Bitchy takes on the January Fledgling Thread. Buckle in and enjoy the ride...

[BitchyTakesOnManagement]

Ok. Welcome to the January Fledglings thread. Before we get started we have Some important notices

1. The fledglings are a long running thread, We are might seem clicky but that is what happens when some of us have been on the same thread for up to 5 years
2. We are rather partial to new blood Pull up a seat in the naughty corner
3. Don't assume you can march in and impose your way. We follow the fly lady way and we adapt it to suit our lives and needs. You are welcome to come join us for support and chat, don't assume you know best.
4. There is more to us than cleaning. If you want to be obsessive about cleaning you will find us and and our interpretation of fly lady frustrating. You might be happier else where.

Right, as harsh as it might seem, it is important to get that out of the way as we expect this January thread to be busier with newbies and there has been problems in the past.

So the fly lady system there are rules and we have adaptations.

1. NO perfectionism!!!
2. Something is better than nothing and sometimes good enough really is good enough.

3.This is not about the housework, it is about having more time to do fun stuff. Don't ever feel guilty about doing stuff with the kids over doing the housework. The kids are more important.

And the practical adaptations. We have discussed the Marie Kondo book and the approaches within on previous threads. We are all agree two things: the author does not have kids and that the principles are very good for decluttering and that they can be used to in conjunction with the fly lady system (Marie Kondo to get in control, and fly lady to stay in control). As for the fly lady system there are some of the babysteps and things that are advised that are either "huh, why?" or just don't fit in with the household. We advise a pinch of salt and discretion with a dash of reality thrown in. E.g. if you are a no shoes household then clearly the wearing shoes in the house part of babystep 2 is going to make you go This is where adaptations come in and if past threads are to be gone on this will be discussed and there are various takes on it as and when they arise.

Also for the over enthusiastic newbies to the fly lady site and system everything you need will be posted here in the form of links. There are 3 levels:
Newbie: babysteps - get into these habbit
student: Missions and babysteps once the habits are habit the missions are a piece of cake.
Expert: deep cleaning, missions and babysteps - forget this if you have clutter, seriously.
Oh and for the love of all sanity do not subscribe to the email alerts. Seriously. Just don't.

Jump on board, buckle in and lets kick the butt of January.
Bitchy special brew on the naughty corner bar, natch
do we warn the newbies about the special brew or let them find out for themselves?

No, you've made me smile Swan .

It does take a while to get used to who people are on the thread, as we share bits of our lives a picture gradually forms and the chat gets easier.

Not at all offended Swan but think you have mixed me up with dh as I just eat all the food he's cooked!!! Agree solidarity is central to thread although you could also write a cracking novel with that cast of characters

swan I think i need to add that description to my mn profile. Bloody brilliant.

Ta da!

School run
Emails, phone calls (statement stuff again)
Very superficial home bleugh (quick hoover downstairs, bathroom clean, kitchen floor mopped)
Two lots washing
Windowcleaner visit
Litter trays and feed bowls/mats cleaned
Ballet kit and PE kit sorted for after school activities
Pilates class
Sainsburys
Lunch
Friends round for coffee
More tax return
School run
DS to friends house for lift to school sports event.
DD to ballet, coffee with other friends while waiting.
Ballet shoes bought for me, my first ever pair, while we're on the subject of never being too old for things I started ballet classes just before Christmas.
Home and dinner
Phone call to HMRC, took 45 mins but I think I should be about £1k better off as a result - made a significant error on last years return.
Finished and submitted this years return, phew.
Sorted clean laundry and supervised DCs putting it away.
Played games with DCs
Bath and bed to watch Last Tango in Halifax.

Swan - how could I possibly be offended by that lovely description? Not sure my DH would agree with you , but glad I give that impression here anyway .

Morning All,

Enjoyed reading about the cast of characters this morning . :)

Feel the need to say OMG to Elephant Eating SlowCo though- the thought of it SlowCo !! I feel quite queasy .

Plus - I feel I should be campaigning to save elephants ! And it's too early in the morning for that.

So ( please don't take the hump ) I shall proceed without eating elephants in my 15 minutes of decluttering :) and start my day.

Also wishing you and your DH peaceful times with your FIL and I hope that he is not in pain.

Morning all!

[SC desperately tries to be inspirational and hallucegenic meteor too but fails miserably] ]

Saymwa at taking the 'ump!!
Thanks, fil a bit more peaceful than has been previously so that's one good thing. He's usually quite distressed as has Parkinson's as well as vascular dementia (plus bladder cancer and an aneurysm). No distressed phone calls in the night which we were expecting so that's good too.

Whoknowsnot sure that bleugh qualifies as superficial if kitchen floor has been mopped! Fantastic about adult ballet classes! I'm too old/fat/wobbly/inflexible for ballet now but think all exercise is greatly improved by lovely music!!

Ta da:
morning routine inc dw, rabbits, kitchen sink, dining room table hot spot
(have yet to do s&s and wm)
ironed dd's sport kit but couldn't find tracksuit bottoms (which weren't washed because they were unworn last week)
15 mins spent looking for wretched tracksuit bottoms without success
prepping for lovely ironing lady (fingers crossed she shows)

Just have to get myself looking relatively respectable and I'm off for a morning of volunteering. Need to leave early owing to phalanx of school coaches in our street taking classloads of excited teenagers off to ski school.

Have a good day everyone!!

Saymwa other people have referred to it as eating frogs. Would frogs offend you less? you could use that. I just prefer elephants. It gets an epic confused look off people when you ask them how to eat an elephant. It is however an expression I don't know it origins but it is common enough that you will bump into people who have come across it (usually cos their parents used it)

I have only one thing to say about this morning. Urgh. and shit very late.

I've heard of eating metaphorical frogs but not elephants; not sure which is worse!

SC Am very impressed by you having your morning routine already done by 8.30am; that's usually when I start on mine... Hope the volunteering goes well!

WhoKnows Great news on the tax. I also made a significant error on my tax return two years running (forgot to include income from work I'd done the previous year ), which cost me dearly... I won't be making that mistake again!

swan Great description of the regulars.

Ta da:
Hairdressers (now feeling all swishy)
Aldi (only went in for a pair of pyjamas; came out with three pairs plus a pair of trousers for DS and rather a lot of reduced fruit)
Emptied shredder
Filled shredder again
Picked up DS's bike from school as he'll be going to a friend's this afternoon (I usually forget to do so until we go into the garage the following day and realise his bike is missing)
Realised that DS's friend only lives a couple of minutes from the school so I could have left his bike there, cycled to pick him up and collected his bike on the way home

SC - I'm 47, several stones overweight and my feet can barely turn out, if I can do ballet you could too!

Engels - I bought some Merrell boots in the sale this time last year and they're amazing, really comfortable, super warm, completely waterproof (I have paddled in the sea in them) - a very good purchase indeed.

at Swan - I love the idea of a secret professional persona! I'm heading down to London for the Marsh Award for children's lit in translation this evening, so I shall think of myself as undercover...

Also at "elephant three ways", SC. Though these days it's more "my take on the traditional roast elephant", isn't it? Good to see you had sous vide in there though...

WhoKnows - ooh, I used to do ballet as a kid. I wonder if there are any adult classes round here... May stick to Zumba though.

Have also been to the hairdresser and feeling nice and swishy too, Linzer.

Ta da
Stripped bed
Laundry done and dried
Hairdresser
Emails
Website stuff
Sorted outfit for this evening

To do
Lunch
Catch train
Pretend to be glamorous professional

Morning all :)
So, flying has not taken off with the amount of gusto I would have liked this morning, so I'm here to bug you lovely lot instead Seriously, I have been overwhelmed by your responses to someone you have only just 'met', and am so grateful for the support :) for everyone! Ooo, and :)

SC, yes, that is the point DH made, they have to list every single side effect you could possibly ever get, so that no-one can sue them. I can see the logic, although haven't been able to bring myself to take them yet though. i'm really sorry about what you are going through with FIL, it sounds very sad and stressful for you and your DH, I hope your FIL passes peacefully when the time comes :(
Bless - I really really hope that you take something positive away from the counselling, even if that thing is that you would be happier not to be married to him. I know that doesn't sound very positive, but life is too short to be wasted on living with someone who makes you miserable :( It would, of course, also be great if you are able to work through your differences and begin to see why you married him, I just wanted to say that if it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean that it is necessarily a negative thing. Hope I haven't offended

While we are on the subject of husbands, about getting DHs involved with flying... So, I started flying (well, attempting to) around three years ago, and I didn't tell DH at first (I am quite good at keeping things bottled up, that's why he only found out about the panic attacks this week ). But he started to notice that things were getting better around the place, so I let him know what I was doing. As a bit of background, he is hopeless at housework. I try not to take it personally as it is not that he is leaving it up to me because he feels like I should be doing it, it is because he genuinely doesn't mind living in a pigsty (he did for many years before I moved in). So, having read fly lady's thoughts on the subject (I.e. You cannot change someone else's behaviour, that is up to them, you can only fly for you), I decided not to try and get him on board, but just to do my own thing with the flying. I am the one who does all the housework, so that kind of made sense anyway. (Just to come to his defence, as I'm not painting a brilliant picture of him here, he does a lot round the house, manages the finances, cooks, everything car and garden related, DIY, equal hand in childcare when not at work, etc). So anyway, he smiled indulgently and left me to get on with my madcap ways for a while (I think he thought it probably wouldn't last). And then something miraculous happened. He started tidying up after himself! He still doesn't clean unless I ask him to (and there is a story that has gone down in family legend when I asked for his help to clean when we had friends coming to stay and found him an hour later, tidying the garage!! WTF, like my friends were going to look in the garage!!!) but he realises now that he has to take care of his own things, otherwise they will be tidied hidden away. So, as much as I disagree with flylady on some things (bloody shoes in the house ), she was spot on with that one, they will often follow your lead when they see you flying and see that it works :) (sorry, that was an epic reply

Ok, that was part one of post, I was worried the epic post would be lost before I had time to press send
Anyway, where was I?
Bitchy - you most definitely do not suck at being the thread leader!! I only did two days of links and that was enough, thank you for doing them every day
Saymwa and Swan make perfect sense about the people on the thread and writing personals. It is of course lovely if we are able to, but it is also ok if all we can manage at a given time is to run on with our lists and run out again. We are all here to support each other in whatever way is best and there will always be times that RL will be too busy or overwhelming to contribute to the thread in a large way. Any contribution is great though, so we shouldn't feel guilty if that is all we can do at a given time :)
WhoKnows - I am in awe at that epic ta da list from yesterday, well done!! Also happy to see that you have started ballet lessons, I have too!! Well, I started tap lessons in the summer (my DC started ballet and tap a year ago, it is with the same teacher) and she then started an adult ballet/stretch class in the autumn. It is fun, but hard work, they make it look so easy floating round on the stage
Ugh, not sure the thought of eating a frog is that much better than eating an elephant!!
Right, DD is up from her nap, so no excuses for not doing any flying due to not wanting to wake her
Hope you all have a lovely day! :)

It is metaphorical. You aren't actually meant to eat it

Also I have a cheat sheet, which if anyone new wants to try leading, I am happy to send. It is as simple as changing a number and word before copying and pasting Missions and zones automatically update so their links stay the same. It does make it easier when life has got a bit mad and you have to drop and run.

Also I have a cheat sheet, which if anyone new wants to try leading, I am happy to send. It is as simple as changing a number and word before copying and pasting Missions and zones automatically update so their links stay the same. It does make it easier when life has got a bit mad and you have to drop and run.

Also if you hit ctrl + enter to post remember it takes a while to post and if you hit is again it posts multiples of the same thing sorry about that

That's what happened to me re the ballet Whispers, my DD does ballet and tap, her teacher decided to start an adult beginners ballet class, the time fits exactly with DS doing his swimming lesson in the same leisure centre, it was meant to be!

I'm nodding my head re husbands too, mine is vaguely aware of you lot and the thread, but I've never explained Flylady properly to him. He does a reasonable amount of the day to day stuff (washing up, vacuuming etc, plus some DIY and heavy stuff). But I do all the finances and admin, all the car stuff,all holiday related stuff, all child related stuff (and there is a lot, as well as school my two do a lot of activities plus a lot to do with DS's SNs), most of the laundry and gardening also working p/t. He's gradually getting better, I think he had a wake up call when I had an operation a couple of years ago and was completely out of action for several weeks. He does work extremely hard in his business though and is subject to a lot of pressure there which is completely absent from my job.

Oh and I know it's not right, but I do the passive aggressive thing of commenting loudly to the DCs about leaving their clothes on the bathroom floor (or whatever) when his are there too. I also remind him that he needs to set them a better example.

It's sounding really hard for you and your family at the moment SlowCo - especially for your FIL . I'm glad you had a better night and I do hope he is getting what he needs to help with any pain.
Waves to All and sends extra big kiss ( if I may ) to Whispers and SlowCo.

Eating frogs !
Soz Bitchy- the thought of that is also highly unlikely to entice me into doing the decluttering ' little and often ' . ( Don't send me to the naughty corner - I might be sick there with all this going on about frog and elephant eating !)

Where I was brung up we were taught 'slowly, slowly, to catch a monkey' , so for the moment I'm going to settle for that . :)

I'd never heard that expression until I was a grown up Saymwa the frog thing came from a decluttering type book that several fledglings looked into. No idea which one. I mixed up unfuck your habitat with kondo when I wrote the op and had to ask HQ to change it in the interests of avoiding legal issues not that i thought there would be but arse covering and all that

Hi there Bitchy,

Thanks for the update on the frog-elephant issue :).

Re today's Babystep , can I refuse to tidy H or DC's drawers ?

Unless someone offers me a safe bolthole for tonight, I'm too scared that my family will never speak to me again.

Like dogs have their baskets, my family have their drawers! ( Maintaining efforts to continue animal metaphors ).

Taking small break before getting back on with jobs (no procrastinating today eh ! :) ...)

Whispers, I enjoyed reading about your experience with your DH and flying . And I laughed ( am still chuckling ) at the thought of him tidying the garage to prepare for when friends were coming round ! That is just the sort of thing mine would do. Before joining the thread no inch of me found that sort of thing funny . Now I am beginning to see silly side of it. And, as the mountain of clutter is gently receding, I'm feeling less evil towards him.

Even so - like the tip of hiding H's clutter if he starts becoming highly resistant :D. And Whoknows - I'm also mulling over the idea about 'indirect criticism' - though I'm beginning to remember that my own DH tends to be deaf to that type of thing ( a habit perfected over several decades ).

So, here I am continuing to mix asking him to join in the flying and playing 'follow my leader ' ( with me always in the lead :) ).

And -Today's H Tada ...
(Get this folks ... )

• DH shone the sink this morning !!! :D
• morning routine
• catching up on work I don't like doing .
• 15 mins decluttering
• making appointment to see a friend.

Todos

• 1 more hour catching up on work I don't like doing .
• finish making appointment to see friend.
• make appointment to see 2nd friend.
• set date for business meeting.
• prepare self and things for swimming on Friday ( :) Thanks to Blue).
• prepare papers for Friday's appointments.
• begin to organise family week-end away in March.

Ok - back to the grindstone ...