fledglings falling out of the nest thread

[IceColdBitchy]

Ok So a new year a new thread.
You know the ropes flying the fledgling way.
Decluttering 15mins at a time in each zone.
Babysteps and missions.

Sunday is renew your spirit day and seeing as today is new years days I hope there aren't too many evil hangovers in existance.

Babystep 1: shine you shine. yes we know this one but do you shine it the fat fairy way? cant remember? check here

And for a treat as it is sunday no mission.

Oh and can i just may 2012 bring you productive decluttering and flying so your houses step closer to those of your dreams and house work no longer be that evil monster that dominates.

So sorry to hear you're feeling down, Toffee. It must be particularly difficult as your DS made such progress to date - and you've put so much effort into helping him. Perhaps it's a case of two steps forward, one (seemingly large) step back; it must feel very disheartening at the moment, but don't forget about those giant steps you've already made.

I hope you get some good advice on your thread. In the meantime, have some and sympathy (and an unMNy hug) - I wish I had more practical advice to offer, but hopefully someone with more experience of this kind of thing will be along soon. You've been so strong so far; I know you can get through this too.

It must be beyond frustrating, also not knowing whether to be tough or kind at this stage. Do you think it could be a chemical reaction to withdrawing from the fluoxetine that has brought this on so badly?
He is warm he is safe, he is surrounded by intelligent interesting adults, he has friends who can visit - you are prepared to supervise his work to some extent in the interim, so although it is horrible and frustrating, and no doubt he is feeling not on best form whether he's at school or at home, it may be that you have to stop worrying about the school side (also worrying what they think etc) and try and tackle the regaining his confidence again, combined with social life. Does he say whether he wants to go to school in the long term again, when he feels better or presumably he just doesn't want to discuss it at all.
It may be a chemical thing that the moment, that you can solve. Hope the pyschiatrist holds the key to what's happening.
I've felt like him myself, it is an overwhelming almost paranoid reaction to some social situations, whilst in other settings one can feel completely normal.
Just remember he is coming to NO HARM at home and it may only be a short time before he is able to go to school again.

Thanks, Linzer and Swan. I have just come out of a pretty harrowing and disastrous CBT session. DS was in such a state of anxiety that he walked out and went home, leaving me behind. The therapist agreed with me that he needs to go back on medication, although, obviously, not one that makes him feel sick like the fluoxetine. It's such a pity about the side effect, because it was like a miracle drug.

Anyway, funny you should say that about not worrying about the school side, Swan, because I suddenly saw that for myself on the way back from the hospital. Maybe it took me seeing him in such a publicly emotional state (which he'd usually rather die than let people see) that made me realise that school is the last thing we need to worry about.

As a result, I have phoned the psychiatrist and left a message asking her to phone me back so we can sort out new medication. I'm also going to ask her to write a sick note excusing DS from school for the time being. And I have emailed the school telling them what I'm doing and letting them know that I will not be bringing him in until his anxiety is under control.

Phew. Feels better already! Now I can concentrate on all the good things you mentioned, Swan.

And I am drinking that . Thanks, Linzer.

Oh Toffee! You are having a poor time of it - and your poor DS too

Sod the , have a instead!

Hope the psychiatrist does write the note for you - one less thing to worry about, and hopefully the school will support you in it too.

Feel free to hijack anytime!

Well, I would have offered Flying but thought it was just a tad early so restrained myself for once. However, I'm hoping to have the DC in bed in the next 15 minutes or so, so will open a bottle then for Toffee and anyone else in need. (Personally, I think that getting the DC off to bed is as good an excuse as any for wine. )

Mmm ...

Sadly not a good idea for sleep training - unless I feed it to DS maybe?!

Remember tho...

I think a bottle is definitely in order tonight - thanks, Flying and Linzer. (Which reminds me, when I came back from dinner with friends the other night, DS1 said, "Good, you're not drunk this time!" . He's never going to forget my NY antics, is he?).

The psychiatrist hasn't phoned. So far I have had to promise two people I will ring them back so that I don't block up the line. I think it's a bit late now, but maybe she'll ring tomorrow. Anyway, I don't care if she writes a note or not. I know DS isn't fit for school and I'm not taking him in.

Evening all!

Hope you got all that you wanted to do done today chaos

Here's a vat of for you toffee sounds like you need it after the day you've had you're ds is lucky to have you!

Well it's been a busy but productive day today here! Meeting with potential mindee went really well, they wanted to sign contracts on the spot! So I'm full again - I don't work to maximum numbers as i like to keep it small and homelike!

Ta da list:
Home bleugh
Washed down sofas
Washed up and shined sink
Cleaned work tops in kitchen
Cleared living room hotspot
Painting tots with DD and mindee
S&s bathroom
Meeting with potential mindee

Still to do:
Paperwork

BB tomorrow

Just spoke to MIL about DS1. She said she wondered where all his problems come from since he "comes from such a good home" . It's genetic, nothing to do with his upbringing, I said. FROM YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY! I wanted to shout, but I restrained myself. She has been told his diagnosis, but is in denial about it (she almost certainly has TS and ADD herself). She recently handed me an article from the Daily Mail about school refusal. "Not your fault at all", she assured me. Drives me mad.

Time for that . Thanks for putting up with my grumbles today. This thread is always a very comforting place for grumbles and outpourings.

Good news on the new mindee, lauren.

for Toffee (we could do with a bottle smiley!). Well done on managing to restrain yourself with your MIL; it can't have been easy. Feel free to grumble as much as you want; I moan about far more trivial things. It's just good to get things off your chest sometimes and a supportive thread like this one is the perfect environment.

Inevitably, I didn't get quite as much done as I wanted to today but I'm still feeling quite motivated after the weekend's decluttering - and the fact that I finally know which zone we're in can't hurt.

Back in a minute with the links.

Toffee, if you don't mind me asking, what is his diagnosis?

Obviously I know about the outcomes (and your understandable frustration - not the right word but you know what I mean I hope!) but I don't think I twigged he'd been diagnosed.

Obviously, feel free not to tell me/tell me to get lost

*

Links:

Tomorrow's babystep is to add a swish and swipe (quick wipe of the toilet and washbasin) to your morning routine. This is one of the babysteps that I try to do every day as I find it makes such a difference (and a psychological difference too, rather like having a shiny sink).

The mission is to spend 15 minutes decluttering your socks and tights. You can find it at the bottom of Tuesday's flight plan. (This is actually "Tomorrow's Flight Plan" so I hope it's still showing the correct one tomorrow. I'll check first thing tomorrow and repost the link if necessary).

Tuesday is also planning day.

**

Flying - I don't mind at all. (I do sometimes hope DS1 doesn't stumble across all my threads about him one day, though. I hope - if he does - he'll understand that I need an outlet). Anyway, he has a diagnosis of Tourettes (hardly any tics these days, cross fingers), OCD (pretty bad) and social anxiety. Also some ASD traits, although those are probably a result of anxiety, so come from a different root, as it were. He was doing fantastically on fluoxetine (which he was put on six months ago when we finally - after demanding a third opinion - saw a psychiatrist), but rejected it recently because it was making him feel so sick.

The thing is, he is not just anxious about school (although that's a trigger) - he's anxious about everyday life. When he's like this, his OCD gets worse and every day becomes difficult for him.

I'm just going to keep him at home tomorrow and stay close to him. Lots of chicken soup and cuddles. No pressure. And maybe we'll read 'Tim the Tiny Horse' by Harry Hilll again, which makes us both laugh.

Argh! MNet just ate my post (again!)

Anyway, I was saying that I don't think you need worry Toffee - I've only ever seen you be frustrated with the situation and not your DS (well, maybe other than the usual moans about DC's not putting stuff away etc!)

I'd say I have OCD, but after reading stuff on MNet and other mental health sites, I suspect it's not OCD, but more OCPD - considerably less life affecting and a relatively mild form. Ive never had a formal diagnosis, but have had counselling to deal with my obsessiveness, perfectionism, inflexibility and fear of new things. Anti-depressants helped for a while, but counselling was by far the best for me; I've been tablet free for a good few years and I hope to stay off them. Anyway, what I'm trying to say, and badly!, is that it can take a while to find a solution and all you can do is fight his corner and support him. I hope you get a solution soon (or as much of one as you can get).

Hello fellow fledglings! A quick hug for Toffee. Hope you get that call tomorrow.

What have I been up to? Well for once I have not been in the bar, I have been sorting my before and after work routines and I think I have finally (after x years!) got them sorted :)

I am starting my after work routine as soon as I get home and apat from having dinner I carry on until I have finished which is why I have done all my jobs already (except s & s which I do on the way to bed) and am sitting watching tv before I go to bed at around 10.30/11.00.

All I have to do in the morning is empty the WM and hang the washing up, breakfast, dressed and out on time.

May not pop back until February when I plan to add missions. No time for them atm, we are decluttering the wardrobes!

Thank you, that's comforting to hear, Flying. I'm impressed that counselling worked so well for you. I'm sure you're right about it taking time to find a solution and, with DS, his age is also a factor. It may be that he gets better as he matures .

Droit - you sound like you have got your Flying down to a fine art! I hope decluttering the wardrobes includes buying new clothes to put in them .

Waves to DWM. Routines sound good!

Not much flying done here today, just the minimum of routines. Still, I've got various important paperworky things out of the way, and been to Zumba. Busy day tomorrow too.

Night all.

Toffee - good for you! Hope some new medication helps. Your MIL really is daft, isn?t she?!
Lauren - congrats on being full again! Great CM?s are worth their weight in gold. I was so sad not to be using our CM any more on a regular basis, but she just couldn?t do school and nursery drop offs. The pitfalls of living in a village, even though we are so close to 2 large towns.
Droitwich - well done on your routines!
Blue - Hey, paperworky things is a little bit like decluttering, isn?t it???

DS1?s stomach bug has made a reappearance, and he?s had a few toileting accidents today. Had to pick him up from school early afternoon. DS2?s nappy looked a bit suspect today given DS1?s day. Sooooo..... 2 boys at home for the next 2 days while my friend and I are attempting painting. Yay

Sitting here with a glass of wine that I really want to drink but haven?t had more than a few sips since dinner time because my stomach is also feeling queazy. Thought I was fine until I had to start moving and bending down. Yee bloody ha.....!!!!!

Oh yes, my friend is here, he arrived shortly after I picked DS1 up so I hope like hell that he doesn?t catch the bug!!!!!!

Should be more on my tada list but from 1.30 onwards I have been dealing with the children, then sat down and had dinner with DF and watched the first episode of Sherlock as DF hadn?t seen it. It was even better the second time!

Ta Da list
Swept and mopped under both sofas (and found lots of lost toys!!!)
Washed and dried both playroom mats
Put away and resorted lounge room toys in correct toy boxes
Spare room door hung back up
Spare room Power switches screwed back in
Swept and mopped spare room
Stripped and remade DSs beds
Washed and put away all DSs bed linen
2 loads of clothes washing

Don?t want to face tomorrow?s washing ? all of the clothing from the accidents!!!!! Sob.....

No scratch that.... I don't want to face tomorrow at all

Morning all,

Please ignore the flight plan link above since, as I suspected, it now links to Wednesday's flight plan. Tuesday's flight plan is here.

ChitChat Hope you're feeling OK this morning and that the DC are on the mend soon.

Blue I tried Zumba once but it was too much for me - I'm too uncoordinated!

DWM Lovely to see you again. Good luck with the wardrobe decluttering.

At 3am there were only 2 items in the ironing pile! What's an insomniac to do apart from mn ? It needs to be very quiet, boringly mindless, and useful (to allay guilt for falling asleep later on). I tried filing but the filing cabinet is so stuffed full there's no room for anything more (actually that's symptomatic of the problem in the entire house). So, on the mammoth todo list for today, is '15 mins declutter a file'. I've been awake since 3am and nothing useful to show for it. Gah.. will go and get dressed.

I read the link from libbyssister on the scary thread about school refusal and found it very interesting. It's just so difficult for others to understand how someone like that feels. Toffee, your DS is so lucky to have a mother like you

Oh Honu! Insomnia is awful. I don't think I've ever had it as bad as you, but yes, ironing is the perfect job. I've actually also 'tidied' up our TV recordings in the early hours of the morning. We have a DVD player/recorder which records a lot on the drive and I sit there top and tailing and labelling episodes of Fireman Sam, Roary, etc, so that I can find them for the boys. (I have almost every episode of the Octonauts, actually!) It's a form of decluttering, and completely mindless. With the sound down it's very quiet too.

Anyway, DS1 is still asleep, DS2 is playing with cars, DF is asleep and did a quick 15 min tidy up but am now lazying around until everyone gets up and we can have breakfast and start the day.

from freezing cold wet Mosbach!

Brain is going to explode!! Day starts at 6.30 and finishes at 11.15 every day.I am exhausted.So much to take in and learn. I am feeling really old.... Will be coming home to sleep for a week.

Big hello to you all and I will be trying to get back to some babysteps once I have recovered next week. - We return home on Saturday.

back to PA. Freezing and pouring with rain here too; not that I suppose that's much consolation! I think that schedule would exhaust anyone; it certainly exhausts me just reading about it.

Honu Poor you; insomnia is just horrible. I usually listen to podcasts if I wake up in the middle of the night as the sound of a voice usually sends me to sleep and, even if it doesn't, at least I'm not lying there feeling frustrated about not being able to sleep.

Waves to ChitChat and anyone else about.

I've only got about 10 minutes before I need to leave to pick up DD2 and five of her classmates for the first of this week's English lessons, and once again am asking myself where the morning went. I've planned some lessons, done a load of washing and put the dry laundry away, and am struggling to think what else I've done... I haven't even spent that long on MN to explain the mysterious disappearance of a few hours. Oh yes, I washed my hair; getting it to look halfway decent is almost a morning's work in itself, requiring at least three instruments.

Morning all! Passing by on phone so I'll just post a list, I'm off work today but am going to visit a friend this afternoon and have some paperwork so not all relaxing!

To do:
S&s bathroom done
Yesterday and today's missions
Sort through DD clothes now storage bag is finally here
Hoover done
Wash down plastics on front and side door
Paperwork
See friend this afternoon
15 minute declutter desk in bedroom
Clean out indoor rabbit hutch

BBL!