Bitchy takes on the January Fledgling Thread. Buckle in and enjoy the ride...

[BitchyTakesOnManagement]

Ok. Welcome to the January Fledglings thread. Before we get started we have Some important notices

1. The fledglings are a long running thread, We are might seem clicky but that is what happens when some of us have been on the same thread for up to 5 years
2. We are rather partial to new blood Pull up a seat in the naughty corner
3. Don't assume you can march in and impose your way. We follow the fly lady way and we adapt it to suit our lives and needs. You are welcome to come join us for support and chat, don't assume you know best.
4. There is more to us than cleaning. If you want to be obsessive about cleaning you will find us and and our interpretation of fly lady frustrating. You might be happier else where.

Right, as harsh as it might seem, it is important to get that out of the way as we expect this January thread to be busier with newbies and there has been problems in the past.

So the fly lady system there are rules and we have adaptations.

1. NO perfectionism!!!
2. Something is better than nothing and sometimes good enough really is good enough.

3.This is not about the housework, it is about having more time to do fun stuff. Don't ever feel guilty about doing stuff with the kids over doing the housework. The kids are more important.

And the practical adaptations. We have discussed the Marie Kondo book and the approaches within on previous threads. We are all agree two things: the author does not have kids and that the principles are very good for decluttering and that they can be used to in conjunction with the fly lady system (Marie Kondo to get in control, and fly lady to stay in control). As for the fly lady system there are some of the babysteps and things that are advised that are either "huh, why?" or just don't fit in with the household. We advise a pinch of salt and discretion with a dash of reality thrown in. E.g. if you are a no shoes household then clearly the wearing shoes in the house part of babystep 2 is going to make you go This is where adaptations come in and if past threads are to be gone on this will be discussed and there are various takes on it as and when they arise.

Also for the over enthusiastic newbies to the fly lady site and system everything you need will be posted here in the form of links. There are 3 levels:
Newbie: babysteps - get into these habbit
student: Missions and babysteps once the habits are habit the missions are a piece of cake.
Expert: deep cleaning, missions and babysteps - forget this if you have clutter, seriously.
Oh and for the love of all sanity do not subscribe to the email alerts. Seriously. Just don't.

Jump on board, buckle in and lets kick the butt of January.
Bitchy special brew on the naughty corner bar, natch
do we warn the newbies about the special brew or let them find out for themselves?

Blue Sorry, only just read your post about your friend. I am so terribly sorry . That is awful. No wonder you can't think of anything else x

Linzer think you are being rather too hard on yourself given that you have had a friend staying over the weekend! You and your mo-jo need some space/'me' time before getting back to it!

[Thanks for cake whoknows!]

Dogsbum I would second SC's suggestions about a craft kit - DD2 is 10 and one of her favourite Christmas presents was a knitting set that my parents gave her. She loves loom bands too (have just seen they're something else SC mentioned!) and spent hours and hours making things with them in the summer - I don't know whether they're a bit "last year" now, but am sure something similar would go down well if she's into crafts. DD2 loves books as well and some of the DDs' favourite books have been from their godmothers.
Re the timer, I bought one from Lakeland but hardly ever use it; I tend to use the one on my phone as I always have it to hand.

SC (We should introduce our DDs!) I'm also very all or nothing and find that if I don't get off to a flying start (pun intended) first thing in the morning, then I might as well write the rest of the day off... Glad DD is better and DH back home; it's now mine's turn to be out of the country! (Although only until Wed night.)

Some work arrived about two minutes after I'd written my last post, so I now have a good excuse for ignoring the housework.

Congratulations Castle

Off to read the rest of the thread now...

Linzer yes we should!!

Speaking of Flying starts (have been pondering while cleaning bathroom sink - not on list of course!) that we Fledglings are still really bad at giving ourselves permission to take a legitimate break! (I think the guilt is perhaps even worse as a largely SAHM although of course those who are working probably need a break even more!!)

Like many on here, I am sure, and as previously mentioned ad nauseam, I literally did nothing but shop, cook, clean and tend to others over Christmas (even when we went travelling owing to the situation of fil and sil). Much of it was enjoyable but frankly a lot of it was pure hard graft (and yes, I am still working my way through bed linen pile ). I found the hosting of visitors when house isn't geared to it particularly hard. (Although not as hard as doing all the above with lots of dc and babies and infants in tow I am sure!)

Anyway, first week back and dh is off travelling and dd is bk to school so I couldn't actually physically go away, but why couldn't I declare a week of ready meals and minimal Flying and craft activities I enjoy and meet-ups with friends etc?? Which is sort of what I ended up doing (without the craft activities and friends bit) because I felt too demotivated/tired to Fly, so ended up on the sofa with books feeling horribly guilty and not enjoying it. It would have been so much better if I had given myself permission to stuff the house and just have a proper "legitimate" break! Going to write a note to myself to put in Christmas file as a reminder next year!!

Therefore, please note Fledglings: because of the ground-hog nature of Flying, ie chores are never ever really finished, and because so-called holidays are often still full of chores, we must impose artificial pauses on ourselves or we will never stop either!!

End of sermon!

At least I learnt the lesson of previous years and didn't make the mistake of trying to go straight on to a diet on 1st Jan when I am tired, ratty, and there's still loads of lovely Christmas grub and booze in the house! Oh no. Just starting to sort out menu plans and trying to slowly bring down portion sizes and start exercising a bit more between now and start of Lent. Then going to start diet properly during Lent proper. Determined to look reasonable by end of May when dd is confirmed!! And then try and loose a bit more before she starts new secondary school in Sept!!

Sorry - that was all very 'me me' again but unless I write it down on here it doesn't sink 'in' to my bird brain!!!!

Had better get back to it. Waves to all!!

Waves to Whispers!

Thank Slowco and Linzer for your suggestions. I've written myself a list based on your suggestions, so I now feel like I'm armed with a plan to face the shops. I don't know what an Ice Watch is but will look it up on internet. I like the idea of the loom bands (something I've actually heard of) and the knitting set idea, I remember being taught to knit and really loving having a skill, will look out for kits. I love the online craft kits too, I might be using that for future presents when I've got time to order them online. Will check out Zara for clothes, I usually go to Next or Debenhams for clothes for her but I've never checked out Zara's girls clothes, so I'll do that today. I'm quite looking forward to it now! Thank you again. My bump is a little girl, so I guess I've got all this to come!

Dogs my DD has just turned 9, definitely yes to craft kits, however interest in loom bands lasted about 2 weeks last summer and none of her friends seem to be into them any more either. The other thing that goes down well are board / card games, depending on budget, we bought DD the Family Trivial pursuit for Christmas which she loves, Junior Articulate is also good, a card game called Yes/No also went down well at her birthday. Also all liked by DS (nearly 11).

Thanks Whoknow, right I will heed the caution about loom bands maybe already being out of fashion. That's 3 votes for craft stuff, which I enjoy buying for goddaughter (although not doing myself! ) so I'll look for perhaps a nice top, a small craft gift and something like the yes/no card game I think, as that will give her a nice mix of stuff. She's the youngest of three so something that she could play with the other two would be great. Any suggestions where I could get the yes/no card game? Thanks again everyone

Yes, that's why I added the caveat about loom bands possibly being a bit last year; the DDs were absolutely obsessed with them in the summer but don't do anything like as much with them now. Agree about games being good too. DD2's godmother brought us a 4D jigsaw of New York yesterday and the girls spent virtually all yesterday afternoon doing it. I also think you can't really go wrong with a nice top, with the added bonus that they're light to post (DD1's godmother often sends her tops for birthday/Christmas presents).

Hi there, I've just caught up reading but don't think I will remember to respond to everybody so just hi to you all!

Blue So sorry to hear about your friend. That is very sad.
Castle Congratulations on the baby!
Slow I think you are so right about giving yourself permission for time off. I gave myself 2 weeks off my dissertation for Christmas, but in fact I needed a 3rd week to just get myself sorted out after the girls had gone back to school. Must remember that!
Saymwa My DD2 is 10 and I would agree with what the others have said. She does love to get clothes, and also craft kits, although tbh she tends not to finish them as she spends most of her spare time on Minecraft!

I've had a very non-flying start to the week. Got up late, made DD2s packed lunch and chivvied her out of bed and walked her to school. Came home, went upstairs to avoid DH when he got home from taking DD1 to school, and fell asleep until about 12.30! Then unfortunately had to have a conversation with him and seriously I don't see much future for our marriage unless this counselling we are starting on Friday does a miracle. I just don't like him any more.

Bitchy's special brew is also a bit of an in joke on the thread and it what I was supposed to have been drinking when I had a huge ta da list day and it was insisted that I share Basically some days require 2 cups of coffee before I can even face getting dressed and then I lose count of how much is drunk whilst flying (literally) around getting stuff done. Also some times I just stick double amount of coffee and sugar into 1 cup hence special brew being extra strong. Hth.

Will be back just got to grab child from school. brb

Should quickly add that sometimes it is really recommended to NOT read or pay attention to my ta da list as the are quickly frankly fucking scary and unnecessary

Got the Yes/No game from Amazon.

done
today I washed some jumpers
washed a big batch of bath towels
let the cleaning lady hoover our bedroom which is a bit of a breakthrough as I never usually let her in there (it is too awful)
dusted our bedroom

re: the weightloss thing. My new idea is to be a glamorous larger person rather than a dowdy larger person. Therefore being fat is not going to stop me trying to look my best (which I have been studiously avoiding lately - not brushing hair, no jewels and generally wearing downtrodden utitily items) I'm hoping this will prompt less comfort eating and a positive feedback loop will develop

I am desperate to read some proper books too - Book Club rumbles on but I am far too often found on the internet recently instead of losing myself in ficition. Had a short rest this afternoon and read a History book about divorce - sort of Garrow's Law era. Only to come downstairs and be told off by husband on neglecting ds2 by letting him go on the computer for too long. grrrr.

However he was probably right. Made ds2 do some word bank work and he is now playing poker again with downtrodden husband.

Ds1 seems alright today and off to confirmation social teen meetup later on.

Pesto for supper

Castlelough saw you on the other thread and so happy for you. Don't try to do any flying though!! Babies are a fly routine all to themselves in the early weeks - nothing else is that important apart from copious cups fo tea, meals prepared by others and the occasional nice walk with pram. There is time enough for all the chores in years to come.

blue so sorry to hear about your friend.

castle congratulations! Hope it's going well.

We;re getting into the swing of things here. DH is now home for 2 weeks - hurrah!

ta da
survived the day with an 11 day old baby
nap
ordered dbil birthday card
ordered name stickers for ds1 and 2
washing up
short trip to shopping centre for bits and pieces and supermarket.

to do
evening feed
write some letters and finish off birth cards so we can send them tomorrow

Links:

Babystep Laundry...

mission

Tuesday is planning day

Launch pad

Hi all.

No personals I'm afraid, I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed by the thread, especially if I have missed a couple of days, in the past I have left the thread, but am determined not to do that this time, but it means I can't go back on the thread and reply to you all personally, so I apologise for that :(

Not been brilliant for flying the last couple of days. My one main to do for tomorrow is to ring the doctors for an appointment to see them about my increasing anxiety, it is starting to affect every day life now, so I need to get it sorted.

Sorry for a depressing post, I am telling you all to force myself to do it though!

Greymalkin - thank you for your kind words earlier, that is very sweet of you :)

whispers we all feel that way about the thread sometimes. Thank you ever so much for posting the links this weekend it was hugely appreciated.

Dog my dd was not a very girlie girl (hated crafts) but what she always liked getting from her friends (and used to wear to parties) were cool sparkly teeshirts (her favourite at one point was a dog in sequins on a red and white striped background) or pony head or owl. Tbh anything "quality" was wasted on her - High Street cheap and cheerful was always much more appreciated. There are also those lovely Djeco sets you can buy for someone a bit more crafty. But they are usually about £20. I saw a lovely Art Deco one and even dd enjoyed doing a painting one. The Fashion ones always looked good but dd never really liked them...too fiddly.

Whisper anxiety does sneak up on you - very familiar to a lot of us fliers and it can make life feel absolutely foul. It often helps to realise how things really don't go as smoothly as some people pretend and you are doing the absolute best you can and probably better than lots of other people who you perceive to have mastered their existence.

Thank you Bitchy and Swan :)

Me too Whispers - I get shortlived bouts of anxiety (usually only a few days) and am aware how easily it could tip over into something longer term. This thread sometimes becomes a bit overwhelming for me too, but at other times it has been a lifeline, not just for the state of the house but the moral support and friendship generally. It's like a little microscosm of all that's good about MN. Let us know when you have made that appointment and we will reward you with .

Thank you WhoKnows and Toffee, you are all so lovely :)

Well, I have made the appointment, 9.30am, eek! Thankfully it is with the loveliest doctor there, she is very lovely and kind with the kids, so I am confident she will be lovely and sympathetic :)
Toffee - I was quite open minded about medication until a thread I read the other day where people were posting about the horrible side effects they get from citalopram (I think), so now I am not so sure!!
Definitely up for the CBT and have found a NICE approved CBT course online that I will mention. Wish me luck, eek!

Whispers Good luck with the appointment; hope it all goes well and that the doctor is helpful - it certainly sounds promising. I also know how you feel about the thread; I think that was one of the main reasons I stopped posting before, but I've decided it's more important to keep posting so am going to attempt to feel less guilty if I can't post personals every time.

Toffee Glad you enjoyed your birthday weekend, but sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down about turning 50. I was expecting to feel that way about turning both 30 (!) and 40, but it was much less traumatic than I'd feared; maybe it's because people in their forties, for example, seemed ancient when I was younger but people in their forties and fifties are the norm in my social circle now, so those ages now seem "normal" rather than old! (I do remember feeling very embarrassed when I started primary school as my parents were already in their mid-thirties - now, I know far more people who became parents in their forties rather than their twenties.)

Ta da:
Emptied dishwasher
Work

To do:
Rest of morning routine
Order contact lenses
Write thank you card
Remind DC to write thank you letters