The Hoarders Anonymous Thread Part Three...Still Sorting It Out ~ Together!

[Solo]

Are you are any of the following? Can you be described as a clutterbug? Are you a hoarder, in a mess, untidy, disorganised, lazy with housework that has lead to something that you now feel unable to deal with. If you are ill and not coping with the housework. If you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason. If you cannot just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or dread the meter reader asking for access.

Are you nodding whilst reading any of these words? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please join us. No one here will judge you. We have something in common and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite :) Welcome to thread number 3.

I’m new to the thread but feel I may have found my MN home reading all the posts I posted in chat a couple of weeks ago, basically smugly congratulating myself for finally doing the worst room in the house (30 bags of rubbish came out ) but my fears have now been realised and I’ve completely stalled.

So disappointed with myself, was determined to keep it up and power through the rest of the rooms but I’ve done next to nothing. How do I get going again? Remembering how I felt when that room was finished isn’t doing it, to-do lists aren’t doing it and sitting here beating myself up for not doing it certainly isn’t doing it, wtf is wrong with me?

nothing is wrong with you hiding
you just climbed a mountain and you are expecting yourself to go back up again.
it will take a while before you have the strength for the next big effort.

I definitely found the same. I've done some big strategic dehoarding but some of the underlying problems, the paperwork and housework habits haven't been solved yet.

I need to give myself a bit of time to look at the problem more closely, just why is it happening. The next wave of things to do, cook, purchase, events then take over and I'm almost back where I started.

But that is because I'm not really working out just how the mess is building up so quickly. For example washing the sheets, is something that needs to happen separately from rest of washing, and I need to find a time to do that and put away, instead it gets mixed in with other laundry, yes we allhave clean sheets (five people) but it is chaotic process.

finally put most of the clothes away, and beginning to make a pile of summer clothes so my wardrobe makes more sense and I can find things [for winter wear!]

also spent today scrubbing tiles in the bathroom with ajax (didn;t make much difference) and throwing away old shampoo bottlesl, and sorting toiletries into neat piles.

I tackled the window in ds1's new boxroom/bedroom and scrubbed the paintwork with a toothbrush (black mould in the crevices round window) and dusted a bit of picture rail. Hung up some more clothes in his new cupboard and the room is beginning to look less like a junk heap. Hope to find a picture which isn;t being used, somewhere in the house to hang on the wall.

Also managed to deal with a backlog in the garden of old things that had been thrown out there, and needed washing or chucking.

I’d missed your reply to me somehow Nettles, sorry glad to read your updates too, it’s all progress! I still haven’t managed to get back up the mountain but we’ve scraped together the money for some units we needed so hoping transferring stuff over to them will help kickstart me again.

today, I'm not doing so well..hmm
all the stuff I decluttered to porch has ended up back in the hall. Need to put it in the CAR
too many dirty saucepans remaining in kitchen after blitzing the garden and bringing them back in.
and I'm trying to get the builder to do something structural today, and frantically researching firedoors and shower attachments, measuring apertures.

Okay: first thing: clothes to car, and laundry upstairs and put away, unload and reload dw

The electrician has finally come to put in the smoke alarms and mended a broken socket, bathroom light pull AND all the lights in my bedroom. Which previously I felt too ashamed to let anyone into...

as it was, it was utterly gruelling having anyone doing something in the house, which seemed so dirty and messy when they started work, and there was a smell of fried fish everywhere too. Not to speak of the fact that it took about three weeks to get anyone to commit to doing the work at all (it is all these little things that most workmen don't like, I think the smoke alarms was a big enough job to finally tip the balance)

Now that the lights work properly in both bathrooms I plucked up courage to scrub a skirting board in the bathroom upstairs, clean the loo and basin, throw a few more things away and hoover up all the dust the electrician brought down with the old smoke alarms.

So fellow sufferers, it is not as bad as you think. You have nothing to lose but your pride and some money if you get workmen in. And you gain at least SOME improvement in the living situation.

Next task is the banging cistern. Which is a valve I know, but the plumber is not arriving for a week, ( contacted him in June so I've put that off ridiculously long. He is replacing shower at the same time. I've bought some grout mould cleaner too. will have to face up to that task at some point.

Positive thing that happened today, since I put all the summer stuff in the car, and dd wanted a snorkel, I was amazed that I found it when I wanted to. Another week and I was planning to put it in the warehouse storage with SUMMER STUFF on it. So a small advantage to a) sorting b) being less organised that I wanted to be.

The things from the garden have also finally been transferred to the kitchen sink for a proper clean, having been provisionally cleaned, and then they ended up back in the garden for a bit So a le creuset pot is back in action and several bowls. And I cleared out a big pot of compost and earth from the patio, and put it in the flowerbed at bottom of garden. Little improvements.

I’ve not been up to much! I’ve got a list forming in my brain of things I’d like to do and I know I’d feel relieved and happy to get them sorted! I’m just massively procrastinating on the list.

Sometimes I tidy up straight away after doing something and I’m glad of it! I managed to wash up a load of towels I’d used to mop up after a massive rainstorm that caused our sunroom to get wet, that felt good. I didn’t ignore it all as a job that felt too much. I also swept up after planting some seeds and potting some succulents, on a different day I might not have even noticed that I’d made a mess!

At the moment there are tons of things piled up just by the front door. It’s terrible! Shoes piled on beach toys and beach towels, a camp chair. Books and all sorts just dumped. I need to sort it out!

I need to pick up a few small dusters, I definitely need one or two in a couple of rooms.

I've not been able to get onto MN for more than a week and I have a cough and cold and feel pretty crap.

Nettle well done! I'm not at that point yet of letting anyone in...I'm actually struggling to just wash up and keep the bathroom sink empty. I have a space of around 10" by 8" to prepare food on. Ladies, I am sinking. The only thing I seem able to do is to ensure that the laundry is done and that Dd and I leave the house clean and tidy...like putting on a normal person mask.

Down I'm a massive procrastinator too and I find it very very sad that I can't live as I used to with an open door policy and the ability to let anyone into my tidy and clean home. What am I teaching my daughter? I know what I taught my son and it's not pretty.

I have a few days off work and I need to do stuff.
I hope you are all having a good weekend.

oh Solo I really feel for you, and I know that terrible feeling when you feel like you are sinking and there is no where to start which isn't the wrong end of the rhino!! [sorry don't know why that metaphor popped into my head)
Just remember you are strong and you can do stuff, yes you can, after all every day you manage to get out of the house, clean and fed and do paid work, please don't feel so cross with yourself.

I attempted a bit of tidying in the kitchen today, then I'm afraid to say I gave up. However, today was good because I went for a long walk and I managed to get to the tail end of church, so life doesn't seem quite so ground hoggy..and unproductive. Also I was lucky that someone else cooked supper. Possibly a message that I should do more ready meals when things aren't going well and use that time for something else I need to do, not cooking and washing up!!! which never ever ends does it. same with laundry, a few days wearing the same dirty clothes (mildly dirty I hasten to add) would save me an awful lot of laundry time whihc I could convert to other forms of tidying.

The builder is coming in 10 days. The children are complainign bitterly now about the clanking of the cistern and the unusuable shower and asking me why I cannot get someone to fix it. They are right, it is just my fear of organising it. (the builder says he will do it, but it has taken so long to book him in) I need to think about it from their point of view. That helps actually, to highlight what needs to be done rather than my own "needs and fears". if I can think like a tiger mum I can beat the clutter/diplapidation. and see what matters to the kids rather than the stuff that doesn't matter really...ie x box of papers.

the other thing that has helped me a lot Solo is to let the mask down frequently. Several people have been invited in to my untidy disintegrating dusty house and seen it over the years, so I sort of know what I want to achieve by tidying it but don't feel so powerless to let people know how difficult it is for me. It comes in fits and starts though, the letting people in. We have now (after much work) one nice room which helps a lot and the kitchen can look very very nice on occasion but that was only since I endured building work 5 years ago.

I still can frequently feel physically sick at the thought of guests judging me. And feel like holing up my house where no-one can get me or guess how I live, it is a mindset, which my husband or children don't really recognise as they don't care as much as me. It is as much a kind of reverse perfectionism as anything.

I managed to do some pottering this morning which resulted in some decluttering/throwing out of unwanted things/clearing decks/sanity

opened lots of post which was in a big pile, threw away envelopes and some catalogues from that
put away some catalogues in the right place instead of just piling up
threw away some out of date herbs
found three bottles of same condiment, and put them together, put some other chutneys and mustards together so I don't duplicate due ot not being able to find them!
used up some veg to make soup, had soup for supper, more time to do other stuff as result of not having to shop for supper, result!
cleaned all the cat bowls and all the plates and bowls in the sink
wiped table
did three loads of washing, and found some more things for the summer pile (it is getting colder)

the hall table is clear, and I found a very important light bulb that I need to replenish, but didn't know the make of. That's several months I have been looking for it. Even the electrician didn't know what I meant...more time and money now saved by just plain tidying up!

it has been a nice day, to all intents and purposes nothing much achieved, but just a few little things make all the difference. My confidence is coming back at achieving these small goals. Dd also went on holiday today so it is just ds to keep a look out for/wash/feed/harass over homework (not that he needs much looking out for these days)

I also collected up several plastic bags and put them together from different parts of the house... probably tomorrow I will be able to throw some of them away. There's three packets of opened icing sugar too, in different cupboards. I need to start baking or chuck them.

Hi everyone. Nettle, I’ve got my fingers crossed for your builder to fix a few bits for you :)

Solo, I find thinking about tidying or laundry or sweeping or scrubbing or cleaning far worse than doing. But I still put myself off with too much thinking the majority of the time, but then when I achieve something I feel good.

I’m toilet training a toddler this week so I’ve had the washing machine going a fair few times! I bought donuts this morning from krispy cream to bribe myself with this toilet training!!

We’ve got a garden now, we’ve never had one before. So I’m realising that there’s a few jobs in the garden that need keeping on top of! Sweeping leaves and cutting grass and hedges. But the overall enjoyment of a garden is going to be worth it! I’ve been buying houseplants and succulents and I’ve been enjoying looking after them! I really like houseplants as a calming element.

Oh man. I can’t believe how long since I posted. It’s quiet here!

We’ve lived here about 3.5 months now. The messiness is getting a bit crazy - it’s still not nearly so bad just because of having more space, but it’s definitely at the point of needing to shove stuff in random bags and usually shut the door on the kitchen when people come over.

I. Am. Exhausted. Various illnesses between us including hand foot and mouth. Eleven years worth of dental work in six weeks for me - it’s not just the house I procrastinate over! I finally had the courage to find a dentist and they’ve fit it all in before my exemption certificate runs out. Home ed, feeling the pressure to fit more in both academically and socially. And finally, baby (who turned 1 in half term) being so into everything that I’m considering changing her name to Taz. Bloody hell she is hard work. Amazing but every day is Groundhog Day with pulling and pushing everything off shelves, climbing etc. With winter approaching my mood is slipping dramatically, I’m off to the GP next week.

So so much to do. Have also told DH we need a serious discussion about how we run the house. We are just chaotic, we need routines as my executive function is just shit (due to autism), but in said chaos it’s hard to even find five minutes where we aren’t either dealing with one kid or other, or catching up on vital housework or home ed, or just completely brain dead from the above, in which to actually discuss anything useful.

Don’t get me wrong things are definitely better. In particular we are getting better at not buying lots of stuff (instead I have a rolling “essential purchases” list, although I really do need to actually stop procrastinating over buying anything as some things would definitely make life easier...) and there are some things in the house that are well organised such as our “leaving the house” cupboard with all their dance shoes and leotards and coats etc. And being able to have people round (even if it does sometimes involve a panic “stash and dash”) is AMAZING.

I just hate that feeling that everything is gradually slipping and I don’t have the knowledge or energy to stop it.

TL;DR: hi, I’m back! 💐

And welcome to our new joiners too, this place is quiet but there is nothing but empathy, encouragement and understanding here.

I’ve caught up now and am pleased to read about progress and new ideas etc 💐

Cagliostro delighted to hear you have settled into new house. Yes climbing babies are unstoppable..I think we had to move most things out of reach of about three years a year. Even chairs are deathtraps. A friend with twins had to use only folding chairs and stack them most of the time. Personally I find the best storage is those wicker baskets with straps on them like hampers, they cannot slam their fingers in them, they can climb on them and they cannot get in when the strap is done up! Hope you can beat with seasonal blues with some vitamin d and folates in case the gp hasn't noticed those things, especially after a baby lack of said things can make you very tired. I found social side of Home Ed the most tiring, but rewarding, it is essential though. the academics look after themselves, mostly... in a family situation, everything is knowledge isnt it from leaves to cooking to transport. Big salute to you as erstwhile home edder. Ds2 with autism is doing miraculously well now he is at A level stage and in sixth form, and home ed had a lot to do with it. I used to worry about the house though my motto should have been simplify simplify simplify.

Well, tomorrow the builder is on task. Dh has been very ill in hospital with a n op, now recovering well, so I postponed the builder thank god and now I am actually looking forward to the arrival of chaos and dust and the thought of my trumpeting loo cistern being fixed. And new door to living room when we've lived with rubbish door for 20 years. Mind you we could have managed another twenty years without the new door, but not with the trumpeting loo!!

All the contents of living room are now piled up in the kitchen and the other downstairs room. Ds2 has reconnected the telly, his first priority I'm keeping on top of the food compost and throwing recycling at rate of knots, that seems to be my only contribution. It may help. Have to sheet up books tomorrow. Sofa in kitchen will be fun too, I mean it, I've always wanted one in here.

we are knocking down a wall as well, in case this is all thought to be overkill, and changing the opening between two rooms to a more ergonomic place (the original opening which some fool blocked up in the 70's)

how are you Solo, we are all going to get through this together.

Downudder houseplants sound a great idea, do you know I've never had any? (I fancy one of those beautiful Victorian palm like plants, the small ones.I have a garden which makes me very happy though, and a greenhouse finally, so I'm going to plan to pot up some bulbs and temperate pot plants like geraniums/tender perennials for the winter.

Oh wow nettle sorry your DH glad he’s recovering. That sort of thing just adds a whole new layer of stress and chaos doesn’t it, you’ve done really well.

You reminded me about vitamins - I’d forgotten to take mine today, so thank you for mentioning! I take iron and vitamin D, I’m going to ask for a retest of the latter as I suspect I may need another prescription dose. Also have some gynae issues going on so will see how the doctor goes.

I have done nothing useful today.

I’m really finding home ed quite exhausting ATM, although it’s definitely going better than ever. Can’t remember what I’ve said here in the past but DD basically asked for more structure for various reasons and found the decision as to whether to start secondary really difficult. She is happy she’s made the right choice overall but the kid suffers from major FOMO so I feel the pressure I’m putting on myself to make home ed awesome as well as upping their structured learning. It’s been quite well received even by DS, textbooks and all sorts. Also gradually getting friends round to do group learning which will also encourage me to tidy up more... supposedly... but anyway, for the first time I’m really also feeling the need to “plan lessons” and suchlike. Doing all this around a baby is doing me in. And I haven’t even started tutoring again which I really could use the money from.

Another mad week ahead. It’s getting to the stage where we need a big whole house blitz. Which does feel achievable here as most things do have a home of some sort. But we still have such a long way to go and I just have no clue when we will get the time to do it all.

Cag when I was your dd's age I loved books with step by step instruction projects. Might that help your dd? I was quite academic and went to school but we had long holidays and this is what I liked doing best in the whole wide world and could entertain myself for hours, my mum had 3 other children I hasten to add..

One was called: Look I can Cook, the other Look I Can Make Things, and Another Look I can Sew. I never had any help with the projects, I think that was the whole point of them. The pictures included an annoying little brother or sister that getting causing trouble whilst you were doing stuff!
There was another book called something like 365 days of the year published by Puffin the 1960's or 70's with loads of project type work.

It is very labour intensive to do proper lessons, I am afraid I never got very far with that. I think there was a lot of copying out of poems or evolutionary trees or date lines involved, with ds2...and illustrating them..not me, him. And then the rest of the day was spent going out o rgiving up and watching telly..informative telly or funny telly The truth is I think I did surprsingly little formal with him every day seemed packed full of just surviving!

Ooh thanks nettle that’s a good idea. Part of the aim is definitely to get her working more independently, I’ve even set homework. Which I just realised I forgot to check today, that’s a great start isn’t it 🤦‍♀️ Will have to check in the morning (it’s just more maths sheets on top of the five they do on weekday mornings, and they have to choose when to fit it in). One of her major issues - in fact I’d say it’s left a deeper mark on her than the bullying that prompted us to HE - was being left to struggle by teachers (her books were pretty much empty and the teachers still said no she’s fine...) - she was such a quiet kid she would just sit there feeling stupid. And that is her biggest fear. So getting her to be able to tackle things on her own while actually trusting us to help her IF she needs it, that is a huge step. And finding the right stuff for her to achieve this is one of the things that is wearing me out!

Right I’ve waffled enough. Best get some sleep as it’s a tricky long couple of days ahead. Baby’s only just gone to sleep and I’m expecting a bad night (AF is here and she is always less satisfied with feeds then). Crown being fitted tomorrow.

She was being adorable earlier but typically mischievous... pulling books off the shelf one by one and piling them onto DD1 on the sofa, to make a sort of book blanket. She was ever so proud and chattering away the whole time. Caglets put them all back after though ❤️

And she’s woken up. 🤦‍♀️