Fledglings cocoon, we're Flying in June ... .

[SansCollier]

Welcome to the June 2017 fledgling Fly thread!

Feel free to park your mops and buckets here from the 1st of the month!

This is where we attempt to declutter our homes and follow the 30-step wisdom of Flylady (minus cutesy barftastic language and a surfeit of e-mails) with lots of chat and support and mutual motivation (and of course) along the way.

More info available here, here and here.

As usual we will be following a three-pronged approach - and don't worry - we are all at different stages. (Some of us are still stuck at the decluttering stage after quite a few years ):

1 - repeat or start baby steps (again!)

2 - repeat baby steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current zone

or

3 - reinforce babysteps and/or do daily missions

And those of you who have decluttered and are really enthusiastic can throw some detailed cleaning in to the mix as well!

The idea is that we focus on short, ring-fenced, daily bursts of activity (steps and routines) that will help our homes run (more or less!) on "automatic pilot" allowing us to do far more interesting things instead!

This is a very long-running thread so we may appear cliquey but we really aren't! All newcomers, long-termers, lurkers and intermittent returnees welcome!

Helpful pointers: No perfectionism allowed! If it took a while to create the current C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) in your home, then it will probably take a while to reverse the situation (you can't clean clutter!). Small steps are the key! And you are never behind: just jump in where you are at!

Any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

Good luck!

sc similar start here.dd2 screeching couldn't find flute.cue hunt under bed throw dirty laundry everywhere (that hasn't made laundry bins) her rooms dirty clothes explosion.liv rooms covered book in frantic search right ones for today on top usual clutter.if you find an answer to fly with teens send it this away ...

Bbl

Einstein/Zoo The trouble is, we can have all the mutually agreed contracts in the world and various other systems such as whiteboard on fridge door, changing weekly chore chart, giving dd a chance to do two small jobs at the time of her choosing within a week's deadline etc, she just doesn't actually DO it. She says "yes I will" but then doesn't do it. I am going to have to try taking the phone away again I think. It's disappointing though because I actually wanted to have a system that didn't involve arguments and angst.

Anyway - for what it is worth - here is the Flylady passage about Flying with teens.

And for others fledglings just for info:

Flying with a baby

Flying with pre-schoolers

Flying with school age dc

And just for Cag Flying with home schoolers.

Not sure if any of them have any particularly new or scintillating tips tbh but you never know!

Will dip in there later sc cheers m'dear
Meanwhile @zoo hovel....
Tadas
Cat fed
Wash on
Kits fed,and litter tray cleaned
Screaming ab dabs with dd2
Breakfasts and pack ups
School run
Quick milk/bread top up shop

Home to survey mess
Washing sorted(she had 4full loads.no wonder was moaning had nothing to wear...)
I had planned to do towels today(puts that on back burner)
Wash hung up
Wash on
S+s bathroom
Bleach lav
Clear hall way discarded sandals,bags etc
Stack school books ready dd2 sort when gets in or phone is mine.mwhahahahaha

Next up its quick kitchen clean
Will be pop in and out as if write down what I've done it'll keep be going

Tadas cont
Work surface wiped
Hob cleaned
Sink scrubbed
Kitchen floor scrub on hands n knees

Round one of dd2 wash coming out in 10then next loads going in

Fans on n liv room so best crack on in there fir bit more before I flake out in heat!!

OMG I never knew that about the F L Y! That is a bit cheesy but I like it!

Thanks for the home ed link, I'll read that now :o

Sorry SC about DD's meltdown. What happened with the exam in the end? Aaargh. Teens. I am filled with dread. She certainly does need to do more to help by the sound of it. It must be very difficult as even without the exams, it's always sounded like her school push pupils incredibly hard, so she must be busy and stressed. But when you think about it, if she helped more then she may find some of the stress eases, if she did things like finding her atlas in advance like she knew she was supposed to! Anyway at least with summer holidays there will be more free time to get stuck in. It does like sanctions will have to come back into it :(

Hark at me sounding like I know what I'm doing :o I have no idea really. I am trying to make things better, not just for my/DH's sake but for the Caglets too. Next stage I believe is making an illustrated chart for them, I'm thinking morning and bedtime routines (have you done your teeth, got dressed, laundry in hamper etc), and my latest idea is to also do an 'after meals' routine. I am, TBH, a pretty chaotic person myself (the whole 'autistic people like routine' stereotype is actually not always accurate!) so it's not their fault they haven't learnt it. But it's going to be things like take plates out, scrape any food into bin, wash hands and face as they are messy eaters...

Want make one fir my lot cag ?since our beloved cat atticus passed away I realise how much he hoovered up from under the table once zoolets had eaten

Oddly enough since posting I added 'check floor' to the mealtime list 😂 they'd drop loads!!!

Waves to cag from one homeschooling mum to another though technically I am no longer as dd has now finished her final exams! I will be an empty nester from September onwards so no excuse not to get this house sorted out!

I'd love to home school but don't have confidence to do it as lil zoo is probably smarter than me!

All flying abandoned due to ridiculously hot weather

Mermaid slowly melts

Wow longtime how long did you HE for? I feel very inexperienced, and we've been going just over two years . Many setbacks especially lately - my health for one, and sadly let's just say HE kids aren't immune to bullying just because they aren't in school. Trying to get back into it properly but DD especially is struggling with anything too academic or pressured.

SC thank you so much for that link - really inspiring. It's made me determined to get those routine charts done ASAP. I'm not putting any extra tidying/decluttering stuff on there, I'm trying to build up a basic Flylady-style routine instead. Must find out where the heck I put the laminator... :o

zoo my big thing was that if I home schooled ds he probably wouldn't still be alive tbh there are a lot of occasions when I wished I had, but they are fewer since he started High School and is sooooo much happier.

I think the issue with teens is hyping up of boundary testing. Ds and I spent around 5hrs in total screaming about getting his room done monday - an hour of that during the task, but when made to he can be brilliant. I just have to keep on top of him about the chores. School stuff he is sooo much better with it is a relief. Mind you when I refused to give him a note about homework and told the school when they rang to give him a detention he got a bit of a shock... But it has only happened once. and tbh I thought it would have happened more than a dozen time during this year

Back in from being cooked at work. The bath tub is filling with cold water, tea is leftovers and requires 2 mins in microwave...

ta da
1 load washing
50mins of decluttering before work
write an owed birthday card
find the 2 that need putting in envelop and addressing so can be sent tomo
Water plants out front and back - although the back ones are unfortunately past saving I fear.
Ask next door if they want some of the stick and glue stuff that ds grew out of years ago and I still have in the cupboard.
Spend half the day trying to walk through solid objects

to do
Waaaaaaaaaaaaay to much

Ta da:
animals
walked furry at crack of sparrows while (relatively) cool
make dd lunch
school run
morning routine inc s&s, shine sink, wiped down kitchen surfaces, empty dw and fill with breakfast things, hang up overnight washing
cleaned bin lid
fed wms again
clear up play room/tv room and all the crapola strewn around
4 x 15 min ironing
school run again when summoned by dd (on friend's phone)
prepped bits of supper do-able in advance - prepped melon, prepped fish-cakes ready for frying, made dressing for salad.
wrote and posted b'day card for uk
wrapped thank you present for tutor and stood over dd until she wrote thank you card.
e-mailed friend
ignored boudoir mission and tried not to look either to left or right of my bed
tried to work on ms in melting heat

Crikey the heat is almost unbearable here too Mermaids it's 34°c atm! I'm trying to work but every passing stranger seems to stop under our office windows (which are of course wide open) to have a loud, long conversation on their mobile phone. Tried moving to the other side of the house, but a school at the back is having some sort of award ceremony involving loud-speakers, sound systems and loud cheering . It is going to be another long night I think!

Zoo well done on long list achieved!

Cag Glad the link was helpful! DD did get to the exam on time in the end (thanks for asking)! She's not sure if she has passed though. And I think she has taken the lessons learned on board as she did apologise and was a bit sheepish when she got home.

Only two more exams to go... . It is difficult because the state school system here is brutal - dd is under pressure and has lots of hwk - and work load is apparently due to ramp up significantly in third yr of secondary (only 52% of pupils made it through from 3rd to 4th form last year apparently - gulp). So I am happy to do the bulk of the chores without assistance but I really do want dd to pick up her own mess ifyswim. At the moment I can follow her movements around the house as she leaves a trail of mugs, shoes, files, biscuit wrappers, cables, hair elastics etc. I also want to make sure she learns enough choring skills so that she can look after herself when she leaves home. Must create a plan/strategy for the holidays but I have no idea what I am doing either really As dh and I take possession of all electronics overnight, perhaps we won't hand them back in the mornings until certain tasks have been completed. Maybe? That way, any angst generated will be over with in the first quarter of the day; leaving the rest of the time to have fun!

Zoo/Cag a certain furry with a long nose and 11cm-long legs makes a great Roomba substitute!

Right, had better start get back to work!

Same here Einstein!

Hours spent arguing about doing a certain chore = 3

Time spent doing actual chore = 30 mins

DD does it really well too when she finally gets around to it. I think part of it is not feeling "ownership" for the tasks involved. I remember hating having tasks imposed on me arbitarily from above. Need to make her feel more involved with the overall routine somehow.

Sorry, that was all a bit of an essay

Hello all, just brief check in, had ok day until picked DD1 up at which point it all went wrong with DD2 and she has been sent to bed early . DH out at work so just taking 5 mins to regain my sanity then will get DD1 in shower and think about tea (thankfully ready meal as DH working late and I have some prep to do for work course tomorrow).

On the plus side the parenting manual for my course has arrived .

DD2 still awake playing / resting in her room.

Had sudden unusual urge to phone my mum for a moan then remembered that it would just turn into a rant about my parenting once I was off the phone and I would be told to excuse everything DD2 did because it is a hot day. DD2 hit me and deliberately scratched the inside of my car so I need to show her there is a boundary there!

Sorry for the rant, will post some personals later.

Stressy i have been there. It is hard. but i totally agree with you boundaries that are there are needed and not to be altered because of the heat. In this house a rule never had any ifs buts or maybes. Ds just couldn't cope with it. It also have to be very very clear with no possibility of loop holes, or interpretation. Other people didn't half give me grief for it, but it was what ds needed and had to have in order to cope. which parenting course are you doing? I did one for ds when he was little.

It's 123 magic. Offered by my local children's centre. Feel much better with a plan in place but she is really testing tonight. Don't have the time or energy to go and look at the car right now, at least is only inside :( . How did you deal with other people Einstein? My parents in particular mean well, they really do, but are spectacularly unhelpful with the behaviour of both girls.

SC, thanks for posting those tips, I will have a read later as it is a while since I read them all. The school system really does sound so harsh there.

Also need to make plan for the holidays . Just need to get through these two days next as have big course at work. Aaaaggggh.

Everyone sounds very hot so I hope you are not all too flustered. Going to put some rubbish on my phone to watch and get on with tea while checking on DD2 constantly. Will be so ready for wine on Friday night!

I'm in the naughty corner tonight. Just had a totally pathetic sobbing meltdown on DH I hate not coping with stuff. Autism + physical issues = useless mummy I sometimes feel. Times like today more than usual

Cag

It can be so hard some days and I know exactly how you feel as ds2 is asd. I was ready to pack his bags or mine the other night as was so fed up of being hit (he melts down a lot around bedtime)

You are tremendously strong remember that just put today down as a bad day xxxxx

Cag , I think there is something in the air tonight.

Both girls asleep so am making tea and really must do a good before bed routine as early start tomorrow.

People will always judge, you can't change other people. You can only chose whose opinions you are willing to listen to on this. Unfortunately other people will always be your problem even when dd2 has a good day.
Eg. ds had massive meltdown when he, me and a friend were out in town . I needed to pick up one thing so friend took ds outside whilst I paid. She was horrified at the sniffing, huffing, dirty looks, nasty comments etc. So she told me about it when I came out. My only response was that tbh people do that at lot and these days I barely notice (i did notice but it was none of their goddam business so I paid no attention to them although sometimes it did have me in tears ) With parents it is different. you can try to ignore but it is somehow always harder. You end result might be simply to say the rule is x,y,z if you change these rules dd2 will actually suffer thus you need to follow x,y, z for her to cope better with life. Ultimately parents and family members are the hardest to deal with and sometime you need to be stubborn and have a safe person to rant to when needed as your coping methods. Sorry I can't pretend there is either an easy answer or a solution, I would be doing you an injustice. You just have to fight for what you know is right and in some cases it will me telling your parents that they don't know what is right and they need to keep their opinions to themselves. Which ultimately will be hard. So sorry. But do vent if you need to. The words "my parents just don't get/like to criticise me about dd2" will have several people on this thread knowing exactly what you mean. We can be an ear if you need, and will be happy to.

I did a different parenting course. Ds is a unique creature and it baffled them as it made the situation 1000% worse. Most of the other kids actually responded to the course. So i do hope that it helps. And consistent boundaries has really helped ds, and he has significantly far less meltdowns and violent outbursts these days thanks to a lot of therapy work I put in with him. But they still happen sometimes. I try not to take it personally because it is usually triggered by something else. It is hard and if they are in school sometimes you never know what the actual trigger is for the outbursts especially if dd2 has delayed response outbursts/coped in school all day no more to cope with outbursts.

Oh cag have a virtual too!
You are not useless this heat is utterly ridiculous and hugely mood affecting.
Please cut yourself some slack, you are not useless, it is ok to have the of sobbing meltdown, sometimes they are needed! Please look after yourself and remember you are doing the best you can, you can do no more.

Just waving hello , will try and catch up and update tomorrow , trying to make as much difference as I can this week because it's the worst room ! Glad you're ok sc scary times we live in , cag

Waves back to Rosa and to everyone else!

Sorry you are finding things particularly tough going atm Cag [flowers