Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

I'm a couple of hours in to today's chunking, and it's too hot and airless up here really, even with a bedroom window wide open and a blind down to keep out the heat of the afternoon sun. I'm just taking another quick break at the watering hole, trying at least to keep hydrated - H2O only unfortunately, no gin! 🐘

Needless to say, I can't put a fan on because I'd find myself in a dust and cobweb storm! At least the point of Peak Moth seems to have passed, when on scratching my itchy shoulder during chunking, I found it was actually one of the little winged critters crawling about inside my t-shirt! I suspect that my work clothes now have more perforations than a teabag! 🐘

And finally for this thrilling installment...

Firstly, my apologies to any extremely stoic and patient surviving herd members, still unbelievably with me nearly a year on from the start, for the recent bush radio silence. Secondly, my thanks to pps for your kind messages and enquiries - read and much appreciated, as always.

I'm hoping to update more regularly again over the next few weeks - if anyone IS still with me or wants to join me along the way, that is..... 🐘

I can’t even think about getting off the sofa in this heat, so very impressed you’re still ploughing on. A cold wet flannel can help cool you down a bit.
I hope you’re seeing an improvement with all the work you’ve put in!

Hi Ele, lovely to hear from you, you're very brave doing anything like that in this heat! I saw a lovely episode of Queer Eye (season 4, episode 5 "On Golden Kenny") all about this batchelor and they called him a quarter hoarder! Suspect your dealing with rather more than that but he was so receptive to change it was just sweet. Hope you don't get too hot, well deserved ice cold gin when you get home.

How are you doing lovely? How are you and your friend feeling about the project?

Oops sorry I must have missed the last page . Off to catch up.

How's it going?

It's that pesky ad after the first post on this page.

I like your elephant emoji. Hopefully working up to your next G&T.

Great to hear from you. Can't imagine trunking in this weather, hope you've hosed yourself down with gin X

I'm fully invested in your saga and will be here the whole way through. I check everyday xD

I’m still here too, pleased to see you’re still moving forward.

I'm still here too. You are doing a great job but the moths sound horrific. Good luck in getting rid of them.

I'm still here and regularly check for updates

Another one delurking and hoping to continue to see your inspiring updates

Nelly, I do hope you are well, chunking on and most importantly looking after yourself too.
I've been lurking on your thread for almost a year now, and it has really been heartwarming.
You are a truly wonderful friend to this gentleman (& his cat, who sounds charming). I look forward to your next update, and hope you have sufficient gin!

However, I have to admit I'm a little worried that you are fast approaching the one year anniversary of beginning your amazing work and still bearing the load alone. I wonder if this is a good opportunity for a discussion with your friend about day-to-day cleaning arrangements - it sounds like he cannot physically manage it himself (I may be wrong, but inferred from a few things from your posts about difficulty taking out rubbish and putting away shopping), so maybe it's a good time to revisit the discussion about a cleaner / carer / home help?

I thought I'd suggest Age Concern (although I'm not sure they have a minimum age and am unsure of your friends age), who offer a home help service that's a bit more personal than a regular cleaning service. They can run errands such as collecting prescriptions or shopping as well as cleaning and laundry. My nan used them and we found them very good. www.ageuk.org.uk/services/in-your-area/home-help/

I'm sure, if your friend asked them to only go in certain rooms, they would abide by his request. They also have a handy person / minor repairs service - which may be helpful for changing those very high up bulbs or fixing some of the smaller jobs in your friends home.

Nelly! You’re still going. Have just read all through what I’d missed - what progress.

Absolutely second the PP’s suggestion of maybe pushing the comfort limits a bit with your friend and getting someone in to help you.
Either with some regular cleaning, or someone to work alongside you and under your supervision for a few sessions to break the back of things e.g. the kitchen, where there probably won’t be much sorting of sentimental items but quite a bit needed physically?

Extra with ice for you!

Wow! I'm actually having a day off with the family today - which so far seems mainly to involve dodging the rain or hunkering down out of the rain, looking at the rain, with Double Chocolate (hot chocolate AND chocolate) - but I just wanted to pop on and say a big thank you to pps for all your lovely messages.

I’m still here Nelly ..or Ellie - which do you prefer ? You’re doing an amazing job ! Keep at it and hopefully you’ll be rewarded with warm days, sunlight and clean surfaces 😀

How much more do you have to go well done ..can’t believe your still at it ,what friendship your ace.

I'm just taking a 5 minute breather, sitting unglamorously atop a black bin bag of old bedding, and thought I'd post a quick hello and a thank you to pps for your kind messages.

I've had a break for a few days because of family commitments but I've been back at it today. I was going to say 'I'm partying like it's 1999', but it's very sobering to think about how different things must have been here back then - if the well-thumbed pile of design, fashion and health magazines I'm just packing for recycling is anything to go by.

I've also made a couple of calls today and found domestic violence and refugee charities in the nearest city who would welcome some of the other things, like clothing, camping gear and toys. I'm planning on making a round trip, combined with a few personal errands, once the car can be packed to bursting to make the time and petrol worthwhile. It's just making sure everything is clean, complete, serviceable and not too dated, otherwise it will have to go to recycling and landfill unfortunately.

Time to get on before I seize up, but back soon. Will try to reply to pps and update properly when I've got a bit more time.

Looking forward to a nice cup of tea, and yes, I admit it, a later to wash the dust away!

🐘

Enjoy your gin - I highly recommend the Aldi Black Forest Needle Gin next time you are running dry!

How is your friend doing op? How many rooms have you managed to get through? Is the bathroom still tidy and clear?

hang in there xx