#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

@Solo I'm so very sorry for your loss x
@Sorting thanks for your kind words.
(I don't think my tagging is working so I hope you see this).
I had a peaceful 9 days away, full of enthusiasm but no energy when I got back.
My DP had sort of tidied my bedroom, ie put everything in boxes and baskets, and he'd run the hoover round.
But I decided to make a start on tidying the "things" ready to sort out my underbed storage but got distracted, so he's cross that I've "untidied".
I did some washing yesterday and hung it outside. Tried to do some house admin/ paperwork sorting. After spending 32 f'ing minutes listening to "your call is in a queue" to be told I'd rung the wrong department then 12 minutes queing for the right department I was completely frazzled and had a full on snotty crying session because I didn't do my usual hanging laundry on the indoor rack and I'd have to go outside to get it later.
Honestly, if you didn't know me and met me in real life you'd have no idea that I'm completely off my rocker
I'm so glad that I've got this thread to offload onto.
My insomnia is through the roof which is screwing with everything.
I'm still in bed, the thought of getting up and walking through the chaos is too daunting. I woke up at about 2.30am, with the most awful gut wrenching fear, I have no idea why.
I wish you all a good day x

@cherry thank you.
I hope you are okay.x

Just watched a little FB video on motivation.
Motivation does not exist! It's about making goals and recognising the steps to get to your goal and being self disciplined.
Instead of cracking on with my decluttering I'm going to go and buy a new notebook and a lovely new pen to go with all my other new notebooks and lovely pens that were intended for goal setting

CherryTree63 hello, I know what you mean about the anxiety etc etc etc ...

In my case - perimenopause. Is that a factor? X

I had an instant surgical menopause 6 years ago @WomanBornNotWorn
When I was peri I completely lost the plot which came as a surprise as I'd never had PMT and only very mild period pains!
I had a whirlwind tidy of my front room last week as I was having a smart meter fitted.
Wasn't expecting him to need to check all the gas appliances though and was thoroughly ashamed of tbe state of my cooker !
I have tidied my bedroom AND IT HAS BEEN TIDY FOR A WHOLE WEEK!!
I have also cracked my paperwork, had great fun with the shredder and just have a small box of documents.
Long may it last!
How is everyone else doing?

Is it ok for a newbie to join please? I have a lot of health problems and really struggle to keep on top of anything . I do try but the days I'm not well the house turns into a great big clutterfuck again . Would love some inspiration thanks 😊

Cherry you sound like you are doing okay .

Cute welcome! Of course you can join :) .

I'm not doing great but, I seem to have a mouse in the house and spent my weekend going through packet foods and throwing out the chewed up stuff! I've put all packet things into a sealed box now. I just need to sort out more 'stuff' but, I'm exhausted. And I can't catch the mouse!!

Solo thank you . I've been reading through and it's nice to see people in the same position as me . I hope you found the mouse - I would imagine after ages rooting through the cupboards you were too exhausted to de clutter anything ! I have been doing ( this actually means writing lists and colouring in 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣) the organised mum method . Except in my case it's more of a mildly organised , mostly chaos method . I really want to do better !

Not yet! I'm going to change from peanut to peanut butter in the traps. I know, I know. I've tried humane traps before (10+ years ago) and they don't work. I hate killing them but, I can't have them in the house and they won't leave!

It's so overwhelming cute (can I call you cbs please?) isn't it. I really do need to get on and get it done but, Dd won't help me and I'd find it so much easier if she did.

Yes cbs is great ! How old is your daughter ? My son is 13 and is pretty good at helping me . Is she school age where you can still manipulate her with consequences if she doesn't help out ?
You know, about the mice situation, I discovered when we had them , you can ring your local council, they have pest control and are reasonably priced as they dont want mice everywhere . They were a lost lest costly than the private pest control. It's just an idea anyway . I was going to do loads today . All I've managed is to put put a wash on and put washing away as my pain is so bad . Such a pain in the ass 🤦🏻‍♀️

hi to all, and particular hello to Laputa and Solo (returnee to thread)

struggling a lot with the hoarding of five people in this house (and that includes me).

Finally made some progress when ds1 went back to uni. I've hoovered under his bed and the skirtings, and that made me feel a bit better.

BUT, there is a lot of churning going on around here. Tidier but still the same old stuff. And more comes in every day as far as I can see. ...

However on a positive note: I've put some summer clothes up in the loft, reached a clear work surface in the study, cleaned out the fridge, unblocked the basin in the bathroom (that alone took several days of tinkering and unscrewing pipes, in the end it was 3 kettles of boiling water that solved the problem, not the drain cleaner) The hall looks a bit better, all ds1's shoes are now under his bed, I managed to throw away a broken set of flip flops but that is about it.

And I made one big bag of books to chuck. Secretly. All classic literature, and too manky for charity shops, my favourites, but I could get them anytime I want to reread. And SOMETHING HAD TO GO. Which made room for other things on the shelves, and cleared the work top in the study...

Every day I am just going to try and do something in just one room, rather than tackle all the problems simultaneously. It has been a mess for a long time, so it can continue being messy for a bit longer. I reckon.

Today I am going to clean the window in the alley from the outside. Tomorrow will be the dusty lightfitting in the hall. The day after will be hoovering the moths behind the radiator in the front room. Little by little...

Don't lose heart anyone.

Solo my children are all old (late teens now)enough to help and they really don't help me AT ALL with decluttering or cleaning. I don't think you will necessarily get any joy there. In fact I think my role is to tidy up their crap...What they are beginning to do is independently take charge of their lives, which to me is the first step to organising possessions. But no, I don't think the instinct for cleaning and tidying other people's things or even their own is very evident in young or old teens. So don't think too badly of your dd, although i've felt many many times how wearying it is to feel that no-one is helping or cares enough about me to help. I have to let that feeling go, because it isn't their priority, it is ours.

Thanks cbs :) . Hi Nettle good to see you.

Well, it's worse than a mouse. I'm not even going to say the word. I need to take some time off and pull some energy from somewhere to get some crap done!!

I have got rid of a load of stuff today - but, only recycling and a bag of rubbish. And Roland's hoard of monkey nuts and bread. Ugh!

Today I didn't manage any of the things I mentioned or yesterday...but I have got rid of two greasy paper lightshades from the hall and they have gone in the bin now.

I've spent most of the day out with the dog and a friend, in the September sunshine. Takes the edge off anxious "house" feelings, and bit more in perspective when I return. The dust there can be dusted if I put my mind to it, sort of perspective.

today:dusters from an old rag, and duvet covers on the bed. And put some stuff in the loft from ds1's room. Also find the curtain rings and hooks for some curtains for his room.

Awfully quiet in here!

Clunk, crash, ouch. Oh dear that will be me tripping over all the bags I haven;t sorted out yet, mixed up wiith the bags I have, but havent been able to get out of the house yet

There is a bit of progresss. I cleaned two bathrooms and an ensuite loo, and threw away a lot of old plastic bottles and wiped surfaces/scrubbed behind taps and grouting.

The fridge is staying empty of debris.old hoarded sauce bottles

I bought a bread bin to put the bread in. That obviously is a step backwards because it is adding rather than subtracting. But still.

The washing is done, but not really put away properly
The ikea wardrobe still doesn;t have a door
Dog stuff is getting a bit critical, and so is the hall.

There is moth again in the stored jumpers which were lovely and clean when I put them away...gnashing of teeth

I bought some bulbs from Wilko with the breadbin, as an incentive to sort out the garden. Not really working, I think theyve joined forces with the other clutter and are all sniggering at me

So today it is the utility and dog room that I need to clean. Utility with two cats, is v scuzzy as cats are bringingi a lot of mud in.

and I still havenlt done the curtains in ds room..from my last post. He is due back on Friday for an overnight, so I need to sort it, and possibly put the crap on his bed in a suitcase, so he can actually sleep in it

I managed to achieve a few things to do. not on my list you understand but other things.
I washed some more clothes.
Dd mended the Ikea wardrobe for me. I paid her. She is an ANGEL with the ability to use an allen key. Room already looks tidier without the doors hanging off the wardrobe
I put the cover back on the cat bed. Dog is installed there now. So he is less trouble as he is so comfy!
More recycling.
Ds1 made his own bed when he returned and moved the stuff.
I am looking critically at the dog room/study and can think of more stuff to move out of it/rationalise. Next week.
All the euro coins have been collected up and put in one place.

The utility room is still scuzzy, but at least the surfaces are clearer. Moved a Hot Plate, some wine, some lightbulbs and the cat bed. But didn't throw them away. That would be the next step!!!

And I cleared a surface in the bedroom. Which is relatively clean and tidy, just needs regular dusting. I think I need a hoover just for the loft. That would incentivize me. A lot of dust seems to come in from the top floor veluxes.

Hi all, can I join you please? and ask for your advice?

I'm currently trying to clear a spare room which has just had everything shoved in there. I've come across loads of my old clothes, all sizes which I no longer fit into. I was going to put them all into those vacuum bags and store them in a suitcase with the intention of losing weight (I know) but there's just so much stuff. I don't really have the room to store it all but then again there's some really nice things in there which I'd like to think I could wear again one day.
I've just had to walk away from it for a bit because I'm a bit overwhelmed with it and that's not getting me anywhere.
Have any of you had this dilemma and if so what was your solution? Should I just charity shop the lot and be done with it?

I kept all my "thin" "good" clothes. Very expensive woollen jackets, silkdresses from places like Whistles and Jigsaw.

When I went back to look again, nearly 15 years later...a bit thinner, they were all not suitable any more, wrong shape for middle aged lady etc, and there were signs that some things were about to get moth. So I gave them to someone who wanted them immediately. It could have been a charity shop but in my case it was a lady who kept costumes for films/sets etc.

So my advice, is, perhaps keep a small selection of your absolute favourite items but otherwise take the approach that someone else will benefit if you recycle them NOW. The longer you leave it, the more likely they are to benefit no-one, be damaged by moth. And the longer you store them, the less you will feel able to give them up, on the basis of - I've kept them this long so cannot justify clearing.

I don't regret anything I've given away and I wish I had done it earlier.

what helped was to give some items to someone who genuinely wanted them, rather than just a charity shop. Or you could try ebaying a few things you feel are very special.
It is not called the "hoarding" thread for nothing. We find it so hard to tackle these problems. But the first things you give away will be the hardest, and then you will find the feeling of lightness begins to as addictive as the "treasure keeping".
I would say that the longer you keep stuff the more difficult it becomes to let go and the more work storing it represents in your mind, that you will have failed/wasted if you do let go.

FWIW I have a friend who is a master declutterer and never hangs onto stuff for long. She also loves clothes, and has some favourites that I've seen her wear for years ( a particular coat for example) The two things are not incompatible. I think that sometimes in our mind we don't feel we honour our decisions to buy beautiful things if we then give "good" things away, but when we bought something and enjoyed wearing it, we haven't dishonoured it, or ourselves when we give it away again.