It's July, Fledglings are Flying towards Freedom (hopefully!)

[EverythingDelegated]

Hello and welcome to the July 2021 Fledgling Flylady Thread. Thank you Willow for an excellent pair of June threads. Welcome to one and all, old hands and newbies, lurkers and longtime posters and anyone in between. This thread keeps us vaguely on track with Flylady and is where we post our Ta Das and Yes Ta Das (what we did yesterday 😁), our To Dos and To Didn'ts, and discuss anything that comes to mind (often not housekeeping!).

The beauty of Flylady is that you are never behind, the whole system repeats every month, just jump in wherever. The aim is to gradually get into good habits and regular routines that keep the house ticking over rather than having a huge blitz on it.

To help you with this I'll be posting links to Flyady's Flight Plan and other useful parts of the website, which is updated daily, it's also good to go in and have a browse (some of it is a bit twee though). Do NOT sign up for the emails, you will be inundated.

The system divides the house up into weekly zones, then in each zone there will be timefor decluttering, a small daily task (the Mission) and each day of the week has a theme too (eg Errand Day). You can switch things around to suit your circumstances, there is a weekly Sneak Peek page to help you plan ahead. There are also 31 Babysteps, small daily habits to adopt (eg wearing shoes around the house if you'd rather not). Finally Flylady wants you to make time for you and your family, so weekends are more relaxed.

Jargon
Flylady (and the thread!) has a little bit of her own peculiar jargon it can help to know:
S&S - swish and swipe - a quick go round a bathroom or cloakroom to keep it acceptably fresh
LoL load of laundry. We are not collapsing into hysterical laughter over the state of our washing baskets
Hotspots any areas that tend to collect clutter no matter how often you clear them - mine is definitely the corner of the worksurface by the kitchen door, and the bookshelf at the bottom of the stairs
5 minute room rescue a quick whizz round any room to create a semblance of order
Weekly Home Blessing (often Home Bleugh here) - an hour a week to keep the house acceptable. I think this can only be done in an hour if you only have one bed in the house to change, so take it with a pinch of salt. I spread mine over the week as I cannot get it down to an hour and don't have an hour to give to it either.
Ned and Ted - imaginary friends often draughted in to assist with washing and ironing
BRC Bag, or box, of Random Crap
(D)LMS (Didn't) Lose My Shit - often a necessary acronym around spouses and teens!
Naughty Corner - the thread's imaginary space for rest and recuperation when it all gets too much. Often stocked with soft cushions, blankets, drinks and snacks. May or may not have a free bar, fire place, sunloungers, hot and cold running barmen etc.
Cherry waves 🍒👋 - lovely type for cheery wave that stuck!
All Fed and No One Dead - a good outcome to a busy day.

The beauty of Flylady is that is can be adapted to any household setup - lots of DC or just one, or none; a partner / spouse, or ex, or those going it alone; those working within or outside the home; shiftwork, you name it.

Our motto is No Fledgling Left Behind, so if you are a returner or a lurker, welcome on board, there is always space her for more Fledglings.

I had another nap.

At least I got a lol and one load of dw done today and some washing put away and a bag out for charity. Oh and I applied a layer of gentle fake tan. It's one you put on, sleep in, then wash off the next morning and if you want more you do the same the next night so no dramatic tango effect.

Don't have to be at work tomorrow till 11 so hopefully can be productive in the morning.

Sorry about job Sing but great feedback and hopefully a good confidence boost and the next step will feel less scary.

What's the expression? All fed, no one dead? I can tick that.

x posted - will GP not help Sing?

Everybody fed, nobody dead 😁

Thanks. Yep all fed, no one dead, clean dishes (unlike last night when we ate our dinner out of pyrex dishes due to no clean plates) and clean clothes in cupboards.

I mostly manage all of that. What I'd like to also manage is a house in a state that wouldn't give me a panic attack if someone said they were dropping round.

In victory news my laundry basket is basically empty It has been a while since I've been able to say that so if nothing else I seem to have mastered the art of regular lol to stay on top of things.

Well done on the laundry basket honeyBadger. Alas mine is full.

Yeah but the rest of my house is a giant hot spot and I'm sure yours isn't as bad hope

Thank you to everyone on the thread. This is helping me. Yes to get a bit more organised and hopefully gradually get some routines and structure to make life more manageable at home but also just to feel reassured I'm not the only one struggling to do what I sometimes assumed was just effortless basic adulting for everyone else. I sometimes felt really useless that I struggled to stay on top of this.

My Mum is a complete control freak who cleans the whole house without fail on a Saturday morning and can't bear for a single thing to be out of place or not washed up within ten minutes of being used. When I was a kid I would come home to an angry pile of 'my stuff' on the stairs if I'd had the audacity to have anything anywhere other than my bedroom and could be in trouble for leaving a book in the living room. It may be part of why I'm messy now or just an excuse - it's definitely a part of why, whilst I want ds to be tidier, I don't want him to feel like it's not his house and he's not allowed to be visible anywhere in it itms.

My house is a giant hot spot too! And everyone is fed only thanks to DH today (I did help with the nobody dead bit I suppose).

DH’s committee meetings are finished. Cagletini helped with one of them, she took the minutes :o and everyone was somewhat taken with her.

I’ve written a list for the next stage of the big declutter - this will see the main bit of the upstairs cupboard cleared and then filled with the stuff I’m selling, ready for me to then Kondo the rest of the books in the living room.

po3.2
❗️Clear table/rubbish grab
❗️LOL into dryer
❗️Toast, jammies and bed at a decent hour

I love the idea of Cagletini taking the minutes, Sing.

Honey I'm glad it's helping seeing you're not alone!

Evening all,

A moderately productive day here today. Went to a fitness class this morning, then home for shower, change and some WFH. I had about two hours worth to do and then needed to stay online in case anything else turned up on email but nothing onerous. Bit of tidying, 1xLOL then three big bags of stuff taken to the charity shop. Home, out for a walk with a friend, then took DD to swimming and came home for a zoom meeting (DH cooked dinner and picked up DH).

Yup - I have a "high functioning" teen too, actual diagnosis is Asperger's but they don't call it that any more. I think it's just autistic spectrum condition for everyone now, might be wrong though. There was a difference between HFA and Asperger's, depending on whether there was a speech delay. DS nowadays tends to just say "I have autism". The whole high-functioning thing is a double edged sword, he seems pretty typical a lot of the time but then that makes it really hard persuading people to give him the support he needs.

Hills - hop you can get the tech sorted soon and that the people are behaving themselves.

Sing - well done you! It might not be the result you wanted but what a credit to you. Sorry to hear DD1 is so anxious at the moment though,

Willow, ummm, buns sound nice. As does a quiet day of sewing.

Right, I'm off to stew a huge pile of rhubarb from the allotment, picked yesterday. In denial about the fact that by this time next week we have to have completely cleared the kitchen for refurb, yikes!

honey It can't have been easy living with a parent who probably has OCD tendencies. You must have felt at times that the house was more than important than you. It's not surprising that you have perhaps reacted to that. Lovely that you don't want that life for your DS.

My problem is I am all or nothing. I can keep it clean and managable for weeks or even months at a time and then it all goes to pot and then it's hard to get back on track again. I resented having to do housework because I grew up in a very stereotypical household, where my brothers didn't have to lift a finger and I was expected to help. Funnily enough, they do the majority of household stuff in their relationships now, whereas I still carry that resentment with me. Even as I am cleaning and feeling good about the clean space, I still think why should I have to do it just because I am a woman? DP is good at the day to day shopping/washing up/hoover/washing/making bed stuff but not the more thorough cleaning that the house needs.

everything DS had speech delay. Also dyspraxia. (He still can't do shoelaces as a teenager). What does the speech delay indicate? I tend to say just autism because people get confused by ASC. High functioning to me just means he masks very well, although it's pretty obvious to anyone who knows a bit about it.

No significant speech delay = Asperger's instead of HFA. DS has dyspraxia too (he can't tie his shoelaces either). He is very sporty though.

Indeed - low functioning just became severe development delays.
ASC confuses the hell out of people, ds just says hes an aspie.
Although based on the gentleman that gave his name to aspergers syndrome and the experiments he conducted I can understand why there is a strong push to move away from the name and those associations. Ethic is not a term that can be applied to that research.

People are peopley. we have had a few incidents. I LMS spectularly and told them if they didn't sort their stupidity out "NO!!! nightshade would be coming into the house under any circumstance!" There has been backing away slowly and no poking of the grumpy dragon. Final exam is coming up faster than i would like.

House is an absolute fucking disgrace that is ending up more and more hoarder state by the day. but i did get the fridge cleaned, and have managed at least to get people to see that this is happening. I'll take progress --and then deep clean to within an inch of its life when later in the month i get the house to myself for a few days. Right now head is in books and i am hoping they can achieve something to rescue it. We have clean plates and cups and cutlery so that is definitely something!

Right, i am still not here, borrowing a laptop to work so I should drag the squirrels and tie them to the books so that they are at least in the right locality for studying... I am hoping that tech issues might be temp resolved this weekend. If not then will not be for a while. I am suffering a distinct lack of brain space for processing things

Have lovely weekends. a
And I hope today went ok Zoo

And yes i did call myself a grumpy dragon.

Atm it is a case of don't piss me off because you are crunchy and will probably taste good with homemade plum sauce. Stressed is a good word. feedup with inconsiderateness and stupidity a good phrase.

We'll get there.

Had to do an Advanced Search on myself to find my most recent posts. Been falling off threads a lot recently.

Was looking at the stack of wheeled tubs in my bedroom this morning, pulled them out and got busy with the hoover. Will check the contents of the tubs later. Did some sporadic kitchen and utility cleaning, and now all the clutter from there has come to rest in the living-room. Got up a ladder very very slowly and carefully to clean the fanlight above the kitchen door.

Tomorrow I must deal with the clutter in the living-room. Will probably move the tv in there for company and watch decluttering programmes to encourage me.

So much for an early night 🤔 oh well at least I don’t have to get up early I guess.

Don’t think I’ll make much progress on my decluttering the next couple of days - need to focus on a general tidy as we are in London on Saturday with DD1’s friends afternoon and then one is coming back here so want to spruce the place up a bit.

Goodness lots going on here.

Sing Wow you must have done really well in the interview for them to phone you. Given time there maybe something else for you.

Zoo that sounds very like a set up that my sister worked in. It was held up as an example of good practice in Scotland. Small hub that meant children could work in when anxiety was too much but also opportunities to access classes and support given if needed.

Other opportunities set up like work experience, opportunities to learn new skills etc. Lots of kids really benefitted.

DH has kept out of my way today. He has mowed the grass and weeded. He was outside most of the day.
I did a mammoth ironing stint while watching a film. It wasn’t up to much.
Vacuumed sitting room.
Dusted SR.
Wiped down lower cupboard doors in kitchen. Kept kitchen tidy all day.
Washed up.
Made dinner and put on to slow cook. Chilli con carne.
Washed up.
Vacuumed hall and stairs.
Took all the books off small bookcase.
Moved bookcase into hall.
Sorted, dusted and replaced the books.
Made butterscotch pudding.

Tomorrow hope to tackle the boudoir.
I am trying to get more done so I can get on top of the housework. I feel if I can declutter more I can control the mess more.
I felt pleased at getting the stuff out that I donated. I used to find this difficult but I have found it easier lately. I am going to get rid of some of the books. We have way too many. I know DD will want to keep some. I am thinking I might round them all up and put them with the rest of her stuff. That way we keep them but they give me more room here.

Hazel I lost confidence in myself and others due to the incident at work. After a while I stopped driving. I have managed to go to church since spring and I drove to a village five miles away and bought some plants a few weeks ago but that is about it.The cafe is about seven miles away and I am not sure how to get there. I did consider going today without him.

Well yesterday was the worst day of my bloody existence
On back lil zoo bomb about not be allowed food when hungry,as dd2 is about to be assessed with ED team because of her reflux causing her to only eat certain stuff and her habit of eating her feeling rather than expressing themshe too has been referred for to social services as "you have two with issues it needs highlighting" said lil zoo nurse from ed clinic in harsh tones.they ask politely of I give permission but I am fully aware if j don't they can do it anyway

Meet went ok with child first worker,I was start to think things were looking up.then when she left,saying would speak lil zoo in school tom D's was very agitated and admitted he saw "scratches on her arms" and was worried she's hurting herself.i collected her after-school and try to talk to her.she eagerly show me,thinking was funny- no guilt,shame,distress.her little arm shoulder to elbow was like a tigeronly thing I'm grateful for was very superficial...I did my absolute best to talk to her,discussed nspcc website and their coping tool kit.all she kept reiterating was I want go back dd1.didnt want/need any change at home just to go back there and shut down every discussion I tried.she then admitted told dd1 partner 10days ago she had done it,and has been talking to him every day since came home
She adamant would continue to do it til went back.i was distraught but had no choice but send her back to keep her safe,esp as I go have s.s crawling all over me now that's added to the picture.
I rang children first worker and told her everything(in tears) as I see no point try hide anything,it will bite me harder on the arse later
I rang dd1 to collect her,her partner answered her phone and was saying if you give us permission we will come get her.i said no I don't want her there 1000% but I need her safe.when they collected her I wasn't happy he said nothing to which he replied it wasn't me place?!excuse me? She hurting herself and you don't think you should say something to the adult she lives with
Sec she knew was going she was skipping around happily
Ds and dd2 are distraught and blaming themselves for telling

I will prob not be around,not sure if go come back yet.my entire life is crumbling

Hugs and wingflaps to you all.xx

Oh zoo 😳😥 she's being very manipulative. She only wants to get to dd1 so she can eat what she likes and do as she pleases. You're doing your best under very difficult circumstances. I'm sure SS will see this. Unmumsnetty hugs.

It's going to be one of those Fridays isn't it? (dons hard hat to make it to the weekend)

Oh zoo my heart breaks for you :( well done to DS for telling you, he must have felt so conflicted. It’s good that it’s superficial scratching and it does seem to be used to manipulate you :( I would feel so betrayed by DD1’s fiancé, I know he must have felt in a difficult position but he really should have told you.

I know it’s so, so scary and invasive having SS involved, and you must feel so very vulnerable :( but I honestly think it will be a good thing overall. It is not your fault you are struggling. You are a wonderful loving mother who wants only the best for her kids, anyone will see that. They have so many needs and god knows it’s hard enough to deal with all that without a pandemic! My hope is that by being forced to assess your family they’ll see all the gaps in support where they should be stepping up. 💐

Yeah definitely a fuck-off-Friday here hope 🤣

Zoo my heart goes out to you.
Is there any way DD1 would co operate and fed her a similar diet to you so it is not too attractive to stay there? You have bent over backwards to accommodate all their health, fads etc in making several meals every day. You must be full of mixed emotions.

Oh dear Sing

Right, must get on with the day 😬

po3.1
❗️Air house
❗️Attempt yet again to sort prescription
❗️Try and get paint off new trousers (FFS)