Do you like people calling unannounced?

[pinkandmarshmallowclouds]

This? I have the most wonderful in-laws , who I love dearly but I cannot handle the " we were just passing so decided to call in" attitude . Any one else as weird as me? I can't explain what it is exactly that infuriates me but I really really hate when people do this! Typically it always happens when the house is a mess or you're in the middle of stuff and it makes me feel embarrassed. Tell me I'm
Not alone 🤨

It's a little annoying but I can't says it bothers me much after the initial "what the hell is someone doing here?" Shock.

This is an absolute pet peeve of mine. I need to be prepared to see people. If there is an unexpected guest I am panicked to the bones 🤣

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

I don't get how it's rude?

I do this with my friends and family (they do the same with me) and if it's not a good time I tell them that and we'll have a quick chat at the door. No hard feelings!

I think it's just different upbringings, not necessarily rude as such but maybe inconsiderate just expecting people to be glad to see you ( if you know what I mean)

I like half an hour notice so I can do a quick tidy and put the kettle on.

This is one of the most annoying things that people do - in the age of mobile phones its just rude not to give at least 30 mins, when people do this I wish I had the guts to say oh its convenient for you because you were passing...great but you didn't think to check if its convenient for me because my time clearly isn't as valuable as yours, how thoughtful of you, I'll just shelve all of my plans for the day so I can host you instead.

@caringcarer

I like half an hour notice so I can do a quick tidy and put the kettle on.

Absolutely! That's always my panic- I like the house a certain way and I'm embarrassed when I'm caught out.

@MegSpace

This is one of the most annoying things that people do - in the age of mobile phones its just rude not to give at least 30 mins, when people do this I wish I had the guts to say oh its convenient for you because you were passing...great but you didn't think to check if its convenient for me because my time clearly isn't as valuable as yours, how thoughtful of you, I'll just shelve all of my plans for the day so I can host you instead.

I know, that's what I think too! It's just expected to be ok, when maybe it isn't

This is a tough one for me. It very much depends on who it is as to whether I want to spontaneously host/visit, also what time it is is vital in that my evenings and mornings are sacred. I also intentionally limit my social time so that might have knock on effects. As to whether I'm adequately dressed this is really a 50/50 call but I can rectify that in less than a minute thanks to the pandemic and the addition to my wardrobe of decent casual clothing. My house is always clean and I have the necessities to host so that wouldn't cause me any stress.

It also annoys me when people say "we'll pop in tomorrow" but don't give a rough time or anything, like I've nothing to do. DH thinks I'm weird for finding that annoying.

The point is that some in laws and parents think it’s fine to do this. They think that because their children have grown up and have homes of their own, these are simply an extension of their own homes and they have the right to drop in at any time. I know several friends who are offended by their children because their children ask that they text to see if it’s convenient to call. It’s absolutely unacceptable and these people need to be told so with clear boundaries being laid out. I’m close to my grown up children but would not dream of dropping in without asking if it was OK. Of course if people are happy for this to happen then it’s a different matter.

I think it's rude, and find it stressful too. Just because it suits your visitors to pop in, doesn't automatically mean it suits you! Really inconsiderate, imo, unless the visitors genuinely wouldn't mind if they couldn't come in because they had interrupted something. It's so easy just to text first, and see if it would be ok!

Why not say a version of this? "How nice to see you! Unfortunately I'm in the middle of something."

@dudsville

Why not say a version of this? "How nice to see you! Unfortunately I'm in the middle of something."

I just don't think it would click tho. There have been many times were I have been out, had (invited) guests over or in the middle of doing something yet, it continues to happen. I just wouldn't do it on someone because I absolutely hate it done on me lol

I quite like it, a nice surprise. I often have a chat on the doorstep with people if we haven't got time to go in properly, no one minds if you say you're busy.

Obviously just different types of people, but it would not be offensive at all for me to tell my in-laws that now wasn't a great time. Same with my parents. Same when I pop by to visit them. I think if you are a 'drop by unexpected' type then you sort of expect that people won't always be able to host you and sometimes they won't even be in.

@ExcessiveIyDisorganised

I quite like it, a nice surprise. I often have a chat on the doorstep with people if we haven't got time to go in properly, no one minds if you say you're busy.

But then I feel rude if they have travelled 30mins and I don't invite them in etc. It's totally a thing in my head, hubby doesn't understand it as he is so social and outgoing and loves people calling. Im definitely more "leave me alone" lol

Ah. I don't know anyone that would do it after a 30 min journey, all the people I know that do it live within 1/2 a mile. I still wouldn't mind, but I'd have no problem saying if I didn't have time to invite them in.

I really hate it too.

I'm one of MNs hated door ignorers.

I hate it and it makes me uncomfortable, so if she chooses to prioritise her desire to almost forcibly invade my privacy over my comfort, then I'm happy to show a clear boundary.

Same. If they know I hate it then I'm happy to leave them outside. Why would you do something that someone else hates unless you want a power struggle.

I've seen this sort of thread on MN a lot and many many posters think it's incredibly rude. I don't, but a lot of it is cultural. I don't even mean different countries - different areas of the UK have different things that are normal to them. I'm from South Wales and it's the most normal thing there to pop in (this is where another South Walian might be along in a minute to tell me nobody they know does it!). Where I lived in the Midlands it would have been quite normal too. However, down in South East England where I lived for a while, it was absolutely not the done thing (in general). I love it, even though I'm a shy introvert whose house is frequently messy and I don't necessarily have tea or milk or whatever I should have to give guests!

When I was a child my family were always just popping in to see one another (most of us didn't have the 'phone in so we couldn't call ahead). It took me many years to unlearn the habit and starting to make appointments to see my friends. DH and I love impromptu visits. Our house isn't pristine but we're not sensitive about it.

I don't mind at all. My mum used to call round unannounced all the time. I'd give anything for her to call round unannounced now (she's in a nursing home since 4 strokes have left her severely disabled).

We don't really get any unannounced visitors now, only planned ones. The in laws don't like unannounced visitors themselves so don't tend to drop by at ours - if they do it's usually just to drop something off/pick something up and they don't want to come in.

Definite divide between pop in lovers and haters. I hate it.

What if you're just off to the toilet? In the middle of a row or telling your kids off? Having a snooze? Cleaning the oven?

There's lots if reasons why someone might want a heads up. How hard is it to text and check?

No because I only get dressed if someone is coming or I have to go out.

@BusySittingDown

I don't mind at all. My mum used to call round unannounced all the time. I'd give anything for her to call round unannounced now (she's in a nursing home since 4 strokes have left her severely disabled).

We don't really get any unannounced visitors now, only planned ones. The in laws don't like unannounced visitors themselves so don't tend to drop by at ours - if they do it's usually just to drop something off/pick something up and they don't want to come in.

Aww my mum is definitely an exception to the rules! She's my absolute rock and welcome anytime! I'm So Sorry about your mum xx