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Housekeeping

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Original poster

My DH has been a sod to our cleaner

122 replies

CircleofWillis · 17/01/2018 07:31

My DH hates spending money. We have a large house split into two parts. There are studios and rehearsal rooms in the lower part of the house and we live in a flat at the top of the house.

We have a cleaner who cleans the two kitchens, two bathrooms, and a shower room, one cloakroom, two lounges, 3 flights of stairs and the associated hallways in four hours.

She has been with us for nearly three years and has been totally reliable and lovely. I only see her briefly on the day she comes as I have to speed off to work.

My husband sent her a message last night suggesting she come for half an hour less time each week. He made no mention of reducing her jobs but stated that we seem to be keeping the place cleaner in between visits and do not need her as much.

He did not speak to me about this beforehand.

I am the one who prepares for the cleaner, tidying up, washing up and making sure surfaces are clear. All my DH does is top up the cleaning supplies.

We originally got the cleaner as DH was not pulling his weight around the house. Also I went back to work full time. It is paid for by the rent from the lower house but that goes to DH’s account so he probably feels like he it is coming out of his own money.

I left an extra weeks wages for her as an xmas present and he removed it from her card stating he had already tipped her in her wage packet but wouldn’t tell me how much. Last week he asked her to do some extra jobs as she finished early. She was not happy as she had deliberately worked faster so that she could get to her next job in time.

I personally am fine with her doing this but my DH believes it showed she doesn’t need 4 hours hence the text to her last night.

She has written back to say the commute to ours is very long and she will drop our keys round.

I am so annoyed with my DH. There is no difference in how I prepare the house before she comes apart from the fact that he does a bit more tidying in the week so I do a bit less preparation.

She has been on time and reliably for nearly three years and I trust her around my daughter, all the studio equipment and our precious objects.

I have sent her a txt asking if she will stay with the previous arrangement. But I think my DH needs to send a message too.

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 17/01/2018 08:04

what was his reaction to her quitting? He clearly has no clue.

LannieDuck · 17/01/2018 08:04

Yep, sorting out the cleaning (either himself, or by finding and organising a new cleaner), should now be his job.

You break it, you fix it.

Bluntness100 · 17/01/2018 08:04

I'd say it was probably the tip of the ice berg with him op, he's been pissing her off for awhile and this was just the last straw.

I can't even imagine my husband getting involved with our cleaner like this. He doesn't have her number. Why would yours want to reduce in half hour increments, you pay them by the hour.

I'd be handing him a list of chores for the weekend right about now and making it clear it wasn't negotiable.

Slartybartfast · 17/01/2018 08:05

she chooses to work fast but she doesnt have to. she still does the same work but does it quickly as she has another job to go to. it suits her. she could slow down and still do the required work
glad you sent her that text.
hope she comes back

TheCowWentMoo · 17/01/2018 08:08

What a total arsehole your dh has been. Bullshit did he tip her, for someone who is so tight he would definitely know how much he gave her.
I doubt she will be back, your text was nice but I wouldn't be back if I were her. Your dh better do all the cleaning and even better he can do it quicker than your cleaner!

NavyGold · 17/01/2018 08:10

I left an extra weeks wages for her as an xmas present and he removed it from her card stating he had already tipped her in her wage packet but wouldn’t tell me how much.

Shock

I literally cannot believe I've just read this! What a dickish thing to do!

IMO, You need to stop texting, pick up the phone and call her.

Maccapacca88 · 17/01/2018 08:11

When I worked as a cleaner a few years ago I was put in a very similar position. The husband wanted a 4 bed 2 bath house cleaned in 2.5 hours. The wife was lovely, but as he paid me it was his call. I dropped them sharpish. He was vile and I felt awkward whenever I went there. I knew they argued over it which was not a good feeling.

Bluntness100 · 17/01/2018 08:12

He also didn't knock a half hour off as the house was cleaner, the timing is no coincidence. Last week he realised she could get the job done in less time if she worked faster, so he decided to cut her hours so she does it ever week, and he saves some money.

And yes, he didn't tip her. He lied to you. About his tipping and his reasoning.

fia101 · 17/01/2018 08:13

Oh no my last cleaner was amazing but she left to pursue a different career. Haven't been able to find as good a cleaner since - we were spoilt. A good cleaner who makes life easier is worth their weight in gold!

I don't think partners always realise the maintenance done during the week and before a cleaner comes.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/01/2018 08:14

It's kind of spoilt the working relationship though hasn't it?.

He needs to keep his nose out or do all the cleaning instead.

redshoeblueshoe · 17/01/2018 08:15

I don't believe he tipped her either. He sounds horrible. Why did he even look in the card ? I agree with pp, keep the cleaner LTB

Mix56 · 17/01/2018 08:15

your husband is an interfering idiot.
so he prefers to scrooge over £5, he is also taking all the rental money & more than likely lying about tipping.
I would be very straight about, just who does the pre cleaner prep, who found the cleaner, & that she was reliable & trustworthy.
He now needs to replacement for this person,
Stupid is as stupid does.

Gazelda · 17/01/2018 08:16

What's his reaction to her quitting? Is he around the house while she's there?

AdalindSchade · 17/01/2018 08:17

What a dick. I'd be surprised if she comes back.

KayaG · 17/01/2018 08:17

He sounds horrible. Is this typical behaviour?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/01/2018 08:19

Your cleaner has been doing a lot in the 4 hours. She must work hard to get all you have listed done in the time.
I think if your husband makes some enquiries into replacing her or using a cleaning agency instead, he 'll be shocked at the prices quoted.
For that reason, he's a fool.

He needs to show more respect to people. She should be treated as an equal, not a lesser person because she is Polish and doing a menial unskilled job for a low wage. His attitude is appalling.

You also need to be treated with respect. It's pretty arrogant of him to make decisions and change arrangements without consulting you or considering how it'll impact on you.

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 17/01/2018 08:21

If my DP interfered with the arrangements with our cleaner I'd be livid! Good cleaners are like gold dust. For that I feel for you, OP, but I think your message to her was a bit unfair. Your DH has treated her like a second class skivvy and instead of apologising for that it reads like you're trying to guilt trip her into returning with the 'sad heart' comment. She's probably torn now, when the last thing she wants is to return to work for a man who disregards her as your DH clearly does.

ToesInWater · 17/01/2018 08:27

So I assume you have told your DH that he needs to take over the cleaning as he has been the person who has made your cleaner quit. Obviously it can be done so quickly he won’t have a problem with that. Unfortunately he really has behaved like a total wanker in this case - I hope he has some redeeming features 😁

JackieReacher · 17/01/2018 08:34

Tell him what he's done to her is the same as someone telling him they've got a laptop and a native instruments pack so should only pay half rate on the studio hire

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/01/2018 08:36

He's an utter dickwad.

If she doesn't come back, I'd be suggesting to him that he takes over her cleaning job to save the money and see if he can complete it to the same standard in the same time.

Total twat. Also disgusted re. the Christmas money - bet he gave her nothing at all Angry

Dermymc · 17/01/2018 08:43

Jeeeez he really does sound awful.

What are his good features?

I'd be booking an appointment with a divorce lawyer never mind sorting out the cleaner.

KateGrey · 17/01/2018 08:43

What an idiot! Maybe you need to see if he can do all she does in four hours! He should have talked to you first because he’s now put you in a really crappy position.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/01/2018 08:48

He's one of these arseholes who doesn't value domestic work, doesn't believe its that hard but yet isn't prepared to do it himself. And all of that is because he believes in his heart of hearts that it's women's work and therefore of no value. Why pay for it when he has a wife to do it?

That is the crux of it OP.

I wouldn't want to be married to a man like that personally

Original poster
CircleofWillis · 17/01/2018 08:49

My daughter has ASD and we both believe that my husband has strong ASD traits so LTB is not so appropriate. We have been for counselling and it has really helped. He has also made real meaningful changes which shows he is trying hard. (I’ve made meaningful changes too). Sometimes I have to come and vent on here though.

I think he thinks that most people are out to cheat him or take advantage of him which is why he gets into this kind of situation every now and then.

OP posts:
ssd · 17/01/2018 08:49

why women put up with dicks like this I'll never know

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