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Original poster

Lazy husband

104 replies

Unusual123 · 30/06/2019 07:57

My husband works shifts
Last week he was on night shift and on Mondays when I'm away at work he has our children all day. So he get up with the children Monday morning and goes to bed when he finishes work Tuesday morning around 8 am. He sleeps Tuesday then wakes up mid afternoon then the most he does around the house is walk the dog and make dinner. Tidy up after dinner and puts the children to bed before going to work. This is the same routine for the rest of the week. He then tells me he's got no time when I questions him on what's he been doing all day
This is the same routine everyday am I been unreasonable

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 04/07/2019 09:57

I've told him he's not going and then you wonder why he gets defensive.

GleefulGlitch · 04/07/2019 10:08

Oh dear.
I really think some time away from you maybe good for your DH.
He will have space to decide if he is valued in this relationship.

Do you respect him as a person OP?

Windygate · 04/07/2019 10:08

You come over in your posts as controlling and abusive.

ThePhoenixRises · 04/07/2019 10:11

We occasionally watch programs together but as he works shifts he misses episodes and then he interrupts the program asking what happened here who's that etc. It's so annoying

Why don't you wait for him to be home and watch all episodes together?
He would not have to interrupt that way.

Original poster
Unusual123 · 04/07/2019 10:16

How is it wanting the best for your family been controlling and abusive. He's doesn't think about me and my feelings and disrespect and is resentful towards me. He says he can't talk to me and all he want is for me to be happy. He resents me going out with my friends and having a life outside our home. I've introduced him to my friends husbands in courage him to go out with them and he's says that they are not his type of people. They are ok for one off for a few hours but he prefers his own friends which he only sees once a month

OP posts:
GleefulGlitch · 04/07/2019 10:26

Op you are justifying your poor behaviour by convincing yourself you are treating him this way for the sake of the family.

You have already said he tries to talk to you but because it is disrupting your evenings tv you have a go at him.
I honestly dont think you sound approachable or easy to talk to so I can see why he chooses not to.

Stop trying to force him in to friendships because it suits you.

Abuse from you so far imo:
Putting him down.
Constant berating of his efforts within the family.
Nothing being good enough, you moving the goal posts.
Being angry when he talks to you because it is invading your time then complaining he does not talk to you.
Trying to pick his friendships.
Little thought for his free time but defensive of your own as its your right.
Banning him from a family holiday because he is not behaving the way you want him to around very minor things. Won't the children miss daddy?

You really need to read your own posts and ask yourself if you respect your husband.

FiveShelties · 04/07/2019 10:28

You CANNOT be serious. The poor man.

GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 04/07/2019 10:33

Reverse. And this is the bit where the OP goes 'what's a reverse?'

Original poster
Unusual123 · 04/07/2019 10:46

No I don't think I respect my husband. I have to do all the organising whilst he get to play fun dad and gets to enjoy where we go what we do with no effort. What he can't organise things for us is beyond me. Hence lazy thoughtless husband

OP posts:
Snog · 04/07/2019 10:50

I'm not sure how it is "best for your family" to ban DH from going on holiday with you as a punishment? Punishment surely has no place in a marriage.

OP you do come over in your posts as controlling, hard to talk to and unreasonable. Between you and DH you seem to lack the ability to discuss things and compromise and work as a team. Marriage guidance could potentially be helpful but from what you are saying this sounds like a relationship which is currently unhealthy for both of you and by extension bad for your kids.

Do you think you would be happier as a single parent?

Snog · 04/07/2019 10:52

If you don't respect him then you need to leave him. This is very damaging role modelling by you to your children.

GleefulGlitch · 04/07/2019 10:55

What is it you think he should be organising and what do you think you should be doing?

Wallywobbles · 04/07/2019 10:56

I think you should go to marriage counseling. Perhaps someone official telling you you are pretty vile to you husband might make more of an impact. Can you really not see that you are mean to him.

SwishSwishSheesh · 04/07/2019 11:03

Listen, OP, you asked if you are BU and you were unanimously told that you are. It doesn't sound like you're prepared to snap out of 'me-me-me' attitude and see things from your H's point of view. Just imagine if he wasn't there would your life be easier? If the answer is yes then let him go. I have a feeling he deserves better.

Original poster
Unusual123 · 04/07/2019 11:13

If I'm honest my husband is a great dad does his share of the housework cooks shops etc does the gardening etc. But doesn't do anything for me. So what do you all think is wrong as all I'm getting is I'm controlling and mean yet my heart is broken and I don't know what to do or how to talk to him anymore. What should he do listen more be more thoughtful. How do I get him out of this hole he's in to show how much ch he appreciates me and loves me as he says he does but doesn't show it!!!

OP posts:
SwishSwishSheesh · 04/07/2019 11:18

OP this is completely different issue from the one you described in your opening post though! Posters are only going by what you said in the first place.

GleefulGlitch · 04/07/2019 11:18

Why should he appreciate somebody that constantly puts him down, does not respect him and belittles his efforts for his family?

Would you want to do nice things for a person like that OP?

Maybe just maybe if you started treating your DH more kindly and respectfully he would want to show how much he appreciates you.

You sound very selfish and i doubt will listen to any of us.

Maybe show him this thread?

FiveShelties · 04/07/2019 11:20

Perhaps he appreciates you as much as you appreciate him.

VanGoghsDog · 04/07/2019 11:38

What should he do listen more be more thoughtful. How do I get him out of this hole he's in to show how much ch he appreciates me and loves me as he says he does but doesn't show it!!!

Maybe you should listen to him instead of the TV, show how much you appreciate him, tell him you love him, show that you love him.

What are you doing for him?

Relationships work best when both parties put in more than 50%.

Snog · 04/07/2019 11:40

OP why would your DH be looking to "do something for you" when you treat him so badly and don't respect him or like him.
You banned him from the family holiday ffs. That is demeaning and belittling and controlling behaviour and I don't see there is any way back in your relationship.

Your DH seems to be bringing out the worst in you and nobody should be treated like you behave towards him.

theorchidwhisperer · 04/07/2019 11:55

This must be a wind up!

He's sounds like he's pulling his weight and trying to maintain a good family life.

It's just life, if things aren't immaculate let it go. If tea isn't left out, have beans on toast.

He sounds like he loves his family.

Catapultaway · 04/07/2019 12:20

I really hope this isn't for real.

If it is then you should leave, and the kids should stay with him.

Zoflorabore · 04/07/2019 12:48

Hang on op, your thread title said he is lazy. Now you're saying he's not.

Make your mind up!

I'm finding it hard to believe anything you say to be honest. Too many inconsistencies to make sense. Your husband does a hell of a lot in my opinion. Being a fun dad does not make him lazy.

If I were you and I had some spare time I would have a look through relationships on here to see how many posters are actually dealing with shitty husbands, poor fathers etc, genuinely struggling and suffering due to the actions of their partner.

You may wish to re-think the supposed flaws your husband has when comparing him to some of the cretins you will read about on here. Unbelievable Confused

Catapultaway · 04/07/2019 12:51

"If I were you and I had some spare time I would have a look through relationships on here to see how many posters are actually dealing with shitty husbands, poor fathers etc, genuinely struggling and suffering due to the actions of their partner."

That's bad advice, she's more likely to find her DH posting there about her.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 04/07/2019 12:51

Stop banging on about organising your family holdiays, for heaven's sake!! That's a 'job' you have to do a few times a year, if you'[re lucky. It's not something that you need to do all the time, like walking the dog, or cooking, or cleaning, which it sounds like your h does.

I feel sorry for your h. It sounds like you don;t even like him, that you resent him.

From what you've posted, sounds like he's doing his fair share.

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