How do I become a normal person in terms of housekeeping?

[MassiveTBRpile]

The living room is somewhat passable but the kitchen and my bedroom are just awful.

Lying here now there’s at least 3 baskets full of clean washing that teeter on the brink o collapse, random bits of rubbish all over the floor, dirty cups etc. It’s like those awful bedrooms of teenagers that you hear about but I’m over 30! You can’t just walk from the bed to the door, you have to walk around and over things.

It makes life so difficult and exhausting. Getting dressed isn’t just getting dressed. It’s tipping basketfuls of washing onto the bed to find what I need then spending 10 minutes every night putting it back in the baskets only to repeat that process every single day. My OHs side of the bed is practically carpeted in clean washing that has fallen out of said baskets.

I fully understand this is not right. This is not how a family home should be but I can’t fix it. It’s no excuse but I have suspected ADHD so issues with executive function. There is just never a time I can say to myself ‘X Y Z needs done, best pop off and do it’ - it always has to wait until it just can’t wait why longer and is making life completely impossible.

I know about Flylady and TOMM etc but none of it helps. I don’t want to learn a routine I want to change and become a clean and tidy person. My kids shouldn’t have to walk over wet towels and crisp packets to come to my bed. I’m mortified.

Can anyone please help?

The bag of clothes that don't fit you - donate them. If they are not really worth the effort of selling, and everytime you see the bag it makes you feel sad and guilty that you don't fit into them any more, get rid of them. You don't need a bag of clothes making you feel bad everytime you open your wardrobe. Lifting the mental load of having this stuff around is worth more than the few quid it will make you if you ever sell them.

Hi OP my DD has ADHD and I have some traits - procrastination being probably the worst.
With laundry I dry in on the airer with a dehumidifier in the same room. My heart used to sink at the boring job of putting it all away but what really works for me is I strip it all off the airer as soon as it's dry and dump it all on my bed. I then create little piles DD's underwear, my underwear, pyjamas, dresses to be hung up and a pile of items to be ironed. Once they're all folded into their respective piles they can just be put away. DD's go on her bed for her to put away herself.
Maybe that's how everyone does it I don't know but just having the pile on my bed makes me start and it's not overwhelming.

Listen, if you ever do get back into these clothes - and we all know that’s a big ‘if’ - they’ll be out of date and you won’t want to wear them. I know of what I speak.
Also, stop eating in the bedroom.

I am a terrible housekeeper and I think I may also have A DHD although I am not diagnosed

anyway I live in a fair amount of chaos fly lady has helped me and also keeping things as simple as possible

for instance laundry - I buy clothes that can all be washed together and tumble dried together there is no sorting involved - I use a wash pod no fabric conditioner or anything else

when my washing basket is full the whole load of clothes go in the washing machine and then in the dryer

I hang it up straight away so I do not ever need to iron anything this keeps it simple for me as I will not do any more steps and then I will end up in a mess

I've always struggled with housekeeping when living alone, and things escalated after having DD. DH has Aspergers so he struggles with chores that don't affect him directly and also has problems visualising time (eg he might unload the dishwasher once and will remember this event as "having done it 1-2 weeks ago" when it was actually 8 weeks since he did it). So trying to divide up tasks is almost impossible because he has no idea how far back he did something, and therefore when it ought to be time to do it again. I had to pick up a lot of slack whilst taking care of a high-maintenance baby and ended up with severe PND/A. Needless to say we were drowning in chaos but I somehow managed to pull out of it step by step. Here are some things that helped:

1. Ruthless decluttering so you have space to put everything out of sight. Get storage baskets, boxes, bins where you can chuck mess inside and they will at least remain hidden.

2. Do not feel guilty about throwing things out. Free space is far more important for your mental health. Of course, sorting things out to recycle, discard, gift or donate is ideal but I sometimes found myself too overwhelmed by the additional thinking and errands required. The most important thing is that unwanted items are gone from your home NOW.

3. Upgrade your bins. This helps a lot with getting rid of trash. I got two big bins, one for plastic and one for paper/card. This takes care of 70% of the trash that gets produced on an everyday basis.

4. If at all possible, get a cleaner who irons as well. Please see this as an investment in your own mental health and sanity, not a luxury! We have one who only comes once every 14 days to do a surface clean, vaccuum and ironing. It costs less than therapy, which I would have needed had we continued to live in chaos.

5. Practise helps immensely as tiny changes become a habit after 30 days. I tried to identify all the tiny things that bothered me such as DH never refilling the water filter jug. Then I made it a habit to refill it myself as soon I pour from it so it's never empty. This was stressful at first but because routine so I don't even notice it anymore.

6. Put up loads of hooks (behind the door or on the doors) and use those to keep everyday clothing like jeans, jogging pants, home tshirts, nightgown etc. The stuff that you routinely wear which aren't worth folding/hanging up but which shouldn't be in a pile on the chair or floor.

7. Do a cull of kitchen appliances and everything sitting on the countertop. There are often stuff that haven't been used in months (blender, rice cooker, instant pot, various coffee machines, etc) but are still taking up space. If it gets used less than once a month then it needs to be in a cupboard. Even less than that means it could be binned.

8. Run the dishwasher every night and put dishes away before bed, or latest before breakfast. A dishwasher is crucial in hiding and storing dirty dishes and cups that will inevitably pile up during the day. If you don't have one them please consider getting one as an investment.

9. I also put mini laundry baskets (eg flat plastic boxes) in DD's room and in the bathroom so used clothes immediately have a place to go.

I have a cleaner and can’t believe she cleans the whole house in 2 hours once per week.

She didn’t come this week because we were all out on the day.

It took me 2 hours to clean the bathroom.

Agree that decluttering is a good way to go.

I don’t have an ornament or picture in the house.
Having a cleaner weekly at least means i can keep on top of things.