Flinging our way through the chaos: February’s Fledgling Flyers

[LinzerTorte]

Welcome to the February edition of the Fledgling Flyers' thread.

If you're living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome), this is the thread for you! We follow the tips on the FlyLady website in an attempt to restore order to our homes, but advise against signing up for the e-mails; all the information you need is on this thread.

Each day, I'll be posting the links that will enable you to do any of the following:

• start or repeat babysteps

• repeat babysteps and do 15 minutes a day decluttering in the current zone

or

• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

More information about the babysteps is here.

So please join us - there's always plenty of chat, , cake, encouragement and the occasional to help us on our way!

toffee I too leave ds1 11/12 at home for an 3/4 hour, and hour and half v. v. occasionally (longer than that I feel vaguely uncomfortable with, but I'm sure he would be fine too) I ring him whilst I'm out to check on him too! I even leave one 9 year old at home for 30 mins if I'm picking up and dropping off locally, as long as ds1 is there too to phone me. I tell them not to let anyone in, and not to leave the telly sofa! I reason that my driving is more dangerous than being at home safely on the sofa On the other hand it might be useful to get ds to see that one of issues about staying at home rather than going to school is that he has to accompany you if you go out. In a funny way once my ds realised he can stay behind there is less incentive to do the little outings/leg stretchers, which in reality can freshen up the day, even if they seem a bore/annoying to a teen. So many times ds has said he can't be bothered to do something which has perked him up when he actually did it. And that is not the same situation as you, I know, but just that lots of teens say they can't be bothered to go out when they are in comfort zone.

What a wearing experience anyway, I'm very glad you got out today. I've felt very exhausted by family life today, just wanted to get away from them all, but know that doesn't improve things really..what they need is more time not less.

I've rearranged a picture or too, and think I can live with mismatched but tidy cupboards for now I suppose my rage is not really with the cupboards but Dh's pointblank veto on so many discussions.

Kitchen tidy. Sink tidy.
Board games played!

Upstairs v messy, can't face it. New duvet cover on dd's bed though, and put some books back ina shelf. That's it!

Mummy codeine obviously gives you wings

Evening. or morning. Not sure which. I am surprisingly awake. it is annoying because i know i am not going to want to move tomo. Soooo much i need to do though.

Things have been really really bad around here the last couple of weeks and no flying has been done but i am feeling like that maybe perhaps i am getting back to normal and that perhaps I can face the world again. Not sure if that it is because i am back on the super strong migraine meds that mess with my head or if it is just that i have spent all week asleep and now less shatteren. Or even that the issues that were the problem have past. whatever. I am feeling positive tonight and hoping i wake up feeling like this.

Hoping you are all sleeping peacefully and i look forward to seeing you all in the morning.

I am on holiday this week co no flying for me

Hi all,

I'm thinking that I may have time to return to you all as I'm just about getting my head around my job and finding pockets (albeit small) of time. My house has really suffered since Xmas though and now I an back to square one with it. Also have just returned from a few days in Eurodisney so today am washing, DH is cleaning and I am lesson planning. I did however book a tesco delivery before I went that is due today so although we have had to have choccie for breakfast we can have a Proper Sunday lunch (if I can persuade DH to cook). I have no chance of catching up on 6 weeks on here though so I'll just wave to all old and new flyers and will catch up as I go but hope you are all well

Hiya all I'll be back later with personals and to catch up, just posting a list to keep me focused...

Clean oven and hob done
Fold and put away DD laundry
Clean out fridge
Scrub kitchen floor
Deep clean bathroom
Room rescue my room
Home Bleugh- doing today as won't have time before council visit tomorrow
Wash down sofas
Go to buy a padlock?
Double check there's no new dog poos
Take dog to woods done
What's for dinner cooking
Write a food shop list
Maybe do the food shop
Zumba if time
Hoover later
Make sure all paperworks done

BBL for catch up!!

Morning everyone

Toffee really not unreasonable to leave DS at home, especially given the distress it would have caused you all if you had insisted he come. I left DS1 (a very sensible 9) at home for an hour just before half term. Wasn't sure if it was the right thing but he LOVED it, felt very responsible and grown up. He had my number and my Mum's (she's only 5 mins away) and he called me twice but only because he could IYKWM!

Shoes are ready for school and I've put school coats in the wash - will be unearthing uniform later! Don't feel too behind actually given my week of non flying.

Will be back later with lists - off to look at a house this afternoon very excited! -

Thanks everyone for backing me up. To be fair, I think DH is particularly worried about DS1 because he is immature and so anxious at the moment and he worries that DS would not behave sensibly in a crisis, but it seemed a very small likelihood of that happening (we have lovely neighbours he knows both sides of us, he knows our phone numbers, house has smoke alarms, all electrical equipment turned off apart from TV, DS is not allowed to open the door to anyone, etc), so I don't think the risk was very high. Both DH and MIL felt I shouldn't have left him alone (grr - obviously they discussed it), but I really can't stay in at home with DS2 all day every day. Very interesting to hear the different views on these things in Austria, Linzer. Leaving an 8/9 year old for up to two hours would be frowned upon where I live, although I was left alone to babysit my baby cousin when I was nine (I was a sensible child, but I really had no idea how to look after a baby). Mind you, I think standards have changed since the 70s (age give away there).

Was up in the night with DS1 last night as he was ill with an upset stomach and needed clean sheets, hot-water bottles and TLC. Have no idea where he can have caught a bug as he isn't mixing with anyone . He seems better today and, hopefully, his best friend is back from holiday and going to come and see him later, which will do him a lot of good.

Have spent this morning in bed and have managed to spend my Xmas vouchers for Next at last . DH is taking DS2 out for the afternoon, so I am going to take the opportunity to blitz the house. So, my list looks as follows:

Crisis clean

Toffee I have only read your last post but before DD wakes just wanted to say I used to let myself in after school at 12, cook my own lunch (heat up something frozen or that my dad had left out) and wait for my dad to come home from work, during a time when my mum had to be away for extended periods of time.

And I'm from a pretty strict family with an Italian dad who wouldn't let me go out on a saturday afternoon with my friends. And I'm a 90s child.

I know there are other issues with DS1 but if you have neighbours around then I really don't see the problem.

Right, off to see if I can catch up on this thread before dd wakes up.

Come in to wave and offload a little if that?s ok?
I?m floundering a wee bit here, seem to be just going from crisis to crisis, either mine or someone else?s, and I need my life back.

I?ve been off trying to help person with hoarding problem?s. I?d taken the attitude if they?d lived like that for so long then it didn?t matter how long it took to sort, and I could go at my own pace, but I?m now paying as the situation?s escalated wildly as the partner died suddenly earlier this week, a day became most of a week, and everything?s really hit the fan.

Finding it challenging to move mountains (pretty literally) there (getting yelled at a lot and don?t feel I can say anything in the situation, but fed up with it), and then feel motivated to drag myself up aching the next day and tackle the mess here, but am just about managing it all and really grateful for this thread helping keep me on track.

Another friends giving up on one of her children :( while alternately demanding or pleading that he can?t go into care, and my heart?s tearing apart with it.

Long term friend with m/h problems shouts at me daily, and I?m reaching a stage of saying to all of them, ?Stop demanding more than I can or should give please?.

I don?t want to declutter my friends but I?m getting a bit ?

Toffee it might be worth asking DH what age he feels DS can start to be left alone at home? (Don?t be surprised if he says 22!:o)
At 12 social services felt me able to be the main carer, go alone to pay the rent, leccy etc so even allowing for changed attitudes these days, I think an hour alone's hardly unreasonable.

Oh poor you, JustGetting. You're doing an admirable job of helping others, but I think there comes a point when you just have to take a step back as you have to think of yourself too. Feel free to offload as much as you want; it sounds like you have so much to cope with at the moment.

Toffee I agree that the risk doesn't seem v. high - and you've obviously weighed it up carefully. Plus, of course, it's impractical to stay in all day with your other DS. I wouldn't call DD1 particularly mature for her age (10), but I have no concerns about leaving her for 10-20 minutes to pick up the other two - she has my phone number and does sometimes phone me when I'm out, usually just to check something or to ask exactly when I'll be back (although she's quite happy to stay on her own; I'd take her with me, but she prefers to stay at home).

I'm often by parents who leave quite young children on their own and for how long. One of my friends recently told me that she could set her clock by her DS's two-hour naps when he was a baby, so used to go out shopping for an hour as she knew he wouldn't wake up! It seems to be the norm here to start leaving children on their own once they've started school (at 6); most children walk to school on their own within a few weeks of starting, too.

MC What did you think of Eurodisney? The DC would love to go there (DS is very into Mickey Mouse), but I have to admit to an irrational dislike of Disney.

membership Enjoy your holiday.

Bitchy Glad to hear you're feeling more positive now.

Waves to Neenook, lauren, swan, MummyNic and anyone else I've missed. Must go and supervise tea/piano practice/bathtime; back later.

justonemore of you being a 90s child; I'm more Toffee's era.

Back from belated Christmas... Had a lovely time, have unpacked and nearly found spaces for all the extra presents... Boys bouncing off the walls but at least it's school and playgroup tomorrow!

Have read through the thread but a bit too overwhelmed to do more than wave. Back properly tomorrow!

Hiya all! The council people are coming tomorrow as a pre Ofsted visit so I've been busy cleaning to make sure there's nothing they can spot as they have a tour of my house!

Clean oven and hob done
Fold and put away DD laundry done
Clean out fridge done- was a nightmare as had to pull it out
Scrub kitchen floor done
Deep clean bathroom done
Room rescue my room- will do after laminating
Home Bleugh- doing today as won't have time before council visit tomorrow done
Wash down sofas done
Go to buy a padlock?
Double check there's no new dog poos done
Take dog to woods done
Write a food shop list
Maybe do the food shop
Zumba if time
Hoover later *done)
Make sure all paperworks done- doing next and laminating

I hope the house viewing went well today neenook

toffee I agree that 12 is a fine age to be left for an hour!

for justgettingon, I'm lucky in that I've never had to be in
your shoes but I can't imagine it being very nice unmumsnetty hugs for you!

linzer, I've confirmed with my parents that we are going to their disney villa in america for DD's first holiday next year I LOVE DISNEY

Back to normal tomorrow after half term and I'll be glad for a bit of a change of pace for a week or two with a few extra days off until my new baby starts in middle of march! Off to go and laminate and display updated posters with my new laminator I wont be back until tomorrow afternoon as have a crazy morning with school runs, toddlers coming and going and then council people!

linzer Eurodisney was amazing if expensive. Very commerical and wouldn't recommend if you get annoyed by Disney. DD (6) loved it, enjoyed the rides, got lots of autographs and had pictures taken with lots of characters. We did spend alot of time queuing and spent way too much money but anticipated that. We were there for two days but only had a park pass for one. We were there from the moment it opened until it closed and we didn't even do half of one park, so we still have the other half and the studios we didn't manage. Was disappointed with the hotel. Stayed at one on site and expected it to be disney through and through but it wasn't. Was perfectly acceptable but not worth the ££££££ in my opinion.

Have managed to do some lesson planning and some cleaning of the kitchen and hallway. 2 loads of washing done and fridge sorted. DH has made a lovely roast and tidied lounge and DD has undone all his hard work by messing it up again.

Best get finishing the planning then evening routine and an early night

Linzer how can you be of being a 90's child, the 70's and 80's were great for growing up in .

Justgetting come and offload as much as you need to. You sound as if you're in an impossible situation. Would it help if you became really strict and allocated every third day just for you and your family, with no contact with your friends? It may sound selfish but you need to make sure you have time for you or you may end up not coping with their friendships at all.

Well I didn't get chance to post with my final ta da list last night, as DH and I sat down to discuss what we really want from the next few years. Of course, we have no definite answer, but I think we are moving in the right direction even if we currently have three options as to where we're likely to end up! As far as flying goes, I haven't done everything on the list, but did do some extra stuff, and managed to spend a fair bit of one-on-one time with the DC as well as doing some hotspot clearing. Hotspots may have to be a central theme this week, as they are taking over the house, and I'm losing essential bits of paper in them (like cheques and the marriage cert ).

Off to drink champagne now. DC are in bed on time, and DH and I have been together 10 years: Who'd have thought we'd make it this far? Good night everyone.

Very true Lifebegins as long as I banish the memory of what I actually wore in the 70s - and I would have missed out on all that 80s music too. Not that I can't listen to it now of course, but it reminds me of being a teenager.
Happy anniversary btw!

MC Yes, I can imagine Eurodisney would be quite commercial and expensive. I'll just have to hope that DS forgets about it... DD2, on the other hand, is desperate to go to Peppa Pig World (to say she's obsessed with Peppa Pig would be an understatement), but as it isn't exactly the easiest place for us to get to, we'll be going back to the Playmobil FunPark for her first communion (or rather post-FC) instead.

lauren Hope the council visit goes well tomorrow - you sound very well prepared, at any rate. And hope you had fun with your new laminator.

Waves back to Blue; glad the belated Christmas celebrations went well!

Will be back to post tomorrow's links once I've finished and sent off some work.

Links*

Monday's babystep is to include laundry in your morning and evening routines.

This week's zone is the master bedroom. The missions for the week are here. Monday's mission is to spend 15 minutes getting rid of anything that doesn't belong in your bedroom.

Finally, Monday's daily focus is the weekly home blessing hour.

Right I need to be here tomo. And i need a decent list:

So here goes:
up at stupid o'clock
kit together
early training
sort out comp stuff
drop off dress for alterations
drop off envelope of paperwork
deal with car paperwork
tackle bedroom and:
find missing paperwork
find safe place credit card is in
sort out pile of urgent paperwork that needs action
laundry
take recycling out
take out rubbish
ironing
put clothes away in wardrobe

...

You're right lifebegins my main memories of adolescent years are learning about aids and saving the planet, and crap pop music that I hated (thankfully had brother 6 years older than me who educated me).

Still haven't read through thread.
Justgetting that sounds like more than what anyone should have to cope with. Especially about your friend and her child.

If you're decluttering on emotional energy I'd give up helping with the hoarding if I were you, at least for a bit. I'm not sure it's the kind of thing one person can help with on their own!

Not sure what happened but this thread dropped off my 'on' list.

DS had a fantastic time skiing, desperate to go next year. We will see how his grades are.

Mum here, relaxing as much as she can, bless her. She is so used to being 'on the go' with my Dad that she finds it hard to do nothing.

I hoovered before we went out today, came home to find my Mum doing the stairs! FFS, I made her stop, she is 72. The most I will 'let' her do is unstack the dishwasher and shine the kitchen sink.

Off to bed in a minute, will try to catch up on everyones news tomorrow.

Morning!

Woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so have a bit of a head start catch up of things I should have done as evening routine cos I watched Dancing on Ice and Call the Midwife instead today...

Done:
Basket of ironing - mostly school uniform
Load of washing in
Packed lunches made

right list update:

So here goes:
up at stupid o'clock sleep fail so easy.
kit together
bedding on to wash
early training
sort out comp stuff
drop off dress for alterations
drop off envelope of paperwork
deal with car paperwork
tackle bedroom and: 30mins but no dent made :(
find missing paperwork
find safe place credit card is in
sort out pile of urgent paperwork that needs action
laundry
take recycling out
take out rubbish
ironing
put clothes away in wardrobe

...

Right going to wish you productive home bleurgh days.

morning Neenook

Morning all
Managed to clear all my ironing yesterday, felt really good. Had a clean house and no ironing left by mid morning

Only going to boil wash my towels today as going for the old "tube down your throat" thing this morning, well, 11. Going to be starving after it!
It's nothing serious, I sure of that, but I might have an ulcer so they've decided to check.
I'm going to be sedated so I'm not sure I'll manage anything later.

About to have a relating bath to distract me from hunger

justgetting you must be a very very kind person to have helped with so many different problems - and I suspect hoarding is not just a sorting problem but a way of getting massive amounts of attention from you whilst you unravel it

mummynick tube will be over in no time, well done on ironing
bluehope everyone got safely to where they were meant to be - I was just congratulating myself that I had Dd was looking ironed and motivated, when she threw up in the hall so...she's off school again today. Ds2 is back at school, full of enthusiasm clutching his space project (the paper bit of it)

Why do things looks worse in the morning?, I felt very positive last night - long outdoorsy day, church etc, everything ready for school, but today I feel the familiar wave of depression at the thought of sorting out the Monday bleugh. And mess, crumbs, mud, STUFF everywhere.

First, a shower, then I need to tackle the playroom whilst TLCing dd. And our bedroom is awful. And laundry everywhere as usual.. Muddy shoes everywhere. And sort out bank, I'm overdrawn AGAIN in only account I can access, so need to switch things round.