Bitchy takes on the January Fledgling Thread. Buckle in and enjoy the ride...

[BitchyTakesOnManagement]

Ok. Welcome to the January Fledglings thread. Before we get started we have Some important notices

1. The fledglings are a long running thread, We are might seem clicky but that is what happens when some of us have been on the same thread for up to 5 years
2. We are rather partial to new blood Pull up a seat in the naughty corner
3. Don't assume you can march in and impose your way. We follow the fly lady way and we adapt it to suit our lives and needs. You are welcome to come join us for support and chat, don't assume you know best.
4. There is more to us than cleaning. If you want to be obsessive about cleaning you will find us and and our interpretation of fly lady frustrating. You might be happier else where.

Right, as harsh as it might seem, it is important to get that out of the way as we expect this January thread to be busier with newbies and there has been problems in the past.

So the fly lady system there are rules and we have adaptations.

1. NO perfectionism!!!
2. Something is better than nothing and sometimes good enough really is good enough.

3.This is not about the housework, it is about having more time to do fun stuff. Don't ever feel guilty about doing stuff with the kids over doing the housework. The kids are more important.

And the practical adaptations. We have discussed the Marie Kondo book and the approaches within on previous threads. We are all agree two things: the author does not have kids and that the principles are very good for decluttering and that they can be used to in conjunction with the fly lady system (Marie Kondo to get in control, and fly lady to stay in control). As for the fly lady system there are some of the babysteps and things that are advised that are either "huh, why?" or just don't fit in with the household. We advise a pinch of salt and discretion with a dash of reality thrown in. E.g. if you are a no shoes household then clearly the wearing shoes in the house part of babystep 2 is going to make you go This is where adaptations come in and if past threads are to be gone on this will be discussed and there are various takes on it as and when they arise.

Also for the over enthusiastic newbies to the fly lady site and system everything you need will be posted here in the form of links. There are 3 levels:
Newbie: babysteps - get into these habbit
student: Missions and babysteps once the habits are habit the missions are a piece of cake.
Expert: deep cleaning, missions and babysteps - forget this if you have clutter, seriously.
Oh and for the love of all sanity do not subscribe to the email alerts. Seriously. Just don't.

Jump on board, buckle in and lets kick the butt of January.
Bitchy special brew on the naughty corner bar, natch
do we warn the newbies about the special brew or let them find out for themselves?

Here's the then Whispers, well done for making the appt. Plenty left for anyone else that wants a bit too.

Toffee - sympathies, I've still got a couple of years to go till that milestone, but it only seems like 5 mins since we were celebrating it for my DM. I got chatting to a lady the other day who is a Botox practitioner and found myself thinking about it with slightly more seriousness than I have ever done in the past. However you are right, it doesn't change who we are, 50 isn't old at all nowadays (I am still trying to kid myself I'm too young to listen to Radio 2 for example). Hope you feel better about it soon.

Yesterday was phenomenally busy, school, work, car to the garage, swimming for me, various emails etc, dinner, DS's swimming lesson and ballet class for me, then a meeting of the Scouts executive, which was marginally less tedious than usual.

So today, it's my day off, I have more important emails, two loads of washing, pilates class plus home bleugh in time for friends coming round for coffee at 1. Better get the coffee on!

Ta da
wash#1 in td
emptied all bins upstairs and downstairs
replaced all muslins/cloths from bedding/nursery

guessing my posts are going to be lots of ta das over the next week or so with very few personals. Apologies...will post some cute pics of ds2 later to make up for it

WhoKnows I've also found myself thinking recently that I wouldn't necessarily rule out Botox at some point in the future (could probably do with it now, in fact!). A friend in her fifties has Botox and she looks amazing; she said the trick is to have only a very small amount injected to keep it looking natural (I'd never have guessed she'd had it done if she hadn't told me). OTOH I'm not sure it's a road I really want to go down.

Engels Cute baby pics are always good.

I now have about 45 minutes left to plan this week's English lesson (which I forgot to include in my to do list earlier) and get lunch ready, so must get on.

I'm not at all sure about it either Linzer. What I need to do is find out how old this woman was. She looked about 30. If I find she's actually 45 it might convince me!

I did it She was lovely, as I thought she would be, I am being referred for CBT. She prescribed some beta blockers, but now I'm stressing about taking them as the side effects are the very things that I'm anxious about

Thank you for the messages, and thank you for the cake, Who :)

We definitely need some baby pictures, Engels, there are going to be no more babies in the Whispers household, so I just have to enjoy everyone else's gorgeous bundles

Right, I have got my important ta da out of the way, DC are at school all day today, so I am going to relax for the rest of the day :)

Another anxiety sufferer here - have been on sertraline for donkeys years and hope never to come off it! I just wish my DD1 hadn't inherited it and got it even worse than me :-( Well done Whispers on going to the Dr. CBT will definitely help. Are the beta-blockers in pill or capsule form? If a pill I would try taking half just to start with so you can ease yourself in gently.

Toffee My favourite trick for feeling better about my age is to remind myself that when I am 70, I will look back and wish I'd realised how young 50 is, just like now I realise how young I was when I was 30/40! It's also a good idea to follow Growing Bolder on FB as that is very inspiring!

Well done to everyone - life is tough at times but We Can Do Hard Things! (as my favourite blogger says...).

Done
Morning routine
School run
Wasted too much time on FB

To do
Finalise survey questionnaire
A few bits and pieces of food shopping
A 5-min (or maybe more) room rescue

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. Yes, it was a shock - we knew she was ill but didn't expect it to go so fast.

My broadband is misbehaving this morning - it seems to go on strike in cold weather - so thankful that I busted a gut getting the first draft of my work done yesterday. Have now retreated to a café with Wifi to connect to the email etc. Grr.

Have also been swimming which was lovely - the sun shines in and warms the water so you can pretend you're on holiday!

Now need to get a bit of shopping and head home for some flying.

ta da
hoovered downstairs
emptied outside bins
ordered new nursing bras
ordered feeding top and merrell boots I've had my eye on for ages but couldn't justify the cost of at 160 euros...they were reduced to 95 and it WAS my birthday a few weeks ago and got money from the parents and ILs so they're mine!
Tidied up DS toys
wash#2 in td
gave downstairs toilet a once over

baby pics to follow I promise!

And finally posted birth cards

Wow, Engels, I am impressed I haven't even sent off DS's thank you cards for Christmas presents yet

Sorry about your friend, Blue :(

Bless - I've already been prescribed a minuscule dose She said that was because I have low blood pressure. Which to my anxious mind, (after reading the leaflet and it saying not to take it you have very low blood pressure) means 'OH MY GOD, WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS TOO LOW AND I TAKE THESE?!?' Ditto for my emetophobia and the leaflet saying they can cause nausea and sickness I need to talk to DH about it later, he'll talk some sense into me

Whispers I am emetophobic too! I do honestly know about the anxiety over taking something new, but the chances are that you won't suffer the side effects but will feel better! I am so glad I got thrips ugh the relatively slight (but still v scary) nausea to start the sertraline because the benefits have far far outweighed the stress of the first week or so. But I do know how hard it is. Hope your DH will be of help.

Hi All,

Bitchy - how frustrating for you with this appointment stuff. Is there a similar service you can contact ?

Blue - sorry to hear your news about your uni friend :(

Doghair (don't like calling you Dogbum) I am happy to be able to talk about my flying alongside my DH with you. I enjoyed reading your feelings on this subject. I get the business to do with the comfort zone. I have recently seen how my own DH can respond negatively when I ask him to come out if his comfort zone. In a not too distant past I stopped asking him to. Then, because I felt angry that I was doing far more work in the house than him , I slowed down and both of us watched things become more and more chaotic. Now I'm doing and asking him to participate .

Often , the first response I get from him, when I ask, is not what I'd like. But applying the concept of 'babysteps' is helping me through this. I ask again, insist at times, wait at others and, if I'm able to say when I don't something he's done, I need to remember when I am - and to say that too. :)

Bless , I hope that you and your H manage to sort through this patch in your marriage. Do you mean you don't like him 'at the moment ' ?

Whispers, I like it that you decided not to answer people individually if it is not the best thing for you right now. Reading your post reminded me how sometimes I would like to do that and I just don't have the time. I work full time and , what with that , flying and taking care of myself I have to make the best choices for myself. Consequently I don't write as often as I'd like to. But I have decided that when I write I want to like it. :)

So, Whispers, please don't feel the need to apologise about not writing in detail. Personally, I'll feel happy to know you're taking care of yourself. If you're not sure about the medecine can you phone the doctor and ask her ?

Oooh - like the idea of swimming in a warm environment in winter Blue. I'm thinking about it. Seeing as today is planning day , I think I might see how I can fit it in :).

So, here I am at the end of the day happy with what I've done so far :

Todas
Morning routine
5 min room save
socks sorted
15 mins decluttering I'm keeping going :) Slowco (Thanks for the encouragement - just one thing Slowco - I found the idea of eating an elephant pretty unsavoury :( - is that just me ? Do you eat them often ? )

Todos
Planning - 15 mins
Work preparation for tomorrow - 30 minutes
Evening routine and dinner
Bed at reasonable hour .

Thinking about you and wishing you a lovely evening and a restful night .

Correction 'when I don't like something he's done'

Correction 2
'If I can say when I don't like something he's done , then I need to remember to say when I do like something he's done too.'

Whispers do you have a good pharmacist? I often found that the pharmacist can do far more to put my mind at rest about things than the doctor can.

As for all posters don't ever feel you have to respond to everyone. Sometimes you just have to go. My list, my issue gotta run. It's fine. Support when you can, chat when you have time, post what you need. Do no harm and it is no issue. It is one of the reasons why the thread works. It is more than housework and we all know that real life can be rather demanding.

ta da
sleep
read book. 1 of 50 I want to read this year.

Will be back with the linkies in a bit

Just running on to say thank you so much for the reassurance everyone, every word has been much appreciated

DH wasn't much help, he thinks I should just take them The doctor is supposed to be ringing me tomorrow or Thursday to see how I am, so I will speak to her then. The only trouble is that I know she will just reassure me that the side effects are very rare, but that doesn't really help if I am that one rare person The pharmacy is attached to the surgery (rural practice) and one of them is a friend of mine, so I would feel a bit daft speaking to them, they would probably just look confused and offer to get the doctor to talk to me

Anyway, I will be back on board with my lists tomorrow, flying has fallen by the wayside a bit this week...

You are not the only one who has not been flying this week.

Wednesday is anti procrastination day.

missions

kids challenge

baby step another fluffish type one, perhaps skip it.

launch pad

Hellloooooo all

Just want to echo what Bitchy said very eloquently about this thread. It is meant to be a bit of a safe haven, not an added pressure. So don't be put off posting if you have no time to reply to personals! It absolutely doesn't matter. The thread is here for support and we all have times when rl issues overtake us a bit. So post away and only reply when you have the time/feel you want to!

Whispers Well done for seeking appointment and glad doc was helpful. I've had issues with anxiety in the past (not good with sick buckets either Bless) and still get it intermittently. It's horrible! Wierdly, am OK when scary anxiety-provoking things are happening in rl when I can (wierdly) remain quite calm, but it often hits me when things are generally peaceful and boring and I don't have enough to occupy my brain!

Anxiety is just the worst thing in the world! I also loathe the thought of taking medication but happen to take beta-blockers too (for heart rhythm issue not specifically for anxiety) and I've had absolutely no problems with side effects apart from the odd bout of cold in toes and fingers (but live in freezing house!).

There are lots of different types of beta blockers so I'm sure the doc will have chosen one to suit you. The only thing I've been told is not to stop them abruptly once you start taking them. Agree about going back to speak to doc (or speaking to pharmacist) if you are worried. My particular version are curative and I am, under advice, currently cutting down on the amount I take, so you may not need to take them permanently, just until you feel the anxiety is more under control.

Btw, I think those advice leaflets that accompany medication, although important, have to cover the absolute worst and rarest of complications for legal reasons, so side effects often sound worse than they are in realtiy ifyswim! Good luck!

Bless so sorry to hear about issues with dh which must be innately stressful. Hope the counselling helps.

Saymwa I've given up trying to communicate with my dh about Flying. But I have found leaving my control journal and daily routines/action lists around/stuck on fridge to be reasonably helpful sometimes!
Yes, I often eat elephant, prepared three ways as it happens...braised, en papillotte and sous vide (which makes for a very tender trunk!)

Wow Engels re: baby cards! You sound really on top of things!! And boots sound lovely!

You almost make winter swimming sound inviting Blue It's the shivery getting in and out bit that I dislike!!

Linzer/Whoknows [Puts fingers in ears in order to cut out all this talk of Botox] Thy shall not take a scapel or syringe to yourself by order of this ancient and quite wrinkly/wobbly Fledgling because I am absolutely certain in the depths of my soul that you are both totally lovely as you are!! and

Toffee glad the celebrations went well but sorry you have been feeling a bit down ever since. 50 is quite a milestone emotionally and what I found hardest is the thought that I probably have more years behind me than I have ahead!! (Although having today spoken to a colleague about her 103 yr old grandmother and received a thank you card from a 95 yr old, perhaps I am being a bit pessimistic about that!!! Doubt it though!!)

Also feel sorry for dd for having such an old cronkey donkey of a mother when she is so lithe and sprightly! However, what helped me is having two very energetic older sisters, one 64 yrs and one about to turn 60 yrs who are both whirlwinds and full of enterprise and humour and fortitude! They appear to be speeding up as they get older, and they both say that they make more of the time they do have, and enjoy it more!

Also (and apologies if I sound like Sister Mary Patrick my old religion teacher) it helps to focus on what I can still do rather than what is no longer possible ie yes, I am never going to have the chance to win an Olympic medal at eventing, but I can still walk run up five flights of stairs and grow fantastic courgettes !! Ifyswm!! Sorry if that sounds like a sanctimonious lecture (absolutely not meant to!!!) just wanted to say what helped me in case it helps you. Oh that and copious bottles glasses of of course .... It's not easy though!!!

Swan like the sound of glam plan which sounds fab- and agree about Djeco and t-shirts with ponies heads on!!

[Snaffles Whoknows's cake gratefully]

Despite long list, planned Flying had to take a bit of a back seat yesterday when dh and I suddenly realised that (a) we had misunderstood some of the extremely complicated secondary school inscription criteria which we thought we had a handle on and had to take immediate action and (b) I had to do an extra volunteering slot today at parish vestiare to make up for slot missed last week (owing to dd being ill) and because there are so many people off sick with flu that they are behind with everything. (Going in tomorrow too.)

Praying my lovely ironing lady will turn up tomorrow morning though (for the first time since beginning December) as have huge pile of the stuff which is taking over the buanderie!

Other than that, dh very tense and gloomy because dfil slipped in to semi-consciousness today for a while and doctor was called, but he seems to have rallied again tonight. A veritable roller coaster of stress... .

G'night all!

Thanks for the links Bitchy.
But I have to ask what 'clean out one drawer for each member of the family' mean ?

Does it mean I go into my DCs drawers and my H's drawers and tidy one of each of their drawers ?

OMG - if it does then I'll have to change countries (tonight) ! They'll kill me !!

Sorry Whispers x post with yours! Take your point about rareness of poss side effects not being terribly reassuring! Sorry your dh is not much support but in my experience, men rarely are with this sort of thing! Perhaps taking half as Bless suggests and gradually building up might help?

[Faints at realisation that I am actually in the process of doing Tuesday's mission without having consulted links!!! [Sorry Bitchy ] So sick of rummaging around with mismatched pairs and holey rags, am in middle of biggest pant and sock sort known to man!!

Saymwa honestly I have no fucking clue

SC i keep forgetting that the newbies don't know about eating elephants.

Newbies: The only way to eat an elephant is one spoonful at a time. Ie take a bit problem and deal with one bit at a time, eventually it will be gone. You physically can't eat the elephant in one go which is why you break it down.

SC i haven't actually look at the links myself been too busy to consider anything like missions. yep i suck as thread leader but meh at least this time we don't have namechangehellcity

Bitchy and you absolutely do NOT suck as thread leader. Where would we be without special brew and general scariness ?

waves - another good day outside with very little flying inside...However I think fresh air is worth its weight in gold especially when I'm dealing with ds2.

Best wishes to Whispers
and Sayma you make perfect sense

I find it takes a while to pick up the characters on a thread too and after a bit you begin to see where what you say might fit in - ifysim Quite often now I don't say nearly enough to others but I reckon it is worth just contributing anyway - just to show solidarity to people who might think everyone else is is achieving loads and loads and not them...

When I first started one of these flying threads I used to get very cross when people didn't mention if they had shined their sink or not (that was the burning question in my mind and I used to wonder if they were magically doing everything I wasn't doing just because that is what normal people did. Now I see that everyone does entirely different things with their days. For example SC is amazingly good at cooking and entertaining, Whoknows really looks life in the eye and gets on with things without dithering, and Bitchy is this inspirational if sometimes hallucenogic meteor and Toffee is very kind and thoughtful and conscientious and witty and as for Blue and Engels they have secret professional personas as well as struggling with housework like the rest of us. Not to speak of Gothwho has a croft. So....rambling as usual - it would be difficult to support so many varied personalities after just a short acquaintance..

[btw Hope I have not offended anyone