Lazy husband

[Unusual123]

My husband works shifts
Last week he was on night shift and on Mondays when I'm away at work he has our children all day. So he get up with the children Monday morning and goes to bed when he finishes work Tuesday morning around 8 am. He sleeps Tuesday then wakes up mid afternoon then the most he does around the house is walk the dog and make dinner. Tidy up after dinner and puts the children to bed before going to work. This is the same routine for the rest of the week. He then tells me he's got no time when I questions him on what's he been doing all day
This is the same routine everyday am I been unreasonable

This has to be a reverse, someone cant be this blatantly selfish and not realise.

Blimey. He can be my "lazy" husband any day.

Poor sod

@newmomof1 I agree, I was just trying to be generous by saying fair share

"he stays up watching telly for a couple of hours and it's the repeat performance every day."

Well you say in a post further into the thread that you love having a bit of time to yourself to watch tv.

So it's ok for you but not for him?

He sounds very hard-working op. I suspect you're maybe new to mumsnet as there are tons of lazy husband threads and they will open your eyes.

Have you ever worked night shifts?

The following day you are beyond tired. It makes you feel Ill and disoriented, thick headed and fragile.

How hard it is to organise a family holiday? it can be done on your phone while watching shite on television.

You really do sound unreasonable. He sounds like he does plenty and seems like a good Dad to the kids. Who cares if he brings them to the same places. He obviously enjoys it and so the the kids. If don't have to go then why would it bother you? My dh brings the kids to training 4 times a week I am just glad that he does it and I don't have to.

I'm amazed you still have a husband!
He's a gem. You're a lazy cow.

HTH

Seriously the more you write the worse you sound.

Is this a reverse?

Not too sure what you keep saying reverse on here. However I thought I try and get some advice and support on how I am feeling and my frustrations on me having to do all the organising for our family. Yes he share the cooking the cleaning etc. But it the other stuff too days out swimming etc. I've got to do it all clothes shopping for our children. I only want the best for our children but he doesn't do as I ask or listen. Maybe I may have to look at myself or maybe your all right in saying I don't like him very much!!!!

Staying awake for 24 hours regularly is not good for his health. You should be more concerned about this.

What do you mean when you talk about losing half days? Is this to allow him to sleep or work?

There's no point in being with someone you don't like. It sounds like how much he does for the children and the household isn't really the issue here. The issue is perhaps that you are married to someone who you don't like or respect and feel you can't communicate with.

Do you really want to be in this marriage?

I think it is fairly unusual for men to buy clothes for their children, it's most often a role that women take on and often enjoy as more of a pleasure than a chore.

When people say reverse, they mean that you are posting about a situation involving 2 people and writing as Person A only to reveal later on in the thread that you are in fact Person B. So in this case you would actually be the person who is working shifts.

It clearly isn't a reverse though, people are saying it because they have most sympathy with your DH whereas it's more usual for sympathy to be with the original poster, who is after all presenting things from their own point of view.

People are saying 'reverse' because you are being so unreasonable! People were thinking you were actually your husband posting the situation 'in reverse' but clearly not.

Sorry, but nothing you've said has convinced me that you are being anything other than a huge moan!

The poor man!! It sounds like he does loads whilst also working nights. What has he done all day - sleeping I would hope!! I can't believe he cleans the house from top to bottom after working a night as well as often making dinner, putting the kids to bed etc. I couldn't do that and nor did my mum when she worked nights (and she's the least lazy person I know but she was a zombie after nights). I think he's making a real effort and you are being negative and critical, focusing only on the things he hasn't done. As for him wanting to talk to you in the evening - what a terrible person!! Give the poor bloke a break for God's sake.

It sounds like you feel your family is massive inconvenience, perhaps you could leave them all to it , then you could watch as much tv as you like without anybody daring to try and speak to you and you could just organise holidays for yourself?

I think maybe what you are trying to get at, OP, is that you carry most of the mental load for the house. You are expressing it just around holidays and days out though, so hard to get much sympathy!
Does he actually carry the "duller" mental load? (Eg Getting the washing machine mended, sorting permissions for school/nursery, packed lunches, booking the kids' vaccinations, sort out things going wrong with the bills/council tax...) and you do the social calendar (holidays, outings, play dates, Xmas and birthdays...).
If you are working opposite shifts and both knackered it's hard to feel like a team. Maybe prioritising each other (over the telly...) and making time to actually talk to each other (you say he is boring and only asks questions, to be fair most bores go on and on and never ask questions so what happens if you answer then ask one back???). Why did you choose each other?

Because he was the most fun caring romantic person I've ever met and became best friends.
And it all fell apart when we got married and he stopped listening to me

You want him to listen to you but do you listen to him?! No, because you don't want to be interrupted while watching your programs!! 🤔🙄

Maybe he switched off because you kept moaning at him...🙄

This has to be a joke???

It sounds like you expect your DH to do as he is told but at the same time take more responsibility - and that is a contradiction.

Stopped listening as in stopped taking your advice? Or as in stopped wanting to hear your point of view?
You talk about him being boring which doesn't really imply that you are listening to him much.
It sounds like you are at a tough bit of your relationship. If you want it to get better you are going to have to make space to enjoy each other's company (and it sounds like watching telly is what is taking the available space). Is there a show you enjoy together? Even that could be a start.
And remember why you like each other, and respect each other again.

I ask him questions he's says I'm aggressive in my mannerisms and the then gets all defensive. We are suppose to go in holiday next week and I've told him he's not going as he has to change and be less defensive and think more about the family.
We occasionally watch programs together but as he works shifts he misses episodes and then he interrupts the program asking what happened here who's that etc. It's so annoying