This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

[HillsBesideTheSea]

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)

1. Goals vs system.

We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.

1. You are never behind.

You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

hills hope you can sort that.and the "rant" resonates at every level
Well never killed him.it was close I not going to lie,esp when decided at lunch to repeat every few words hairy bikers said spitting crisps everywhere as ate 2000 mph.i swear he has gotten much more unstable since covid started and is much more unable just be still and quiet
Had bad palpitations on walk to Morrisons,didn't have frozen veg I wanted,but now know what usually sell and did get lil zoo pants
Tip run got done(shed now minus busted mower,and cat tree as well DS TV he knocked over and broke before Xmas and toaster that blew up last week)
Post office was done,but I insisted we went in car
I had meet,did lunch for them then had a nap and a snack myself before girls got in
Dd2 had epic 45 minute panic attack during only lessons of the day today and as couldn't ring me as in meet rang dad who helpfully only had to say"what do you think started it"...

Didn't sort house
I did use up some butterbeans that were in fridge from yesterday and pesto that needed using up to make girls a dip for after-school❤️
I know what ds and lil having for tea too.go me!!

Will pick up and try again tom
Hope everyone's doing ok

Filled the tub but it’s on the stairs for when I next go up anyway.

We are in a bit of a tricky tangled position with clutter really - can’t get to the stuff we sorted ages ago (before buying the flooring on sale I put a lot of things at the back of the cupboard) without sorting more, but it’s hard to sort that without pulling everything out of said cupboard… argh! And of course it’s all made more difficult when you have life going on alongside it messing any sorted stuff up again 🤣 maybe what we actually need is a week child free 🤔😬

Feeling a bit restless again but not sure what to sort next

Evening everyone

Got up, showered and dressed. Cleaned our bedroom window and sent a text chasing the builders about our garden.

But.. I haven't managed anything else all day. I know I should cut myself some slack as I'm not very well today. But I felt rather guilty laying in bed watching Call the Midwife this afternoon. Anyone else find it really hard to get going again when you have a bad health day? I swear my brain & body just switch to lazy mode if I've rested up for health reasons.

ta da in absolutely no correlation to actual order done
support ds in his adulting by pushing hard and refusing option to avoid
swear at the wrong sausages in the fridge
Freezer dive and find some right sausages
sort out scheduling for tomo with ds
After dealing with the difficult stuff run out of energy for the paperwork filing and all the stuff that should be done.
4 hours of study
long conversations about adulting stuff with ds
Find a bastarding piece of christmas decorations that was sneakily hiding and thus forgotten in being put away
Dig out balance board and be pleasently surprised with core strength and ankle strength
Mutter strong words about the process of breaking in new shoes and the locality of blisters
Some basic admin
dispose of fish body from tank.

Just going to put on a hot water bottle as "frozen". I should go for a walk as have not hit my step target but it is cold, i have blisters and I really don't want to so I am going to make a detailed to do list for tomo. And then I am going to read.

Absolutely rattles it’s so hard to know where the line is between resting and stopping for too long. I usually lean towards the latter, fear of more pain or dizziness etc definitely holds me back.

Sometimes though you really do need a day or more of rest! Usually the way I get out of it is boredom - like a few days ago I was resting and unable to manage anything but then when I had recovered a little it was like my brain told me my body was ready because it was restless and itching to do something.

I am doing little bits of sorting still - really really little like taking a handful of random bits off a shelf to take upstairs later (I still haven’t been up). Too restless to stay still completely but feel like I’ve run a mile after a couple of minutes. I’ll have to clear the bed later, thankfully it’s not too bad.

DD1 has been sorting her room too, so she’s clearly feeling a bit more capable with her plastered arm now (she’s only meant to wear the sling when out now) :)

11th Jan links
Baby step is add an inspirational page to your control journal. Yeah skip if you like, we are not going to judge.

Thought point.
I had before the rant i had been pondering the points of scheduling and how to build a realistic and sensible schedule. One that works with my energy patterns, doesn't try to cram in so much that one bit of life and I am doomed to failure.
Two points of attack - project management; time tracking.

Taking these two concepts which don't seem to really relate running a house on the day to day terms and applying them none the less.

Time tracking: This comes to one of the rant points - we have no idea how long things are going to take.
The day to day items that we do over and over and over again we probably have a pretty good idea from experience how long it will take. We know that hoovering is not just get hoover, hoover, put away hoover - and that will probably require put stuffs away in the minimum prior, which may take figure out what on earth that thing is/deal with that problem. So whilst in theory hoovering the lounge COULD be a 10min job - it is realistically more likely to be a 20-30min job and we should really allow for that.

Time blocking with doing all the like tasks in one batch is another time based system. Like just doing all the phone calls in an allocated slot. etc etc etc.

For those of us who struggle with this the back planning system is suggested where instead of planning our day we track what we did when so that we can see patterns. etc Do you time block and do like tasks together thus in theory reducing wasted time and effort (your box for collecting stuff to take yo stairs is a good example of this sing) Do you struggle with giving yourself enough time for a task or try to squease it in around other jobs and then get frustrated when you 'run late' ? Is there anything that you can do to help reduce those incidents?

As for project managing the house/family - can you see where your projects might be? Building work/rennovations is an obvious one.
Summer/winter based stuff are others (eg packing up garden/clearing gutters/seed starting). house work/chores is a project, it might have a collection of repetitive tasks but there may be something specific. So one thing I am considering and currently researching is project management styles - with timeline/delegationg/tracking of progress type stuff. For me it kinda makes sense to see if this reframing helps my scheduling and accounting for time for progressing every thing that needs doing. But I would love to know if you think that handling family/work/house/social commitments as a group of projects makes sense to you? Any suggestions for looking at things differently so that you can ensure that every thing gets attention?

Also do you want me to explain my thinking/give an example when I have finished my research phase and started heading into my putting into practise stage?

Sorry a massive thinking point for you there, but it is where I have got to with trying to get my schedule (and thus life) into a better balance.

launch pad is here

Sorry the spelling and grammer in that is terrible

Great thinking point - will read properly and ponder later or tomorrow.

I am going to finish painting the drawers - realised I can use a new washing up sponge so should make it even quicker.

Also had a bloody wonderful email… someone is offering to sew badges on scout shirts for a small fee to raise money for the jamboree. Am I going to partake of the service? HELL YES. 😅😅😅

Definitely don’t give myself enough time for the task or as you mention the other day I see something else that needs doing and might lead to something else so the original task takes longer because of the distractions and the need to complete those as well. I often run late. I also try to do too much before I go. I’ll get my coat but then need my purse. Haven’t got an inhaler, get a new one but the go to throw the box out, notice the mess from missing the bin so wipe that up. On it goes then I used to have to come back in because I hadn’t checked the cooker was off. DD used to get very annoyed by this but a few years ago she noticed she does it now. I don’t now because the Everhot stays on all the time. I do have to put the hotplate lid down though.

SC yes we spoke to her on Christmas Eve. Had about an hour but didn’t see her partner because he was on the South Island. She rolled her eyes when I said I hoped everything was ok. They have been together for more than twelve years but have only spent about three Christmases together as they both came home for it. Only about 6 miles apart.

The other thing about not getting things done which we haven’t touched on is that housework is boring. I have watched a few of those extreme cleaning programmes and you can see the delight and excitement on their faces on the results of a swab test. Usually been bleached to extreme. I rarely use bleach. We are on septic tank so have to be careful what you put down.
My friends and I can usually find something more interesting to do than cleaning and decluttering so that is part of the problem and part of the solution I guess.

Home bleugh didn’t get done today.
I did:-
Make my bed.
Washed up, dried and put away breakfast dishes.
Cleaned basin and loo.
Put away shopping.

Went to the PO and spent ages in queue about 20 minutes. Then the poor woman took ages. She was on her own.
Went to the bank. Lovely cashier. Now sorted. I don’t like not earning money.
Went to OXfam shop to get a bird nest for friend as part of Christmas. She was away and we haven’t exchanged gifts yet. They were closed. I have attempted this purchase before. DH wouldn’t go or drop me off.
Went back to car at the supermarket. As we were using their car park we went to Sainsbury’s no Clementine marzipan Wassailing just ordinary x3 sorts. Completed small shop.
Went to large butchers. Went to thank fish staff re Christmas platter but it was closed so couldn’t.
Lamb shanks were extortionate. This county is full of sheep. Transfer what they say about rats and replace with sheep. Refused to pay the price and bought two pork steaks instead as they had no Tatie Pot pork spare rib chops either. Took a small piece of gammon £8.99 and some Cumberland sausages. Bought friend a bottle of wine.
I was starving by the time we got home at 4pm. Tea and toast with pate bargain at 50p.
Did some knitting. Tea was left over Sunday Dinner with lovely gravy I made.
Did some of the DW and washed up some things.
Finished a hat for myself. DH said it looked cute. Bloody long time since I have looked cute but happy that the hat met approval. Going to make a scarf to go with it. I am not fooled by these mild temperatures at the moment.
It was good to get out for a couple of hours.

Plan for tomorrow.
DH is going walking.
I am going to attempt to sort dining room.
Change bed sheets.
Ice cake.
Gather ingredients for another cake.

Happy days.

ta da
🏆audiobook
🏆shower
🏆home ed
🏆bit of work
🏆made and sent invoice
🏆set up zoom meeting for tomorrow’s maths and emailed link to pupil
🏆some decluttering
🏆some rehoming of toys, general tidying etc
🏆sorted and bagged up some fancy dress stuff
🏆collected a load of DD1’s stuff for her to sort through later
🏆finished painting pen drawers
🏆long stressful convo with DD1 about slipping grades and the need to put a lot of work in at home…

I am now slightly stressed and grumpy and can’t sleep. Gah

I am stressed grumpy and can't go back to sleep sing
I don't manage time if stuff over runs.i get stressed and grumpy.sometimes I lose will to live and give up
Would love to hear example project managementhills

Morning everyone. @SingToTheSky thanks, 9 of us was fine but dynamic change with a sudden addition will take some getting used to.
@HillsBesideTheSea the thinking point was useful, some examples would be helpful I think. I know it’s the tracking of progress that I struggle with, though having teens that need chivvying is a big part of that that I can’t see a solution to. (Eg DD5 needs 3 gently positive wake ups at set times on school mornings, DD4 2 wake ups at 2 different times but that’s also all in the middle of making porridge and hot drinks feeding animals etc, it just tires me. And can’t use alarms as they’d wake younger children.)
It was lovely to come down to a shiny sink this morning at least. Today’s plan is car mot, then finish doing big sort out of clothes in kids’ rooms. The middle-aged pleasure of new hangers is real!
Gentle Tuesday to you all.

Morning all! Will try to scroll back, lots going on on this thread at present. Yes please, Hills, project management examples would be great.

Granny I know what you mean about different people needing different things. We were only ever 8 at our largest (me, DH, 4 DC, my DM, my DBro) for a.very difficult period in 2016, but we all ran on different timings. I was fine thinking "DS1 needs 30 minutes to get out and must leave by 8.20" and then "DS2 needs wakeup calls at 10 minute intervals from 7.30 and still can finally appear, dress and go in 12 mins flat by 8.35" but how do you dovetail that? I recall spending a lot of time with flowcharts and resenting very much that it was me driving it all.

Hills thank you for your thinking rant point. It is all very pertinent. I never allow enough time and then I exhaust myself shoehorning more stuff in so the next day starts poorly and so we roll ever onwards and downwards.

Red that sounds like a lovely couple of hours out, and your hat sounds delightful. I wish I could find the impetus to knit atm, I know I find it very soothing I just can't currently get over the hump of the feeling that I should be doing something more useful. Hill's point about no time to Just Be is very pertinent here.

Yesterday was Proper Busy
❤️ Up early, LFT
🧡 Tea, dispatch DD to school, pilates
💛 Wash, dress, meds, morning routine
💚 Pack lunch and birthday cake, drive 1hr 15 to see friend
💙 Visited darling friend in hospice. So lovely to see her and much chat as if nothing had ever changed, but so sad to say goodbye. Many important things said. Hoping to go again in the next few weeks
💜 Drove home again.
❤️ Rang DVT clinic to get email for scan results
🧡 Lurched through remainder of afternoon too tired to move
💛 Invented dinner DD and DS3 would eat. Cooked other dinner for me and DH which then went cold while he tried to sort out FIL. Bloody doctor seems to have made things worse and FIL has been told not to drive but doesn't like that so has decided it is "advice" he chooses not to take 🤦.
💚 Had bath for achy bits, with lovely bath bomb that DS1 gave me
💙 Scrubbed bath
💜 Stayed up far too late doomscrolling because it's All Too Difficult.
❤️ Got up to let dog out for a wee at 5am, realised I had not put the DW on and did it then.

So much to do today, can't see how to make it fit.
❗Self-care / morning routine. Hurt too much for Pilates today
❗ Send email to DVT clinic
❗ Tax return
❗ Plan client work
❗ Errands - 18th birthday card to friend's daughter, recycling to Tesco before we disappear altogether, whatever the Other Thing was
❗ Pantry list, meal plan, Tesco list / order
❗ Hide in the loft with my bullet journal for a bit
❗ Batch cook buttermilk chicken nuggets?
❗ Clear fridge
❗ Dinner. DH is being difficult as does not care about food due to meds but also won't always eat what I eat. Stuck in a bit of a bind.

Best get going.

So, I did a time allocation thing last night and apparently I have 5 spare hours in some days. I would love to know where! I am going to have another look today as i suspect i have probably forgot something but I suspect that there is wasted time in the day or time that is used for nothing productive like floating about in youtube aimlessly (i don't watch tv or streamed things so youtube is my mindless tv type stuff but can be really educational and lead to ooooo i want to do that add it to the to do list )

I will post some examples but will not be this week as i am trying to figure out my reasoning vs reality and what mismashes might help. There are a few videos that might be helpful and if I remember i will try to post them later.

was utterly destroyed when the alarm went off this morning, and went back to bed. Just realised it is nearly half 10 and promised teen i would wake him at 10, bugger.

BBL

Morning all, just about. Didn’t manage routine today - couldn’t sleep for a while as the adrenaline from the stressful school chat kept me wired until I’d watched a bit of comedy and done some puzzles. So this morning I was achy again and prioritised breakfast before my 9.30 staff meeting online. In fact I just had said meeting in a proper top and my pyjama trousers 😳

The house is nice and quiet so I’m going to watch an episode of something. Not even power of threeing yet

Time allocation is an interesting issue. Everyone always says I must be so busy, taking on so much with the home ed, work etc. But I honestly spend a vast amount of time sitting staring into space/at my phone. Time just disappears.

I recently realised that I am happier when I have more going on mentally, more to do, which completely turned my view of myself on my head - especially since getting ill I have considered myself someone who needs constant downtime. But it turns out too much is bad for me, it makes me more lethargic and anxious.

But then… working out how much time something takes is not a skill I am blessed with. Again… the balance is so hard!

Having a panic. Boiler person is due to do my annual check. I'd forgotten about it until about an hour ago and the level of panic was awful. Have tried to tidy up a bit and air the place but can't work miracles in short period of time. There is a mattress on the landing because we're in the midst of sorting ds's bedroom out and there is clutter and mess everywhere. Trying to calm down and not overreact - it's messy but it's not horrific and I can't imagine he's reporting back to the landlord anyway but the panic!

It's not normal to feel like this about having to have someone come into the house is it?

Ah, CHAOS fly - can’t have anyone over syndrome

I can pretty much guarantee the boiler guy will have seen much much worse anyway.

I should really be doing stuff but I’m not feeling motivated. I just want to sleep 😭

Thank you for your wonderful posts Hills. I feel pretty tearful after the boiler man panic. Feeling overwhelmed by all there is to do and how incapable I seem to be of getting on top of it all. I seem to be either working or tired.

So i am going to post 3 links to videos.
They are made for and by someone with ADHD. BUT i actually thing they are good basic starting points when you struggle. Don't panic they are not long videos! All three are around the 7min mark length

and both have really good tips at building routines has some top tips for avoiding failures to stick to routines etc.

I am struggling to get going today also Sing i am still in bed. But i have been doing some digital declutter and reducing the number of youtube channels i subscribe to amongst other things.

Videos are arranged left to right from what i am seeing so video 1 on left, and video 3 on right.

Swallowed my top tip is to get a note pad. divide the page in half. At the top of the left hand side write one and done on the top of the right write repeating tasks

Now bare in mind when i did this the first time i had an entire note book full of the next two lists. DO NOT get over whelmed by this. It is a brain dump exercise. It might help to have a separate page per room, to reduce the over length perception.

For each room (and it helps to go stand in each room at the time) right down the things that need doing. One and done are the tasks that you do once and are then done. This might be replace curtain hooks, it might be replace light bulb. My advice is that unless it is major or you are in the middle of doing so try to avoid house rennovation type stuffs to start off with. The repeating tasks would be picking up toys, hoovering etc.

One and done tasks are good because often you can see where you have been and you know you have a tangible measure of success.
Let's be honest, repeating tasks can feel soul sucking because you will always need to do them again. BUT having a small break down of each individual task will help when it comes to building a plan.

From this point I try to have something which I can see the progress, like the one and done, but it could be weeding the garden because it takes a couple of days-weeks before it needs doing again. As well as doing the repeating tasks like the washing up where you turn your back on the kitchen for 5 mins and there is another massive pile that you have no idea where came from. Our brains are wired to enjoy success. So sometimes that quick win thing or the one and done or simple the ones where you can clearly see the results at the end of it can help get us through some of the monotomy.

At the end of the day i have been in your situation. You physically couldn't walk through the lounge cos of boxes. All we did was just say sorry about the mess we are in the middle of decorating/building work/decluttering and re-organising. It always seems to get messier before it gets better.
Most people have no issue the only problem is the boiler services typically need access to all the radiators in order to bleed them. Which is where they might raise an eyebrow. But like has been said previously they will probably have seen worse.

And for the record, my lists that i wrote 2 years ago - still not completed them, but i am working my way through them. And the plan is to get rid of the one and dones. and get to a point where i have systems in place where the repeating tasks are easier to do.

In the meantime i had 8 boxes of paperwork that requires sorting. And i am ignoring them.