Fledglings don't makes resolutions in January, they fly through the babysteps.

[BitchytheGreat]

So here it is the dreaded January thread. The thread of resolutions and good intentions for the year that you are lucky if you see through to the end. Welcome to the start of 2014!!

A quick note for newbies, this is a long running thread. We do like new blood around here. However, we do ask you to be respectful that for a lot of us just getting off our arses is not going to help and to avoid suggesting this. We all know life is more complicated then this. So here we do things a little differently. A little bit of flying and a lot of chatter and moral support. Feel free to jump on board and join us in flying.

For those who are new to fly lady she recommends a three step program:

1. Get those babysteps into a habbit
2. Get rid of the clutter.
3. Get that deep cleaning done.

Don't worry if you think you not doing it right but not getting up to it. Some of us have been here for years and we are still decluttering. Because clutter has a nasty way of multiplying if you take you eye off it, especailly if you have kids.

Fly lady ethos tells us a few things that I want you to remember:
No perfectism this is harder then you would imagine
You are never behind just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
It didn't get into a mess overnight, it won't get tidy over night accept it will take time to get on top of things and you will be happier.

So jump on board and lets get started.

Oh and I forgot the proper introductions. "I'm Bitchy and I shall be your guide to the fly lady system for January" better buckle up as things normally get a little crazy when it is my turn to take control. good luck

Hello everyone! Thanks again bitchy!

Happy birthday Toffee

who knows such a relief to get tax done, well done

Well today my mum commented that the house has been cleaner that normally its not clean, but also yay its working!
Up late because we have been putting together a tall boy type thing from ikea, has a secret to drawer with mirror where I will put jewellery, thin draw hopefuly for makeup, some bigger drawers hopefuly for hair dryer, straightners, scarfes etc, and some spare drawers poss for undies. Took flamin ages to put up.

Need to do dishes now and it will be morning lunchbox making which puts me behind but never mind at least the drawers are done.

Happy Birthday Toffee

After a pretty good start to the week, CBA-itis has been caught big time. Not sure if it is a result of DH bringing home his "don't-want-to-be-at-work depression or just a general downer because my efforts to keep a cleaner and tidier house are not rubbing off on anybody else

I have only been doing the real basics but we have a houseful coming next weekend so I will really need to kick myself up the rear and get the place sorted.

Today's Ta Da

• Nipped out to buy ingredients for tea (that DH had previously used up!)
• Washing load on and hung to dry
• Tea made
• D/W loaded and put on
• Bags ready for the morning (early morning training)
• Went out for a "run" with DD

Need to sort out a reasonable bedtime as I fail at this as much as Bitchy does!

morning all
at home today so plan to blitz.
back later

Hope you had a good birthday toffee

at goth and your vacuum cleaner bags!

Feel like I've staggered through this week. Still fighting a mountain of marking. Will have make sure I lock myself away for a few hours later when dh is home.

ds was up very early today so am knackered and feeling unmotivated. Should head out to supermarket soon, and then will do some general tidying in house but not much more!

have a good day everyone!

Well in my absence, not just one but all three children managed to bunk off school for various reasons Dd was ill genuinely, ds1 had a nervous breakdown over some science teacher thingy, ds2 had a bad foot which meant he couldn't walk for two days properly. Still, it was not what dh had intended, to end up with two days of childcare, and apparently they did not play nicely, oh no. I wonder whether I send subconscious vibes out to sabotage any escape plans I might organise so that dh finds me indispensable? He said he was relieved to see me.

All three back to school this morning, only a few mild dramas about muddy rugby kit. Dd is now waking herself up in the morning at 6.30 am and appearing downstairs fully clothed and all dh has to do is just say Hello, How are You and Goodbye

SC I'm afraid that "oversensitivity" is a reaction to perceived criticism, even when none was meant. We are working a lot on this problem with ds1, who assumes we are going to tick him off over his school work before we have even opened our mouths. He volunteered his results in the science test, and wanted us to congratulate him - I am beginning to see he does want us to be involved, just that he wants to "lead" not be told what to do all the time. Any whiff of being told what to do, sets off a very negative atmosphere.

I watched "Young Teachers" yesterday. A NQT was telling someone to do something (sit next to someone who had a cold, which boy refused) This led to further confrontation with Deputy Head (or similar) and adult ended up just saying, you have to do what teacher says (ie Put up and shut up) because he is the teacher, teenage boy in tears. Dh and I were recoiling. We both thought, if anyone talked to us like that we would feel...just...humiliated and angry rather than respectful. It was an eye opener. Yet what else could teachers do? Clearly there should be some compromise where both parties could climb down from their high horses. But maybe not in a teaching situation, where split second reactions are the only way of managing such a large group of children. It made me reconsider a lot of my split second parenting reactions

omg, cleaning lady is nearly here, I need to tidy up! There is a large Dr Who mask on the table with tentacles

Will catch up with thread later but sans mine is the H2O X5, as seen on teleshopping channels and QVC (may have developed a teleshopping issue while doing night feeds). Can get it from amazon too.

Thane Direct X5

Had been umming and aahing about it for ages so DH want ahead and got me one for Christmas. Was a little cross as I wanted to go to a shop and look at them to compare, think Robert Dyas and The Range have them, but I'd been saying that for ages so was probably good he just did it.

I like the chemical free aspect of it too. I try to use Method stuff(smells awesome) or bicarb and vinegar wherever possible but DH isn't a fan as he doesn't think they clean properly or get rid of the bacteria, and hates the house smelling of vinegar. He may have been sucked in by the Dettol style ads. I forced encouraged him to watch the X5 ads and he bought the hype so is happy that it cleans properly.

The reviews about the handle being flimsy are correct but it's not too bad. Mostly I like announcing that I'm "cleaning with the power of steam" a la the teleshopping ads as I'm cleaning. So much so that my three year old frequently makes steam cleaners out of duplo or stickle bricks and cleans with me and we always never sing about the power of steam, to the tune of the power of love.

Day before yesterday was massive fail as friend phoned up and spent literally several hours screaming at me. Unfortunately eventually she went too far in some of what was thrown, despite me trying to give her repeated exits, and she finally got both barrels back about her behaviour and poisoning herself and all around her with it. Yesterday woke to eye closed again and feel so rough, but rallied for the web chat intending to write rest of list after, only to have adult ss arrive over next door neighbour who's mentally unwell again and good at convincing others all sorts of things about her neighbours and their responsibilities. Eventually sorted out after much misunderstanding and hopefully she'll get some help out of it, ended up to had enough to do more than MN, and couldn't face friend which I'll probably pay for today.

Blue sorry that school situation continues to be so miserable.

Aliama whatever’s going on, the ability and instinctive desire to copy and mirror is always a very good sign for a child’s tool kit. It’s very difficult to develop the ability in a child who doesn’t naturally, and is exhausting for them to try to apply it as a learnt skill daily, even if they’re able.

Aliama and Sally Can I offer you and anyone else a pointer to this free quality stuff as an answer to can’t afford OU? (this will out another reason I’m so crap at flying! ) www.futurelearn.com/courses

Human anyone who has ever had to assemble tax paperwork recognises the awesomeness of that. As Bitchy said that’s very much what flying’s about, reducing chaos.

Whoknows most of us felt very wobbly about it. I think it goes with the territory. Apart from the fear of ‘poking the tiger’ and unknown, as parents it’s another point at which we have to internally acknowledge lots, even if we always knew.

SC don’t know if this might ring any bells, but we’re currently working on understanding ‘vulnerability and shame’ and ‘defensive reaction’ and ‘perceived criticism’, as being a big motivator behind some issues, especially for us sudden aggression as a reaction, that ds doesn’t like any more than I do.

Swan I watched that at 2 o’clock this morning (its pain waking me not failing babystep, honest) It broke my heart and I felt it said more about the teachers emotional reactions than the lads. He’d come from a PRU, was it really so hard to say fine go sit there instead, even if you suspected the cold claim to be spurious, (he was sat next to lass as the well behaved pupil to be motivated by) I realise it’s edited so maybe there was more to it than the situation shown, but based on it, I’d have put him on the wrong side of my own desk if necessary to accommodate his perceived need to control vs his need to stay in the classroom and need to accept my desire for his real needs to be met. I found the ‘he’s a good actor’ comment about the teacher from the meeting so telling as the gap of real understanding between them and the difficulties of age, male development, and attitudes around respect.

Waves to all must go, have to get prescription filled urgently, will try posting list later.

This morning I have tackled a year's worth of filing and I have a man in cleaning my oven.

OOoh you lucky thing Eustacia! Oven cleaning services haven't reached here yet!!

[strong coffee to Toffee

No cleaner today either because she has childcare issues which means (because I cancelled her last Fri because I had migraine) that house-cleaning is down to me, which means its going to look downright scrofulous all weekend

Well today I admitted defeat and after the school run i went back to sleep. Not feeling 100% but need to be able to sleep tonight so about to get up and get on with a long to do list.

I have a saved think somewhere which is free college courses from American colleges etc. I will have a look at some point and see what I can find and there a loads of free computer training courses that are available if you know where to look.

Argh - hair trigger posted again! Meant to say house looking scrofulous because cleaner has been absent far too long! Fortunately (as far as I know) we are not entertaining this weekend.

Thank you so much Sally for all the steam cleaning info! Much appreciated. Going to do a bit of research - not sure if they have made it over the channel yet! I quite like the smell of vinegar as it happens! And arf at your three-yr-old mimicking you!

Good luck with the marking Engels!

Well done re: the filing Eustacia!

Goodness Just your friend sounds extremely demanding. Hope you can reserve some energy to expend on yourself as well as others .

Swan and Just Thank you both for your wise words about 'defensive reactions' and 'perceived criticisms' - much appreciated. I've thought about it overnight (and we were back to grunting pleasantly, if not actually speaking to one another this morning!) and know dh and I need to take a radically different approach. This is hard however when so much pressure is coming from school. Resolving to be a buffer rather than a conduit!

I saw the 'tough teachers' background too. So much outward disruptive bravado and confidence in the child who was sent out, dissolving in to so much vulnerability and hurt. And he was obviously so bright. Quite heart-breaking to watch as you have a sense of how it is all going to pan out - ie not well for him ... hope I'm wrong!

Swan glad absence made the heart grow fonder !! You should definitely book to go away again soon!

PS Swan mis-read 'tentacles' as 'testicles'. Did a double take!!

Good luck with tackling the house Dizzy and more fledgling power to your elbow . It is a very demoralising time of year somehow x

Great other people are recognising the results of your labours Giraffe

I've spent the morning trying to sort a slow leak in one of my tyres (at vast expense) and attempting to do some sorting at parish vestiare. Very depressing walking in front door and seeing house so messy but at least it is sunny today so I can actually see to get something done!

Big waves to Bitchy and everyone else!

Oh bum I've just remembered we are entertainng (of sorts) this we - friends of dh passing through town - oh double bum

tough teachers 'background' - eh

meant 'programme'

really musn't swig gin before 1pm!

Just - if I were you, I would be rethinking whether that 'friend' deserves that title. Sorry for your rubbish day yesterday . Hope today is better.

SC - sympathies on your troubles with DD. Sometimes no matter what we do with our DC, it's wrong!

Bitchy - good idea to go back to sleep. Will be joining you shortly (er,not literally).

Swan - I hope your DH now appreciates your skills at dealing with your DC...? He should do. Couldn't help sniggering that he couldn't get any of them to school .

Eustacia - a year's worth of filing....?

Sally - Now I have to add 'steam cleaner' to my mental wish list!

Engels - hope your mountain of marking is soon reduced to a mere mole hill.

giraffe - that's a good sign that your mum has noticed the difference. I have had lots of suprised comments on the state of our house since Flying - usually, along the lines of, "Something is different here, but I can't work out what..." (And having children over five helps too).

dizzy - it's discouraging when other family members don't follow your lead at Flying, I know. I'm not sure how well that Flylady theory works in reality. Good luck with the preparation for the houseful of guests.

Re: the OU - it provides access to free OU learning material here (for all those suffering OU envy ).

The Khan Academy is another good free source of learning - I used it when I was home educating DS1. It is biased towards Maths and Science at the moment, but does have some material on humanities too.

Not such a good day today, so am drawing on my reserves from yesterday. DS1 refused to go to the learning centre, even though he knows he isn't expected to go to school, so the day started with stress and shouting (we all had to be out of the house by 8.30 for school/work, so DS1 made us all late). DS1 was told off by one of the teachers yesterday and that might have played a part in his refusal. It was in a lesson on symmetry, where he was using a mirror and the teacher told him off for looking at himself (he says he wasn't, he was trying to work out symmetry, and I believe him because he hardly ever looks in the mirror). Then he responded inappropriately, but didn't mean it to be rude, but inadvertantly was. I had to explain to him about context - that it would have been ok to say what he said at home, but it wasn't ok in a school environment. A real Aspergery teaching moment. He was genuinely puzzled.

Don't think I could bring myself to watch that teaching programme you've been discussing. It all sounds a bit close to home!

And I don't know what to do about my birthday drink tonight because several people are ill and have pulled out. Would rather cancel, but don't want to offend those who are coming. Argh.

Spent the morning at work, then managed to pick up some food shopping on the way home. Am going to have a nap now in the hope that I feel a bit more cheerful when I wake up.

I did have such a good day yesterday, though. And it was lovely to see all the 'happy birthdays' on the thread - thank you .

My oven is sparkling

I have watched Holby City on catch up.

Gammon in coke in the slow cooker.

Trying to rest as have a headache.

BBL

Toffee considering the school know how hard it is for ds to attend school you would think they would contain themselves before telling him off, even if his comment sounded disrespectful

Just very interesting comments!

done
cleaning lady has made the bathroom and kitchen look beautiful, and has spurred me into sorting out the laundry in the bathroom and various bits of clutter everywhere, also to go out and do some grocery shopping!

put some cds away
rubbish
stuff for dd's room upstairs
ds1 clutter taken up to his room
big sack of clean laundry upstairs, and vice versa with dirty laundry

Builder came to photograph the bathroom for another client (he wanted to show her my brick tiles) so I threw away all the old bottles etc.

Now tackling ds1's room again throw away the empty Lynx bottles and football magazines It will never ever be tidy will it? Until he leaves home and then I'll miss him dreadfully....

Dh is in bed with flu now, poor thing! I think he will revive by teatime but is just taking opportunity to recharge whilst business is quiet and children are back at school.

todo
make ds bed
put books away in bookcase
ring catechism partner to discuss tomorrow's lesson plan
what's for dinner - pork chops and potatoes
hang out washing
woollies wash in
another wash hopefully
sweep utility room floor
hoover playroom
recycling out in boxes
lie down before 3.20pm

Ta da
Spend morning asleep
write ds' thank you cards so he can sign them and they are done
write letter to family member
sort out a few bits for going with ds later
sort out printed labels etc for returning some items that are defective
put a load of washing on

right, just enough time to run a few errands before collecting ds from school and then it is all craziness for a few hours. Thank goodness the weather is better for driving today!

Swan - you would think they'd be careful about that, yes. However, he was learning in a small group, so I suppose the teacher felt she had to set a precedent.

Your poor DH. Looking after the DC on his own has tipped him over the edge. Glad your house is looking lovely after your visit from the cleaning fairy.

Eustacia - let us know how the gammon turns out. I considered doing that recipe over Christmas. Hope the headache goes soon.

Bitchy - you have reminded me what that nagging worry is - I still haven't persuaded DS1 to do his thank yous.

Had a two-hour sleep and woke up feeling worse . Still can't decide what to do about tonight.

Kitchen smells quite unpleasant at the moment.

Meat smelt slightly funny before I shoved it in the slow cooker but I have never cooked with gammon so wasnt sure what was normal.Am I going to give us all food poisoning? or is the coke cooking making it smell rank?

Afternoon all, bugger all Flying here, but I have had an interview today (mitigation), won't hear back for a while -Local Authority HR departments are notoriously slow! would be nice if I got it, but I'm not sure I have the relevant experience.

Done
Beds
packed lunch
Interview
Bought hand warmers for DD's best friend
Bought DH some jeans
DH & I had coffee & cake
Collected DD from school
Ironing
Supervised times tables practice

Now deciding what to do for dinner.

Evening all. DS1's birthday today so:

Ta da!
Up far too early for DS1's present-opening
Laundry done
Dash to shops for birthday cake ingredients forgotten yesterday
Make DS1's cake
Work
Make fish pie for this evening
More work
Ice DS1's cake
Rescue kitchen
Yet more work
Attempt to Skype so various grandparents etc could speak to birthday boy.
Pull out hair
Warangle DS2 into bed.

To do
Shopping list
Party food list
Assemble all necessary stuff for games
Balloons

Unfortunately, there was too much of the other stuff and not enough work on the list. Hey ho.

Hope headache is better Eustacia. No idea about the gammon though. Sorry.

Hope the interview went well, Going.

Big waves to everyone else.

Have been persuaded to go out tonight, as planned . Looking forward to girly chats and lots of .

Severe case of CBA at the moment, just wanted to pop on to say happy birthday to Toffee for yesterday

< bookmarking >

Busy week at work and life with the kids. Place is a mess and needs whipping into shape this weekend.

I'll try and catch up on news tomorrow on here.