The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

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Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

Hooray, what a relief Nettleskeins

I cleaned the car inside with some wetwipes floating around in there.

I've brought stuff into the home, which is sort of annoying but it was necessary. I also bought a box to put it in, so it's tidy from the start and i haven't got a pile of stuff hanging about.

Ate leftover pizza.

Babies I read your post too.

Susan hope poorly child feels better soon.

Down just think how much better that room will look with the books back on the shelf

Poorly child recovered thanks. I think overheated/ too much sun. They settled to sleep once duvet was removed another window opened and curtains moved to allow breeze in.

I am having a break from dd's room. It is very hot here. Doing bits in small chunks. I did catch up on sleep as well.

How are you getting on today Babies? If you have outside drying space then (assuming your weather is like ours) it’s perfect weather for whizzing through those laundry loads. I read your whole post too. Did your DH get the stuff up into the loft? Your bedroom progress is fantastic.

BlackeyedSusan hope your night improved or you’ve managed to have a restful day today to make up for the broken night. Is the respite through social care or is it when the children stay with their dad? I’m in a SEN group where most people spell it restbite, I can’t tell if it’s a spelling mistake or a joke - finally a chance for a rest and a bite to eat

Amber Win win with using up the wet wipes!

Nordicmum such a beautiful house. Sorry for the anxiety triggering video

Miaowse, I’m fine watching decluttering / hoarding videos I can deal but have noticed slight anxiety yes . I grew up with several relatives with lots of stuff everywhere and although by no means hoarding my mum has always had lots of clutter around and trouble getting rid of any of it I’m talking about keeping years and years worth of newspapers in stacks she’s trying to read through and never will since another comes daily ,and cupboards and an attic full of everything possible , hundreds of books I don’t think she’s ever given one away yet but doesn’t read them all again so why keep them all .even now she says that’s she’s thinking about decluttering when I talked about my own efforts but can’t seem to get rid of anything . And they don’t have the space to store it either . She did recently ask if she could take my kids high chair and travel cot away ( they’re 16&9😳) but I guess she’s been thinking she needs to keep them incase our ivf worked . Could have just asked and I would have told her to get rid . I then told her she could take all the little kids toys my DD won’t play with anymore that are new and not my childhood ones to charity shop ( I will look though my own and maybe keep something small ) . her cleaning is at a different level to what I think is clean . I think they literally can’t see all of it at this point since when I was little it was clean tidier and they still do a lot of it and jobs I never do like iron sheets , change winter and summer curtains and rugs not that we have them ( we had wooden blinds in our own house and here it’s the big curtains of the landlord except upstairs temporary white ones we put up since I couldn’t stand what they had there . Next house it’s shutters for me and blackout blinds ) . They also go and physically wash by hand all their rugs at special rug washing stations in the summer ( it’s a Nordic thing don’t ask 😁) , when we were little she was often vacuuming all our soft toys another thing I have to admit I don’t do . and at their cabin they are vacuuming walls etc but I guess at a log cabin that is something you’d do with all the possible cobwebs otherwise . I was a very clean and tidy kid and by the time I was a teen the increasing mess really bothered me I resulted in keeping my own room spotless and spending most of my time there plus cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom daily myself . When they’d go somewhere I’d clean in the other rooms too . My dad always says when he’s old he’ll be in an empty room in a nursing home he doesn’t want any stuff around him at all !
The clutter in the last house topfloor from the attic and cupboards brought me straight back to my childhood abd I found it so depressing and anxiety inducing . When I declutter I also do get moments of what if I need this and feeling anxious about throwing things away sometimes although haven’t yet regretted anything and kids have only ever asked about like one soft little toy that had been in a bottom of a drawer for y until I got rid of it . When I was a teen and in my 20 before moving here my minimalism went so far I had virtually nothing much but my clothes ,a few books, a tv and Walkman ,and a phone . I left one cardboard box that I reduced to shoebox behind when I moved in this country with 2 bags of clothes . In 20 y and having 4 people plus a dog we have accumulated all this stuff and now I do have a bit of a conflicted relationship with it where as my husband apparently doesn’t care one way or another . He doesn’t have this urge to clean , tidy , organise and declutter but also has no problem letting things go when he gets around to it . My heads a bit of a mess but I am doing it and it’s getting easier the more i do it . I have seen that I really didn’t need all that stuff I got rid of and neither did anyone else so I can keep at it and make decisions faster .

I quite like watching shows about clutter etc but I’m finding them much more inspiring lately. I’m making so many decisions about letting go of stuff lately. Hoping to tackle the rest of the games tomorrow, they’re all piled up to sort.

Miaowse
Well, I did pack up all the spare scouts stuff and a small tent and extra rucksacks in one box. But I need a second box for the currently regularly used scouts stuff, when they restart camping trips, we'll know where to find it! So tomorrow I will buy a second box.

Only did half the kitchen, took kids to play in grandparents garden and took my youngest to Asda to get pizza for tea!

I only hang clothes upstairs, so I can sit. I can't stand up long enough to hang clothes outside. So I do what I can do.

Hopeful laundry will happen more tomorrow.

DD is still tidying her room...she has until midnight..I'm trying to instil in her the power of deadlines. Not that I can talk..still, I don't want her to turn out like me! She has hoovered but the stuff is still piled high. However I am amazed to see an actual black bin liner FULL to throw away. Progress.
I've swept floor, put out recycling, wiped worktops, hung out washing, loaded dishwasher and made up dog's bed with clean blanket. Kitchen looks better.

@AmberIsACertainty I read your post and immediately I got up and sorted those books! I'd put them out of my mind today. But, anyway they're tidy now. I had five minutes before my lunch was cooked so I did it as fast as possible.

I've been to Bunnings today, it's similar to B&Q. I bought some gardening stuff. I have a patch of hedge that's yellowing so I'm good to fertilize it.

I've been trying to return a rug I got sent, it's the incorrect rug. It's a palava to get it sorted.

I've gathered a few bits for my next charity shop run.

Their dad takes them to a relative. Deliberately called respite as that is the reason and provides legal protection during lockdown. 23rd march 2020 night before a period, two hours of despair before someone on Mumsnet posted footnote 1 and they could travel to their other parent. We were a week into self isolation at that point.... Legal action gave us access to the outside more than once a day and more importantly could travel to exercise. Also later guidance included respite care.

Relative been offering it for well over a year by that point so well established.

It is a sanity saver due to D's not sleeping well so running on five hours sleep a night leaves one a bit frazzled...

Half way through the "Friday tidy" before the shopping comes tonight.

Hoovered the stairs, hall and half the kitchen during the lunch break.
Damp dusted/washed paintwork in the narrow end of the hall. (A corridor the width of a door with a cupboard in that space)
Put dry pots away from last time
Washed up half the pots
Wiped some of the last lot of shopping that is still hanging around...
Put away the weekend bags
Put away some of the stuff on the stairs.
Made DC breakfast and two drinks
Picked an address label off a package and chucked away.
Put some recycling in the box in the hall
Emptied the hoover.
Used the hoover to pick up some of the detritus on the floor. Been a bit dizzier with the heat and stiff in the back so bending over has not been a great idea.

Got to finish tidying the kitchen floor and the stairs and hoover the rest of the kitchen.

Completely empathise with the sleep issues. The years of poor/insufficient sleep have totally fucked my memory and ability to string a coherent sentence together.

Would you want the children to have a few extra days respite if your ex & the relative could manage it?

Sing You can only do so much on so many fronts.
Nettleskeings Phew to tax info, and well done getting Dd doing room. A whole bin bag is brilliant for a small person.
Susan glad you got some sleep and that Dc is ok. You and they are absolutely entitled to what ever you need to keep everyone’s sanity and wellbeing ticking over. In agreement about A livingroom. Ours is equally multipurpose and certainly gets well lived in!
Amber well done on bringing stuff in tidy from the start.
Miaowse Am about to watch video. With my Dd it was a weekend a month with a relative and the other Dc also named it ‘restbite’ as they got a short rest from being bitten!
Solo little by little.
Nordicmum It is hard when you don’t grow up knowing how these things should be done. I think they literally can’t see all of it at this point… I grew up in very extreme surroundings and really do believe my mother eventually just stopped or somehow phased out seeing the abnormality of it all because otherwise it would have been too overwhelming to carry on.
I’m in awe of your countries wisdom in having special rug washing stations in the summer How brilliant!
Babieseverywhere You’ve done really well, and I don't know if there's any way this could work for you but my method is (seated) I pull out everything from the launderette and put it onto hangers (indoors so if I drop them it's not the end of the world) then onto two old clothes rails and shove them out of the back door where I can drag them in easily enough if it rains. It isn't perfect but mainly does the job. Agree with setting up a potential working area if you can. Having that space to work in may actually help with zoom interviews and focusing on applications.
Down well done with recognizing the books and the steps! I like the thinking about the ‘future me.’

Over the bank holiday weekend all I really managed was to keep on top of GA’s pets and cleaned down a very long cable and cut back one of a number of badly overgrown bushes. Rain then sun has caused garden to explode into uncontrolled jungle. Ended up with one sack of rubbish, one sack of greenery, and a carrier bag of recycling, out.

I’d mentally let go because a final straw resulted in me kicking out the contractors in fury, but I got jerked into picking the reins back up.

Long story short: The final straw was an overhead water tank removed by sawing through it unemptied, letting the contents pour through the hatch, cupboard and ceiling. I threw them out and told landlord enough was enough. Thought I’d successfully flounced, but yesterday received a ‘failure to allow access notice’ with threats of court amid claims they always ‘make good’ so I have little to complain about. Major row with landlords and contractor’s boss, but in the end had to let them in to strip out all old saleable copper, leaving large holes in the walls and they’ll be in touch about making good. Just standard stuff so far and currently waiting for electrician coming out to deal with the damp wiring and a light that shorted out when cover filled with water, that I can’t get at.
About to watch video and see if it makes them turn up!

Elleherd you might want to check your tenancy documents to see if it says "assured shorthold tenancy" or "assured tenancy" if it's the latter you can go down the environmental health route to get repairs done. The former and they'll just decline to renew tenancy unfortunately. Environmental health is not a quick route but if they can't kick you out it's a viable one. They don't control who the landlord uses I don't think but they inspect the situation after. What kind of "contractors", with apparently no skills in their chosen profession, does the job on the cheap in exchange for some scrap copper?!

Your living conditions are appalling. Makes me feel like I want to come round your house and help you declutter back to the bare minimum, so you're ready to run should the opportunity arise! One day you'll be out of there hopefully Once the hoard is dealt with you'd have the option of being a lodger in someone's home. Just a thought

So sorry Elle, that's awful.

Put first lot of pots away
Started on another batch of washing up
Put a wash on.
Made ds lunch
Wiped cooker and a bit of worksurface and the trivet

Elle, this happened in a big freeze situation to us. Burst pipe near water tank caused lots of water to come down through ceiling when we weren't there. To my amazement a dehumidifier just dried it out in a few days. I know it's a bad time to add to the list but it is really really a useful addition to every home with even the possibility of water egress (or is that ingress?) Obviously after the leaks are dealt with. We lived as children in an old house where the plumbing was constantly misfiring, so I am more phlegmatic than Amber that you can't just leave your "home", usually there will be some imperfect but liveable solution to the never ending catalogue of disasters. and in the end it is a home you love despite the plumbing

There has been more progress.
Part of path swept of debris
Big runner shaken free of dust
Scrubbed worktop in utility
Moved stuff off top of fridge
Washed the sheets
Emptied dds bins
Cleaned a bit of paintwork with sugar soap solution
Cleaned round loo, scrubbed loo
Scrubbed a basin.

Upstairs basin still out of action but I've bought yet another drain rod. Still fixated on solving the problem personally.

Empty flowerbed is nearly planted up by DH.

Wow, you've done loads nettle

. nearly finished washing up
. sorted paperwork to find appointment letter. It will need to be changed. Can't travel 20 miles in rush hour through two cities in 20 minutes. I do wonder what they thought about offering a 9am appointment to someone who lives so far away. No thought at all really.

Electrician came, checked things and emptied out goldfishbowl light, all ok but identified an additional issue, which would mean another contractor coming in to do something else before it could be addressed. I’m going to see if I might be able to sort it myself first with less potential aggravation. Haven’t managed more than clearing up and watering some plants, but tomorrow’s another day. About to go do pet run and call it a day.

Amber Thank you it’s kind but as said before I have dependants, one of whom will never be independent.
Having hoarding issues isn’t what keeps me here, it’s that this is the home I can afford for us, and while the attitudes around maintenance are frustrating, it could be worse. TBH lodging seems a horribly precarious position with almost no rights at all, though I get that it can work out and suits some.

Nettleskeings …usually there will be some imperfect but liveable solution to the never ending catalogue of disasters… Absolutely. Contractors will finish up and go away, and I will fix/bodge/ cover up whatever needs doing and eventually it will all be just an unpleasant memory.
Interesting to hear a dehumidifier can work so fast, the loft hatch etc seem to be drying out much faster than the floor. Well done with continued progress. I admire your perseverance with obstinate upstairs plumbing, fingers crossed this drain rod does the trick.

Susan
Well done for unearthing letter. Unfortunately, I don’t think they do think about such things

Good luck Elle.

Fridge Tetris nearly complete. Last few veg to put away.
Put away two t shirts and a fleece
Recycled the few things from the paperwork pile that could be recycled.

Elle, hopefully these blasted contractors will sort the jobs out and then not be needed again. You'll be relieved when it's over with.

It's so cold here today. I don't remember it being this cold last year, but it must've been.

well theres a turn up for the books.

aussie complaining of cold, Brit complaining of heat!

I put the last of the stuff in the fridge last night... I have not woken up properly yet.

just checked email and we were getting a delivery and we were the next stop. just time to rake a comb through my hair. not enough time for a clean t shirt.

I'm pleased with my progress today. I got up and got ready straight away instead of lingering over breakfast then scurried round tidying up. This afternoon I plan to find a to-do list (I've loads of them scattered around) and start working through it. I put some more adverts out last night but no biters yet!