#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Thanks Luna
It takes me a very long time to organise making them though...I now usually buy them ready made for this reason...or we would be living with sheets etc draped over the windows. This is a pair that will be a creative project, they are replacing old set, not strictly necessary but a positive way of cheaply improving a tatty room.

Ive chucked 15'glass jars with lids. There are more jars coming in all the time so there is no need for them. Or any more preserving feats!!

Saturday and Sunday afternoon spent removing things from local storage and driving them a fair way to overfull not local, storage. A sort of churning on a giant scale and bigger fuel costs to go sort it, but no choice.
Earmarked stuff to go, but currently no way of getting a slot at the dump at the same time as anyone to help and am unable to manage alone.
Sunday morning was spent cutting a path through the twigs of fallen tree so I can get at a drain cover, and the washing got done.

Did something I’ve never managed to do before. Threw away something ‘perfectly good.’
Two giant opened bottles of bubble bath that no one wanted, dumped on me ages ago. By default, things like this fall to me to ‘use up.’
I’ve often been the repository of opened unwanted stuff, and not good enough to give away elsewhere.

Yesterday I shoved past the guilt, and tipped away and turned the unwanted part used ‘gift’ into recyclable plastic bottles. It may not seem much, but it was hopefully an important step forward.

Notapizzaeater Well done! It’s very difficult but leaving it longer doesn’t make it easier. Wishing you lots of strength and resolve.

(I have a large amount of two people’s possessions that had to be dealt with suddenly in January 20, now helping block up a storage unit that I can’t afford, waiting for collection bags to resume here, and charity shops to reopen. Deep in there are also boxes from someone else that I’ve been dragging round for twenty plus years because I couldn’t deal with them.)

Susan sorry, that doesn’t sound like fun.

Nettleskeins that sounds like a productive if sticky Sunday! Impressed at your curtain and marmalade making abilities.

Today has been a hospital prodding and poking day, and I’m not trying to do anything with the rest of it, as have to go back in the morning and have no energy for it all right now.

Elle "By default, things like this fall to me to ‘use up.’
I’ve often been the repository of opened unwanted stuff, and not good enough to give away elsewhere."

Good for you.

I tend to keep this quiet as people get annoyed but when I get unwanted stuff, especially when I worked 60 hour weeks, it went in the bin. This a small flat and it's just too much energy. During lockdown a couple of glass vases have gone in recycling.

Sadly I am missing a couple of ornaments I bought and chose myself but gave away. I have to be careful what I give away from lack of space.

PS i mean, good for you chucking it out - sorry that wasn't clear!

That's the difference between levels of normality and not!

My issues probably tick several boxes for causes, but one part is what was deeply imprinted on me as a child and blindly practiced.

I haven't ever managed to just throw away something that someone else might want or could use. I managed to chuck the bubble bath because I'm truly the last in the line in it's existence naturally, rather than just by that being my decision. (still a start though!)

If the vases were damaged I could recycle them, but so far at least, undamaged ones? I don't think I could, I'd feel obliged to ensure others could have them if they wanted before I could feel I could even think about that, but maybe some point in the future!

Elle that's interesting

I've either forgotten or rejected what I was taught as a child and I am often surprised by all the psych theories saying that time shapes you.

I do wish I had inherited my parents skills at clearing up after themselves.well, I think I did a bit but they had a house from early 30s which I think makes a big difference. It had an attic and garage and separate kitchen and dining room. Even if you divide the square footage per person, we each had way more space growing up than I had now...but I better shut up before I get into property prices vs wages!

Elle, I understand what you mean. Sometimes I "practice" on items which have no value to sell on but have "use", just to break that talismatic hold that stuff has over me.
For example I will bin a packet of food that has passed sellby but is edible. It is a waste but I gain strength from it not sitting in my cupboard ruining my storage capacity or bringing mites in.
Or I bin an old teeshirt after using it as a duster. Sacrilege but better than spend my life dancing round the issue or not getting it out of my house!!!

Luna, definitely with you on the space. If I had a garage, or cellar, my jam jars and plastic pots wouldnt be clutter at all. But we have to cut our suit to fit our cloth

I used to refuse to accept that childhood shaped you. It was an irrelevance and you could be the person you wanted to be by deciding that was who you were regardless of what you came from. Perhaps it's necessary to believe that.

I've reluctantly come to accept that extreme childhoods (or maybe it's unaddressed ones?) generally bite you on the backside and lead to extreme adulthood behaviors. C'est la vie, there's worse things one can be.

I think you can look back at familiar scenes from childhood, as an adult mediating your 'child's " experience it can help you understand what patterns are valuable and which less valuable.
I grew up in a cosy pleasant tidy house, light and airy. There was plenty of space to play, nice food of ordinary nature, it wasn't too clean or too dirty.
However, my mother was convinced that the house was a mess, she suffered agonies that other people were neat and organized and had dinner guests...she disliked entertaining. She feared clutter and feared luxuries which she felt she didn't deserve, like spending money on interiors or furniture. Possibly she also didn't have money to spare.

I've always loved acquiring things as a result but my instinct is for thrift and modesty like her. I don't know how to enjoy clutter...photo, ornaments, soft furnishings though because she certainly didn't..there is no natural off switch in my brain. So I end up surrounded by things of little commercial but a great deal of sentimental value because I've chosen them myself, but despise all commercial judgements..due to my mother's natural thrift and lack of extravagance.
It is a connundrum but in my mid fifties I may be getting nearer understanding what is driving me, and making peace with it.

Gosh, this thread is deep

I just got myself in a mess, exacerbated by lockdown and previous dreams of living somewhere bigger, but it's not major and still on track to sort by end March so...all good.

Just popping on to say that my decluttering is continuing, the house is maybe 3/4 of the way back to where it was pre-lockdown, it'll probably be in a decent state just in time for the DC to trash it again over the Easter holidays...

@Nettleskeins I'm in awe of your marmalade and I realised that I'm still living with hangups over my childhood home; when I was little we lived in a small house which was always cluttered. I was about 7 when we moved to a bigger place, which would have been a good option, but my DPs bought a 'doer-upper' and then never had the time/ money/ energy to do it up... 30+ years later and it's in a terrible state. I still get anxious when people visit and I haven't had a good amount of notice to get things clean and tidy I may have to join the Fledglings to keep me motivated!

I'm still working on finding a job - difficult as the main things around are care work or looking after children, neither of which I'm particularly keen on. However, I have started doing a daily workout and eating better, which has helped with my motivation... DP is still no help though, he'd far rather sit around than take the DC out for some fresh air, despite DS1 being desperate to go out on his bike

Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with the thread more now the schools are finally back!!

I've cleaned the toilet, and bathroom sink. Our toilet is separate. We're hoping to get a new bathroom, I'll be keen for big tiles! We've got these awful tiny tiles on the floor at the moment. Very 80's. Very annoying for cleaning! The room is an ok size and if we make it into one room it'll be easier to clean as well. I had (as I'd been saying recently) been procrastinating over getting it done. I'm glad it's done. I have bought a mint plant to go on the window sill in there. I will not use it as a herb, it's just one of those plants that's supposedly easy to keep alive. Let's hope I don't kill it off.

I'm having a little break. Then I've got some tidying up to do and then I'm putting up birthday decorations for Dd. Then I'll wrap some presents.

I've been taking iron tablets due to low iron levels, and I actually think I'm feeling better this week. It's a big relief.

Ok I'm off to tidy now for a bit.

Ok. I've tidied and cleaned the dining table and swept. I'll have a go with birthday decorations later!

Thanks for the mention @Solo

Do I need to remake my oath as a returning poster? Better safe than sorry.

"I am a hoarder, but I'm going to do something about it to simplfy my life and improve my immediate environment for my own sanity and for the good of those who share my life and space."

Am I done? Not by a long shot but I am working on the kitchen atm.

I have been unwell and posting under various names. Long story short. The reason I fall over and drop things all the time is an actual neurological condition, not just me being silly. Turns out I am a bit broken. I use sticks around the house and a wheelchair outside the house. Tis pants but what can you do.

I need to get on top of things, as I got it all down to one pile in our room and the kids rooms bring amuck with their toys at one stage but it has been building up since then.

So (((hugs))) to Solo and I look forward to getting to know all the new regulars on here.

Yesterday was more hospital, and came back with no motivation to use any time left.

Tried to make up for it this morning and tackled the bedroom window that (landlord's 'workmen') was painted closed from outside and has been stuck shut ever since. Earlier efforts haven't worked.
It looks like the weather and cold that's caused all the wood frames to swell and contract, and the paint to flake off inside, has actually been a positive here, and I finally managed to free it. So more sanding to do but I have a window that now opens.

The landlord of the smaller local storage unit that I was clearing and moving out of on Thursday has offered me three months use for one months rent.
Very torn because on the one hand I'm trying to downsize and am financially strained, on the other, it's an unrepeatable bargain and would allow me to clear working space in the flat and be able to get some things done that at the moment is almost impossible. Am trying to work out the pro's and cons of it all.

@Nettleskeins Lovely to see you are still here too (((hugs)))

Babieseverywhere Hello from a newbie.
I've not 'met' Solo but skim reading backwards I suspect like me she is a long hauler, and I hope she is OK.

Current baseline of my house.

Bathroom OK. Need to catch up with laundry and resort medical cabinet. Next job after the kitchen, as an easy win.

Downstairs Hall One box of things to be sold/given away.

Upstairs Landing Happy with my drying ceiling rack for clothes/dehumidifier set up

DS Bedroom OK up to DS to keep it up and it is fine.

DD's Bedroom Three girls in here. Younger two only use their bunk bed at night. Where as 14yo DD1 spends all time she can in here. Need to get DH to install privacy curtain ceiling track, so I can buy the curtains. Little two need to sort out three small boxes of their trinkets. Plus their under the bed shoe box. Recently sorted through everyone's clothes and toys.

Our Bedroom I draw a veil. It has been better and it has been worse. As always last room in the house.

Kitchen Half way through clearing, cleaning and sorting through the cupboards. Hopeing to do the rest this morning, if possible.

Dining Room I have to locate half the dining table, as my hobby stuff is on it! Kids computer desks are ok. The floor is ok. Generally, meh. Could do better but it is fine for now.

Living Room Ignoring DH's crate of bike wear which he insist on keeping down here.
I sorted out the cube storage downstairs with the exception of the 'Fancy dress clothes' which need donating to primary school or a charity shop. Plus another box of waterproofs and winter hats etc. A lot of which need chucking or given to charity.

Plus there are a chest of drawers of 'no idea's stuff. One in the living room and one in the dining room, that need sorting too.

And breath...
...a lot to do.

I get tired easily these days, plus I often have pain in my legs. So I can be grumpy at times but hopefully not too often.

Oh and I need a job too, which is why I am back on tidy up. I am hopeing to get a home based job and need an office space in our room or if that fails a clear dining room!

Elleherd Nice to meet you too.

I hope Solo comes back to the thread, she is ace and yes in it for a long haul, like me.

Re. Storage container. If you had got as far as getting ready to leave the unit, I would do so. Dumping more stuff in there and keeping the unit would only be building up a bigger future problem. Literally 'out of sight, out of mind'. Of course that is just based on what I would do, hopefully you would actually use it more sensibly than that, lol.

Sorted out the baking stuff. Checked all the dates. Then went back through the other cupboards checking dates on stuff.

Still have fridge, dishwasher and the sink to do. Wish me luck!

Having a back break!

Plus double cupboard!

Definitely keep storage on for now to allow you to sort out your existing space Elle, sounds like a wonderful break!
And yay for opening windows.
Babies great to hear from you.

Not having a good morning. Things have backed up again. I'm having a think and trying to solve some bottlenecks this afternoon.
On a more positive note my nicotiana and lobelia seeds have germinated after I stuck the seed tray near a radiator in desperation (no sunny windowsill) the greenhouse seeds (sunflowers, dill basil and coriander are looking sullenly unsprouted so far)

Will return when I've got somewhere.

Elle, I know in principle you are meant to ditch the storage unit, but you are dealing with illness and your landlord issues too, and needing to do work on flat so it really is essential to clear that stuff into somewhere...think of it as a skip, which at the moment you don't have time to organise.
I'm actually going to do the same with some stuff that needs to move country. It has been sitting here clogging up my life for ages. It cannot be thrown out but I keep adding to the pile and then not organising transport, quotes etc. I wonder whether I should just bung it all in a very small storage unit and then when I've filled the unit, get a removals co to quote.
Better than it sitting in my living space until I've come up with transport solution.