The Hoarders Anonymous Thread Part Three...Still Sorting It Out ~ Together!

[Solo]

Are you are any of the following? Can you be described as a clutterbug? Are you a hoarder, in a mess, untidy, disorganised, lazy with housework that has lead to something that you now feel unable to deal with. If you are ill and not coping with the housework. If you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason. If you cannot just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or dread the meter reader asking for access.

Are you nodding whilst reading any of these words? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please join us. No one here will judge you. We have something in common and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite :) Welcome to thread number 3.

Solo footstool is good if you have to declutter to make room for it! Often these changes are incentives.

I'm still staring at that bloody amp...starting googling ebay to see what it is worth (about £40 or less) I am wasting so much time on this item. Shoot me if I do not take it out to the car this very day, along with the old suitcase in the porch and the mop bucket that is redundant.

why is the pyschological work involved so hugely disproportionate to the physical work? Although the physical work is bad enough.

Positives: today I managed to get rid of two items of summer clothing, nice but didn't flatter me. I washed two loads and hung out. I put out the recycling. I removed some empty plastic bottles from the bathroom.

Dh is away next week for a week, that might help me.

I've also made a plan to put all the uni stuff in one place, in the loft so it doesn't clog up the house.

Hmmmm...Well, there's always hope, I suppose!

Nettle get that amp listed if you aren't keeping it. Pick up only?

I need to find my birth cert. My God, I used to be so organised and yet now, I am just getting worse and worse! And having less energy makes it harder to deal with. And why aren't I slimmer with all the additional stepping over stuff every day fore years! Ridiculous!

*for years.

Oh boy.
I'm not sure if I've been here before and lost it in the clutter on my phone-- or not, either way I apologise for bouncing in but thank you, thank you for all your help and experiences. I have yet to RTFT (and the previous ones) but you have helped me already.
Today, all I have done is shredded a load (2 carrier bags) of useless paperwork, and put a dishwasher load of just re-found crocks on.. It's in the process of trying to re-find my bedroom floor...

I don't even have children, just --terrierists-- er, terriers, me and DH. And you guys are getting on top of clutter and hoarding with DC??

I am in awe, just... awe.

I've had a really good if tiring day. Managed to clear three laundry loads, throw away lots of recycling, clear several hotspots in the kitchen and tv room (no actual paperwork mind you but just cluttery stuff)
Surfaces are clear
floors swept
sorted out the hats and the gloves and cleared the hall table
put all the compost stuff in one place (still not done that though, it is on the back door step - dead flowers etc)
kept calm and kept going, it definitely helps to do 4 whole hours and not get distracted by general tidying/other chores. and that was becasue I had already done my room and ds1's room and ds2 room over the past few weeks. So they were already excavated befoe I tackled downstairs.

still a long way to go though.

Buffy I have three very grimy cats, not the cats themselves mind you just the grit and fluff they bring in underfoot (the garden is very muddy atm) terriers are sweet creatures very companionable

Solo I don't do anything technological like listing. I don't even have a camera phone. I've cleared all around it, and it looks more glaringly obvious like something that needs to go, I Hope!

amp and speakers are in the car (hall looks magnificent without it)!!!
I swept up some leaves on the front path
put suitcase in the car (has cat pee on it which is why it needs to go)
I put some large pieces of cardboard in the car
I cooked some supper whilst the kids have a tutor round, and was able to find the things I needed easily because I had tidied

some ski clothes are back in the ski pile, clean
some clean clothes have gone upstairs to my room and to dd's overflowing room
the laundry pile is looking a bit smaller, on my fifth load today.

The tv room is nice to be in!!!

Babies thank you for the welcome and hello to Buffys - I don’t have children either so share your awe for our fellow de-clutterers!

Nettles wow! You’ve an amazingly productive day! Thought about your suggestion to put stuff into storage ahead of going on the market but looked into the cost of storage units close by - £80 a month
Can’t justify that sadly, especially as it’s all stuff that needs to go before we move.

The laundry is basically under control for the first time in years. There’s just a very small laundry basket’s worth of stuff left that DH and I have worn over the last few days. I’m trying a system which should keep it under control if I stick to it. So, one laundry bin for lights, one for coloureds. A small basket in the bathroom for towels which will all get washed and dried once a week on a Saturday. Bed linen to never go into a laundry bin/pile but straight into the washing machine as soon as the bed is stripped. Used tea towels all to go into a bag in the pantry (once I can use it again post mouse!) and once I’m down to my last two all the rest go into the wash. Ironing must be done once there’s one basket full to do! I hope I can stick to it. The endless days of washing/drying/ironing have finally paid off and it feels good. Don’t want to slip back to my old ways!

Hi and welcome Buffys :) I certainly wouldn't be in awe of me! I'm in a dreadful state here. I also can't see much of any floors in here :(
Nettle you've done loads :) well done you!

I've done nothing much here...

Solo I achieve something and then for weeks I go backwards (it feels) but seeing my hall table clear is a eye opener. The hall looks so light, and since I moved all the coats to the cupboard under the stairs (having decluttered that a bit, not completely) that has made a big difference too.

Keep going, little by little. You are so lucky to be your own master in this, keep remembering that, no-one to tell you that you have to keep x and y...I have found that difficult, remembering that I am in fact master of my own fate ,not dependent on others for approval disapproval. All part of the life laundry aspect of decluttering.

I've cleared the bags of summer clothes off the landing and put them in the loft. And the ski pile.

Hoovered the landing and the edges of the skirting.

Removed a pile of hoodies from dd's room and hope she doesn't notice, put them in black sacks and will hide them somewhere. she has nearly 20 hoodies, it is obscene. I've taken away 4, and 4 summery looking tops. she can rotate them in a few months. Her room is ovewhelming, just piles and piles of clean laundry/socks/tops, all washed but just so much, too much for one person to ever wear.

cooked supper (creamy vegetable pasta with bacon) and managed to use up some kale..
Dh is away from tomorrow, so stressful in some ways (lots of early starts) but also I can continue to work on organising without having to stop and "tidy" in the middle.

I am having to watch for the "churning" I can see myself falling into that trap a bit today. Reorganising things instead of actually getting rid of anything. Making piles to go to new places instead of the charity shop or bin.

Toomuch tomorrow's goal is to get rid of some bath towels. And scrub the bath with vim. Has not been washed forever (we just use the shower over the bath. I also want to get a box file for travel info. Something I have never done before, to keep all brochures and flight info in one place. Maybe I'll end up decluttering some old stuff if I set my mind to having that file...

well, dh is now away for a week so I have my dream come true re: reorganising, but here I am sitting in a sea of mess

need to do kitchen (lots of washing up)
put away groceries (ditto)

all my good intentions have somewhat deserted me. I've been out for long walk, and done various child related activities and errands..and feel like only sausage rolls, a cup of tea and an nice DVD are of interest.

later: done most of the washing up and unloaded dw with kids
put rubbish out
put food away

Dvd now Harry Potter and Half Blood Prince - have not watched for six years, will be interesting to see if it has dated.

Nettles! You’ve made me want sausage rolls!

Running a bit behind on the laundry (sheets and towels today as per my new system) due a a burst water main in the street and the water off for a couple of hours...

Have come to the momentous decision to part with a piece of furniture I insisted on bringing when we cleared my parents’ house. It doesn’t go anywhere here and I wanted it only because it was something that had been given to them as a wedding present and that had always been a part of their home. The time has come to say goodbye to it...

You can do it.
You will remember it, and occasionally mourn it, but someone else will now make it a happy home.

I think there was once a newspaper article about a Welsh dresser someone inherited from their parents, and how it dogged him, and it never fitted in anywhere but it was such a treasured piece of family history he couldn't allow himself to pass it on to anyone. then one day he did and he was FREE!

I have a few things from my grandparents' house and tbh I would remember my grandparents even if I did not have those items. They are functional so I keep them, but in this house they have entirely different personalities, they are no longer my grandparents' if ysim (two chairs, one a bedroom one a study) A cousin saw one and gave a shocked look at me, as if why have you got granny's chair, but to me it is no longer granny's, it is pretty, I sit in it. Before she had it, someone else did for a 100 years I imagine. Even if it was burnt for firewood, I would still remember my grandparents and their house and mourn it honestly.

Nettles you’re right, I know. Getting rid of it won’t make my parents any more gone or me miss them any more than I do already (I couldn’t anyway), just as keeping it didn’t make me mourn them less. The more tricky things will be the smaller items - boxes and boxes of little nick-nacks, ornaments and moments. I’m also finding it hard to part with anything my parents gave me. It seems wrong, like a slight on them. i struggled over chucking some placements the other day. Placemats! As though my mum would be remotely bothered!

Thanks for the words of wisdom and hope you enjoyed the film!

Hello...looking for help. I have major anxiety about throwing/ charity shopping anything and drowning in stuff. I feel like such a failure that I've got myself into this predicament. I don't know what to do. I'm terrified of regreting getting rid of anything. I'm so stuck...

mackerelsandwich Welcome to the thread. It is very rare to miss things we rehome/throw away and even if you do need to rebuy something that is not a big problem.

You know your house and your priorities. Start in the area which means most to you and anything you do is s positive step in the right direction :)

mackerel I know all about anxiety related low level hoarding. I know it is probably not as bad as those programmes on tv but I think those programmes often help me to see the root of why I can't throw things away, get bogged down attempting to do it, and why underneath it all there is tremendously low self esteem associated with hoarding. And then to make ourselves feel better we use stuff to comfort us (a bit like eating when you are overweight)

I feel very ashamed of my house when it is bad, I wonder why it isn't tidy or organised, I don't feel comfortable having people round, I assume they are going to judge me. And then paradoxically I use things to comfort me, the very things that are associated with the shameful overcrowding/disorganisation/lack of time to do anything or enjoy my surroundings.

Okay, I am exaggerating, things are not that bad here, and they have improved - my dh would say I am talking nonsense and I just need to tidy things not declutter them. But the lack of time and energy are very much linked with too much stuff and too much going on in my head (anxiety related)

I think taking back the power and being confident in one's decisions can help a lot, thinking through why getting rid of something might bother us, and what is the worst that can happen if we do get rid of it and what the best thing that can happen if we get rid of it (someone enjoys it instead of us? It adds to landfill? We lose money, we have already spent? we will be ridiculed for wasting things? someone will call us to account for getting rid of something "important"?) Some things will fall into impossible to declutter category, some things will genuinely not pass the important test. Like my amplifier. It represents only money lost and that money was gone ages ago, 20 years ago. I enjoyed it, and the mistake I made was not throwing it, but keeping it for so long.

I think it is like a plate of food. There is a starvation plate with no food on it, or a piece of lettuce and boiled egg and a piece of brown toast, no butter. And there is a plate of food and dessert, more than enough, all the food groups. And then there one of those all inclusive hotel menus, where you can eat as much as you want and there is loads to choose from at every meal. Rapidly you get sick of it, and eat far too much but feel guilty for not having a taste of everything on offer, in case you waste the free meal that you have paid for.

So I suppose when I declutter I am trying to think, my house is like that meal in the middle, the one where there is more than enough but I don't need absolutely everything, just because I paid for it already!!! I want a home not a bottomless pit of stuff to comfort me.

Mackerel I hear you! I feel much the same. I'm very attached to stuff but, I've allowed stuff to accumulate and every surface is cluttered up with things. I must really get to grips with it all.

Not a hoarder or needing fly lady but read both cos you have become 'friends' to me and I care about you all (sounds a bit weird and stalkerish!) but delurked to say what wise words nettles and to keep on going a little at a time.

Aw, thank you for caring Roystonv . Yes, Nettle's last post is very thought-provoking, isn't it? Can I ask how you came to follow our thread? I don't think of it as 'stalker-ish' but, rather, interested or curious as hoarding is a curious subject. I watch hoarding programs for a variety of reasons, one of which is that it makes me feel better about myself because I'm 'not as bad as them' - except that I'm getting worse, not better. I take 1 step forward and 2 back. I don't hoard pizza or milk cartons but, I can't get rid of a magazine. Actually, I get a magazine regularly from Benenden of which I'm a member. I rarely read them as 'I will read it at some stage' but, I have been chucking some out in recent months so, I am getting rid of some magazines...it's all the others from 30 years ago that I can't bring myself to get rid of; I need them for the decorating tips and the knitting/sewing patterns. I need them because I bought them when I was in hospital having a breakdown... I'm tied to the past and I find it difficult to move on.

I love magazines. I would collect them in great vaults in I could. I have very happy happy memories of reading a great stack of Women's Own that a neighbour kept in her pottery shed. I used to have boxes and boxes of gardeners' world. And TES magazines/supplements. \Quilting magazines from someone's skip and my own purchases. Burda magazines.

However, I have realised it is literally impossible to live with all these magazines. I would if I was in some Harry Potter world and could summon them at short notice, but I don't live in Harry Potter world. My leisure is ruined by excess of things to do, and an excess of things that stop me doing those things..think country walks (maps and guidebooks) embroidery, cooking, gardening, researching, books to read. These options surround me, but then I never do anything.

So I binned the magazines. I kept 3 sewing magazines, and 2 TES, and possibly one gardening magazine. It doesn't stop me buying more occasionally (it is an addiction and a legal high) but then I try and bin them straight away. The same with school magazines and cooking magazines. Solo didn't realise you were at Benenden, my best friend went there in late late 1970's, but then left to come to our school for A levels. She often talks of it, it has left an impression, I'm sure she gets the magazines.

I once went to a friends' house who had an enormous pile of old Vogues in her daughter's room. There was no space in the daughter's room, I felt bad for her daughter who had to live with her mother's dreams and hopes in her room. It also made for a most uncomfortable temporary spare room, there was no space to put my things! (selfish emoticon)

my addiction to magazines dates back to the time when my mum would buy them once a week, I associate it with them appearing on the kitchen table in the warm tidy kitchen. Yet my mum never hoarded magazines or kept them, the pleasure was in the reading not in the keeping them long term. Then I used to enjoy cutting out recipes and pictures and doing collages and scrapbooks from those magazines (they had illustrations)
all that built up in my mind as an associated pleasure to be had from magazines..I didn't do art or home economics at school. The magazines are representation of something ELSE I wanted and liked. But when I keep them now, they don't do any of that therapy stuff, they are just piles of paper, I cannot bring that back so I learn to chuck them.