Flinging our way through the chaos: February’s Fledgling Flyers

[LinzerTorte]

Welcome to the February edition of the Fledgling Flyers' thread.

If you're living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome), this is the thread for you! We follow the tips on the FlyLady website in an attempt to restore order to our homes, but advise against signing up for the e-mails; all the information you need is on this thread.

Each day, I'll be posting the links that will enable you to do any of the following:

• start or repeat babysteps

• repeat babysteps and do 15 minutes a day decluttering in the current zone

or

• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

More information about the babysteps is here.

So please join us - there's always plenty of chat, , cake, encouragement and the occasional to help us on our way!

Toffee yes I am trying to get a statement, just because everyone (not SENCO but other people) says I should, not because there are any particular problems with ds2 at the moment in school. He loves his teacher, he enjoys learning, the social aspect is the main problem and him flaring up in the playground. At the moment I am trying to access Family Therapy (for other reasons to do with ASD but not just that) from the council and that is going so badly, with so many delays between school and the council and going round in circles (despite having filled in CAF forms, met with CAHMS, dx's) that I am absolutely dreading the next stage of statementing. In fact the whole thing is such a source of anxiety and depression (as with anything vaguely paperwork/talking to professionals - related in this house) that I have done a bit an ostrich. I need to give the first piece of paper to the SENCO at school, the letter composed by an independent Council sponsored charity asking formally for him to be assessed. That is first step, and I've composed the letter (or lady at the charity has), just absolutely dreading adapting it/giving it to the SENCO and trying to make my printer work. Dd has got printer working now, so maybe I'll try this week. No more ostrich!

I will pm you what charity is called, all councils apparently have them attached they are paid by council/government to act as independent impartial advice for parents, sit in with them at meetings etc, draft letters.

Is it the Parent Partnership Swan? The NAS woman recommended going on the one day course about getting a statement that SOS SEN run, it is in Twickenham which is not too far for me so I am thinking about it. I am worried about the SENCO for a different reason which is that she is also a friend of mine and mother of one of DS's friends, I'm going to have to be very careful about boundaries.

on my to do list for SEN this week then

email NAs woman
read SENCOP
speak to SENCO
start drafting letter
speak to another friend who is expert in all this stuff.
phone up for DLA application form

Flying wise

Find home for DS's birthday presents
Detailes cleaning of landing, which is in this weeks zone for me
Declutter cutlery drawer, I can't stand it a minute longer

Other

Go for run x 3
Goto work x 3
Get hair cut
Pick up something from Freecycle
Buy paint etc for redoing various doors and skirtings which are beyond mere cleaning

Good evening ladies,
Completed my zones today, which includeds emptying and reorganising a huge clutter cupboad. I have been zone cleaning for a while and it is easier everytine i hit a zone.
Dw
Wm
Washing awAy
Whole house tidied this evening, ready for home bleugh tomorrow. My husband always says just do it tomorrow but it gives me a massive head start. He makes a shocking amount of mess.

Enjoy your evening everyone

Maybe we need a separate support thread for those of us applying for statements?

Just realised that DS1's CBT therapist might need to come to our house tomorrow morning, if DS can't face going to the hospital - which means I need to start my home bleugh tonight .

I agree with you re the headstart tonight, WhoKnows. Every little helps.

I found out about the "How to talk" book on MN, in fact I think it was mentioned a while back on this thread. I find the first few chapters really useful, but am not sure I totally agree on the punishment front. Whatever our ideals might be, we have to prepare our DC for the outside world as well. What is the "When your kids press your buttons" book? Is it the one by Bonnie Harris? I may have to get that as well. My excuse for shouting, and letting myself get so wound up is always lack of sleep, but that really can't be the only problem.

Been keeping up with my routines the last few days, but desperate to start decluttering seriously. Everyday my to do list tells me to tackle a hotspot or declutter for 15/30 mins. And nine times out of ten it just doesn't happen. There aren't enough hours in the day ! Still the house does generally look better than it did a few months ago, there's less panic about dinner, and I feel better organised, and therefore happier, most of the time. Must count my blessings .

Am determined to go to bed at reasonable time as have early start tomorrow. DH will be leaving at 5.45am until Thurs night. So need to get up ahead of the DC waking up. Wish me luck!

Part of the problem is that despite what people say on the Special Needs board, the priorities for statements have changed, and statements are now going to people with very serious problems. So as the lady at Parent Partnership said, you have to stress what could go wrong rather than what is actually wrong right now

have to rush

Ta da list

All washing done, dry and put away- yippee!!
All children bathed, hair wash, nails cut, nit checked- lovely!
Upstairs very tidy, dusted and hoovered - this never happens, it looks fab!
Upstairs windows and frames washed and cleaned
Dds bed changed
Bathroom cleaned
Paid work - turned out to be unpaid!!!
Dinner cooked eaten and cleared away
Homework with ds's done
Uniforms laid out
Kits packed for the week
Hung dd's pictures up in her room
Hung ds's pictures up in their room

Exhausted!!

Best wishes to everyone going through stressy times with dcs statementing, I can't offer any experience or advice but happy to listen.

Tomorrows list- small due to minding a new baby alongside DD and existing mindees.

Morning routine
Home blessing (not in an hour but as and when I get a minute)
Pop to shop
Mission
15 minute declutter
Evening routine

Linzer when I lived where you live, I never got excited about snow either. It did look fairy-tale like whilst falling, but it was tedious to live with. But the thing about snow in the south of England is the novelty factor. You don't really ever believe it will actually happen, and it doesn't last long. I'm expecting it to be gone by midday tomorrow, but it was great fun this morning (DD (3) loved it, DS (1) less than impressed), and we built 3 snowmen altogether .

I know nothing about statementing, so will just say "Good luck!" to everyone involved in it.

Now really must go. Have a good evening, and a good night's sleep.

Lifebegins The other book is this one: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons And What You Can Do About It. Yes, it is Bonnie Harris.

I now have a nice shiny kitchen again - ready to start the week. :)

Good luck to everyone battling bureaucracy!

Snow is steadily melting away, looks very pretty when all white and crisp and not turning to slush. 2 large dogs and lots of snow melting = a very muddy garden! So, my mission is to try to not let them out in the back garden unless really needed and if they do to wipe their feet on the way in again.

Tomorrows list for me.
baby steps,
Home blessing hour,
Pay cheque into bank, get out Euros for DS ski trip
walk dogs

and if the snow has all gone - off to the tip. Didnt manage to get there on Saturday and today was sledging/snow fun day.

Good luck to those who have statements ongoing for their DC. I am not much help, but I have friends who have gone through it. It seems quite a long, drawn out process to get the help needed for DC.

Spent the morning in hospital as DD had another seizure which made her paralysed, very frightening but she has recovered reasonably quickly on this occasion. What was distressing her was that she kept tryinh to use her right side but couldn't, she kept picking her hand up and it dropping, it made her sad, which made me sad, which made DH sad.

We therefore didn't get to do anything cleaning wise. But DH sorted his bike out, filled the car up with de icer, cleared the paths and the drive, fixed my bike and stuck a knife in his hand. We almost took him back up to the hospital this afternoon. sigh.

So.
2x washing loads
Dw and washing up
Food shop done last night
Tidied the playroom
Washed the kitchen floor

Tomorrow
Cook up casseroles
Bake banananamananananana bread and baby muffins
Clean bathrooms
Change bedsheets
Hoover (DH)

Tuesday
Sort work and nursery clothes
Bake bread for lunches (DH)

Evening all,

Just a quick post (of the links) and run, as DH is going away for three days tomorrow and I don't want him to feel too neglected. Should have more time to catch up properly tomorrow morning, despite it being half-term, as the DC will all be at a friend's house. Just wanted to wish everyone going through the statementing process courage; I can't pretend to know much about it, but it sounds horribly complicated and stressful.

**

Monday's links

For those of you waiting for a more useful babystep, here it is: spend two minutes putting out a hotspot (any area where clutter tends to accumulate - generally paperwork in my case). It's amazing what a difference even a couple of minutes can make.

We're in zone 2, the kitchen, this (coming) week. The mission is to clean out your kitchen bin. You can find a sneak peek of this week's missions here.

Thanks linzer for the links. Enjoy your evening with DH. :)

Evening ladies, no snow here just mild and damp

Not a lot of flying done this wekend as PIL are staying and we've all been busy with the village panto. DC's have been shattered today, DS1 fell asleep this afternoon and is struggling to get to sleep now, but he's so tired and frustrated...currently snuggled up next to me

Sorry about your DD slowburner that must have been really frightening for you all. How long has she been in hospital?

Looking forward to getting back into a routine tomorrow -even quite excited about the prospect of tackling the kitchen bin

Thanks for the links Linzer. Off to bed now - see you all in the morning.

Slowburner that sounds terrifying, and poor Dh sticking knife in his hand You've done so well to tackle the paths and the de-icing, hope dd is a ittle better tomorrow; what an organised list too for next few days too.
Blue and life (think it was life) that book about the button just about sums up the struggles I have with dd. I know she is not the problem now, more to do with the effect we have on each other. I asked her this evening if she would like me to ask her to do things in a "nice" way rather than giving orders all the time, and she hugged me and said that would be "seriously scary" if I talked to her in a polite sugary manner Anyway I hope I can steer a middle course, my mum used to spend her time barking orders at us all (4 kids) and I hated it.

I think that even in How to Talk they come up with "consequences" - like discussing outcomes for undesirable behaviour, like not getting enough sleep due to delaying tactics or not getting home when you say you are going to (teens), I think it is more that is not a "behaviourist" approach, ie: not about conditioning but about communication.

Anyway I have just failed miserably to communicate with DH. I told him half the house belonged to me and so far he had vetoed all my attempts at changing it, at which point he stormed off...oh dear. I'm behaving just like dd...

time for bed!
Linzer hope your Dh has a successful trip, at least Sweden won't be phased by current weather conditions. Apparently Rome is in a state of collapse after snow fall, my poor inlaws (German but live in Rome) can't even leave their flat as roads/pavements are completely icy and impassable, no shops open and they've run out of bread...

We have had no snow here (Shropshire). There was a quite heavy hailstorm yesterday early afternoon that lay but it melted overnight. I was quite glad really as I didn't fancy DH heading north tomorrow if it was going to be really bad but fingers crossed he'll be OK.

DH has done the cooking today but even offered to do the washing up whilst I had a shower this evening. I have a feeling he's after something before he goes away for the week

I had a bit of a mammoth ironing session today and managed the weekly uniform/shirts, the rest of DD's clothes plus DH's trousers and jumpers. Left to do are both DH and my t-shirts. I am aiming to have those done in the next couple of days so we are ALL DONE before I next do a wash and then in future ensure the ironing is done in the same week that it's washed!

I need to wash out my bin as DH has thrown porridge all over and as it needs emptying too that will be tomorrow's mission sorted! I am going to try to revisit last week's bedroom missions this week too as the kitchen ones aren't to arduous.

I have had quite a few orders for my sewing in the last few days so I'll need to organise my days to fit then in as well as flying.

Keeping fingers crossed to those of you about to start with the statements etc. I have no experience but hope it's not to arduous for you all x

Bitchy- sorry about DS?s arm! I guess he?s going to go a bit stir crazy for the next few months with all the limitations on him

justonemore - I?d have been devastated to miss DS?s christening!

Slowburner - so sorry about your DD

Been a bit up and down here this weekend. Started Saturday nicely, to then have our babysitter cancel on us for the evening as she didn't want to risk not getting to her Sunday destination because of the snow and decided to leave that day instead. Which then meant that I missed a close friend's birthday party as I couldn't find anyone else to sit.

DH was then really ill today. I found it slightly had to be overly sympathetic though. A bit mean of me I guess, but he has the luxury of being sick and not worrying about the DC, but I had this bug while he was away and I had to cope with feeling awful and still looking after the DC. I never seem to manage to be ill on a weekend when he is here and can leave childcare to him - might just go on a strike for a whole weekend instead!!!!

Haven't heard much more about the job opportunity, but it made me realise that if I wanted to go back to work, the DC's schooling arrangements mean that I HAVE to have a nanny, as CM just wouldn't work for us. But the thought of having someone in this house at the moment is terrifying!!! It's absolute chaos in here.

So, as of tomorrow I'm going to be far more diligent with my routines (would start tonight but it's a bit toooo late!!! ). Please feel free to come and give me a kick in the behind if I lurk in the bar too often!

I also need to really focus on getting the rest of the decorating done. Hopefully the DC will cooperate and stay healthy for awhile - not a lot I can do about half term though.

Had best get to bed now while it's still Sunday!!!

slowburner - I'm so sorry to hear about your DD. It must have been a terrifying experience for you and your DH and for her, not to mention deeply upsetting. I am not surprised your DH had an accident too - you must both have been feeling so upset and anxious. I'm glad he didn't have to go to hospital too - that's all you need. I hope your daughter makes a good recovery.

ChitChat - it is annoying, isn't it, that DHs manage to get days in bed being sick, whereas when we are sick (unless it happens on DH's days off), we just have to carry on looking after DC? That is a particularly vivid memory for me, particularly when the children were younger (as at least they can be left to their own devices more now). On the other hand, I have a friend who is a lone parent and she can never ever be sick because there is simply no one who can look after both her children (one has autism and would not react well to an unexpected carer). She swears by zinc tablets!

dizzy - sounds like you need to add DH to your 'to do' list .

swan - at your DD saying you would be 'seriously scary' if you spoke to her politely, in stead of barking orders. I know that I end up barking orders in the morning before school - fairly ineffectually, I would say, as I can hear myself barking the same order over and over ("Put your shoes on, put your shoes on, that's it, no the other foot, oh god, you'll have to start again, just pull the strap, wriggle your foot, you can do it, oh god, we're going to be late again - just let me do it! And no, you can't go back upstairs to get a toy for school, I said no, you can't... Come back here!"). DS1 has recently taken to laughing at me in a patronising manner, whilst shaking his head, which is possibly the most irritating thing he has ever devised. Then he says, "There's really no need to get so ANGRY, Mum" .

Incidentally, that is very worrying about statements only going to those with 'very serious' problems. I wonder how they define that. Am hoping that the prospect of DS1 not getting an education because of his anxiety issues will count as 'very serious' .

Linzer - hope you had a nice evening with DH before his trip away tomorrow. But just think of all that lovely MN-browsing time you'll have whilst he's away!

Thanks to everyone wishing me, WhoKnows and Swan courage in dealing with the statementing process.

Morning all,

DH has just left, so I'm now enjoying some peace and quiet before the DC get up - which I'm hoping won't be too early, as they wouldn't go to sleep last night. We finally have snow here - just a sprinkling atm, but it's still coming down. If it does have to come, I suppose half-term is the best time as we don't have to go anywhere and everything carries on as normal here, no matter how much snow we have.

Was hoping to finally have time to do some personals now, but I can hear the DC getting up. It's only about 20 minutes after I'd normally wake them, when they're still dead to the world, and they had a much later night than usual last night. ... Turns out it's just DS, who has also announced that he doesn't want to go to DD2's friend's this morning. So much for my free morning - but I was half-expecting it.

Toffee Hope the appointment goes OK this morning and that you manage to get your DS to the hospital.

ChitChat I find it extremely difficult to be sympathetic when DH is ill as he can just take to his bed and I'm expected to carry on as usual - it's very unfair, isn't it? (However, I really am going to make more of an effort next time, as he did actually take a day off - in fact, got a day's "care leave" - when I was ill a few months ago; I was amazed.)

dizzy I wish I could sew; I used to be able to, but then lost interest and don't have much incentive to mend clothes etc. now as my MIL used to be a professional seamstress and so can do it far better than I'd ever be able to. I'd love to be able to teach, or at least help the DDs to learn to sew and knit, however; I felt like a bit of a failure when I had to send DD1 next door to practise her crocheting when she was struggling with it at school.

swan Your poor ILs. It reminds me of my parents' situation a couple of winters ago, when they couldn't leave the house for a week or more as the pavements were too slippery, there was no post getting through, and they couldn't get the car out for about three weeks as their road is on a slope.

slowburner That must have been very frightening. Hope your DD is ok today.

All three are up now and DD2 is desperate for me to bring her a blanket so no time for any more personals, I'm afraid. Waves to Neenook, Nick, Jax, Blue, Lifebegins, Chickens, WhoKnows, lauren, sitting, MummyNic, Haagen* and anyone else I've missed.

Chitchat- i sympathise, i also know how that feels. I did feign a headache a few weeks ago, and had an afternoon nap. Was lovely as i just felt a little out of sorts iykwim.

I also find he spends about half an hour on the loo...twice a day!! Annoying.

We are 100 miles from home, where we should be, because of the snow and ice. Could have done all the trip home yesterday bar the last 200 yards because we live on a steep hill that was like a skating rink due to a burst water main + cold + snow. All neighbours have their cars at the top of the hill but since DH can't walk more than a few steps (and with a frame) friends said they thought it very unsafe for us to return. I have commissioned local teenagers (via their parents) to clear the drive and will phone later to see if we have a chance of getting in. Safe and warm here, but things to do at home ....

It's hard and depressing for those of you doing statements etc because few conditions are static and when you fill in that sort of form you have to focus on the downside and what can't be done rather than what can. Get professional help (we had the CAB for DH's DLA) as they know the trigger words. Good luck.

Sympathies Slowburner. Hope your week improves.

Toffee that sounds just like me in the mornings (talking about shoes). Maybe you could try the DS1 style talking right back at him. He should be old enough to get it . Good luck getting DS1 out of the house this morning.

Hope you get home ok Honu.

Ok. Been up since 5.30 as DH had to leave, and I don't have a working alarm. Was hoping for an extra 20 mins to catch up on MN planning, but DS woke up early. Still at least I was showered and dressed beforehand . Now I need to get moving to get out of house on time.

toffee hope you managed to get back to sleep and ds goes to hospital today - for the others trying to get statements, hope you're winning your battles, I know it can be an uphill struggle, especially as they get older.

slowburner how horribly scary for you, hope dd now ok.

chitchat cancelled night out = rubbish, can sympathize after a ruined Saturday night.

dizzy I too am envious of anybody who can sew, its on my list of things to learn, right behind cooking, my menu this week is the same as last week, need to tweak what I've produced so far

Reports for this weekend, discovered our chickens have been laying, havent spotted the nest as its half way up a tree and I never thought to look off the floor - found 32 eggs when I spotted one of them emerging

Flying very limited, but did sort out ds nursery, he went into his own room last night for first time - he's 5 months linzer, dd also went into her own room.at 3 months and we all had much better sleeps. This was borne out last night when ds had a really good night, waking only once, mine wasn't so good as spent night listening out for him, but know this will get easier. I actually cried not so much because I missed him, did definitely not miss being kept awake but because the empty crib next to me felt quite symbolic. I've become quite broody, I am one of 3 and would love more, realistically this is unlikely to happen, dh happy with 2 and we've not got the space or money. I don't want a baby now, but the thought of never having another makes me sad, still unsure what to do with box of maternity clothes in loft. Imagine this feeling may pass once ds and dd old enough to start squabbling. In my head telling myself maybe in another 5 years could review it, easier than thinking never.

Anyway must get on, routines to action, already failed at get dressed to shoes, we're all still in pj's. Would like to do some serious decluttering this week jax very envious at your trip to the tip and bags of things for charity, need to get back on task!

Happy flying all