May-be this time - Fledglings flutter through May 2016 (Flylady thread)

[CotswoldStrife]

Welcome all - and thanks to SpareCrust for leading us through April.

If you are struggling with C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (Something That Undermines Family Fun) then this is the thread where we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system (in our own unique, relaxed style) with lots of support and chat along the way.

Link to the Flylady website

Don't let the somewhat sickly and barftastic language of the site put you off: the underlying system is sound!

This little-and-often system is designed so that you can follow a series of steps and routines each day (which gradually become second nature) in zones of the house which are designated weekly; defining and minimising housework; which in theory should leave you with loads more time to do something more interesting instead!

At the same time it is intended to reduce that panicky "rabbit in headlights" feeling when you are overwhelmed and everything needs doing all at once. No problem if you miss a day or two; just jump right back in and it will all come around next month again!

It's up to you, but we advise not signing up to receive the Flylady e-mails as you will be swamped with masses of bumph. All the information you need will be linked here on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, we will be following Flylady's steps and routines using a three-pronged approach (dependent on the stage everyone is at):

• start or repeat baby steps
• repeat baby steps + do 15 minutes a day decluttering in the current zone
• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

** And if you are really enthusiastic and have finished decluttering - you can go on to detailed deep cleaning in each zone.

There are three key points to keep in mind throughout:

• No perfectionism allowed - this is harder than you would imagine and many of us on this thread struggle with this one.
• You are never behind - just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
• It didn't get into a mess overnight - it won't get tidy over night - accept it will take time to get on top of things.

If you are new; then trying to spend 15mins decluttering daily and doing the babysteps is a good way to start. Some of us (mentioning no names!) can have scary looking ‘ta-da’ lists but don't let that worry you. Do what you can, anything is better than nothing, and don't judge yourself against others.

If all else fails, a brew + the power of three technique + a bit of support on here can work wonders!

Here's the launch pad for more experienced fledglings

Oh and don’t let it put you off if we appear a bit cliquey, we really aren’t! . Some of us have been on here for years and some of us natter rather a lot – but all lurkers, intermittent returnees, oldies and newcomers are very, very welcome!

Useful tip about that GCSE book, knitting - thank you. Well done to your DS1 for getting through more exams.

We had a lovely weekend away, staying with friends whilst my DM looked after the boys (and the cats). When I arrived back, she said it had given her a real insight into how much we had to do on a daily basis. She was exhausted!

Today, DH took DS1 to a review appointment with his (DS1's) psychiatrist. She was horrified by how much weight DS1's lost in the past six months and said he was borderline anorexic . She then accused DH of being too complacent. She has form for attacking us: she did this to me once (also about DS1's eating) and reduced me to tears. She is also the psychiatrist who wouldn't diagnose DS1 with autism, so we had to go private to get the diagnois . DH told her that DS1 had been discharged by the dietician because of NHS cuts (and we weren't happy about it at the time, obviously), but she continued to berate him for 'taking his eye off the ball'. DS1 was really upset by it and actually told her to calm down. Am so angry with her. She did all this in front of DS2 and two medical students, as well. Weirdly, she was awful to me once before when she had medical students there - it's as if she wants to show off in front of them. I feel like complaining about her.

Discussed it with DS1 this evening and he admitted that he'd missed lunch at school yet again. We have been trying all sorts of things to ensure he eats a full lunch there, but he keeps avoiding it. Have emailed his tutor to discuss it again.

Meanwhile, he has a Physics GCSE exam to revise for on Wednesday.

It's really easy to miss lunch at school, ds2 used to do it all the time. It is th noise and the queuing, and the sheer bother of it. His new school rather cleverly have lunch in the SEN room for the SEN students, I think it is just the fact that the group is quiet and small that makes the difference, it wouldn;t matter who was in the room. I think the school should be dealing with this not you, and encouraging ds1 to sit down and eat something away from everyone if necessary.

What a hideous woman. To insult any parent in front of their children is incredibly disrespectful and to use words like anorexic (did she say this in front of your ds1????) Ds2 is actually a bit overweight and the lady who was measuring him on the chart for medical part of EHCP made a point of not using the word obese or overweight at all, although the official letter they send would use words like that in primary. How dare she make such a wounding comment to your dh too, as if he was not doing his job properly, after all the hundreds of things you both go through as parents to support ds1. I think you should make a complaint about her manner. Also I suspect you are a slender family naturally and it is the shooting up phase when you would need to be eating an enormous amount to match the inches.

Glad you weekend away went well. Very kind of your mum and it will get easier for her the more she does it Not convinced my own mum of this though..she hasn't looked after the children for many years, and the last time she did it was an emergency, which they haven't really recovered from so not really a treat experience for them to stay with Grandma.

Ds2 has a packed lunch btw now. He then tops it up with extra food if he wants but it cuts out the effort of choosing food or waiting around. I HATE organising packed lunches (this is only the last two weeks mind you), it is really such a faff but I see that it makes it more obvious what exactly they are consuming or not consuming. We seem to go through a lot of Capri Sun and Baby Bels and Quavers, as well as more nutritious things.

Thank you, knitting. The irony is that this woman once lectured me on the importance on not giving DS1 a hang up about his weight, so I have always carefully avoided discussing weight in front of him or making him conscious that I am trying to give him more calories. Now she has ruined it all and he's spent the entire evening googling 'anorexia' and worrying. He stuffed himself with food at dinner time and has felt ill ever since. Stupid, stupid woman. I do feel like complaining about her actually. Am so angry.

Shame about your mum . My mum was, to be honest, fairly hopeless when the DC were younger and more vulnerable. They seemed to be very relaxed in her company this weekend, though, and she loved being with them, even if they were exhausting.

Toffee goodness what an awful awful woman I'm so sorry she behaved like that. I have no idea how, but yes, complain!

On a much lighter note, is the Spanish book you have any good? I'm considering studying a GCSE level book but have no idea what to go for (since I'm not actually taking an exam yet I figured the board doesn't really matter).

The eating at school I guess is one of the many, many things that somebody without ASD can just take for granted. But it can be so, so hard :( all the noise echoing, the social aspect of who you sit with, the jostling in the queues... ugh. DD I think would've been ok with it at junior school - because the school is SO massive (600 kids just for yr3-6) they had to eat in classrooms, rather than a hall. But the problem for her was that they were unsupervised by teachers (they just had a yr6 child supervising each room) and messing with/taking DD's lunch was one of her bully's favourite pastimes :(

Anyway. Had a quiet unproductive day today. DCs only just going to sleep now so even more behind with the stuff I probably wouldn't have done anyway should be doing.

Also sympathies with the, erm, less than practical grandparents. DH and I were discussing this the other day. They just didn't know how to be around little kids! I'm an only child, and was, shall we say, NOT a typical toddler. No tantrums or misbehaviour, ever. As my ASD specialist put it, they could literally plonk me down in front of a video and know that I wouldn't move unless they told me to. I was very much the 'little professor' ASD stereotype which suited them. So of course the grandkids, who were actually pretty typical toddlers with pushing boundaries, clambering over everything etc and most definitely not child geniuses :o, they just couldn't handle it. It's getting better now that they're older, especially as mum is bonding with DD over a love of historical costume (something she never had with me. YAWN.), which is lovely to see! Dad is still very much in his own ASD world (it's blatantly obvious he has ASD, and TBH he's barely functioning, but the GP refused to refer him because he is 'too old' :() so I've given up trying to create a bond, but at least he's more tolerant of them now and he is still affectionate etc.

Sorry that got a bit long and waffly! Really should carry on with the shopping order, and see if I can escape downstairs without DCs complaining. Sigh.

Mira! is the Spanish course they do up till GSCE. But ds1 had all sorts of resources, including the Edexcel revision workbook and guide, loads of vocab lists. It has made no difference. He is going to get C at best, D at worst. So far only a C in the coursework and he is on Foundation level. Dd is much better but also uses Mira! at her school. She has a tutor, I've learnt my lesson, although she genuinely enjoys Spanish which ds never did.

Ds2 has given up languages...We might continue a bit of German on the side but he is not doing them at his new school, which is a specialist language college, because he is not up to speed and too dyslexic for it to be worth the struggle.

I think those courses are designed for classroom use though aren't they? What you need is a poor Spanish student who wants to come round to supper!

:o We do have a Spanish lady for the DCs' Spanish club (although she's not great with kids it seems ) I'll see if I can find Mira at the library to have a nose first, thanks. I really miss learning languages (or anything, really!) so something structured would be good, but I don't have time/money for a class, being rather a loner introverted I'm happy to do it myself anyway! :)

toffee COMPLAIN. Put it all in. What happened in the first appointment when she upset you, this appointment and the contridiction. ALL of it. Send it signed for so they can't deny receiving it. PALs is you friend in this. It shouldn't be like this.

to do
all the things

ta da
none of the things
panic

It's a long story.

Yeah, am tempted - but then feel overwhelmed with weariness at yet another battle. She was out of order, though, and shouldn't get away with it. I wonder what the medical students thought: what a way to train people.

Am sitting up with DS1 now because he's upset and doesn't want me to go. He hasn't done this for a long time. And he couldn't revise for long this evening because he felt too unsettled. Well done, Ms Psychiatrist .

Welcome backhome, good to have you with us on the thread.

Toffee, I would give some serious thought to complaining too - is there anyone else you could see? She doesn't sound very helpful at all and rather upsetting (for you all, not just your son).

Are you OK there Einstein?

I did knock something off the to-do list today, ordered more shoes and dancewear (badly timed growth spurt continues to cost us). Bit of a laundry day too, trying to make the most of a dry day to hang things outside! Will continue the big tidy tomorrow!

Links below!

The daily summary for Tuesday (also available on the Flylady website at flight plan which should update automatically each day.

**

Baby-step no 24 - swish and swipe in the bathroom

We are in Zone 4 this week: the master bedroom

Spend 15 mins decluttering in Zone 4.

When you have finished decluttering, the detailed cleaning list (if you are at that stage) for Zone 4 is here

Mission for Tuesday hurling the odd socks

The daily focus for Tuesday is: planning

The monthly habit for May is moving in May!

Hi can I join you again? It's been a long time since I last attempted Flylady, but could really do with the structure as everywhere is a mess and don't know where to start. Stayed up far too late last night reading the entire thread for May but you've all motivated me and bleach is now in my sink!!!

on your behalf, Toffee - definitely complain if her behaviour has set your DS back.

Waves to Saturn - come along in!

Better get a tray of on the bar - sounds like people are in need.

Also better get on with some stuff...

Hi ladies :) I've just started flylady yesterday. Last night I shined my sink before bed and today I've made the bed, put washing on, 5 minutes in the worst room and 15 in the master bedroom decluttering. Am I doing this right? It all seems a bit confusing

Also, the evening routine on the website for the relax bit seems a bit Please tell me I won't be alone in vegetating in front of the TV for an hour rather than writing a journal or meditating...?

Well my sink won't shine. I've bleached it and been scrubbing for the past hour. It is an old white one. I've looked online and can get a new one with taps for £69.99 by Thursday - just trying to find someone to fit it for me. A bit extreme maybe, but it has really wound me up that I can't even do the simple first step.

And whilst I was scrubbing the dog has been pretending to be an andrex puppy in the bathroom and there is now chewed up bits of toilet tissue everywhere and she's also ripped the wallpaper off in the hallway. As if I didn't have enough to do! I'm going out for a walk before I have a complete and utter meltdown and hopefully everything will seem better when I return.

Hi Blue and hi to Kruck - I haven't got that far this time yet, but quite like the idea of writing a journal. You won't find me meditating though either - wouldn't even know how.

Hi Saturn :) have you tried barkeepers friend on the sink? A lot of people find it to work miracles on unsalvageable sinks. Might be worth a try before investing in a new sink?

Try not to let the sink thing get you down, it really doesn't have to be perfect!

Enjoy your walk, I've got two babies who will not stop crying so I'm with you at the end of your tether.

My sink won't shine either. It's a horrible yellowy plastic thing, not nice shiny steel. Boo.

I really, really need to get on with stuff today! It's quite ridiculous. One step at a time, I have to... aaargh!

Welcome lovely newbies! :) :)

I've added barkeepers friend to my wishlist - thanks for the recommendation! :)

Afternoon!

Ta for brew Blue - offering in return!

A warm welcome to Backhometothenorth and Kruckshany

Backhome if motivation is a problem - as lots of us find on here - after all household chores are probably the most boring tasks known to man - then start with less than 15 mins. Just do 5 mins . You will be surprised that even that makes a difference . Hopefully that 5 mins will then give you the inspiration to do a bit more. Good luck with it!

Kruckshany Much as we love some of her advice, Flylady can be totally batty at times to put it mildly! Just adapt the system to suit yourself and your home with the main (sound!) underlying principles being: regular short, focused bursts of work moving around the house in a vaguely sensible order. Start with decluttering if you need to declutter (because that gets in the way of cleaning). If sounds like you have started really well. Just getting used to the main baby steps until they become second nature and doing 15 mins decluttering or cleaning a day is a good place to start! (I do have a cj but it is mainly used as a tool for pet-sitters/house-sitters when we are away.)

And great to have you back Saturn! I can sympathise with the extra work that a dog causes! My washing piles have expanded hugely especially since the dog has taken to sleeping on our bed. And our sofa covers have never been washed so frequently as now owing to muddy foot prints. Plus all the constant grooming and maintenance of the dog itself + all the washing of food bowls, harnesses, blankets, squeaky toys.. the list goes on and on!

Thoroughly pissed off today because I woke up with lots of energy this morning and thought right "I shall tackle boudoir, I shall tackle the cobwebs growing in the corner of the front door, ditto the ironwork outside, brush and wash down our bit of the pavement etc", stood up to go to the bathroom and my back has gone again (having totally recovered from previous time it crumped)! Can hardly get up and down the stairs! Do not understand this at all! Walked loads yesterday! Sooo frustrating! So instead of making progress have spent most of the day flat on my back, with little hobbles around the house every half an hour or so to gingerly put on laundry etc. And dd is not going to be happy that she is shortly going to have to help me get the washing out and hang it up to dry!

Anyway, having got my whinge of the day out of the way just wanted to come on here to say:

Toffee agree with everyone else - that is outrageously unprofessional behaviour on behalf of that psychiatrist and quite bizarre and well, just plain wrong and unkind. I can totally understand you not wanting to have to spend your energy on another battle but I would definitely complain. Your poor ds to be so upset - after all the fantastic progress he has made - and I'd be utterly peed off about her being accusatory towards you and your dh. I hope your ds1 is OK. I agree that the lunch experience at school can be overwhelming - the smells, the noise etc etc - totally totally understandable that this is an issue for your ds1. I hope the school can give you some support with this.

Hope you are ok Einstein

Caglio that is so brilliant about your ds and her dancing! Well done to her! Brilliant that she got through to the final round, particularly when she had to overcome nerves and dance in front of stangers in a new environment. And as you say, the added benefit is the "behind the stage" camaraderie! It's great that she is enjoying it!

Cag Toffee and Knitting - can sympathise with the grandparent situation - both of our sets of parents were too old really to have any meaningful relationships with dd and the dc of my siblings as we all had children so late. V sad really. My late mother was rather terrifying as well so not perhaps the typical grandmotherly type - although she was very good with babies! Dh and my late father are both the same in that they have that innate calmness/gentleness that attract young children and animals.

Knitting good to hear your ds1 was OK after his exam yesterday. Has he got many more to go?

Whoknows hope revision going ok!

Grey any news on the house? (Hope good news if so!)

Cotswold hope the big tidy went well today. And I will be following in your footsteps and (if I can hobble) going to the only extortionate dance shop in town and buying new shoes and a skirtless leotard for dd tomorrow. This dance business can be hugely costly can't it?

Big waves to Ellie Feetheart Honu PA* Mercury Dogsbum Shannara and anyone else I've missed!

I'm dreading the expense of all the DCs' activities! Thankfully with ballroom the only expense has been the shoes (which my dad bought as DD's early birthday present) as they just have to wear any dress (or anything at all in lessons). But she reeeeally wants to start ballet. Not sure if she's too old at nearly 9? But I think she'd be quite good, she's got good poise as shown with her trampolining. And she wants to do tap as well. And more gym - she does a home ed gym class, only every other week because unfortunately it clashes with climbing - and it's great, but I think she wants to be more challenged really, so considering seeing if there's one which will push her a bit.

People are stupid. Life is cruel and crazy. Pretty much the normal. Just not in love with mn much atm. So here but not here.