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Housekeeping

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Original poster

Lazy husband

104 replies

Unusual123 · 30/06/2019 07:57

My husband works shifts
Last week he was on night shift and on Mondays when I'm away at work he has our children all day. So he get up with the children Monday morning and goes to bed when he finishes work Tuesday morning around 8 am. He sleeps Tuesday then wakes up mid afternoon then the most he does around the house is walk the dog and make dinner. Tidy up after dinner and puts the children to bed before going to work. This is the same routine for the rest of the week. He then tells me he's got no time when I questions him on what's he been doing all day
This is the same routine everyday am I been unreasonable

OP posts:
WidoWanky · 01/07/2019 00:19

Yes.

Hope this helps.

dancemat · 01/07/2019 00:22

Yes you are , night shifts really take it out of you , on Monday he stays awake all day and sleeps on Tuesday ? Cooks dinner and walks dog ... he must be shattered

Original poster
Unusual123 · 01/07/2019 17:02

He says he's got no time to do all of the chores around the house. I work full time also and find time to organise our family holidays etc and says when I book something that we should do it together as a couple.
He gets up with the children when he's on a late shift and drops them off at nursery about 9am as he says he wants to spend time with them. The other week he didn't leave a dinner out for them when I came home and yeah he did clean the house from top to bottom but I don't have the luxury of saying I forgot to leave dinner out for our children. Then when he comes home from work he disturbs me when I'm watching my programs wanting to talk. I just have to go to bed whilst he stays up watching telly for a couple of hours and it's the repeat performance every day. Yes he does a some of the shopping cooking tidies up, walk the dog but has no time to help organising anything for us as a family and only brings our children to the same 5 or 6 places all the time whilst I take them somewhere new. I'm really frustrated with him he snores and grinds his teeth and now eventually he's got a snoring pillow and a mouth guard but I don't know if they work as he's been shipped off to the spare room.

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 01/07/2019 17:07

Well you very clearly don't like him so why are you still with him?

Napqueen1234 · 01/07/2019 17:12

YABU it sounds like he actually does a significant amount considering he’s on night shifts?

Snog · 01/07/2019 19:43

So he is up for 24 hours at a time?
He must be running on empty.

DustyDoorframes · 01/07/2019 19:44

Well, the time to be doing that organising together would be when you are watching telly instead, surely?
But it does sound like you are just not enjoying the relationship, and working opposite shifts is not helping.

Snog · 01/07/2019 19:45

If you prefer to watch TV than chat to DH I'm not sure if you still have a relationship?

RiddleMeThis2018 · 01/07/2019 19:46

What a bastard, wanting to talk to you when he gets home from work! (You do sound unreasonable, yes.)

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 01/07/2019 19:59

Jesus. Poor bloke you sound awful

Original poster
Unusual123 · 02/07/2019 00:06

I do all the organising for our family holidays etc. Is it not expected that I come home to a clean house. I earn considerable more than my DH and after the children are gone to bed I want an hour or two just to watch telly and go to bed without been disturbed.
When I confront him in things he's does wrong he get really defensive and brings things up that I've done previously but never brings them up when they actually happen
He brings the children to the same parks all the time he doesn't organise anything for us. Yes he's a great dad does his share around the house shopping etc but I want him to take more responsibility for our family

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 02/07/2019 00:21

Ok so he'll be awake 24 hours at a time caring for the children, school runs, cooking and work. He does also clean the entire house.

You work 9-5 and come home and get to watch all your programmes and he's the one in the wrong because he wants to actually spend time talking, meaning he interrupts your programmes, and one time he forgot to do dinner because he's probably bloody exhausted?

You're a selfish twat.

Original poster
Unusual123 · 02/07/2019 06:52

I don't believe those comments are justified He does not work night shifts all the time just every 3 weeks. I travel a lot with work and manage my time that I can organise our family also shop for our children and go to the gym and socialise with my friends. He just doesn't think or manage his time correctly. Last week he spent half hour making up some toys for our children rather than doing something more useful like mowing the lawns. He rarely goes out with friends and he's just asks questions all the time and has nothing interesting to say.

OP posts:
Bowerbird5 · 02/07/2019 07:24

You sound like hard work.
If you earn so much why don’t you get a cleaner a couple of times a week for a couple of hours. This would free up time for both of you.

Children like routine so they won’t mind going to the same play park. When my boys were small we only had the choice of one play park and they asked to go every day. It was near our house so they could see which village kids were there. We went swimming and other activities but they still wanted to go to the park as well.

We went to the same beach as well. We had seven miles of sand to play on I didn’t bother taking them in a car to go to another beach why would I as their friends were often somewhere on our beach. We went every dry Friday night. We would pack a picnic or buy several portions of fish and chips and share them out with whoever turned up. The mums arranged it at Toddler Club and there was usually about five or six mums and there kids. It was great and one of the things my children remember.

Organising a family holiday is a lot more exciting than the day to day cleaning. Why don’t you miss a tv programme to discuss it and plan it together. You don’t appear to do any of the house cleaning yet moan because he hasn’t done the required amount yet he also has a full time job and shifts which is harder than regular hours.

My husband works away and when he is home sometimes I come home and he hasn’t so much as stuck the vacuum cleaner around. That is annoying but I keep my mouth shut to keep the peace. Other times I come home and find he has done the washing and tidied up. It is give and take. I’m sorry but I think your expectations are very high especially if he is looking after the children as well.

As someone else posted “ you don’t seem to like him much. “
Get a cleaner, free up some of your time for him too and get your relationship back on track.

newmomof1 · 02/07/2019 07:27

You'd rather him mow the lawn that help your children build their toys? Wow...

Ok so you work, do the food shop and then get to go the gym and socialise while he's supposed to do everything else?

You're vile.

If this was the other way round people would be rinsing your husband but you're actually a selfish, nasty person.

madcatladyforever · 02/07/2019 07:36

Nights kill you, you don't just feel tired when you are working but all the time.
I did nights for years and had no energy for anything at all the next day. It really messes you up.
I think you are being completely unreasonable.

northerngirl2012 · 02/07/2019 07:43

I think your husband sounds as if he’s doing loads!!

fedup21 · 02/07/2019 07:46

Last week he spent half hour making up some toys for our children rather than doing something more useful like mowing the lawns

How is that not time well spent?

Snog · 02/07/2019 07:52

Maybe relationship counselling if you want to save your marriage? You sound very resentful and like you don't like your DH at all?

Snog · 02/07/2019 07:53

Communication is vital in relationships and it sounds like you are opting out of this to watch the soaps.

Nameusernameuser · 02/07/2019 07:55

YABU. He sounds like he's doing more than half of everything?! You work 9-5 whilst he works shifts (which takes it out of you) plus will stay up for 24 hours just so he gets to spend time with his children? He takes them to the park? He spends time building their toys? And cleans the house top to bottom? It sounds like he's doing everything right, he's parenting, working and looking after the house whilst you work 9-5, go to the gym, and are in charge of booking the holidays and food shop. Sorry but it sounds like he's doing a lot more than you!

LesserBohemian · 02/07/2019 07:58

Reverse?

WinterWife · 02/07/2019 08:00

I'm sorry and you aren't going to want to read this but your husband sounds amazing OP!
In 20 years time your husband isn't going to regret not doing the lawn that day but he would have regretted not having spent quality time with his children.

Ginger1982 · 02/07/2019 08:00

So he stays awake for 24 hours, cleans the house top to bottom, spends quality time with your kids and you're pissed off that he talks to you when you want to watch your programs?

YAB massively U and actually coming across as a complete and utter selfish cow. Your poor husband. If he posted on here about how much he does and how you treat him I'd tell him to LTB.

Ginger1982 · 02/07/2019 08:02

Actually yeah, I'm thinking reverse too?

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