Fledglings don't makes resolutions in January, they fly through the babysteps.

[BitchytheGreat]

So here it is the dreaded January thread. The thread of resolutions and good intentions for the year that you are lucky if you see through to the end. Welcome to the start of 2014!!

A quick note for newbies, this is a long running thread. We do like new blood around here. However, we do ask you to be respectful that for a lot of us just getting off our arses is not going to help and to avoid suggesting this. We all know life is more complicated then this. So here we do things a little differently. A little bit of flying and a lot of chatter and moral support. Feel free to jump on board and join us in flying.

For those who are new to fly lady she recommends a three step program:

1. Get those babysteps into a habbit
2. Get rid of the clutter.
3. Get that deep cleaning done.

Don't worry if you think you not doing it right but not getting up to it. Some of us have been here for years and we are still decluttering. Because clutter has a nasty way of multiplying if you take you eye off it, especailly if you have kids.

Fly lady ethos tells us a few things that I want you to remember:
No perfectism this is harder then you would imagine
You are never behind just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
It didn't get into a mess overnight, it won't get tidy over night accept it will take time to get on top of things and you will be happier.

So jump on board and lets get started.

Oh and I forgot the proper introductions. "I'm Bitchy and I shall be your guide to the fly lady system for January" better buckle up as things normally get a little crazy when it is my turn to take control. good luck

I know Toffee but I stuggle with that and find for me it just works better if I switch Sunday and Tuesdays about. I need to get my planning done on a sunday so my week works a bit better, and tuesdays are days where i can do stuff for me. So whilst it looks bad I have actually just tweaked the system to make it work for me.

Oh Blue lovely! My degree involved a whole lot of French so I spent plenty of time in EUR in 98-00. How funny that we may have passed in those hallowed(!) concrete corridors many times. Or in the LCR (which is more likely if you look at my time spent at uni). I love that university in all it's concreteness.

You guys sorting statements, it just sounds so awful . I'm almost feeling guilty that DS' disabilities are so bloody obvious.

Goth did you post about your shopping trip on Facebook? If so I'm off to comment so you know who I am... I'm trying to think of a code word... if it's not you I'm going to look very odd!!!

Morning all. Made it out of bed a bit earlier today as they're starting to dig up our street today and won't be able to get in and out of the drive soon (they said everything should be gone by 7.30? Reckon our entertainment today will be taking DS to watch the diggers!).

I think you're totally right just - if the statement is there, the school has no comeback on not providing support. Over here, just like in the UK there are massive cuts in education and anything "non-essential" is just disappearing. If a student has a statement, they cannot cut support.

to do
hospital for blood test. Should get results later.
think I will walk and take DS back through the park to the children's farm and playground
return online purchase (I seriously underestimated the size of my arse )
Washing
pay bill/online banking
Post letter to sister
write letter to friend
ironing!
marking!
hmmm....doctor who!
run this evening

Big sigh of frustration here. DS1 is home from school today. So I get to do school run for DS2 with ill DS1 in tow, as well as a quick stop at the supermarket to pick up a couple essentials. And then get very few things done today because DS1 is very high maintenance.

And I am so behind on the thread, I can't keep up. Hopefully tomorrow.

Today we are all tired tired TIRED...

however, had a lovely day out with ds2 visiting my Brother and his two dcs in the morning(long walk, exercise, wrapped three presents, wrote two cards, put his heavy table in the loft with him), and enjoyed watching Sherlock...also helped ds2 write his interview with Beowulf otherwise I have been crap and completely unmotivated to do anything like tidying or organising, grocery shopping, cooking. Which I could have, I had time, just cba. Dh was out on business till 3pm and ds1 lost the plot somewhat without anyone to tell him to eat, work and get dressed so was in a really foul mood. This always seems to take me by surprise despite years of motherhood, that I have to think in advance and nothing happens by magic unless I organise it.

Okay, magically DD went to Mass by herself, dyed her hair, did all her homework and made herself a sandwich! Yesterday's minor skirmish of present wrapping and outing with one child in tow, reminded me of the times when it would take me almost the whole day organising dd to go to a party, buying and wrapping a present, dropping and picking her up. Things have improved!

I've just dropped ds2 at the busstop, where he announced that he couldn't get on the bus because "You Know Who might be on the bus" - although it is not quite clear who "you know who" is. An old acquaintance from Primary he dislikes, I think, who has now assumed a rather mythical scary status Anyway we couldn't see him on the lower deck.

Off to count money in church now. Dh is feeling ill this morning, but he is still busy with work, so the afternoon is going to be fraught I can feel it in my bones.

I hurt and i am tired. Moving the furniture and carry the boxes was too much for me so today's to do list has been revised and will start with this power of three list:

to do
hot bath
drink coffee and eat breakfast
put ds' bedding on to wash after his wet bed last night

I would love to take a nap but i have an early start tomo and need an early night tonight so need to keep going for now so that that happens.

We returned from the gala yesterday without a medal so DD was a little disappointed! She was 3rd of the 9 year olds but it was a joint 9/10yr group so she was 8th. She has one more stab at the time next Saturday but the forms are written up in anticipation!

All I did after getting home was put a load of towels in to wash so today I shall be blitzing the house even though DH is home (he tweaked a calf muscle after trying to come running with us the other day so is off to see the doc just to check it out).

Good news is the scales this morning seem to be regestering that I am 4lbs lighter than last week

Silly yes I did. They are such a bunch of enablers , and now looking at all my lovely DK thinking I may start a granny square blanket for the house me the obvious key word is Fly, but I have no idea how you'd fit it in.

dizzy congrats with the 4 lb lost, trying to work up to the scales right now.

Hello Hemlock

Am waiting for DH to go to his supplier (NOT drugs) before getting on with some work

Done
Beds
Pack lunch
Boiled hand warmers
Dd to school
Home via grocers.
Dry laundry away

To do
Ironing
Reboot laundry
Order vacuum cleaner bags
Make soup
Prep veg for dinner
Windows
S&S
Wipe down toilet
Litter tray
Recycling
Dust (ha ha)
Mop

I'll stop now, otherwise the list will grind me down.

Relate the word to flying through a craft project or something..?

Meh i have managed 2 of my original to do list. Bath is running. And i have caught up with important championship news.

CBAitis is strong today.

Good morning everyone - just reporting back in! Hope everyone is hanging in there!

Sending sympathies/solidarity to everyone such as Alice who is feeling ill, or who has poorly dc!

And good luck to those of you who are battling with statementing (the whole process sounds unjust and unfair and horribly stressful).

[Especially given the above, apologies in advance for this more than usually boring and long-winded 'me' 'me' whinge-fest]

Sorry to reappear then disappear - spent Friday whimpering in a corner in a darkened room with a sinus migraine-like headache, virus thing (Bitchy I've noticed that you and I seemed to be plagued by headaches at the same time!!) so was avoiding screens - and it's taken me all weekend to recover. Feel much, much better this mornign thankfully except for mahoosive mouth ulcers which are making me thalk thfunny

Added to this, dd is at home from school again. Frankly, I am tearing my hair out as she has only just gone back after being ill last week. She went to bed at 8.30pm last night but came down at 10.45Pm saying she felt nauseous. Although she looked pale we were sceptcial because she had a very busy active weekend (homework, out to tea with friends on Sat, church, bike ride, rare Quickburger treat, more homework on Sun) and had been fine and hugely energetic throughout. So I put her back to bed with a bucket and she woke again at 2am and again at 4.30pm saying she felt sick (although didn't actually throw up). So I'm afraid (being an evil mother) I got her up at the usual time for school this morning but she had an almighty melt-down/distressed crying etc and insists she is ill. So I have banned all screens and sent her back to bed (sigh). Really worried because she missed two and a bit days last week. To be fair, I've had a recurring virus pre- and post- Christmas so it could be something similar (and reading posts on here there are lots of similar bugs about) but it doesn't really explain why she was fine all weekend and suddenly ill last night/this morning .

So have cancelled yet another host of appts today [sigh] three quarters of which I am going to have to pay for

Oh and as for Flying - the house is a complete and utter tip. I really don't know where to begin. Christmas decorations are still littering the sitting room, half in and out of their boxes , dirty washing is spilling out of the laundry baskets (as is the recycling) the hall is still covered in pine needles and full of half-empty suitcases, everywhere is messy and grubbyand disorganised. Dh has filled the fridge with unsuitable food and has no clean underwear so I'm effectively starting the new year a fortnight late!

And to top off this boring lovely whinge - some man who works for the company which is our gas provider has just turned up to cut us off (for the second time) claiming that we haven't paid a bill and I've rung them and we are completely up to date with all payments [grrr] This is an ongoing surrealist saga involving a standing order last July which was - unbeknown to us - altered in some way by the bank who didn't inform us about the change. (And dh was in hospital and didn't pick up on it) This resulted in the gas company not being paid on time - once in a decade - and despite it all having been sorted out at vast expense to us - we still have regular callers trying to cut us off [tears out more clumps of hair].

Anyway, I know I should be going and tackling some of the above, rather than writing about it but just before I do:

A very warm welcome to Hemlock. I really should NOT be offering advice because my house is a complete tip - but maybe get your dh involved in Flying too? Maybe zones might be helpful for him and daily steps. Just introduce one at a time slowly. Explain that you are never behind, no pressure etc. Even if he doesn't follow Flylady, it may give him ideas about how to structure the week; how to divide time between child rearing and chores more effectively etc?? Maybe???

Thanks for links and am v.impressed by your Sunday list Bitchy!! (See the words 'last row' mentioned on your Sunday morning list - does that mean Blanketgate is nearing completion?? - congrats on your persistance if so!!!)

Whoknows a belated 'happy birthday' to your dd and glad the party went well. That cake looks amazing - professional standard - bet she loved it!! Good luck with the evidently nightmareish task that is statementing.

Engels good luck at the hospital today, thinking of you (Your weekend away sounded great btw)

Toffee Hope you are feeling better today and that your mother is feeling better too. Glad to hear your dh is on the mend. I know it sounds silly/trivial, but I also have huge debates with myself about washing hair night before/in the morning dilemma! I can get ready in 10/15 mins flat in the morning if I don't have to sort out straight/lifeless Barnet Fair which involves endless time-consuming blow-drying. Still haven't found the ideal solution. (Congrats to you and your ds2 on all the new things he had eaten btw - v. impressive list!)

Just sorry you are still battling with illness (can very much identify with eye-exiting-head-type-pain) which sounds (and is) hideous. Your ds is very lucky to have you battling on his behalf.

Don'tsteponthemomeraths (and Whispers and Hemlock) I echo Ellies wise words about Flying. Don't beat yourself up because the system in reality IS all about doing the minimum (child rearing far more important than dusting any day!). So if you just get one thing done - say 15 mins per day - more than you usually would - or if you just maintain the washing up/laundry - then you are doing well!!! Remember - you are not aiming for perfection - just doing what you can, when you can. And although it all seems overwhelming atm, you will be surprised what a difference just 5 or 15 mins of consistent clearing or decluttering makes daily. And that kind of gives you the momentum (even when in the deepest trough - believe me - have been there) to do a little bit more. [sc makes note to follow own advice]

Congrats on the marking Ellie!

Hope your dd feels better soon Dizzy

Congrats on under-stairs-cupboard-of-doom Feetheart and aw at your ds's knitting! Visit to sil and fil went well thanks (went via Milan to make it a bit more fun for dd). Nothing very positive one can say about advanced dementia but dh thinks his father recognised him and fil sort of smiled at dd so worth it just for that really. Unfortunately fil took a turn for the worse just afterwards (we were worried it had all been a bit too much for him) but has fortunately rallied again since.

Sorry life is stressful atm Eustacia

'Salut' to Silly and Blue!

Eustacia and Toffee dd reading Lemony Snicket series (avidly) at the moment who someone recommended on here - think it might have been Swan! We also have mahoosive book storage prob.

Swan if it was you - thank you - dd is obsessed with Lemony Snicket! Congrats to your ds2 on his excellent cross-country running!

Sorry - started writing this post at 7.45 am am this morning and had hoped to scroll down to point where I last left thread - but dd is at home (supposedly asleep but in reality coming downstairs every 5 mins) and have had so many other dramas/interruptions/phone calls/callers that I now officially give up and have to go and actually do stuff! Oh bugger

Big waves to Pushme Goth Giraffes Nicknacks Humanordancer MerryBuddha Pluto Castle Honu PA and everyone else I have inevitably missed!!

Have a good week everyone! (Won't be on here tomorrow - out all day (hopefully!!!))

PS Since starting this post - dd and I have had a good long talk and she has apologised and admitted that she could have gone to school this morning (she is going in this afternoon) even though she felt dreadful first thing. She has also presented me with a five-page written note with attached schedule and tables saying where she has gone wrong and what she needs to improve upon, and her suggested punishment ie unload dishwasher 15 times a week for a month . She is just like me I'm afraid: prone to unrealistic perfectionism!! So have swallowed my frustration and have thanked her and told her that although we appreciate the sentiment, she really has to concentrate on the basics ie going to bed without making a fuss, getting to sleep on time, getting off to school every day, hwk, putting out clothes night before, packing bag, etc and that we are all ready and willing to help her/are behind her etc. [Have also insisted that she writes three thank you letters.]

Btw is anyone else being assailed by ravenous hunger post-Christmas? Feel starvingly hungry since getting better - almost shaky with it. Staved off lunch with an apple. Better get back to the mass veg soup manufacturing ... .

Big wing flaps to one and all!

threaten to sue them for distress [sc] don't actually do it though.

My bedroom is a sea of washed unfolded and put away laundry and overflowing dirty laundry basket.

Bit cba, but have exercised at least.

To do:
everythings’s a pigsty, and fly lady can say I'm never behind but the Christmas tree I'm just too weak to get down and knowing what else I need strength for, gently glowing on and off, begs to differ!

Trys power of three trebled, with;
'chat' to three people
sunglasses, coffee, painkillers
iron three shirts while waiting for them to kick in

Swan don't know if it would help but we found Harry Potter and the philosophers stone extremely useful over 'you know who's' and 'you know what's' in his life, with 'he who must not be named' and the fear around him.
Dumbledore; “Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”

Who knows doesn’t matter who supplies or is failing to supply something, if it’s needed. You go after it to be on the statement anyway.

It’s playing the long game. Once it’s on then things have to be done, and even in the worst LA’s (mine’s officially one) it brings some help and the ability to keep bashing away when lists close, age bars help, criteria changes, etc.
Not on there = no recourse to funding for it regardless of severity of visible need.

My position is always; what are the child’s needs, not your difficulties in meeting them*, we’ll deal with that later.
If your child needs it, fight for it, regardless of the providers problems*, because their problems don’t make the child's need go away.

• this may change under EHC plans and local offer, no one’s sure.

Hope that makes sense, it can be a back to front system but something, sometime, is usually better than nothing, ever, and we have to change how we think to deal with it.

What’s internalised now, comes back to bite later. Good MH in children with SEN’s is underdeveloped and why employment figures for people with ASD particularly, are so poor.
(The sudden aggression, and fear of committing thoughts to paper we’re suffering now, are directly linked to what’s happened in school previously, even allowing for out of sync Kevinitis)

If a poorly written woolly statement that told no one anything about your child’s needs, objectives, or solutions had dropped into my inbox for rewriting, and the only info I had was what you’ve written above;
in order to get you to start trying to spell out what your child’s needs were or weren’t, and what the objectives of any provision sought were; (as an exercise you can turn those two around and start with objectives)

I’d start by asking you if you thought any difficulties might be about needing explicit teaching around social rules, social skills, hierarchy, behaviour appropriate to context, relationships, mechanisms and concepts of friendships, repair kit strategies for relationships with others, understanding working in teams, group work, collaboration, self-awareness and self-reflection, mechanisms for coping with challenging situations, independent learning skills, and possibly semantic and pragmatic language skills, in order to help him be where his peers are and access his education in a classroom?

This isn’t seeking to internet diagnose his needs, just hazarded guessing in an exercise you might want to use to get you thinking what is 'it' and why might ‘that’ help or not and what ‘that’ actually would fit better.

Toffee, if the learning centre is the only place he can go, and that’s either not changing or won’t be for a long time, and he’s losing out educationally because of his difficulties, then unless they can prove that depriving him of a rounded education will successfully force him to overcome his anxieties (devil’s advocating) and be able to access the NC, then on the academic front I’d be suggesting seeking placement at a curriculum based (science, maths, English lit and lang, 2 mfl, history, and geog, as min.) internet school, provided through, supported and overseen by the learning centre, paid for by accessing additional funding through statement if needed, alongside whatever intervention for problems behind things .

It is not acceptable for him to be excluded from the NC because he's/his problems are causing the difficulty vs how they normally provide, any more than me not being able to access the normal provision of upstairs parent meeting room because of my wheelchair and their stairs, is an acceptable reason for not meeting me elsewhere because it isn’t normal.

Swan - my DS1, like yours, will not eat, work or get dressed without prompting. Because I had a CBA day yesterday, DS1 came down to dinner in his underpants. Your DD sounds wonderfully self-motivated though.

dizzy - sorry there was no medal for your DD, but well done to her for her achievements. And well done to you for losing 4lbs.

Had a difficult start to the day because I overslept. Thank goodness I had prepared everything last night. Even so, I was late getting DS2 to school. Then had to walk DS1 to school because he was too nervous to go alone. He was getting more anxious on the way there, but I used distraction by chatting to him about 'Breaking Bad', which we'd watched last night. Nevertheless, five minutes from the school, he had an anxiety attack and said he had to go home. He actually turned around and started walking back. I started by reminding him that it was just anxiety and would naturally decline, but he was beyond reason and getting very angry with me. So then I blocked his way whilst phoning the learning centre for help. One of the teachers came running down the road to intervene, at which point DS1's shoulders slumped down and he clearly realised he was beaten.

I am going to be very, very unpopular with him when he gets home .

Have to go into work later. Am still achy, although curiously didn't notice it whilst I was busy this morning, so it can't be that bad.

Checked my 'to do' list when I got back from the second school run. Under all the usual 'put the rubbish out', 'do packed lunches', 'phone bank' and so on, DH had written 'Cherish your lovely husband' .

Sc lovely to have you back.
Be a bit careful with dd even if she's admiting swinging the lead a bit. This has gone on here since Christmas afternoon. I'm a greasy yellow white and every couple of hours, painkillered up, think I'm able to do things only to collapse when actually doing them. Have woken up repeatedly asleep on the floor (from seated on it bumshuffling) in the pile I'm trying to sort or vaccum. Ds says my comprehension's down and I'm using the wrong words a lot too. 'Tis a real bugger.

x posts

Swan hope your dh feels better soon! [Congrats to your dd on how wonderfully pro-active she is - this gives me hope!!]

Dizzy congrats on weight loss!! That's brill!! And good luck to your dd next Sat! She is doing brilliantly!

Goth arf at your dh's "supplier"!

Bitchy hope aches and pains diminish soon. Going to follow your example and invoke power of 3 [the phrase "about time" echoes around SC's head ]

Tally-ho!

Massive x-posts.

So sorry your DD is off school again, SC - and how touching that she had planned her own punishment!

Just - so sorry you are still feeling so ill . I know it's depressing to be surrounded by things to do, but try to be kind to yourself and take it slowly (sounds as if you don't have much choice, to be honest). Will pm you about statementing.

More x-posts

Just Thanks I've had similar illness here before and after Christmas (and dd is admittedly looking very pale and wan) but not half as bad as yours which sounds absolutely AWFUL. Using the wrong words sounds worrying - sorry if I am stating the bloody obvious - but have you been checked out thoroughly? And also (because I'm constantly worrying about this here) have you got a carbon monoxide alarm? Hope it's "just" a virus from which you will recover steadily but as it's been going on for such a long time - would it be worth another doc visit?

What you write about "what are the child’s needs, not your difficulties in meeting them" is a very inspiring mantra btw -

Toffee you never know, your ds1 might be quite glad he achieved what he did today (sticking with the anxiety and going through it sort of thing) and happy that you helped him do so!! Arf at your dh's note

Btw, if it's any consolation, dd is far more towards the 'coming down in underpants stage' than 'getting herself ready' stage too!

[Rushes off]

oh yes, PPPS Just Stuff the Christmas tree!!

Swan have you heard of post viral syndrome? your dd sounds very similar to me at that age. quick burn out is part of it

Sorry meant SC

Thanks ¨Bitchy I haven't - will look it up!

[Really rushes off this time ]

Just - agree with SC - you need another check up. You do sound really unwell (and sorry to have added to your burden with my recent PM).

SC - you're right - DS1 has come back in a very good mood and with flushed cheeks from the walk home. He didn't get into school today, but he did manage his lessons at the learning centre. And he's not cross with me at all - just amused by my 'rugby tackles' to stop him returning home .

I rewarded him by giving him his Christmas money in cash (paid in the cheques on my way home). DH saw him with a wad of money and said, "Are they paying you to go to school now, then?"

Oh well, dd has been delivered at school

But having built her confidence back up, unfortunately dh came home and gave her (very unusual for him) a right royal bollocking so she has gone back in sobbing and distressed.

Tbh, I'm so confused by both sides of the argument I have no idea who is right and who is wrong ....

Glad it worked out OK Toffee!!

Really, really rushing off now ...

argh missed Giraffe's post ! Thanks - dh has written stern letter and asked them to send one in return confirming all payments in order!! Congrats on exercise and v. impressed by x 3 guests this we!