The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

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Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

Nettle good stuff

A giant compost area sounds brilliant.

I have literally achieved nothing since posting here this morning. It's a horrible day outside and it strikes me I could be reading etc in a nice clean tidy flat and not have lots of chores.

I am going to tackle the basics of a quick tidy round - takes longer than it should really - and then report back.

Nettleskeins Glad to hear your back muscles might be strengthening, and great news on the TV too. This greenhouse is the new one to replace what was crushed by the original falling tree, so I’d have been furious if the branch had hit it. TBH the floor isn’t particularly pretty, just practical, but yes it really annoys me when contactors turn up and trash good materials that I can’t afford and could do a better job with!

Down I have to try to ignore the feielings of being overwhelmed by all the other areas that need doing. and Nettleskeins anxiety about the things I haven't done, stopping me doing the things I could do easily. this in spadesfuls! One of the things about this thread is it’s stopping me feeling however hard I‘ve worked I’ve done nothing, because I haven’t done what might be more important/ visible/ whatever. It’s horribly easy to let the haven’ts overwhelm the haves and I’m trying to teach myself to think differently.

Ostara Don’t blame you for being filled with dread at the idea of getting up early just to do housework! I was assuming you had a clutter build up that would need to be dealt with and no time. If it’s just you there, then yes it’s purely whatever works for you.

You’re not lazy, you’re unmotivated and only you can change that, and yes you'll get encouragement to either /or fathom out why/change it, but we're all busy kicking ourselves up the bum.

For me the trick’s to get things clean because it’s much easier to frequently wipe down a clean enough surface quickly in passing, than have to spend concerted time and energy sorting out a dirty one, but there are others here mucking up my efforts.
With food prep I try to do things in a way that uses least possible equipment so there’s less to wash up.

So far: got lie in, did pet run, had bath, all fed, and found exactly what we needed on Gumtree. Annoyingly they initially responded but now not come back about how and when, and I’ve been stuck waiting ever since!
Everyone just got fed all again and not sure what to do in what order as needs to take paint drying into consideration. Argh! Am going to go buy some electrical cable and switches and hope to get email.

Elle, you have done a lot! It can be so hard waiting for an email. I had someone mess me about on Gumtree quite a lot about buying an item. I think some people use it as entertainment.

I have put all the clothes away and it took no time and I find myself thinking, why didn't I just do that after dinner last night?

I need to create a routine and perhaps stick it on the kitchen wall.

I actually don't mind cleaning so I don't understand how I got myself in a mess.

weight gain has not helped, especially in a small flat with a small wardrobe. I had to buy jeans and lounge pants up a size because I was literally unable to fit in pre lockdown ones.

I had a parcel from Seasalt today - 2 items that I didn't particularly like, but I could see would hang well on me and they do. So now they are my 2 go to tops for this summer. Hopefully after summer I will be back in previous tops!

That was one bit of planning that might seem mad to others, spending money on a couple of things I didn't like, but they were in my price range, and it saved spending ages online looking trying to find something.

Two more things sold. Yes! I'll miss one (sentimental value but needs to be used/aired/cleaned regularly or it goes mouldy, so it had to go) but the other big bulky thing I'm glad to see the back of. Significant improvement to my cluttered hallway, which is where I'm storing all the sale stuff.

The rest of the day has been a mammoth digital decluttering of years of photos, so I know which ones I still need to print for my scrapbook. I now have square eyes.

Ostara I am the procrastination queen.

Here's my kick up the butt rules.

1. I always tidy up after myself, because if I don't want to do that 5 second job right now, I'm definitely not going to want to do it later, when it's become a half hour job because I've left all the 5 second jobs all day long.

2. I have to play for doing the things I hate, otherwise I'll procrastinate by doing the things I like, which are also necessary things so there's no guilt I make me not do that. My favourite tactic is to organise to leave the entire week free (except for the ongoing basics) so I have nothing to procrastinate with as the week is allocated solely to the task I don't want to do. I plan rewards like, just take a look at it and see what is the starting point then go make a cuppa, just do half hour on it then read a chapter of my book etc.

3. I have cleaning day. Otherwise I'll do nothing but clean all week. Even if I'm dying it's still cleaning day, if I have to skip things then so be it. By not cleaning on any other day I have a chance of forcing myself to tackle something else. If I make a mess doing something I clean/tidy it up instantly I've finished the task (see point #1).

4. I have morning routine which is airing rooms, putting the washing up in to soak and putting the washing machine on if I have a wash load to do. Then I'm forced to deal with it after and finish off the job. Evening routine is making sure clothes are chosen for tomorrow and everything is tidy and in its place. It means that even in a bad day I manage to keep on top of the basics.

Whoops! Typo. *Plan, not play

I had a lovely Seasalt skirt once in a pastel summer print. I bought it on holiday in St Ives...then it was worn so often it ripped but I have the material still..

Amber I think I do need to make a plan but how to stick to it? It's like when people say that planning is half the battle...i just think, that's the easy half.

I'm on one of the ADHD threads, having thought that I've had depression since I was 8 .(!) I am now not sure if that's quite true.

I have a habit of springing to life late in the evening, but I've learned that capitalising on that often means I get hyper, then can't sleep, then start a bad cycle again the next day. If the first thing I plan to do goes by the wayside, it's not good.

I am quite absent minded, so for example, I just realised I am charging my phone but have no recollection of when I plugged it in to charge!

Nettleskeins I often re-buy favourite items of clothing on eBay

Ostara212 do you like things like checklists? Would something like a bullet journal with trackers work for you? I used to find mine very helpful but I stopped using it and can’t seem to re-start the habit.

Lots of comments resonating with me today! It’s definitely the “I can’t do it” mindset that can be my problem. Today I had to laugh at myself, I was trying to trick myself into tidying and cleaning and putting away, I was tackling the huge mess in my hallway, it’s a dumping zone. I was making great progress, I started off because I was pissed off (excuse my language) with the kids, they were faffing and squabbling, so I roped them into a couple of small jobs just to get them out of my way! So as they did the small jobs I thought of a couple more they could do, but I just needed to organise a few things in the hallway for them to be able to help, so I started out trying to distract the kids from squabbling but I think I distracted myself as well!! Haha. I was tricking my mind into just going with the flow and tackling whatever I laid my hands on, but quietly at the back of my mind I was telling myself when I finish the hallway I’m gunna sit down and relax, so I tried to do quite a few side projects. I had to trick myself by focusing on a reward when I had finished but also trick myself into just getting on with a few things here and there at the same time as doing the hallway. I set my own limits sometimes and it can be good to stay focused but it’s bad because then I end up ignoring other jobs that need doing. So once I had the broom out I swept quite a few areas, where I was picking up rubbish I was doing a little look around for other rubbish in other rooms.

I have found that I have to do the ‘worst’ job first thing in my day, and get it over and done with so that it isn’t filling up my mind.

Decluttering is feeling like it’s changing my life, for the better. I was just churning for so long that I didn’t know a different way! Now I can see that in order to enjoy, for example my kids wearing nice clean clothes, it’s just easier to not have too many. I can give myself permission to get rid of old clothing, or clothes with holes or stains.

And I have found that just clearing one small section or clearing for ten minutes really does add up.

Yesterday afternoon; got electrical cable, bulb holder, light fitting and switches. Annoyed to find ‘cause Covid’ we couldn’t buy the five feet of cable needed and forced to buy a whole roll. Forgot to get cable clips.
Gumtree worked out in the end, so now have potential replacement under sink cupboard once cleaned up and I work out how to adapt it to fit! Current one’s beyond repair and literally collapsing taking the sink surround and worktop with it.
The corridor light fitting broke apart when the bulb got changed exposing worryingly low-grade flex used. Also discovered the light switch is wired upside down. Doing our own electrics worries me a bit, but the quality of what proper ‘electricians’ have done is more worrying.
Bulb’s now got safe fitting, and both lights new correct grade flex. (Switch currently left while investigating if there’s a reason.)

Painting the floor showed up how bad the walls are. They’ve needed re papering for ages which is why it’s been left, but decided painting them while I had everything out would make for a better life for now.

So, did GA’s pet run and kept working on late last night.
Got generations of blu tac traces of the corridor walls, painted them, and gave the floor a second coat of paint. Lots done, which is great, but none of it was sorting and taking to storage.

Getting into bed was a welcome relief, but getting out of it this morning was really hard. Pet run is done, washing sorted for launderette, and about to have long hot bath to try and reduce aching before starting again.
Amongst everything need to have everything back in corridor and set up for contractors coming back tomorrow to investigate complaint and floor still showing no sign of drying out.

Lots of hard work going on on this thread, great stuff.

Nettle do you mean you re-buy the same items after selling them?

Re lists etc, I have them for work and wouldn't be without but it just seems OTT for a small flat. I shy away from anything that makes it seem a bigger job. I am going to stick a list of weekly tasks up in the kitchen, or almost daily tasks eg Monday as laundry night.

This morning I did a quick tidy while the kettle boiled for coffee. I need to be better at that sort of thing.

Tasks for me are

Cooking
Tidying
Cleaning
Laundry

It shouldn't be that hard...

Ostara my suggestion is to leave the plan somewhere visible so you see it multiple times per day, to help remind you and keep you on track. To not have too many tasks on it so it doesn't feel overwhelming. Alternatively to have one task broken down into lots of tiny tasks, so the task list looks huge but each job is actually only 10min. I read somewhere that ticking off things on a to-do list activates the rewards center of the brain like drug addicts or flipping visually between phone/computer/TV screens does.

The evening thing, you need a routine that calms you down and a dedication to activate it after the best of activity, so you can sleep. Meditation, yoga, going for a walk, soft music, dim lighting, hot bath with lavender, chamomile tea, reading. Whatever works.

I would try to establish routines for the basics so it becomes a bit more automatic and doesn't require so much conscious thought.

Try to work out what motivates you. For me I can enjoy slobbing around in pyjamas at the weekend but if it goes on too long I start to feel demotivated. If that happens just going to get washed and dressed makes me feel so much more able to get on with the day. It's like even the thought "what's the point the days half over" is a trigger to go get ready, to counteract those feelings of pointlessness.

I use the kettle as motivation a lot. It takes maybe 3min to boil and another 3 for the tea to brew. That doesn't seem like much effort, 3min. So I look around me and pick something, anything, and start doing it. If I'm still doing it when the kettle clicks off I usually carry on until one stage of it is done, or until it's finished if it's a small job. If the kettle is left for 10min it's still hot. I'll do another job while the tea brews too. I get quite a lot of little things done, or bigger jobs progressed, throughout the day in this way. It's automatic now, flick the kettle on and go do something, pour the water and go do something.

If you struggle with getting started I find breaking things down into tiny steps really helps. So I can't face getting up into the cold winter air to start cleaning? Just can't do it? First I need to open my eyes, then throw the covers back, sit up, put my feet on the floor, stand, put on my slippers and robe, go turn up the thermostat, flick the kettle on and do something (wash my face?) Etc. I can't face the whole job but I can think of, and do, the next step.

Try linking your tasks too. Eg. Put the washing machine on, you know it's going to take an hour (or however long) so crack in with the cleaning for that time knowing you've got an end point of the washing machine finishing and gvie yourself permission to leave whatever isn't done or to take a break from cleaning and finish later. Like a challenge to yourself, how much cleaning can you do before the washing machine stops.

You can do the same with cooking and tidying. Even if it's microwave meals. How much tidying can you do before it pings.

it shouldn't be that hard...

And with my intelligence I should have several degrees and I should be running a company. But I'm temperamentally unsuited to anything that causes me stress. So I work as a cleaner, spend the hours putting chaos into order and go home happy.

We are who we are. Nobody is free from faults. Some are bad with money, some have no fashion sense and scare small children, some are unkind or racist.

So you're disorganized with house chores. It's not something to beat yourself up over. Try to change, yes. Recognizing nobody can do more than their best. So do your best and know that doing so makes you an ok person.

Wow! Elle I am completely in awe of you. You are a powerhouse!

Me? Laundry done. Still in agony, and the blasted chemist closed early yesterday, so I couldn't collect my prescription pain killers and diazepam.

I'm on a mission to lose a minimum of a stone in weight before my holiday (12 weeks). I have only one pair of trousers that fit me, and I have to wear them to work, so Friday night, in the wash, get dry by Monday morning, sometimes by Sunday so I can wear them out if going anywhere (they come off as soon as I'm home). I forced a pair on yesterday, and I was so uncomfortable all day long. So, I have to do something about it. Ideally, I want to lose around 3 stones. I don't want to be a size 10 again, but a comfortable size 14 would be great as the additional weight can't be helping my back (or heart). Sorry about the off-track conversation there; I just needed to say it.

Solo, oh no, that you are in pain. Hope by Monday you have got hold of some painkillers or some alleviating help, sciatic type nerve pain is really unendurable.
Amber that made me smile. ."some people have no fashion sense and scare small children*... I know I fall into one category but I hope not the other

Well, a very long 3 mile walk today and it did me good to get away from the denettle-ing, and staring at repetitive tasks. Some building work is being done tomorrow but I feel mentally prepared and less stressed than I usually do. I put some furniture in the room that isn't being dealt with, I now feel anticipation instead of dread, it is nice to have progress.
I do need to move my nicely graded branches away from where the builder is going to walk though
My sticks and I are becoming a bit of an obsession...I now have three categories, firewood, fencing and kindling, and a fourth which is give up and put it on the nettle heap (note to self ..hire a shredder next time and do not DIY hmmm)

Solo, I have a similar pair of uncomfortable trousers and they made me cross all day without really identifying it was the trousers. I'm turning against tights which don't quite fit for the same reason and refusing to squeeze into things any more. I have stopped worrying about my weight, I reckon once I've tackled other things my weight will magically self correct..but who knows.

Solo, sorry too about your pain. Hope it gets sorted.

I think there's a link between my weight and being messy. When everything's under control, everything's under control!

Had a walk with a friend who knows the flat layout. She made a couple of good suggestions to make things feel less hassle.

She also suggested a robot vac. Turns out they're not as pricey as I thought, though I expect charging them will be a cost. I don't understand why they work randomly either? But it is nice to think I can just set the thing while I'm working instead of it being a task.

It seems lazy but people probably said that about washing machines!

Thanks Nettle and Ostara Yes, it is inflamed nerves. Awful, not to mention I have a burning sensation where Barbie's leg meets her hip iyswim? And the thigh and hip are numb (sorry if I'm repeating myself).

Ostara I always think that my head is muddled and cluttered because my house is, so yes, I think you are right.
My mum got a robot vacuum, but it lived in her bathroom, and I put it in a cupboard when I was sorting her place a bit. I never saw her use it, so I don't know how good or bad they are. I did hear about one trailing cat vomit around the house by mistake though. That was on the radio last week. Funny. Not funny.

I washed up today, cooked dinner. I've yet to put a load of washing to dry.

not caught up. life got tiring and I have not had the energy to report back. What I have read sounds like you all got a lot done.

so the last few days have been mainly maintenence rather than progress. things like washing. washing up, cooking, shopping etc. I hoovered the stairs and kitchen floor and hall. I have tried to take things back to where they belong as i go about the place.

one had an epic meltdown yesterday and I am shattered.

today: dd stripped her bed, remade bed, tidied her bed and the floor of her bedroom. put washing away
I washed two sets of bedding, remade one bed
washed school shirts and whites.
wiped down ds's drawers and dusted his bed
faffed about moving washing about so it dries/airs quicker.
prepared some stuff for ds to go out with his dad.

identified two items of clothing that are too small and need to get sent to charity/rags

Well, I haven't done much at all Susan I did grocery shopping yesterday...

I'm going to cut up a branch in a minute and get it in the green bin.