to get through first. Maybe I should watch the series myself first :o I enjoyed the casual vacancy btw.

I am loving the self care/soothe discussion. I totally agree hills there is a big difference. In fact this is one of the only things I’ve not quite seen eye to eye with my therapist on - when I’ve said I spend too much time on my phone she’s said maybe it’s what I needed, but I know it’s not, really. It’s soothing myself with distraction, with tunnel vision so I can forget everything else.

Have to admit I have another issue with the way self care is framed in the media - it seems very much aimed at making basic looking after ourselves look like an indulgence. Taking care of our bodies and our minds should be a given but for so many of us - dare I say mostly women, or specifically mothers - it becomes a task that gets dropped when everything else is more important.

I grew up with parents who didn’t look after themselves and I don’t want to pass that on to the Caglets. A small example - DD1 does prefer to remove leg hair now (more for sensory reasons than anything else - dance leggings etc) but she’s worried about shaving so she uses that Veet stuff. It’s expensive and doesn’t last long so my instinct is to try and persuade her to shave or at least use less cream each time. But I’m not going to as I know she would take it to mean, unconsciously, that she’s not worth it.

Anyway, renewing my spirit today… well, I’ve read already and I’m hoping to do that daily this year. But maybe I’ll do some maths later - it makes me happy and keeps my brain busy but I’ve not been making time for it. For self care - I am going to find out how to get my booster, if I can book rather than waiting at the walk in.

HillsBesideTheSea · 02/01/2022 12:07

FriedEggAndSauce you have not failed, you have assessed your personal circumstances and worked out what was best for you, in your situation this morning. Tomorrow is another day and you get another try at it. I didn't get the pots or the sink done yesterday. I didn't fail, there were just other priorities yesterday. And that is ok.

I will be back with more personals. I just need to find coffee and clothes and motivation. I am bordering burnout/a crash.

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HillsBesideTheSea · 02/01/2022 12:09

FriedEgg it is like a reward chart sticker for us. You get to tick 2 things off the to do list. Grin We have all done it. some of my ta da's are corkers Blush

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HillsBesideTheSea · 02/01/2022 12:17

Sing yes. there is a massive societal need to shove woman's basic needs to the bottom of the pile. I am not going to get on my soap box, but dang it i have one and it is large. Self care in the media really is toxic in so many ways and done in such a way as to seem caring and well meaning when the undertone is conditioning exactly as you say, it is not a basic need it is a luxury.

My New Year's resolution this year was to prioritise my priorities over the demands of others. Ergo scouring the fleece yesterday which i was banned from doing for years because it was a "fun" thing and no one would listen to the fact it was an essential thing as it was blocking progress on things that were deemed as not essential. People are accepting this in their usual manner - ie to be difficult so yesterday was loud. But they will adapt. Especially, as I am training them to be more independent and do more of the stuff they should be doing. But not i am not going to reward you for making good decisions, but i might commiserate with you when other people are peopley.

I really should actually move BlushBlush

But before I do: my renew spirit thing/self care thing was to ignore the alarm clock this morning. I really did need that extra sleep.

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friedeggandsauce · 02/01/2022 12:33

Thanks hills and sing you are right it's not all failure! I am now dressed and squeaky clean 🤣.

Side tracking but I've just bought a Philips Lumea in an attempt that we'll all use it. DD1 does not like shaving and will only wax and tweezer her arm pit hair (she's hardcore)

DD2 shaves but I'm thinking if she uses this too it'll be less maintenance for us all in the long run

merryhouse · 02/01/2022 12:49

sorry Hills what fleece are you scouring? - and why is it fun? Xmas Confused

Ladyrattles · 02/01/2022 12:50

Hello 👋 I'd like to join

We got rid of 75% of our belongings for when we moved house 2 months ago. I thought that would be the magic fix to having a super clean house but I'm slowly starting to see problem areas appearing again, so I'd love to join you guys.

Barrier 1 has been my anxiety & health issues. I didn't realise how stressful moving would be and I stupidly forgot I had health issues and powered through till I broke. Barrier 2 is me & our young adult kids having extra needs.. dyspraxia, autism, adhd, dyslexia. I don't know why I forgot we'd still be on different schedules so the mess would build up round the clock.

Yesterday I gave myself a pat on the back as I showered & dressed, unpacked the last 3 moving boxes, went to the tip and cooked the family a roast. Today I'm giving myself a day off to read if I clean the bathroom sinks & mirrors :-)

HillsBesideTheSea · 02/01/2022 13:52

merry GrinGrin I had some in the grease locks. a small amount that have been blocking more productive use of a storage draw. i believe it was classed as "fun" by the people because it was not their stuff. And tbh i took one afternoon, one bath tub to contain the mess, one washing up bowl and a bit of fairy original and hot water. With a lot of it sitting chilling out. A quick simple task that I knew would be a quick simple task due to the small quantity. A whole fleece?! yeah that be a project!! You gotta pick that before you even start with the scouring. I am flicking the locks so basically most of the processing has been done, or more importantly ENOUGH has been done that the clothes drawer has clothes in it again Grin

Welcome ladyrattles there are lots of SN and MH type conditions that are on the thread so we totally get the balancing act. I know there is stuff that I use that might be helpful but settle in and ask questions where you need. There are many wise people here.

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SingToTheSky · 02/01/2022 13:55

Hi rattles! Welcome :) wow well done for the huge declutter. Many of us here are dealing with similar issues re health and SN, you’re in good company :) I am autistic/ADHD and have a couple of chronic health issues, as does DH. Older two Caglets are autistic :)

Struggling to get going today. DS’ friend stayed another night (DD1 stayed at another friend’s so it was nice for the boys to have some time just them), he just left and we’ve all had a pretty lazy day so far.

po3.1
❗️Strip bedding, I’ll do DD1’s too as she’d likely struggle with her wrist! Some can go in the wash when the machine is free
❗️Try and find out how to book my booster (I shamefully ignored the invite as I was unwell at the time) and the Caglets - DD1 missed hers for an X-ray and DS is home ed
❗️Write shopping list with DH

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 14:13

Okay this is Half here - she of the Northern climes with one ds and supportive dh. For those of you unfamiliar with Irish the username means woman of the tea which is a play on woman of the house 'Bean an tí ' - this was already taken by some rapscallion.

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 14:14

Klaxon - the Christmas decorations are down and in the garage.

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 15:56

Mmnn - the android Flylady app says I'm in zone 2 Kitchen - yet the Flylady launchpad says I'm in zones 1 and 2. I'm following the app as it's less confusing for me.

I've never dressed to shoes in the house but I always intended to get indoor shoes for house cleaning rather than use slippers.

SingToTheSky · 02/01/2022 16:03

Well done bean love the name!

Mattress protectors are washing, as they’ll need airing whereas everything else can be washed at 90 and tumbled.

Jabs are booked - I have my booster tomorrow and the Caglets have their first doses in 10 days (different centre, DH will take them early evening).

po3.2
❗️Put message on UC site re pensions and earning thresholds - lovely as my work coach is the meetings are pointless now and we both know it! But the system is inflexible.
❗️Collect rubbish from bathroom and bedroom
❗️Print some maths and do it! Determined not to let spirit renewal slip through the net today.

Zireael · 02/01/2022 16:08

Ta Da
Lie in and long shower
Family dog walk to the park
Played 'Dogman' board game with DS and DH
x2 loads of washing
x1 load hung up on airer
x1 load of drying folded
Dishwasher rotated
Dragged storage cupboard out of entrance hall and into kitchen extension
Hoovered up a shocking amount of dust from where cupboard was
Hoovered corner cobwebs and window nooks
Tidied shoes

frankiefirstyear · 02/01/2022 17:21

Hello Smile I've just found this thread so will do an introduction before I have a catch up with what I've missed and see if anyone has any suggestions for me or to offer solidarity!

I'm here mainly because I'm a single mother and drowning under general child clutter from crafts/toys etc; I have a very small budget/income so tend to stash things for my childrens future (clothes up to 5 years too large etc) and am very fortunate to be gifted or buy bundles cheaply; I tend to keep my own worn out clothes again due to finances. This all causes lots of clutter and full spaces which in turn make it hard to keep things clean.
I have a daily cleaning schedule on my calendar so I don't let things slip or miss things out but I love the idea of pack mentality to get me through and hopefully give me some ideas I've not thought of.

Sorry if that's tmi Blush

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 17:25

Frankie welcome. Totally get where you are coming from re saving clothes. Can you vacuum pack them? Might save space.

We're a friendly bunch here 😁

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 17:27

Ooooh ziraeal spring cleaning happening too. Well done. The shadows are highlighting my cobwebs here 🕸️

anotherneutralname · 02/01/2022 17:51

Hello, I'm new and tentatively poking my head round the door as I have a history of Not Seeing Stuff Like This Through... but maybe this year?!

Single parent, work full-time, also look after elderly parent. I am brutal on clutter because "stuff" makes me lose what tiny grip on sanity I have Grin But it may be tidy but it really isn't as clean as it should be, even at a fairly low expectation level. Eep.

Have really enjoyed reading the thinking points, about what are the real obstacles, and self-soothe vs self-care. That struck a massive chord with me. I self-soothe with food but it's evidently not self-care because its meaning my physical health suffers.

BeanAnTae · 02/01/2022 18:05

anotherneutralname welcome. It's hard to find time for everything and somehow our own best interests fall to the bottom of the pile. I think the idea of Flylady is to impose some order and then use the routines to carve out a little time for yourself.

I'm currently taking the kitchen apart. It's bloomin dark up here and I can't see properly to Hoover so I'm leaving that to tomorrow!