Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

COPYRIGHT NOTICE
The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

Chunk, chunk, trumpety trump

Oh that did make me laugh for some reason, 1vandal2! Just had to pop on to say thank you. Just what I needed, as it seems to be one step forward and two steps back at the moment.

I'm still following too. Please do update when you get a chance. Even if it's not all going as you hope. Such a great thread.

Yes do update us as then we can give you a leg up back on to the cleaning wagon! We're all behind you because we think you're doing something brilliant for a friend along with juggling your day to day life and your posts are always a pleasure to read. Just keeping swimming.......do elephants swim????

Yes elephants swim they are very good swimmers.

I'm still following too xx

I've namechanged but it's always good to see your thread pop up Eating the elephant. I hope you and your friend are ok.

I'm lurking too - I think you are amazing

An elephant-sized thank you to pps for your really kind posts. Life has been getting in the way of major progress and of minor progress reports, and I have had some difficulty signing in but have just found another way.

Who knew that elephants are such good swimmers and use their trunks as snorkels?! I really like the idea of having a trunk snorkel, helping me to keep my head above water, or rather above towers of stuff. I am coming back and I do keep reading. I really do appreciate pps for sticking with me on such a slow-moving journey. It's certainly not an action thread, is it?!

We've had to cancel our plans to go away at Easter, so I'm currently contemplating ordering a skip to start tackling the kitchen - but I be afraid, very afraid! 🐘

Great to hear from you Ellie. 🐘 ohh a skip, that might be scary but it would be so satisfying, I get tempted to hire one to clear my place and it's not even that bad it's just the idea of not having to bother with taking stuff to the tip! Go for it! Sorry about the holiday though....hope you're keeping warm we had hail today!

I just found this thread tonight and I’ve read all of it! You embody kindness and thoughtfulness. Some might call you an Earth angel! They wouldn’t be wrong. Whether or not your friend reverts to old habits, you are doing your utmost to help someone in a sad situation. Hats off to you. Many wouldn’t bother. 🌷🌷🌷

As long as things are still moving forwards, however slowly, then progress is being made. Rome wasn't built in a day. Sorry about your Easter plans, I hope you still manage to have some fun over the holidays. A skip sounds like a good idea.

I wad just thinking about you the other day. Good to see you.

Ellie, rather than a skip have you thought about a hippo 🦛 bag ? I think they work out at a similar cost to a skip but you don’t have the same time/cost pressure to fill them up.

With a hippo bag you pay cash for the folded up bag or bags (like one of those cubic yard -or bigger- ones builders use) but then pay for collection separately whenever you are ready. With a skip you tend to pay for each week you have it. You can also get multiple bags collected at the same time, saving money.

Some skip companies do a similar thing. Good luck with your chunking !

Thank you all

I think when I looked into Hippo bags before following a suggestion by a pp, they were more restrictive about what you could put in and that put me off? I will check again though, because they do sound more flexible on time which is possibly more realistic...

Kitchen sounds very brave! I remember you pondering about the appliances. What's the plan? (If I'm misremembering, please forgive me! It's a long thread now)

I've been wondering who you are/were Anemone! You remember just fine, thank you.

It seems that everyone and their cat wants a skip or Hippo bags for Easter, so I seem to have missed the boat by deliberating and trying to order too late, unfortunately. It's quite rural, so not many options. Currently thinking about Plan B (but white, not red).

Forgive me if you have covered this elsewhere @EatingtheElephantInChunks, I havent read the thread in full. Im just wondering how your friend is responding to this? Are they making any changes themselves or continuing much as they did before you stepped in to help?

Easter Greetings - I'm cracking on! 🐣

I'm without a skip or Hippo bags unfortunately. I've made a start clearing the decks from previous areas but it's nowhere near as much as needed doing before. I've compacted as much rubbish and recycling as elephantly possible into about a 500 litre space. It's not much

Hi Ele. So is your friend bringing new stuff in if you're reclearing or has it just migrated from elsewhere in the house? Hope the sunshine is helping at least you can give the house a good airing whilst you're working. Happy Easter 🐣

Hello all, and thank you and hello again Pash.

My last post on the 19th posted too soon - the jungle telephone is on the blink again when it comes to mumsnet, unfortunately.

I was about to say that it's not much and progress remains frustratingly slow. I keep reminding myself as much as possible that it's still a chunk of free space and air for my friend that wasn't there before, and as a pp kindly said, progress is still being made.

I will try to post in chunks too!

🐘

I am fighting the battle of the many moths, probably because of the warmer weather. At least it's not the dreaded silverfish, woodlice, mould and larvae at the moment, as some pps will remember from before. I think that's what I dread most about tackling the kitchen, apart from the sheer size of the task - returning to damp and the wildlife of damp. As I write that, I am shuddering and planning to tuck my trousers into my socks.

The cat is quite a keen moth despatcher, but the crashing about in the process is more of a hindrance than a help, though entertaining. If I am killed by an avalanche of stuff, there will be a moth and a cat at the root of it, you mark my words.

🐘

Call me chicken if you like, I can take it, but I have had a temporary stay of execution on the kitchen. As requested by my friend, I have done a little more to keep on top of things in previously tackled areas - the sitting room, staircase and bathroom. It's not really that he has brought more things in, rather that some things have come in understandably from Christmas, a birthday, a medical delivery, groceries and so on. Some things have been transferred, and other things haven't gone out to the rubbish and recycling bins.

It's all as expected, especially when I haven't been able to be there to help him keep on top of things and move things forward as often or as much as I'd hoped, especially since Christmas, as some pps will remember. I know it's not been an easy time for a long time for my friend, and it's not an easy time now. It's darn hard to live and leave things as they are and probably getting gradually worse, and it's also darn hard to make the changes, to maintain them, and to let someone else in to help you - so either way is darn hard, but we're going to try to gradually keep moving forward in the most positive direction.

🐘

Again as chosen by my friend, I am back tunnelling on the landing. I have travelled through 2018, 17, 16, and I'm currently in 13.

The bad news is the delicious-sounding and tempting brand new bar of lemon meringue chocolate I found expired in 2016 - I know because I tried a piece - how my standards have slipped! The other bad news is no loose change yet to add to my depleted Gin Fund - depleted as I have been gradually working my way through gins recommended by pps. The good news though is I've just found £155 for my friend, some brand new bedding and some precious photos.

Despite the moths, it's much, much better working when it's not dark and freezing cold in the house. The sun has been out for a good fews days until this afternoon and I can now reach to open the bathroom window and a bedroom window for some fresh air. The frustrating thing is still having to pile things back on the landing each day when I finish, because otherwise my friend wouldn't be able to go to bed.

Time for a cuppa.

Chunk, chunk, trumpety trump. 🐘

How brilliant to see you posting and progressing again. Well done.