Fledglings “March” 31 steps away from CHAOS and mess towards domestic success...

[sanguinechompa]

... well, a shiny sink at least!!

Welcome to the March 2012 Fledgling Flyers thread. Park your mops, buckets and microfibre cloths here!!

A huge "thank you" to Linzer for steering us all through February - not a small achievement Linzer considering your school run/teaching commitments and with your dh travelling so frequently.

If you're house is a mess and you are strugging with C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (something that undermines family fun) then this is the thread where we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system (in our own, unique, relaxed style) with lots of chat, whinging (in my case anyway ) and support along the way.

We advise not signing up to receive the Flylady e-mails as you will be inundated! All the information you need will be linked here on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, we will be following Flylady's tips on restoring order to our homes, and as we are all at different stages we will be using one of the following methods:

Here you can, for one month:

• repeat or start baby steps

• repeat baby steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current zone

• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

More info here and here!

All long-standing members, intermittent returnees, lurkers and newcomers welcome!!

justgetting not much to add, except very sorry you are having to deal with all this. We are all so lucky to have our homes, even when we complain about the mess. x Are there any tenants in same situation who you can vent to?

chitchat thank you for your advice, as you say it is not really rocket science the practise issue, just somehow dd and I have managed to entangle ourselves in ridiculous pyschological web, and I feel slightly guilty for implicating teacher who has already says she refuses to be practise "bully" officiator (due to her own horrid teacher 30 years before) My Dutch friend who is a very strict mum to her two daughters is constantly reminding me of zero tolerance of certain behaviours; and I certainly getting to that point with dd who is completely spoilt, yet somehow lacking confidence.. Last night I decided not to read dd a story because she was winding me up again, and I felt a curious feeling that she was as relieved as I that I had put my foot down.

Not much to show for weekend, lots of tears (DH thinks I am deterioating) bit of gardening, failed to notice clocks had gone forward, cue missing Altar Serving
Nice chat with Dh today though and cleanign lady has been, so brief reprieve from anxious feelings (ahh the smell of polish is soo soothing) Seen consultant about thyroid again and she said levels improving, but not fast enough so upped dose for Easter!!!

Toffee what about a short trip somewhere familiar but nice with ds to remind him he likes outings? Even if only to cinema? June is a long way off. Dh and I are finding it impossible to book holidays due to similar anxieties about travelling/organising holiday (we keep making excuses, but really it is just fear of unknown plus thought of dcs misbehaving, ridiculous); I am trying to tackle this - I can see it becomes worse the less you challenge yourself - I am almost nervous to drive to Kew at moment. Sorry not much help but I do sympathise, with idea of people telling you what fun something will be, and just try it, and thinking NOO NOOO.

Dh and I were talking about our "dreams" in 20's. I realise one of my dreams was to be pottering around my farmhouse kitchen making PA apple crumble for 20, and DH's dream was apparently to drive around Europe with his children showing them the sights (he can't drive!) So both of our easily achievable dreams we have somehow scuppered...really very odd. But as I pointed out to him, it is not too late

chitchat he will love the film - try the first and original one, not the prequel.

my goodness it is quiet...[watches magnolia petals drift down]

this thread seems to have disappeared from Good Housekeeping? Not sure..had to find a person on it, to bring it back, ifysim, as it is not showing up in Last Day's Threads.

done
ballet lesson - last one ever, according to dd who has firmly declared that's it! Not pleased that teacher has announced we have to take additional coaching every Wed (as well as Monday round here) miles away in Chiswick to pass Grade 2 ballet exam in summer - selected this class because it was local... Anyway that has decided matter for me...it has been a struggle persuading her to go every Monday (and she looks so tall grownup and lovely when she is dancing
ds1 to football
lamb stew in oven
walked back from ballet [exercise]

hung out the washing and put another load in

that's all folks! Scout run ahead of me, and no homework yippee! Apart from some lettering ds has to do for Art.[just a smidgen of stress there

Hope everyone is alright.

Wow, 'tis quiet here today. SC - have you hidden everyone under the cushions you scatter around??!!

Swan - do you think so? I'm hesitating because I'm not sure he's old enough, but it's been so long since I've seen it I can hardly remember it myself! We've found all of the Lego mini movies and watched them, and also watched a few snippets on You Tube, (At At Walkers and Snow Speeders currently his favourite!).

Not all that much accomplished, but DS2 in a bit of an odd mood today so spent some time focussing on him while DS1 was at school.

A few playground issue with a particular child - same child who was hurting him at school - but the school seems to be supervising better and no major incidents recently. At the playground after school the mother doesn't do any supervising and her son runs riot - but she firmly believes he plays beautifully with all the children and that when my DS gets hurt then it's all his fault .

TSK swan my ds has a friend with a mum like that!

my dh also a soaking/plates next to not in dw/non wiping of surfaces type .

DS chin looking better. I promised him 10p for everyone that asked him what he'd done to his face (20p for a teacher). It seems I now owe him £2.75! (his mental maths seems to be improving too)

Done:
cleaned up kitchen (sly look at dh)
changed ds dressing
pracitised ds songs for tomorrows concert
tested ds spellings
made sandwiches
pegged out washing
swept floors

To do
wash dds hair (again).

toffee at willie warmers

Hi everyone
Not much to report here
Swan sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I hope you manage to find a way to feel better soon. (But you should definitely go to Kew! It's so lovely there at the moment. I think you live VERY VERY near me! I give you a mental wave every time I go to Capel College!)
BTW if you have a magnolia tree.

ChitChat I've got a bit of a playground issue to at the moment, first one as dd1 is in reception. Struggling to find a good way of handling it!

No flying here as I was babysitting for a friend of mine, so tomorrow I'm torn between blitzing house again or finding my way to a Lidl or Aldi to see what the fuss is all about. (We're having to pull the purse strings at the moment).

Any views on which one is more worth a visit?

Anyway that can come under flying as Tuesday is planning day right? So I'm planning our menus through shopping... there, got round that one!

I'm here. Managed a very half-baked home blessing today but that was about all, which considering today is my day off work isn't great. Did fit in pilates class and PTA meeting as well though.

Chitchat DS had problems in Yr 2 with a boy like that, in fact half the boys inthe class have had run ins with him, his mother thinks he's an angel and reprts all our boys for bullying hers but I have seen him pinch, kick and generally manhandle DS, who is much smaller than him, it is very upsetting. Reporting every incident to school is deefinitely a good idea, sounds like yours are on top of things.

Swan/Toffee I'm another one who is prone to putting things off due to anxieties and what-ifs, I do try and take myself in hand and get past it, but sometimes feel othhers achieve much more with their lives because they don't seem to have the same issues and just get on with things. I do feel good when I do push myself out of the comfort zone though, maybe that is the thing to focus on. Sometimes I just can't though and make any excuse under the sun not to do things that others would do without batting an eyelid. So I do sympathise.

Justone no Aldi near here so I can only speak for Lidl, definitely worth it for some stuff, but you need to exercise caution, the fresh stuff is good on the whole, also things like wine, toiletries, oils, vinegars etc but some of the processed foods are full of lower quality ingredients (artificial colours instead of natural etc). Also good for random non food items such as children's stationery. They charge for bags, take your own and they shove everything through the till super quick, you need to eithe pile it back inthe trolley or pack very fast, also they don't take credit cards only debit.

justonemore I think I'm going to the big G park wherein resides CManor tomorrow, as dog is visiting again. Yes, I have supremely beautiful magnolia in my front garden. Our local Netto was so awful that finally it was replaced by Sports Direct, which is heaven to have nearby. I don't think there was a single thing I wanted to buy from Netto. There's a very spartan/small Aldi in Southall/Hanwell I think.

Scatty ah what a nasty bump, I'm glad he is getting some mileage coinage from it.

notdone
homework ds1, he says he can finish it tomorrow
done
Scout run
supper
brothers playing together in garden - wonders will never cease!
sorted out some papers
decluttered some papers
emptied food compost
dw
saw Bright Star about Keats on Sat.Left an impression.

Evening all (strictly speaking it's morning here).

Hope you all had a good day (sorry - haven't caught up with thread yet)

The day ran away with me (partic at work) and I still haven't finished. Dh travelling tomorrow eve/Wed/Thurs and have to get things finished before then. And I can't sleep anyway so I might as well be working!!

DD and I had massive homework flare-up again [sigh] I just don't understand it. I think I must be doing something very, very wrong (genuinely).

Her (excellent, dedicated, all round lovely) teacher had promised dd a "surprise" on Friday if she completed all her homework well this week. And here we are on day one, already experiencing difficulties . She is ahead of the class above her in two subjects that she likes, but refuses to even open her books with the two subjects she dislikes the most and finds difficult. And the strength of her refusal is something to behold!!

I don't know how all of you with more than one dc get through the day frankly.

Must try and keep to the forefront of my mind the many good things she has done in the last few days ... decluttering her drawer of the art cupboard, writing a thank you letter, helping to empty the dishwasher - all without being asked.

Sorry again for "me, me" venting ....I just really think I am handling this very inexpertly and am unsure of what to do next. I'm not so bothered about the hwk per se (although I am ifykwim) it's more that this issue is damaging our relationship.

Hope you will forgive me if I just post links for now and catch up with personals tomorrow, although did want to give Swan a bunch of after her tough w/e/

Sorry - forgot to send huge waves to everyone else too!!

Oh and have to go to printers first thing tomorrow morning so will probably be back here mid-afternoon

*

Baby step number 27 for today, Tuesday 27th March is

an important one here - what's for dinner?

We are in Zone 5 (the sitting room) this week.

Detailed cleaning list is here if you are at that stage.

Today's mission is spending five mins dusting ornaments/lamps

Tuesday's daily focus is planning ahead to make your life easier next week

Tally-ho lovely fledglings!!

Forgot to say chitchat sorry to hear about playground issues. Not at all pleasant for your ds2 - good that school are supervising more closely - hear's hoping mother concerned can be persuaded to do the same.

oops "here's" hoping ...

G'night all!

Morning all, it's not like me to be first up

SC - Sorry to hear about homework issues, sounds like a bit of a nightmare. We don't actually get much but DS often resists strongly, and then even when he does do it doesn't make much effort. The steps I take are as follows

1. Keep calm no matter what
2. Agree a time for it in advance
3. Let him choose where he sits to do it
4. Let him have music on
5. Sit with him and engage fully while trying not to do it myself
6. Relate the subject matter to something that interests him (football usually)
7. Inject humour - wouldn't it be funny if etc, actually that is probably one of my most useful strategies for all sorts of tense situations with DS

Got to go, morning routine needs finishing then got to get to work, see you later.

Morning all .

Manic morning here. Tried to change DS dressing for something smaller for his concert today. managed but a fiddly job. Then noticed the time and sprinted Dc to school only to find we weren't late at all (I think dh has set all the clocks fast ).

Today:
ASDA
reboot laundry
hoover/mop
clean BR
wrap presents
collect dd
make tea
go to DS concert

SC how old is she? I think we are heading into the same trouble with dd.

SC the one thing that dd does is her homework. She did a whole project entirely without my assistance, and in fact was begging me to help at one stage (which is the way round I like it) So we have a strange situation that she hates me telling her to practise and in fact hates me telling her do anything, but works very hard on things when she is self motivated. Her room is a perpetual tip, but when she chooses she folds the clothes up beautifully, she always refused to read anything I suggested to her [Misty of Chincoteague , but now reads everything and anything as long as its her choice. So like you I can only conclude she is just very independent and feels it is mortal insult to be TOLD to do things by ME, possibly it has such a bad vibe to be ordered around that she is hypersensitive to ANY instructions from me (caring, loving mum [ha ha] The more we worry about something the more we give off stress signals and the more they resist.
The boys seem to be subtly different in that they rather like me giving them ideas but then they still want to do their own version and not be given Instructions. As you know from previous posts Ds1 homework is a source of great stress to me, and I'm only just getting to stage of "letting go"(his grades have plummetted but so be it!) And he doesn't mind a few suggestions now
I think you are going to have to remind her to do homework, wait, and then not interfere. If she hasn't done it, it is between her and teacher, otherwise this is going to continue. We are such conscientious mothers it is difficult to distinguish between teachers judging us and judging our children. Could you get a friend round to do homework with her? I am imagining that your daughter knows how important it is to YOU for her to have done her homework and instead of simply doing it (20 mins) (which a rational adult would do) feels cross in some way about being made responsible for YOU. Sorry if this sounds like pyschobabble, I feel like you so often over violin practice and room tidying and ...um lots of stuff I am trying to work it out myself why dd gets SOOO unbearable over simple tasks.. You must have been through a lot recently, although coping so admirably, and dd is probably picking up on this too. Also I think they live for the moment, and they really can't see that putting off something doesn't make problem go away.

Sorry, should have pmed you instead of this long scrawl.

Dog is wandering in and out of house, so sweet (he already chewed a foil carton dd's Easter basket and several rotten crabapples! Honu in homage to your plastic plant pots, I have let him rifle through plastics and he is carrying around a croissant box! And now an empty ribena bottle!

SC - I think your DD is a similar age to mine, possibly a bit younger (DD is 9). We only get a token objection to homework but I got into a real rut with her about a year ago re getting up, washed, dressed, down for breakfast, etc on school mornings.
She would lounge in bed, I would get progressively crosser and crosser and by the time we came to leave the house I had steam coming out of my ears and she was usually upset as I had shouted at her
I decided I needed to step away for my own sanity. She now has an alarm that goes off at 7am and is responsible for herself. Breakfast finishes at 8am (signaled by the 'pips' but usually after Moira has read the news - Radio 2 fans here!) and if she hasn't finished I take it away! I will also leave the house with DS at 8.30am whether she is ready or not (cue much yelling following us up the road on at least one occasion)
It only took a few goes for her to see I was serious and she is now usually ready. The effect on the start to my day was dramatic and we mostly have a lovely walk to school now instead of the frog-march of seething resentment that it had become.

The short version of the above is - try to step away and let her deal with the consequences :)

Right, I need to stop procrastinating and get on with some work.
Will try to return later.

Bloody hell i go awol for a few days and you are talking about willy warmers and knob polishing For fucks Sake!

I both need not to be here and to be here. It is a weird one. I am going to pop in and out and mostly lurk. But today having done fuck all all weekend due to the weather and yesterday due to a visit from uncle nesbit. I need to find some motivation and am back for a bit.

Laundry - Dry load that is waiting to go, fold washing, ironing, put clothes/towels/bedding etc away.
Make sure duvet cover is on (ds and mine)
load DW
Air house
water plants
paper work
Letter for school
check what is supposed to be happening tomo
print stuff for meeting tomo
Find super glue
Do some computer based prep for tomo's meeting
Afternoon school run

Done
meeting in next town
School run morning
school run lunch
feed ds
Catch up with a friend

Thank you all for supportive comments and hand holding the other night. I couldn't wrestle computor of son afterwards. Am a bit less 'bottom dropped out of world, and living up to ID.

Have repeatedly tried to talk to Shelter and CAB, but just spending time and money listening to recorded messages. I guess like everyone their budgets are slashed.

Sanguineabsolutely put the relationship first. Accumulated layers of life don?t stop them going back and fixing education later, at any stage of life, if needs must, but accumulated layers of life and trying to go back and fix damage in relationships is a whole lot harder, and often impossible.
In agreement with who knows over humour, it breaks tension and makes all battles more survivable.

List for rest of day:
Pay in cheque to bank before it expires! (disabled parking access willing)
Shopping list
Shopping
Launderette
Ironing
Unstick windows (painted shut)
Go through son?s history paper with him and mark scheme
Try convincing son to give up history and stick to science?
Listen to very unhappy friend (but absolute max of two hours)
Prepare ?kit? for a day?s de-hoarding at the hoarded house tommorow. (good for reminding me that if I can do that surely my own should be a breeze?)
Plan what I?m doing there, and remind myself what I mustn?t do, what works, what doesn?t.
Paint out bestiality drawings on scaffolding boards!
(Re-graffiti them with obscence remarks about builders?)
Shine scaffolding as well as sink?
Try and make it back here tonight!

JustGetting - so sorry you are having such a difficult time of it. It must be so stressful living with the uncertainty of what's going to happen, not to mention the commotion of having builders in. Shelter and CAB sound like good advisors (when you can get through to them).

Bitchy - you're back! Good to see you! You have had the fledglings looking for you in the naughty corner. Hope you have a lovely time with your friend.

Feet - I like your style of motivation! I did a similar thing once when I was so fed up with nagging DS2 to get his trousers on for school that I took him out without them. I have never seen him put them on so fast .

Swan - what you describe about your daughter's self motivation when she's interested in something and resistance to being told what to do otherwise ties in perfectly with a very interesting conversation I had with a home-educating Dad the other evening - all about how children need to 'own' their own learning (he believes in autonomous home ed). He was saying that you need to have faith that children will follow their own interests and learn, rather than imposing your ideas of education on them. It made me think of how I never read a single one of a series of classic books that a friend of my mum's gave me, even though I was a great reader as a child. It was because they weren't my choice. They sat on my bookcase for years, like a reproach.

WhoKnows - good advice for coping with homework. Keeping calm is the hardest thing to do, but I astonish myself with my patience these days (it was hard earned, though!).

SC - hmm, see above! It's just very hard to make children do something they don't want to do. I think you have to use a carrot and stick approach. Or back off and let her experience the consequences herself if she doesn't do the work. She doesn't have to take responsibility for it so long as she has you supporting her by reminding her to do it. I know it's really hard though. Have failed many times to get DS1 to do things he doesn't want to do, so maybe I shouldn't be offering any advice here!

Scatty - owch - DS's accident sounded awful. Hope he is on the mend now. I like your reward system. Am sure that'll cheer him up.

ChitChat - glad your DS had a lovely birthday. DS2 (6) watched a 'Star Wars' film recently and absolutely loved it, but I can't remember which one it was. He was transfixed by all the action scenes.

Linzer - Nope, no sign. Hope you are getting lots of paid work done instead.

Internet is fab for catching up Toffee. Not back for long a flying visit so to speak.
Don't quite know what I am going to do about mn/computer/rl atm. It's a wip so to speak.

Yes, I was busy working this morning Toffee - and have been busy teaching this afternoon so no time to post. Have been lurking and at least trying to keep up with everyone else's posts, though.

See you all in the naughty corner later!

swan you speak such total sense . Your post made quite a few pennies drop with my DC (esp dd).
I am currently reading 'Living with teens' the book from the Guardian colomn a few years ago. I think the author of the book could have done with your advice!

Done:
ASDA
reboot laundry
wrap presents
collect dd
make tea

So sunny here I had to buy some shorts .

Hello, hello, just back from the misogynists printers

Boiling here - hope you are all enjoying sunny afternoons!

A million thanks for all your words of wisdom about hwk & dd. That is really really, good advice from all of you and much appreciated!! It's always good to gain some perspective on a problem and listen to the advice of more experienced mothers... thanks again.

Whoknows thank you very much for your list of tips. I shall refer to it daily!!! I'm afraid I fail at point one . I know this isn't good. I have to work on being much more patient. I do do 2 and 6. With regard to 5, school have advised that I don't sit down with her but am "on hand" nearby ... so I am usually cooking in kitchen and popping in and out. I suppose I could be more flexible over 3 and 4 and definitely agree about humour (no.7) which she always responds to really well if/when situation hasn't deteriorated to the exclusion of it. I know it's up to me to set the tone and keep the atmosphere light!!

Scatty she is eight (nine in the summer). Hope your ds's concert went well!!

Swan [pats borrowed dog and contemplates drifting magnolia petals] thank you for taking the time out to type that v. useful post! It's really kind of you and honestly - the way your dd reacts to things (hypersensitivity to instructions) is exactly, exactly how mine does - you could be describing the same child!! (Apart from the fact that mine doesn't do hwk except under duress!) The reminding, waiting and not interfering technique is basically what her teacher recommended previously and again yesterday - and yet somehow I always get 'drawn in'. I need to stay more aloof from it all I think. And don't apologise about the psychobabble - it really is food for thought - things are a bit stressful here at the moment and I totally agree about dd picking up on it and that we are too "psychologically" entwined over this issue. DD does do hwk with others twice a week atm but it's at school, not here. (Best friends go to different schools - long story.)
Sorry your w/e was so stressful - glad to hear your consultant is tweaking thyroid meds again - and I hope it improves things. Sympathies over driving anxiety - I am dreadful about this too - lots of avoidance + panic if I stray from set routes Sorry about your dd hanging up the ballet shoes too. Additional coaching option sounds onerous unless one is spit keen. Ditto re: crumble/farmhouse dreams btw (partic if you throw in a horse and a few hens!!)

Thank you also Feetheart I am getting the "step away and let her fall on her own resources" message loud and clear!! I really must try and follow through with this - starting tonight!! Am really impressed by your calm morning regimen.

Yay Bitchy hellloooooo!! Great to see you. Hope you are feeling a bit more motivated today and feel free to lurk away or post ... whatever feels right at the time! [Gets large broom to chase off Uncle N]

Justgettingonwithit Thanks for the tips - I agree - I must back off and lighten up!! I'm just praying that she doesn't get much homework over the Easter holidays so we can concentrate on having fun! It's easy to overlook that the school works them really hard (she is learning in two languages not her own) and although it's a great opportunity, it's got to be tough on an 8 yr old.

Sorry you are still going through such a tough time (bestiality drawings must be last straw!!) How rotten for you. Tis good of you to lend your friend an ear when you are going through so much yourself. Can you try droppîng in to CAB or Shelter or do you have to have an appointment first? Any hope of rallying support from fellow residents? Sending positive thoughts and prayers from across the channel x

Toffee [plumps up cushions in naughty corner - although not sure you qualify with everything you have going on atm!] I can understand you being reluctant to go down on-line tutoring route after everything that's happened (and am speaking through my hat because I am totally ignorant of subject) but it could be a good half-way house and offer you some support too (home edding being such a huge responsibility and I imagine being potentially quite a lonely task???). Is your ds1 keen on computers? Is on-line tutoring offered at home or does he have to attend school to do it? If first option, he might get to enjoy it (it might allow him to feel a bit more in control of things possibly ???). Hope it works out well for you both anyway x.

Thanks also for your sage words re: hwk issue. DD is going to have to be left to fall on her own sword from now on I think!

Hello! The weather's been far too nice for flying in the last couple of days, but at least I'm caught up with the laundry now. DH is now off work till after Easter and the boys are at the CM tomorrow so hoping for a civilised child-free day. :)

DS1 has also won a prize in the school poetry competition. [proud]

Sorry to hear about all the homework and other stresses. Waves to all and leaves on the bar.