Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

Do you like people calling unannounced?

109 replies

pinkandmarshmallowclouds · 03/11/2021 19:00

This? I have the most wonderful in-laws , who I love dearly but I cannot handle the " we were just passing so decided to call in" attitude . Any one else as weird as me? I can't explain what it is exactly that infuriates me but I really really hate when people do this! Typically it always happens when the house is a mess or you're in the middle of stuff and it makes me feel embarrassed. Tell me I'm
Not alone 🤨

OP posts:
urbanbuddha · 04/11/2021 02:17

I love it. The house is never really messy and the loo is always clean and if it wasn't well,tough! I love any excuse for a coffee and a natter.

Me too. Except the house can be messy, but my friends don't seem to care.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 04/11/2021 02:18

Not an issue for me, because I ignore the front door bell unless I'm specifically expecting a visitor in any case.

rrhuth · 04/11/2021 02:25

Watch Cranford, they have it right - set hours and set visit length Grin

I have solved this by only answering the door when I choose.

TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 04/11/2021 02:26

It annoys me for the simple reason that it is ridiculously easy to contact people instantly for free.

I don't mind someone deciding to pop round at the last minute, but what on earth is stopping them from sending a text/Facebook/watsapp etc message or a quick phonecall to say "hi, we're just heading out your way and planned to stop by, hope that's ok". It takes seconds and costs nothing.

Atmywitsend29 · 04/11/2021 02:33

I can honestly say, no one has ever called on me unannounced. Ever.
And I don't do it to other people.
I always text first, even if that text is "hey, you in for coffee?"

Mothership4two · 04/11/2021 02:58

I'm with you OP, I hate it. And I would never do it to someone else. It's rude.

I had a family (IL) member turn up once and, because I didn't answer, let himself in the back to find me breastfeeding, which is why I hadn't gone to front door. He looked panicked and left swiftly. I'm not prudey about BF but I was kind of 'stuck' and felt uncomfortable. I was pretty p**ed off.

Yogaandcocoa · 04/11/2021 04:24

I think a lot of people wouldn't like it OP.

It's not just that the house could be a mess or I might not be dressed but it's intrusive.

A few months ago my sister knocked on the door with her architect friend at about 9pm one night. She said she'd brought him to show him the house. As it was my sister abs he was her friend I let them in only to end up with her showing him around our house. We'd discussed asking him about his services but only loosely and months before. It was very strange and I was really annoyed. They week there a while too and I would have been in bed.

Plus while I didn't mind my sister there I hadn't really planned for a stranger to walk round.

UnsuitableHat · 04/11/2021 05:46

When I was a kid (70s/80s) people used to pop in all the time, so this is something that’s changed with time. I prefer a bit of notice so we can make sure it’s a convenient time. We have easy communication methods around this these days.

SnowyPetals · 04/11/2021 06:12

I don't mind it now and again, but if someone did it as their default way of visiting it would annoy me. As PP have said, it's so easy to drop a text, takes seconds.

TheChip · 04/11/2021 06:28

I hate it. Thankfully nobody does this to me anymore. The only exception would be my dad, but even he calls to let me know he's coming over.

The council turned up once asking to do my boiler. There was no appointment. It was just the chance appointments they try before arranging an actual appointment.
I was a mess, the house was a mess and so I was completely unprepared. Nevermind I'm a panicker anyway when people knock on my door for other reasons.
I just blurted out "sorry. I cant. Its time for the school run" and shoved my coat on infront of them. It was just after 10am 😂 I had to leave the house a mess and walk around the block to make it look real.
It wasnt until my panic had settled that I realised my stupidity with the time.

whatswithtodaytoday · 04/11/2021 06:37

I don't know anyone who does this. It would horrify me. The house is kept at an acceptable (to us) level of filth, so needs at least a 10 minute blitz before someone comes over. I wouldn't be able to relax and chat knowing the litter tray needs emptying, or the toilet needs cleaning.

Anyway, who has time? We work and weekends are busy. If we're home is because we need to either do something specific or relax and chill, not entertain. I honestly find it baffling, and so rude.

onelittlefrog · 04/11/2021 06:40

I wouldn't mind if it was family. Would hate anyone else doing it.

LizziesTwin · 04/11/2021 06:42

I love it when people pop in. If I was cleaning the oven a friend would be happy to chat to me. I’d stop any other sort of cleaning very happily at any opportunity.

Woollynumnah · 04/11/2021 06:42

@Pollaidh

Depends where you are I think.

I grew up in the country, and random visitors are generally welcomed with open arms. There was little to do, and not really anywhere to socialise, so people dropping in could really cheer up your day.

I now live in a city, it's still quite small and friendly, but I wouldn't dream of 'popping by' without arranging in advance, and no one has ever done that to us. Plenty of friends, but always arranged.

Yes, I was going to post, don't move to a small hamlet in the country if you don't like people turning up unannounced. The difference here is that everyone is in work clothes and muddy boots and don't expect to be invited in to your home. Most have some sort of kettle set up in a barn or tack room with an in old bar heater and ancient farm dog and everyone is happy to pile in there. I quite enjoy it, and everyone is busy so they never stay long.
Eastie77Returns · 04/11/2021 06:48

My absolute worst nightmare. I never answer the door if I’m not expecting anyone. I have a close friend from Northern Ireland who says dropping round unannounced for a cup of team is completely normal where she grew up and she finds my attitude bizarreGrin

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 04/11/2021 09:14

The only people I know who do it are the rude, obnoxious type in every way, and they also stay for hours and hours and will not take hints about leaving. I don’t like being put in the position of having to be rude to someone because they’re so entitled they don’t even care if they’re putting you out for an entire day.

It’s different if people do actually just pop in for a couple of hours (or longer if you’re happy with it) or with close friends and family where you actually want to see them. However I still prefer a call or text beforehand to check and that takes no time at all since everyone has a mobile phone. There’s absolutely no excuse for rudeness.

There are very clearly two camps in this though - some people love nothing more than a steady stream of people in and out of their homes and that’s fine. Others absolutely hate that and that’s okay too.

HadaVerde · 04/11/2021 11:10

This is one thing I’ve loved about the whole Covid situation. Even though it’s changed now ‘rules’ wise. A legitimate reason to not let callers in.

PeriChristmas · 04/11/2021 17:40

@grapewine

My parents also have form for showing up an hour or two earlier than expected, which is almost as bad.

That would piss me off.

My In-laws do this. It makes me fucking livid!
MissConductUS · 04/11/2021 17:58

My In-laws do this. It makes me fucking livid!

I think it's because they're retired, and consider watching us get ready a form of entertainment.

I'm glad it's not just me.

Cuddlywaterfall · 04/11/2021 18:09

Weirdly, I would never do this - at the very least I would send a text or call to see if they were in/free etc. However I don't mind if people drop in unannounced to me! I don't have any hang ups about saying ah sorry we're in the middle of something if it doesn't suit though I'm not British. Also I'm pretty tidy generally so hopefully wouldn't be embarrassed by the state of the place.
When I was growing up this was very normal - no mobile phones anyway, plus a very sociable culture (Irish)

Kite22 · 04/11/2021 19:32

I find it quite sad that so many people seem unable to see family or friends without putting on a show. People that drop in on me come to see me not my house. Doesn't matter if I am in the middle of sorting a pile of washing, or have paperwork all over the shop, they aren't there to inspect the house Confused
As for the person who couldn't speak to a relation because she hadn't got a full face of make up on - what a sad way to live your life.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/11/2021 11:01

@Kite22

I find it quite sad that so many people seem unable to see family or friends without putting on a show. People that drop in on me come to see me not my house. Doesn't matter if I am in the middle of sorting a pile of washing, or have paperwork all over the shop, they aren't there to inspect the house Confused As for the person who couldn't speak to a relation because she hadn't got a full face of make up on - what a sad way to live your life.
I agree.
Verfremdungseffekt · 05/11/2021 11:07

I don’t really understand this — what time is this happening? Evenings? Or just at weekends? During the day, we’re both at work — if it’s a day we work from home we wouldn’t be answering the door anyway, but tbh, no one drops by any more than they would drop into a workplace and expect you to make them tea. At weekends, we’re out a lot, so anyone who shows up unannounced knows it’s unlikely we’ll be home, so they phone.

Or is this more of a SAHP issue?

RockinHorseShit · 05/11/2021 11:08

I find it quite sad that so many people seem unable to see family or friends without putting on a show.

That has absolutely nothing to do with it. I'm just an antisocial cow & might not be in the mood to chat to anyone, so I'd like the option to politely say no, rather than have people impose themselves on me 🤷‍♀️

LolaSmiles · 05/11/2021 11:10

I don't mind if it's my in laws or my siblings because we do the same to them. Calling in unannounced is fairly standard and nobody cares if someone finishes their jobs, the visitor helps themselves to a cup of tea/coffee. My MIL has been known to take over hanging the washing out when I have DC at home so I can sit down for 10 minutes. Grin

If it's friends or wider family then I don't like it.