#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Hi really and Meags :) Welcome!

@Nettleskeins I got my garden almost to the point of being tidy before autumn kicked in, then of course we had weeks of torrential rain and I haven't been out since! An afternoon out there would probably do it; tidy away the plant pots I'm not going to use till next year, throw away a few plants which have rotted in the wet, actually put rubbish in the bin rather than leaving it in a pile..... but the forecast is for rain again all week

@Meags1 I have DTs aged 4, same problem, PIL LOVE buying them large plastic toys we just don't have the room for them! I've got a few Ikea storage bits (via Facebook), in fact the more plastic storage the better, as Nettle says. We're also buying their 'proper' beds with ottoman storage included as their bedroom is too small for much separate storage. And yes, sneak out as many as you can to charity/ eBay etc if they're not favourites; I've kept a big box of art stuff, one of painting stuff and one of cooking stuff as I think they'll always get used, but most stuff they grow out of quickly.

I still want to get the house clean before the hell that is half term, the kitchen, bathroom and utility room all need a good going over. Plus I need to finish tidying the loft and do some menu planning (my downfall - but must learn to master it - too much food is getting wasted or not being used in the best way!). Saving like mad for Christmas now and better food shopping/ cooking habits will help

Ruby I think you are way ahead of me. My front garden doesn't seem to have been tidy since last year. possibly

I am feeling quite negative today about the house again. The thought of doing any [pointless,drop in the ocean] housework just fills me with despondency and I end up leaving and going for a dog walk, or sitting on the sofa afterwards and enjoying the dog's "rest time" (snuggled up next to me)

I am going out now!!! Leaves and mankiness beckon. Even if it is just 15 minutes Out There it will be an improvement.

I've swept up the vine leaves, and the earth from the front path, swept the window sills, tipped out the old earth from the window boxes and removed the geraniums to the green house. That is a bit better. Dog is greeting me with a chewed item from back garden
I can do it!
I also washed up a lot of stuff earlier.
Next is the food compost - remains from the fridge.

well, I then managed a bit more tidying and sorting. Veggies away, more recyling, things back in the right places, managed to clear the HALL TABLE and sweep the hall floor and dust the tops of the picture frames with a soft broom.
Feel much better now. A little makes a difference

okay going to tackle the front garden again this morning, as the doorstep stinks of fox! hall, kitchen and front room relatively tidy and sorted atm. Long may that last...

Also determined to clean the paintwork on the front door, inside. So grubby.
For all who need encouragement with the decluttering aspect,the one thing a day thread is very supportive, so I am combining being on two threads atm..

Nettle your dog sounds awesome

I was hoping to do a big decluttering session on the DTs' bedroom as we were getting them new beds and having a general move round and tidy up. Of course DP with his usual listening skills has cocked this up the conversation went like this.....

DP: I'm going to put up one of the new beds now
Me: Well, just do that for now, leave the rest as I want to move the furniture round too and we only have an hour before their swimming lesson
Two minutes later:
CRASH! SMASH! BANG!

Yes, the bedroom is an utter tip and I can't do much to tidy it as the furniture is now in completely the wrong place!

Tomorrow I have an enormous pile of clean washing to put away. It needs to go before half term.....

The washing has gone but DTS2 woke everyone up at 5.30am so I am exhausted, as DTS1 was up in the night with earache

Just feeling a bit uninspired at the moment as I know half term is going to be hard work (the DTs are hard work full stop, a week of them is very tiring!) - I wish I could be one of these people with boundless energy and enjoyment for life but I'm just not, or not at the moment! Will need to work on it.....

ruby I have twins, but they are now teenagers doing A levels, so I've resigned myself to them having filthy rooms most of the time
Gosh, it used to be very difficult but I did love half terms and holidays - no pressure to be anywhere or do anything much or wear clean clothes Getting out to swimming is one of my happier memories of "coping" although there used to be many many meltdowns in cars on the way. Home again was always bliss after though, we used to watch Dr Who on Saturday nights and before that it was Merlin and before that something else was our regular saturday telly date. Dh would have supper ready on Saturdays when we came home, in payment for the "time off" he got when we went swimming.

I feel your pain over any sort of furniture setting up, and the lack of subtlety with which the male species seems to approach this task. grrr on your behalf. Dh also was very bad at DIY and swore at lot at the instructions.

Well, today has been a miracle, I seem to have a tidy downstairs. I just keep clearing and clearing and magically it all seems easier the next time to organise wipe down. It helps that everyone is elsewhere most of the day, whenever any of the four other adults in this house come back into any room, it is less easy to keep the ship on course!

Also Ruby a reminder to take your Vitamin D and B vits, very important for mothers of twins who are permanently on the go.

Hey! This is an awesome thread. I use to be a hoarder.. I guess I still am I just have it under control for the most part! I do over spend and have found myself buying bigger and bigger homes to accommodate and not let it look dirty and cluttered.... so instead of random things I use to hoard (before I met my husband..when we moved in together he said no way all this has to go you don’t need things that are 20 years old that are essentially trash lol), I now hoard....stuff... needed a bigger house to hold multiple dining and living areas...
anyways! We decided to minimize and bought some land where we’re building a small home.. basically a tiny house but a tad bigger. I wanna follow this thread to keep me motivated and stay organized and not have a mental break tossing most my stuff!

Oh blimey @Aunaturalmama, much as I would love a bigger house, I don't think DP would ever agree as he'd think I'd put too much 'stuff' in it!! He's very minimalist but too much in my opinion, doesn't even like photos on walls etc.

Can you give me hope that the DTs will get easier @Nettleskeins?! I actually ended up ringing TAMBA the other day and sobbing as they were just such hard work and I was dreading collecting them from school, not to mention having them on my own for a week..... spoke to a lovely lady who had boy twins (much older than mine, doing their GCSEs at the moment) and completely empathised, said she hated the years between 2 and 5 years old. I told her I felt awful because it was like wishing the time away, and it's not that I didn't want one of my DTs, but I'm jealous of my friends with singletons as they can do so much more with their DC and seem to be enjoying parenthood a lot more than I am! She was really kind and reassured me that it will get better, I live in hope.....

Sorry, got a bit distracted there! No progression on the gardening front, I want to plant onions and daffodils but at the moment they'd just rot in the ever-pouring rain house could do with a good clean but zero chance of that getting done over the school holidays. And the car came up with a fault code today which I'm hoping won't cost £££ to sort out, or that'll be Christmas severely curtailed!

Hey there, everyone! And welcome mama .

You all sound really motivated, really good!

I have had Dd do some clearing up of her old school books from year 7 this evening which were just thrown at the bottom step of the stairs whilst I have done the rest there and the hallway. I haven't done the whole lot yet but, I have done a lot as there was so much crap everywhere there! I could hardly get in or out of the front door. Anyway, we have a ^massive* bag of waste paper (just from her books!) and some bits and pieces to go too.
All but two bed sheets are washed. Back to work on Monday and Dd back to school.

I've told Dd that I am sick of her just take, take, taking all the time and giving me nothing in return. I've just put her phone in for a new screen and told her she has to earn it. I. Have. Had. Enough.

I must say, I feel a tug at my heart when I read about your teamwork with your Dh's and the children as I've never had that. It makes me sad sometimes but, I wouldn't know how to deal with it now - even though I've longed to have it :(

Keep up the good work!

Solo I'm grateful for dh's help and input but sometimes he has made my life so much harder. Being in charge so to speak has windows of opportunity even if there are doors that close and it must be exhausting to feel unsupported Don't be too down on your dd. They do just take at this age, I think it is what they are programmed to do before they fly the nest. demanding as many little worms as possible with their little chirping beaks

ruby yes it can be perfectly frightful. I used to hide in the corner of the back room sometimes as I just couldn't face dealing with them after school, and mealtimes were just urrrggh...tantrums meltdowns.

I recommend How to Talk So Kids will Listen and LIsten so Kids will talk. I didn't read this till mine were much older, and it made me cry when I did. When you have twins you get so hung up on the executive side of coping, that it is difficult to think of things from their point of view, they just seem so incredibly unreasonable and scratchy [all the time it feels, because you never get a break from the interactions]

this morning mine have been singing High School Musical and Sound of Music to each other aged 17. And they used to like this when they were 4, it is one of the "happy"memories, not to be confused with the foul ones of people throwing things down the stairs and screaming at each other 70 percent Outside is good, and when inside should have as little demands as possible, lots of sitting on sofa and listening to music/tv and eating easy meals. Ruby I definitely felt jealous of singletons, but now with baby 3 so to speak 17 instead of most friends' 14, I feel quite blessed to have got through it.

My husband and children (although young) are pretty helpful. My oldest just turned 3 and is a great organizer! We just did a toy purge and book purge but since he’s young we go a little at a time about every 3 months. Shopping addiction extends to the kids too 🙈
My husbands mom was a hoarder and that gives him great motivation to to help keep things tidy and decluttered at least. His mom still has papers spread everywhere and last time we helped organize as a help she had a little meltdown. I think he fears I’ll end up that way so cleans before it gets bad! Haha!

my husband is a natural hoarder and very anti any sort of decluttering/change/upheaval. He also dislikes the idea of housework although he is good at unloading the dw and grocery shopping/cooking. An ironing board in the middle of the room sends him into a rage, as a result I do the minimum of ironing. I don't think he has ever hoovered his workroom or cares about sweeping or hoovering. So there is a clash of sorts...to put it lightly.

I think that hoarding and sorting can lead to all sorts of pyschological impasses which affect relationships, even if common sense might suggest it is obvious what needs to be done.

Anyway today I've been feeling very positive. I can see new ways to improve my study/tv room, having made big steps forward already by getting rid of a lot of the books. (about 1/40 but still that made a difference)
I hoping to put a cheap fireplace back where the hole in the wall is, presently disguised by a large piece of furniture. The more wall I can clear in that room the better it will feel, I need to actually reduce the storage rather than faciliate the storage of unnecessary items. the dog and I often sit in there and it needs to be cosy but easy to clean and work in/find paperwork. So if I could get the tents out of there that might help !!!!

nettles have you got a big house? It sounds big. My house is not a bad size but, the kitchen and bathrooms are small and the lounge and master bedroom are not great shapes. I will some time (hopefully!) be moving into the second bedroom and Dd will have the main one. The only thing is that I will still have use of 2/3rds of the wardrobe space in there (I know, I know!).

Things that have to be done in my house once the mess is sorted:
Boiler fixed.
Rewiring.
New windows and patio doors.
Replastering of at least the lounge.
New kitchen.
Plastering over all the artexed ceilings.
New internal doors.
New hardwood/laminate flooring.
New carpet on stairs.
Gardens sorted.

Things I want doing:
Wood burner.
Conservatory.
Cabin/craft room.
Tidying up the bathroom (new bath and tiles).

It's only my income coming in. I work part-time and don't earn a lot but, my mortgage is paid off now. I have enough to do the wiring and possibly the windows (family member hopefully). Then, I have to save.

It is a medium semi. But dh works from home so he has an office in the house. I feel it would be bigger if we used the space wisely. It will be very spacious when the 3 children leave that is for sure...
Your plans sound excellent. I don't think I will ever get the conservatory or craft room of my dreams, do you think anyone ever does ??!!! I also have turned against woodburners, a lot of work which can possibly be replicated by an nice electric fire which looks like a woodburner!!

Nettle I would live a woodburner or even an electric fire but DP hates all such things! I almost got a bio ethanol fire a few years back, think they're a much more reasonable cost now, might be an option for your fireplace? You can get fireplaces quite cheaply if you're prepared to clean/ do them up yourself, I'm terrible at that sort of thing personally though

It's not just me that wants to escape from DTs then!! 'Scratchy' is such a good way of describing it; they are constantly on at me and each other and sometimes I feel like I get no peace. DTS1 has such poor hearing too that I often have to bellow at him before he hears! We caught a bus today - waited in the queue till it arrived then of course they shoved their way on whilst I shouted "WAIT!!" and they ignored me - DTS1 fell over and bumped his nose, I could hear his howls from inside the bus but couldn't get to him. DTS2 came out, started howling and pulling at the buggy trying to get me on the bus, which I was trying to do anyway but couldn't just push in! I think we were all close to tears by the time we finally got on the bus. Oh, and then there was no space for the buggy so I had to fold it up, not easy in a confined space!

Solo I look forward to the evenings DP isn't here but can completely imagine it would be incredibly hard to be on your own 24/7. If I'm honest DP has been such a disappointment since the DTs were born - I thought he would be a 10 out of 10, fantastic parent, but he's so lazy with them, it's more like 4 out of 10 - but sometimes it's just about having an extra pair of hands or someone to bounce ideas off. My family are nowhere nearby but I often wonder whether I'd have left him and moved back to them if they were closer.

Your house plans sound awesome though! We are (hopefully!) having our boiler fixed this week. I'm not getting my hopes up though as it'll be the boiler engineer's third visit for the same fault

Ruby, my boiler hasn't worked for nearly 2 years! I can't let anyone in!!

I do want a wood burner - determined to have one. Actually I want a lot of things, don't I? (see list!). I have to get it started or I'll still be like this in 10 year's time and I doubt I'll have any working electrics by then!

I do feel the squeeze when I see couples doing coupley, parenty stuff. I'm not the jealous type but, I do feel a sadness for myself. Never had it really. I've never lived in the same house with anyone other than the children who are 8 years apart and have different dads.

I've ordered some dark blue paint (Dulux Breton Blue) for the cupboard and shelves in the tv room. For a long time I just longed for this house to be bright and airy but I can I think I can "pull it together" in the tv room a bit better if the woodwork was a darker shade - maybe the mankiness would fade into the background. Also two pictures to fill the gaps on the walls. (despite clutter there don't seem to be any pictures - only thousands of photos, all a bit bitty)

House quite depressing at 7am, especially when you are feeling a bit ill, which I am...dd screaming at me about her back hurting. Then she gave me a big hug when she left (after I had handed her nurofen, a homemade cappucino, and some readybrek with lots of sugar) ds2 is now brilliant at getting himself out of the house, only the occasional demand for socks or pants He has given up remembering his key though. He knows unfortunately that I am usually going to be here pottering around complaining about the house and moving things from one room to another ineffectually!!!

Ruby that is very frustrating re dh and the twins. Dh was very helpful in some ways but in lots of ways that I would have liked him to be...NO. I suppose the answer is to make the most of the things he likes doing with the children. Dh takes ds2 to football matches a lot!! And he likes taking dd to coffee shops. Also cooking particular meals, he himself likes eating, he is very happy to shop for...My idea of how it would be as a partnership has turned out very differently. Still, he has always been good at chatting to the children and telling them stories, playing with them. I suppose he likes doing "lazy" things with them rather than housework with them, maybe those lazy things are important though and the kids enjoy them. Still, made me frustrated when mine were little. My solution was to enjoy doing a lot of lazy things of my own making too with them, like getting out to the park rather than do housework...

Nettle I thought of you today as I shut myself in the bedroom and drank my tin of G&T

(It was 6pm by then and DP was home downstairs with the DTs - but they'd been so awful all day that I desperately needed it!!)

My DP sounds like yours, he likes the 'fun' stuff you can do with DC but not the daily grind..... washing, tidying, putting clothes away etc etc. He has got better with them as they've got older - when they were tiny he had pretty much zero interest - but now he gets impatient with them when they don't do what he says. I mean they are toddlers, they don't care/ understand!

Could you get some 'feature' photo frames so they are the focus of your room by the way? Works really well at my friend's house where she has dark walls but sparkly photo frames also I love Ready Brek - my DGF used to make it for me - yum.

Solo I feel for you with the boiler issue! Years ago when I was selling a flat with (now ex) DP, the boiler broke after we'd exchanged contracts, and we ended up paying towards the cost of a new one as it was going to be £££ for the buyers. It was a huge, ancient copper one and I have no doubt that the new one was much better, but it was an expense that neither of us could afford.

The DTs are off to PIL tomorrow for a few hours - I'm hoping to get the house (reasonably) tidy - bought a load of daffodil bulbs from Wilko earlier as they were half price, will try to get those going in the garden so we have some spring