Calling all hoarders out there......why?

[muriel76]

My DH is a bit of a hoarder. Some of his family are the same but particularly his mum, she seems to keep everything. They both like to also display pointless things ie books that will never be/never have been read etc.

Don't get me wrong, it is not a big deal or anything but I do want to understand why. It's hard to understand as my mum is the complete opposite and I am the same. DH and I have agreed to give the house (another!) big clear out and it would help me to hear a hoarder's view!

(Obviously I have talked with him about it many times BTW, I am just looking for other people's more neutral insights)

Thanks for any replies.

I have a huge bag of clothing (yes another one!) to go to charity. One big carrier bag of girls clothes for a friends Dd. I'm going to go through my shoes and see if my Niece wants them...
Got lots of toys that I'd like to sell...not sure what to do with them.

Still looks a pit here though...

Some charity shops (eg my local Cancer Research) will take 'clothes for rags' if bags are labelled as such, and they end up with these same clothing companies but at least some money goes to charity that way.
A few of the zillions of flyers and bags through my door offering to collect shoes/toiletries/clothes are actual charities too, though suspect the bags all get swiped by the next agency collecting.

Hello again, I posted a couple of days ago after I had been directed to the thread following my own 'will I be happier if I de-clutter' thread.

Today I bagged up 70% of my shoe collection. As many of them have been worn I am going to try to sell them at a carboot sale. I also boxed up several things from the kitchen to sell and started culling my books. It really pains me to do so but I need to de-clutter. I e-mailed my mum today about my plans and she said 'Your house could be lovely if you had less stuff in it!'. I know what she means but it's upset me a bit because I do think that unless I get lots of new (smaller) furniture there is no way my house will ever look uncluttered.

I moved to this 2 up 2 down property from a 3 bed bay windowed house and did de-clutter at the time but just not enough. I have thrown so much stuff away in the last couple of years but wonder if I should just go with 'if I an not using it - chuck it'?

Duelling, it's not easy is it? but well done on making a start.
Could you get all de cluttered (hark at me!) and then try for some smaller furniture on freecycle? then freecycle your bigger stuff.

I also went from a three bed, three reception rooms house to a two reception, two bed house and it's just a hoarders nightmare!
I didn't de clutter much back then, but I think my now exh threw away a lot of my things that I didn't know about ...I've also had two kids since then and have just got so much stuff everywhere.

A few years ago, I got rid of most of my bell collection to the school fete; thought I was fab at the time getting shot of those, but that was like a teaspoon of Evian in the English Channel. Not much cop and no difference.

poshbaggirl - re Jam from 1996.
You can sell it.
You might want to take the year off the label though
nothing wrong with it, but people tend not to buy stuff that says it's more than 1 year after jarring. Dno't know why, they all know it's perfectly good stuff.
Join your WI and sell it at meetings. :)

okay, rundown of nickel's household bank holiday weekend!

on sunday afternoon, we needed to clear out the soon-to-be-baby's room of all my stuff (it had been my room when I first moved into the house, and we only started to move stuff when I got pg). So I sat down on the floor, and looked through a couple of the (plastic) boxes that had moved with me. One box was a "craft box" which I've had for years and years and years, and is basically full of pens etc, paper and other assorted stationary stuff.
I cleared out all the felt tips that didn't work, the little tiny pieces of blotting paper, all the bits of cardpaper that won't be used, and everything else that could be construed as unnecessary. I have to admit, I didn't go through the pen tin, because it was full and was half-and-half biros and fountain pens (i would have had to test them all, and then wash the fountain pens to sort out the dried ink, and we didn't have time for that!)
So, the box is now half-full and looks neat and tidy (perfect for the new child)
I also went through a box that had lots of paperwork in it - lots of things I'd forgotten I even had! Like all my job applications from when I was at uni, including rejection letters! I kept one copy of my CV which was type-written. (just for posterity). I had training stuff from when I worked at the jobcentre, ISO standards from when I worked at Eurofilter, a massive bagfull of German coursework from when I did an adult-ed german language course (which i didn't complete because it was boring ), birthday cards (i always keep birthday cards, but I have made a vow only to keep the ones from when I was little now - I have the ones from my 2nd birthday which my mum kept,and from my 13th which I kept, and I probably will get rid of all the others), I've also got rid of the good luck cards from years ago, and the new home ones from when I moved in with Ex, and I even found a bunch of engagement cards for me and Ex! (I gave them to DH to tear up, but he just threw them away...)
I haven't gone through my other "memorabilia box" mainly because the purpose of the exercise was just to move those two boxes out of the room, but it took several hours!
I also bit the bullet and threw out a year's worth of New Scientist (2010 - I won't read them again, and they're too new for anyone to want them) and a Drapers Record.
I will not throw out my Materials World magazines - there aren't that many of them, and I need them to remind me of my degree.
While I was doing all this, DH was going through his mum's paperwork again - this time throwing out bills (she kept everything )
We managed to fill the recycling bin, and it's not emptied till next thursday

I also threw out loads of old makeup, keeping the good stuff for my dance bag (and possibly to wear on nights out), and other assorted crap.

Which meant that on Monday, we had enough room to decorate the room!!
it's now a beautiful dark blue, with lime(ish) green above the border, which is a space scene. We even put the lampshade up.
It's not finished, because we have to paint the woodwork and put the blind and curtains up.

Of course, then we went to go to bed, and discovered the boxes that I had put in there earlier (books and stuff, and also some things that will be going to charity this week), to get them out of the way!

sorry that was long

the most important and life-changing decision I made last week, was to throw out my Eiderdown.
I had this eiderdown since I was tiny - my mum re-covered it and it had been my winter extra cover for many many years.
anyway, because I can't do quilting like she can, it's goen to rack and ruin (and actually smells a bit damp now...) We don't need it on our bed, because we've got new ones, so I made the decision to throw it.
It's still on the bedroom floor all rolled up, because it's a Rather Big Event.

ps Fanjo - don't cull the books.

I will cull ANYTHING before I cull books.

exaclty duchesse - i will sleep on the floor in nothing but a blanket in an empty house before the books go!

Oh what a wonderful thread!

I am a hoarder, emotional I think. This thread has really helped me to think through some of the reasons for my behaviour. Partly its genetic, (my granny was a hoarder, she had a room full of wonderful old clothes-but also cupboards full of junk/food). My Mum hoards a bit ( all my old school jotters etc) but is also very tidy and can be ruthless about chucking.

I also think that losing my Dad very suddenly aged 5, and losing all my possessions in a fire have played their part.

I am very disorganised at home (not at work!), am untidy and have a bit of a paperwork phobia. My hoarding has been much worse in the past and looking back I can see that this was when I was under stress of one sort or another.

I find it difficult to throw out anything that may be useful in the future, but to a ridiculous extreme. I collect things like books, interesting vintage things etc. When we moved to this house ten years ago a huge pile of stuff was put in the garage and there it remains, virtually untouched but now in a big mess due to all the other 'normal' garage stuff being in there as well. Our attic eaves are full to busting, but organised to an extent. I have a large messy cupboard full of crap. My wardrobe is not able to hold any of the clothes that I actually wear so these are in piles in the bedroom and some of the rest of the house. I have bags and bags of paperwork. Its not as bad as it once was but its not a healthy situation.

My partner despairs of me but has a reasonable amount of stuff himself (masses of clothes/shoes/sporting equipment that are unused). I know I need to deal with it but I feel really upset whenever he tries to talk to me about it)

I have made some progress over the last year or so. So far I have,

cleared my linen cupboard so that it is easy to maintain
listed/sold a lot of books on Amazon and got rid of more to charity

But I now need to really get on with the rest. This morning, after reading this thread, I've been investigating etsy as a means to try to offload a lot of my 'collections' and it seems viable? once of course I've found the camera ha ha. I'm also going to tackle the cupboard a little today. Will let you know how I get on.

:( ungrateful

Yours is completely understandable.

I think the best thing about what this thread has grown into, is that it's not a bad thing to have stuff, but that it shouldn't be allowed to take over.
Like ours, is all stuff that isn't needed, but like you, we have a paperwork phobia, or simply that it'll get sorted at some stage.
You've made a great start. :0
(but stop getting rid of the books )

Nickelbabe, the eiderdown story really resonated with me. Hope you are ok. Thank you for the sympathy about the books. I have so many because I used to be a bookseller and now realise that I keep a lot of them because I just want them on display to show how 'well read' I am. Truth is I haven't read a lot of them and it's been ages since I managed to get through a whole book so I have decided to get rid of the crud (Dan Brown, did I really buy that?) and to make a pile of books I really should read and then get rid of them. I will keep all the books I have read and that mean something to me.

I managed to get together another cratefull today and it wasn't too bad. My only problem is that I have condensed all the books that were downstairs onto one bookcase and it's actually made things look more cluttered.

I have spent this morning going through the whole sitting room and about 95% of the stuff is mine, DH seems to keep all his stuff in the room where his computer is.

"but that was like a teaspoon of Evian in the English Channel" I also get this too. I have managed to crate up loads of stuff but the place still looks so cluttered :( I am wondering if I need to re-decorate to make myself feel happier.

Ungratefulchild - my wardrobe is my next 'mission' I don't think I wear any of the stuff in my wardrobe, most of it can go. I have lots of nice dresses that I have never worn but bought because it would have been criminal to leave them in the shop! I am a total idiot when it comes to clothes and like you I like vintage stuff so have lots of nice things but nowhere to wear them.

Onwards and upwards. I am off to blitz the kitchen a bit before picking up my son.

oh, well, if Dan Brown is in the pile, thank god you got rid of that!

still, the rest of them, it's not to do with looking well-read, it's to do with the fact they're books
in my mind, there's no such thing as too many books - if you have not enough room, then get rid of ornaments! build another book case!

still, books aside, sounds like you've got loads of other stuff to de-clutter.

I do, I have 3 sets of candlesticks for example - all bought for me as presents but never used. Do I sell them? Do I just sell anything anyone gives me from now on unless it's useful? :(

I'm a bit of a hoarder. I really get emotionally attached to thinkgs like cards, bits of paper, tickets. I know it's daft. I want to throw things away, but I find that if I start sorting I end up taking ages and perhaps throwing away one or two things. I just don't like having to deal with things sometimes.

So my house is a mess and fairly full of clutter. DH isn't tidy particularly, but he is tidier than me and he can just throw stuff. I've known him throw things we need though, so I regularly following him to the bin to retrieve things we need (he'll throw parts of toys away, even though the rest of the toy is in a toy box - I don't get that at all).

My Mum's the same as me - but I find it easier to help her sort her stuff. The other day for instance, I found a cup with a broken handle on the windowsill which she was going to mend. I managed to convince her that gluing a handle back on a cup would be a bad idea and she did eventually throw it. But it is hard. My Grandma was the same.

I wonder if it's the product of being a child (or grandchild) of someone who lived in the War? Though, I'm sure there are people who have parents or grandparents who lived in the War who don't hoard.

I just read up the thread a bit. I've a lot of books, too (used to be a big reader and did Eng Lit at Uni) - they are important to me. DH would just bin the lot - but I have had some for half my life and I'm not going to throw them.

I did hear someone's plan the other day though, which was to borrow books from the library and only buy books you really want to own. I thought that was a pretty good idea and keeps us using libraries, too.

it does keep you using libraries, but don't forget about us little bookshops :(

Someone further up suggested scanning (into the computer) things like tickets and cards etc that you want the memory of, but don't necessarily need to keep.
it's worth a try. :)

OK so library for books you want to read, but small bookshops for books you want to own, then .

The scanning thing is good. Actually my 6 year old insists I photgraph things that she loves before I throw them, give them away.

I have almost rediscovered my dining room table. It was been cleared and filled several times over the last few days but it will be cleared and kept clear (she says)

I have decided to stuff all the clean/packed clothes mountain under the bed in our room as a temporary fix. There is simply too much for me to move around bookcases etc and I need the space. I promise myself they will be pulled out Monday and really sorted but I won't be touching them until then so why look at it.

On a positive note, I attacked the hot spots in the kitchen, living room and hall and feel those areas are staying clean. I am starting to follow the Flylady again. I have done it before but never stuck at the decluttering long enough to get it all straight.

But I am going to do it this time :)

Great to hear everyones progress!
On the Eiderdown comment, i suggest a cremation. I know this sounds weird, but i found it easier to deal with when my Granny died, that she was cremated because i felt that she just didnt exist anymore, but her soul/memory did. So there are some things i just feel better about burning than binning. I guess we all have coping stategies. Dont yell at me!

So after the not so profitable car boot, we seem to have got the ball rolling here! ExH was so utterly infuriating on sat that I've finally decided to ditch anything to do with him.(he left over 10years ago) and the big one is the engagement ring and maybe even wedding ring. DD1(18yrs) says shes not at all bothered and hopefully i'll get enough to pay some of my rent arrears. So going to find the receipt that i do have somewhere and contact the antique dealer in London where it was bought......dun dun derrrrrr!

I feel a huge desire to keep this process going. And you know what girls? You only have to do the tough stuff once! Thank goodness!

Nickelbabe, i did used to sell via the WI, but the boss lady 'Carol' was just too bossy! They taught me to fill the jars right up and put the lid on with no air space, which i guess is why the jam has lasted, but when i do the kitchen cupboard its all going! It does taste a bit old!

Wow! yoou are all doing so well :)

I am having a sit down, cooking an early lunch, then back upstairs to carry on decluttering.

This morning I have pulled couple of boxes from under our bed. Swept and sorted odds and sods that had been dropped down there.

Replaced boxes and checked, bagged and tied all the clothes mountain and packed it under the bed. I MUST remove them Monday and sort them, please kick me if I don't.

Now I have the space to deal with my book cases currently in kids new bedroom, which is this afternoons job.

I don't think I could get rid of the eiderdown nickel

Well my bedroom looks worse than ever. I have managed to get rid of only 3 carrier bags of clothes (took them to the clothes bank at the supermarket immediately so no hanging around in the hallway). I've sorted out a few things to sell but still can't part with the things that would sell best! And I can't find the camera...