This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

[HillsBesideTheSea]

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)

1. Goals vs system.

We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.

1. You are never behind.

You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

What a slog this week was 🥵

What channel/website is that on Zoo?

I've ended up off piste but productive. Created a powerpoint and resources for a lesson that I didn't like the look of the department stuff that's in place and sorted out some work admin stuff on the laptop and planned and tweaked another lesson and powerpoint.

Also dealt with an ongoing piss take from my head of department by emailing and cc'ing someone senior to ask for clarification about how something is meant to be done for my performance management (that she is flagrantly not done the way it's meant to be done for the second year running). Now slightly pooping myself as to what the fallout will be but I'm sick of it and have to tackle it.

Other than that not a lot but I'm reminding myself it is Saturday. Will have to rouse myself to cook at some point as I promised ds a proper lunch.

zoo I'm hoping you're now done with the shopping you needed to do and back in the warm.
mc 💐 sorry you've had a rough week hopefully you can get some rest in this weekend.
Sing that show sounds right up my alley, although I probably won't be able to find it here 😕
fly I wouldn't worry about the email you sent (although I understand where you're coming from), sometimes our bosses get power happy and will say things to us that they wouldn't say in front of their boss. To me, CCing her boss is just making her accountable, and nothing bad should come of it.

I'm up early today (for a Saturday) DS has a hair appt at 8am, and I wanted to make sure I could have a quiet cup of coffee before he gets up. He was feeling much better last night before he went to bed, normal temperature as well, which is a relief. I'll be waking him up soon so I'll see how he's feeling this morning.

Oh, I forgot to add - fly congrats on your weight loss! Can you share what you have been doing to lose it?

The show is on BBC iPlayer so not sure what that means for you Hazel :(

Enjoyed the first episode anyway (of the series - I watched the one off when it first aired) and DS watched a bit too. Noted some ideas for future organisation especially in the girls’ room.

Have done nothing all day - I did mean to catch up on work a bit (especially as my boss said I can have more than the allotted pre approved overtime since not everyone uses theirs) but feel like crap. 2 days without one of my meds and period arrived today too - sorry if TMI but I’m wondering if it’ll be the terrible post-booster period that a lot of women seem to have had especially with the pfizer?! 🤔 Ah well not like I’m due to go anywhere the next few days anyway. So am embracing the laziness today.

We were meant to have family visiting tomorrow but it’s almost certainly cancelled - partly disappointed especially for the Caglets who enjoy seeing their cousins, but can’t help also feeling relieved as the house is more messy than I’d want them to see and it means I don’t need to rush round tidying and cleaning now.

Ah, I probably won't be able to watch it, but it won't stop me looking for it. Thanks Sing sorry to hear about you not feeling well. Did you run out of your meds?

DS is up, he has a low grade fever now, I've given him some medicine and I'll keep checking on him throughout the day. It looks like we might not be going to the ILs and have the graduation dinner/ party we were planning 😥

Took an age to get to town-hadnt anticipated freezing fog into the equation.was SO SLIPPERY

Finally got there at 845

Savers,poundstretcher and home bargains
"D"p rang offering pick us up as decided to visit today so that was a relief didn't have to walk home!
Also took up to grab the food essentials for the day in car after💖
Lunch done
Now need put away rest town bits and few ambient shop bits

But first a 20 minute nap,I'm exhausted

Not sure why that posted two hours later!!
Me again
Shops put away
2lol done(2nds in dryer,first put away)
Place a tip and I desperately need organise a menu plan and the food shop list for tom!!

Still here. Trying to get back on track. Pages constantly reloading or needing to refresh, coupled with sticking when I scroll, has made it difficult to keep up. Have reported on Site Stuff.

We are managing to have routines. Sometimes derailed by LO meltdowns, but being tidier and more organised is making it easier to deal calmly. I'm knee-deep - almost literally - in laundry and listening to radio, although the current affairs gets me a bit twitchy.

Much to catch up with on thread. Will enjoy breakfast-for-tea and a good read later this evening.

Hi MrsT - hope the site resolves itself for you.

I just watched a Sort Your Life out and it made me quite tearful Thanks Sing - not sure how I mixed you up with Zoo earlier.

Did a little bit more school work and treated us to a Chinese takeaway.

Have sorted out the next lol and will put in the machine ready to switch on in the morning and will have a quick mini tidy in the kitchen. I've cleared shoe racks etc out of the entry way (currently in middle of lounge) so that tomorrow I will have to sweep up mess where shoe rack was, vacuum and dehair the entry mat and area then mop before putting shoes and mat back. I've also moved stuff from behind sofa and wall beside it so that I will defluff, vacuum and mop there too.

So basically it probably looks messier than ever but I will do these things tomorrow! (Trying to feel confident) Def not tonight though. I need much of my first day off work to just do the thinky stuff for the next weeks work and chill out and rest. I'm shattered and hoping for a decent night's sleep as I've averaged 4hrs all week which hasn't been enough.

Hope everyone is having a nice saturday.

I think I would’ve got tearful at it too fly if DS hadn’t arrived to distract me!

Aw hazel I hope DS feels better soon. Yep ran out of my escitalopram - my own fault, I got all confused as I was happily ordering both types at the same time until last month when the pharmacist wouldn’t let me have the other one as it’s a controlled drug and it was too soon since last time . Have hopefully sorted it now to be allowed both and only need to order once a month. Anyway it’s only a low dose so not a huge deal to miss them - DH collecting tomorrow morning.

I’ve achieved nothing though. Unpacked my order of some revision materials for DD1 and some phonics stuff for Cagletini. And some mini whiteboards for all three to use - DD1 has agreed to do some extra maths questions each day, I’m going to write them in a book (which I can also use for DS and my tuition pupils) and she’s going to write on the whiteboard as she prefers that. It’s huge for her to agree to do maths by choice so I am happy with it!

Hazel hopefully I will get the results early next week. He said he will phone me when he gets them. He used to be off on Mondays so not sure of his schedule in these times. Often worse before 2am so I imagine that is during digestion. Feel very washed out.
Hope DS feels better soon.

Didn’t feel like it but made myself have Weetabix( picked some up after Mass) Spar has some quite good offers on. I bought DH some Snickers for his walks. A packet £2 individually a bit smaller than usual but good for treats.

Made myself go litter picking with DH. Just about a mile there and back. DH did the picking. It broke on the way back. Not too much rubbish today so that is good. The fresh air did me good and had a brief chat with someone whose children went to school with mine and has moved back into the village a few years ago. Cleaned the chickens out. I usually take the worst out and shake through the rest but I have enough straw so just took out the all the straw and replaced. It was quite messy as they have been in more this winter. The chortled away being quite indignant that I should disturb their afternoon siesta.

Been knitting. Nearly finished.

Ta da
S&S then cleaned loo and shower tray.
Made bed
Loaded DW
Put away a few things in kitchen.
LOL
Downstairs fairly tidy. Dining room needs BRC sorted but can’t be bothered. Maybe Monday.

Fly That sounds like a good start. I found some of those programmes emotional
MrsTidy I had some trouble too.
zoo great ‘D’p made himself useful.
Sing although shame about cousins it means time to sort other things out.

Just watching The Great British Dig. DDsDP would have been so interested it would have been near enough to go and visit.
Going to go to bed early I think.

Red 🤞 the results don't take too long to come back.
Sing that's good that it's all sorted with your meds.
Tidy routines definitely help to keep things organised, not good when you feel knee deep though.

Ta Das:
🍰 meal planning
🍰 list written for groceries
🍰 grocery pick up order placed
🍰 cake baked for DD graduating (DS helped)
🍰 frosting made for cake
🍰 groceries picked up
🍰 decorations bought and dropped off to ILs
🍰 kitchen all cleaned up after baking
🍰 handwash dishes washed and put away
🍰 DW rotated x2
🍰 countertops wiped down
🍰 dinner at ILs
🍰 surprised DD, although she didn't even pay attention to the decorations & cake until after we'd eaten dinner (we snuck it in, she didn't know we baked today)

I have to work tomorrow, but not long hours, and not early. DH is cooking dinner, other than the veg, I'll try to get that prepared before I go in.
😴🍒👋 to everyone

I forget, I am 7 hours behind the UK, so I'm about to go to bed (for the newbies) Night!

Hazel it sounds lovely. Great list. Was it American Frosting? My mum used to have a recipe for that in her one and only cookbook( sister has it now) and I can remember making it as a teenager. Yummy!

Had a better night last night. Feel well rested and now need to get up and get some breakfast before Mass, need to think about what to wear. The fat fairy will be tutting as I didn’t put my clothes out. Think I will pull on a pair of leggings and a newly iron top.

Morning all. Just been catching up on the thread and it’s really struck me how my motivation ebbs and flows to such an extreme! Of course it goes along with energy/pain levels (and currently hormones) which I can’t control. But I wish I could be more consistent somehow. Again I guess it comes down to systems and automating/simplifying as much as possible.

Just thinking about laundry specifically too - I know I mentioned months ago about the TOMM idea of only ever starting a new wash when you have put the previous one away so it doesn’t build up. But no matter how much I try it’s not working, much as I understand the idea. And now I’ve got into the habit of putting all the laundry away on an evening, sitting on the bed alone watching some comedy or listening to an audiobook. So maybe that’s just how it should be - but I’ll need to have a set day for it and accept that I’ll do all the week’s laundry (not the Caglets’ - the older two do their own so their days could be different) over a couple of days and the rest of the week I don’t. We do have space in the dryer cupboard for the clean laundry to wait. DH would have to stick to it too as sometimes he goes rogue and washes whatever he can get his hands on 🤣 something to think about anyway. It would be nice not to have “I should really be doing laundry now” on my mind every day!

DH is about to take Cagletini to Boots to get my meds 💕 so I have a bit of time to myself thank goodness.

po3.1
❗️LOL
❗️Watch something while I have the tv to myself
❗️Read some more of the handmaid’s tale (I’ve been ignoring it in favour of other books this week)

Having a bit of a meltdown here.

Did my morning usual of walking dog, getting a lol on and making coffee then came upstairs to chill with coffee for a bit. I then had ds's wanted me to order things for him (he still has Christmas money) and started to think about all the things I need to do.

Went downstairs managed to locate dustpan and brush and swept entrance way and mat on my hands and knees feeling horrified at amount of dust, pet hair, seeds and whatever other filth was accumulated. Bear in mind this is just one small metre square area of my house. Managed to locate the mop and empty the usual bloody sticky noodles etc from sink to be able to rinse the sink out before using it and soaked mop in bleach water.

Mopped little area 3 times rinsing and ringing out the mop in between and realised I hadn't hung out clean washing. Old washing still on dryer so fold that and add it to the piles in the kitchen and realise that the kitchen is a huge mess again already even though it was only the other day I sorted it and I've barely been in there. Hung out next lot of laundry, as usual 90% ds's stuff and then looked at his pile of clean stuff and contemplated calling him to come get it and put it away but realising it would be shoved in the wrong places and wrecked so just started taking a heap of it upstairs to put away myself. The background track to all this is music and shouting and swearing coming from ds's room because he's playing on his ps4 with the echo which he has commandeered from communal space and raging over some game.

Go into his room to start putting stuff away and see the mess his drawers are in and realise that I've boiled up to the fuming point and end up snapping at him about mess then sit on my bed having a hot flush and crying and angry and ridiculous.

There's no point to this story just trying to trace together how I got so angry and upset and overwhelmed and end up sitting crying that I can't cope and it's all too much. I feel childish and ridiculous and all I've achieved is cleaning the floor and skirting in one metre square of my home My head has been tantruming away about how pointless and thankless my life is and how I don't know how much longer I can do this and simultaneously feeling sorry for myself that it feels like no one appreciates anything I do do whether it's at home or at work anyway but beating myself up for not doing enough and not being able to cope.

Queue I could quite easily just cloister myself in bed ignore the disaster zones all around me, drink gin and distract myself by watching prime, playing some stupid game and browsing the internet whilst time passes.

Why do I feel so angry and upset about housework and mess? I think it's always been like this - cleaning makes me angry and resentful. Literally all through trying to sort out just that entranceway (which still isn't sorted obviously and all of it's contents are strewn across the lounge that was already a shit tip) I was stewing in building resentment and again till I wanted to kick something.

Cue not queue and a load of other typos I cba to correct, sorry. Does anyone ever simultaneously desperately want someone to help but no full well they couldn't let anyone help and can't even when they offer?

Right. Talked to ds. He's going to sort through his drawers organising and getting out anything he doesn't wear anymore then put the rest of his clean clothes away.

I'm going to mark 5 essays so I feel like I've made a start on that at least...

Interrupt this broadcast for ds to come and tell me that the cat has poo'd in the bath! No reason why, she has a clean litter tray downstairs and can also go out any time she likes but no, she decided to poo in the bath and ds decided he needs me to come remove it so he can go to the toilet. And now aware ds will sit in a therapy room one day saying how there would be cat shit in the bath when he was a child and goodness knows what else and they'll assume he had some horrific abusive childhood.

Laugh or cry?? If adulting was a pass or fail exercise I would definitely flunk.

Deep breaths fly 💐
Am guessing as you mentioned hot flush that hormones are going haywire atm? I’ve not fully caught up with the thread so apologies if I’ve missed something but if you’re around peri/meno, that is a common time for ADHD symptoms to ramp up because hormones. So I’m not belittling what you’re feeling at all (ie the whole “oh it’s just hormones” crap) - quite the opposite. It’s not saying the actual issues don’t exist with the organising etc but remember hormones could be making it all feel a lot worse right now 💐

Could DS have a headset for gaming if he doesn’t already? I know it doesn’t solve his own voice but it’s not unreasonable to suggest that YOU don’t need to hear everything else - maybe he could choose music OR game noise. It’s just too much otherwise, sometimes combinations of sounds like that give me the rage.

I would if at all possible try and resign yourself to the fact that DS’ clothes will be a mess. I have given up with mine. He is absolutely old enough to put his own stuff away and if the drawers are messy, well, meh. Not your problem. It is kind enough that you do his laundry - he could take it over completely but if you don’t want him to then just give him the clean stuff and make sure he puts it away even if it’s a mess.

Is a change at work possible? If I remember your job correctly I really admire anyone doing that - any way of changing hours or location? I guess (again if I’m right about your job) that won’t take away the pressures involved though 😞

Sorry, waffling. But do always rant here, we get it xx

Ah xpost - glad you talked to DS. He is capable of participating more and taking on a bit more of the household stuff, it’s not easy to instil this but it would help in the end. 5 essays marked will be great. 💐

Right, I have managed to focus through two anime episodes, DS is now on YouTube so I should move - will put that LOL on and then read in bed I think 😳

I have come back to apologise, I said I would post links and promptly forgot yesterday .

Flight Plan

Sunday is Renew Your Spirit Day - which suggests you do something for yourself. That can be anything from a day out to a soak in the bath to 5 minutes taking a few deep breaths and re-grouping your thoughts. Anything that helps.

Fly - I'm sorry things are so hard at the moment. I agree that hormones really don't help, neither does being in possession of teenagers. Or cats. I agree with Sing's suggestion of a headset, would that work for DS? At his age he needs to be stepping up a bit more, so that's great that he's agreed to sort the clothes. Mine are older and would almost certainly delegate cat poo in the bath to an adult (and to be honest it's one of those jobs I'd rather do myself, so I know it's done properly). We're always here to listen when you need to offload, I think many here have felt that overwhelming "whole house is a tip" thing at times.

Gah. I should do stuff. There is too much to do.

Again I know clutter is the only thing worth tackling at the moment. There’s no point in trying to clean anything other than the usual day to day tasks. There is just Too Much Crap and it desperately needs sorting. But I’m back in “where to start?!” mode.

po3.2
❗️Tidy Cagletini’s books
❗️Finish sorting the pens/pencils etc and reassemble drawers (really shouldn’t have taken this long!)
❗️Make and send maths homework

I completely get it Fly. I get really angry cleaning sometimes. Because in my head I’m going to sweep and mop the kitchen floor, which is a quick and easy job. But actually I have to get rid of all the crumbs from the bench from where DH has over-enthusiastically buttered his toast. But before I do that I have to clear the piles of crap he’s left in the way. Then before I can do the floor I have to take the washing from the clothes horse and put them out the way, and pick up various toys that DD has left on the floor. Then when I come to clean the floor I realise it’s filthy because things have been dripped and not wiped up, and the cupboard fronts are the same. So what should have been a quick mop is actually a hands and knees scrub and I’ve lost my shit. DH is generally pretty good, does all his delegated share of the work, but makes my share so much more difficult by being messy. Then DD is only 4 and just leaves a trail of chaos so it’s a never ending battle. I’d definitely forget about the state of DS’s drawers. DH’s used to drive me mad but then I decided that if he can cope with them and find what he needs then as long as they are closed and stuff goes in them then it’s up to him. You’re doing great though. Small steps! You can’t do it all in one go. Even if it gets a tiny bit better every week you’re winning. Well done on the weight loss by the way!

Sing the one load of laundry done in full doesn’t work for me either. Especially as we are currently without a TD. I do a new load set off every day and hung up later in the day or the next morning, at which point the previous load is dry and gets folded and carried upstairs, then put away probably the next morning. So every step is done daily except the ironing but for different loads.

Hazel massive well done to your DD. What an achievement!

Not much to report from me. Just feeding and napping, and doing the morning routine. Will need to iron DD1’s uniform at some point, and do some maths/reading with her. Thanks to binge watching Stacey I went a bit mad ordering pretty storage baskets etc and now I’m embarrassingly excited for them to arrive.

Hello all! Apologies; can't keep up with this thread, the housework, life in general

Just came on to thank ED very much for launch pad. (No need at all to apologise; I think most of us can find the links by now and fwiw, I am not following Flylady exclusively while DD and DH wfh. A combo with TOMM works better for me currently.) That's when I am actually doing any cleaning! I must admit, I haven't quite cleared away all Christmas decorations yet! They are down and have been rationalised and packed away, but all of the boxes haven't made it up multiple flights of stairs yet! )

Hope Hills ok!

Also came on to say to SwallowedAFly that I identify with loads of what you are saying , especially where it relates to not being In control of your own space, and it being easier to sort the mess out yourself than confront those people who are controlling the space , because frankly one doesn't any longer have the emotional energy to do so! I get it! Right down to the noodles in the sink!

Some of this depends on the personalities in the house and family dynamics and who is the most dominant force in the house. And what they determine to be "an acceptable standard of housekeeping".
And whether you can all work together as a team. We all rub along well when we are doing enjoyable things, and when we are cooking, or with the animals, but when it comes to housework...not so much!

I don't know what the solution is. I am carrying on with my daily routines and keeping the laundry going and bathroom clean and keeping the kitchen basically hygienic and decluttering the spaces where I am exclusively in control and that's all I can do until wfh rules change again.

My main bugbear ATM is that the kitchen never closes with everyone eating at different times. It drives me mad!

Anyway, wishing you strength and solidarity SwallowedAFly! It's very hard when energy levels are low too! I am much slower than I used to be and my knees ache! And I think after 20 plus years of looking after this house, and picking up after everyone, I am sick of it frankly. It's very different somehow from when one is young and building a family.

On a lighter note, I am currently watching an episode of SOS Filthy House while changing our bed. A personal theory of mine, is that the reason you find some older women living alone with their suppurating hoards is, because , having finally got rid of their families, and of all of their caring responsibilities, they don't want them back . Bit of an extreme solution admittedly! . I might go for it! . (Just kidding .)

Hey ho! Onwards and upwards!

Waves to all Fledglings!