Calling all hoarders out there......why?

[muriel76]

My DH is a bit of a hoarder. Some of his family are the same but particularly his mum, she seems to keep everything. They both like to also display pointless things ie books that will never be/never have been read etc.

Don't get me wrong, it is not a big deal or anything but I do want to understand why. It's hard to understand as my mum is the complete opposite and I am the same. DH and I have agreed to give the house (another!) big clear out and it would help me to hear a hoarder's view!

(Obviously I have talked with him about it many times BTW, I am just looking for other people's more neutral insights)

Thanks for any replies.

Bag 2 dragged out and gone through...

it counts if I'm only removing the stuff to give to my cousin, then putting the rest back (although "the rest" is dramatically decreased in size) for another time, right?!

I found a box marked "ornaments" upstairs in my shop.
though I'd sort through it to ebay anything I could.

found my tap shoes!!
(my friend had been asking after tap shoes a few months ago, and I couldn't find htem, so assumed they'd been charity-shopped. so glad I foudn them, cos now I can send them to her!)

Today I am mostly going to sort out the laundry. We survive on about three outfits each, but out laundry pile could fill a quarry So. I am going to be ruthless for exactly one hour (timed) then am going to run away for a bit:s

Keep at it Lewis and you should find eventually, that those reduced bags are reduced even more. Hark at me the 'expert' chucker outer!!!

I got two bags. And have strung the wash line and laundered a set of bedding. Feel quite drained. Have I earned a curry and Ace of Cakes-a-thon tonight?

Well done Lewis. I once used my bath to store a whole heap of bin liners full of stuff. I cleared the bathroom eventually, but just redistributed the stuff about the house:(

Wooo hooo team clean!
It sounds like everybody is taking steps in the right direction
Solo, I hope your 'basket case' comes today
Nickelbabe, see, you've found treasures! Are the shoes the right size?
LewisFan, everything that goes out of the house is a step closer!
ProcrastinatorGeneral, kick that laundry's ass!

It's not officially leaving until my aunt visits in September, but I'm getting it ready for her to take back to my cousin :)

No, no word from her yet which is very a tad annoying! but she is very pg...wish she'd say she didn't want it and I could just offer it up instead.
I've had an enquiry about the cot. I've said £30 as the spare kit I had to buy was £15 or £20 and the mattress (which she's asked for) was nearly £40, so I think it's a decent ask. I also said that if she wants a car seat as well (0-4years) that it's £40, but I'd do a deal if she took both. I think I'd accept £50 the lot...

Large cushion for doggy has gone. Nothing is safe here!!! ahem

Bibbity - it's a good start :)

Lewis - it kind of counts - why are you keeping what you are keeping?

Solo - 7 others?? You'd think she'd know by now you can just shove them in a drawer Can you drop it off to her? Did you do anymore today? Sounds like a win/win if she takes both items. You are doing so well - I am incredibly proud of you.

Nickel - that's great Win/Win :) Anything else interesting in the box? What did you do with the rest?

PG - it's a good start :) Did you have your curry & Ace of Cakes A-thon?

I sorted out my friends sons wardrobe (age 6) we had fun going through it and sorting out a few bits for his little sister and getting a BIG pile for charity. He has loads more clothes in another wardrobe & drawers - but he's 6 so there's only so much you can do and I need him to try everything on as he's grown up & out so much lately I can't guess! It's only scratched the surface on his room and made a barely noticeable dent to the house overall - but he LOVED being able to see what was in his wardrobe and being able to get to it. I try to do it as often as I can, without stepping on my friends toes - it's hard. She seems to appreciate it so hopefully she doesn't feel too 'invaded'?! I have helped her before - I spent weeks going through the house with her and managed to take quite a bit away, but I can't do it at the speed she brings it in and I try to wait until something specific happens before I offer to help so that she doesn't feel like I am judging her or whatever. Today her DS needed to find some specific things in there and asked me to help and also asked me to help him do a 'Chippy sort out' so he could only have things that fit him in there. He's a little love :)

I don't know where she is exactly ChippinIn and tbf, I can't keep spending diesel on delivering to everyone and as the moses basket is a freebie, I think she should collect.
Would be great if the other lady took both items; certainly would be a win/win :) fingers crossed eh?!

You've been busy yourself!

I'm not keeping it - I'm just not sorting it yet.... the clothes are for my cousin's ds, so they'll go in September with my aunt and after sorting that, i have bigger priorities to sort before tackling the leftovers of the bath contents... like getting ds statemented, sorting my front room and other things

You'll get there Lewis :) as will I.

I havent read the entire thread but enough to feel compelled to confess 'I am an emorder' or emotional hoarder.

I too have issues with things of sentimental value but what compounds problem is that I attach value to such wide range of tat.

I have decided therefore to do the following. Take digital photos of anything I would normally keep such as birthday/Christmas cards, gift boxes, postcards, ticket stubs, etc. That way I will still get the pleasure one day of looking at something which provokes warm memories. But without having it physically cluttering up my life.

I truly think it will help me. I know I have a problem and that it has got worse since PFB arrived. I think feeling vulnerable and detached as a child has tended me towards investing affection on my things. Yet I am on no way materialistic- no designer stuff, or ostentatious items at all, ever- it is more that a can become a bit gollum like with things that invoke happy thoughts or memories 'ah my precious' placecard from cousin' wedding/letter comfirming promotion in 2004/champagne corks from new year c2000/keyring from 1992/insurance letter from our wedding/blah blah.

Camera at the ready!!!

Good luck Poppy :)

Solo - I definitely think they should collect - I just thought it might get it out of your way more quickly if you'd dropped it off. I hope she calls you today. If not can you relist it on Monday?

Lewis - how is DS's 'statementing' going? Are you making some progress?

Poppy - Hello :)

Poppy, suggest you also get Evernote, scanner and a shredder. If you store your Evernote in the cloud, in say, Dropbox, you can feel secure that you still have your memories and can easily find them without having to "sort" them (Evernote can search text on scanned letters and your digital images too). I think it's okay to recognise that you store your memories and feelings in objects and work with that, IYKWIM? But once you've scanned or photographed the letter, shred it right away. Think of it as a transporter, heh, disassembling to reassemble in your Dropbox, not a copier.

My parents are/were (not severe, but we had lockups all over town) hoarders and my DP has the same tendencies. I have a lot of time for people working on the problem, but it was hard to watch that programme from the perspective of a relative. Anyway. We do the scanning thing here and it does work. Good luck with your picture taking.

I have emailed her to say I will charity shopit if I've not heard by tonight.

Hello all, wow feeling much better to have put this 'out there'. I watched that programme and just cried-I totally identified with the way certain objects were imbibed with real almost spiritual qualities. I'm not a religious person and feel that memories are all that are left of a person when they die so that is definitely a factor. I want memories of my loved ones so I keep everything and I want them to remember me so I keep everything. It's so silly but it's hard to break the cycle. How will a flashing bottle top from a holiday in Cyprus help me If I lost my DH or vice versa.

The suggestion for scanning docs etc is fantastic thankyou so much.

Looking at that poor lady on the programme really unsettled me. I know I get a lot of my habits from my own mother and I remember not being able to really ever feel comfortable having friends round as a child. I think that's why I cornered my own spot in my room, used a shoebox and put special things in it. Seashells. A penny.

I think one other thing which disturbs me is that I can tell you the origin of pretty much everything I have put in a shoebox treasure chest. YET I struggle to remember who gave me a pair of earrings in my drawer or the names of people who I was friendly with growing up. I fear forgetting. That really contributes to the reluctance to let go. If I don't have the 'hook' a memory might disappear altogether.

Poppy I'm the same. I can remember who gave 'it' to me, where we were, the bloody weather etc. I have sea shells from Ds's first seaside visit (and subsequent ones). Sea shells from our Australia trip nearly 10 years ago. Shells from the shop in Rye when I was pg with Ds...Then there are the Dd experiences. It's not just shells either! Flowers (now dried or pressed). In my loft I still have a silk bouquet from my first (failed marriage) wedding. It's huge and in a cardboard box the size of a coffin! I have the second weddings one too (plus bridesmaids!) because I made them all for the second wedding and they are special ! been divorced for years!
I've got both wedding dresses still. Veils. Head dresses.
I have cards given to me from more than 40 years ago. I have cards given by my Grandad to my Grandma...they bring such strong memories and feelings back to me and I like to touch them, run my finger across the penned words...there's no hope for me in some respects.
But I'm still going to get things sorted out ~ just not all of it.

Poppy - you see, to me, having and holding the item is what is needed - not a photo/scan of it. Holding that flashing bottle top wouldn't bring your DH back if anything happened, but it's a physical thing to hold and sometimes it helps. Likewise with the card he wrote in, to hold it, to have it - it's special.

The woman in the program is not like you. She has tons and tons of stuff - she doesn't know where most of it came from or even what she has - she just needs 'stuff' any 'stuff' - and yet no matter how much she has it isn't enough...

I don't see that you have a real problem - your 'keeping' seems thought out and logical - I think all you need to do is determine what is special to you and what isn't :) You don't remember the other things because they aren't so important to you - I don't see why that's wrong.

Solo - the same for you, I don't see any problem with keeping those things (well - maybe the coffin sized flowers!! & the wedding dresses if they don't bring you joy anymore!) - it's the clothes that don't fit, empty loo rolls, ornaments gathered from charity shops, old shoes... things that aren't special that need sorting/throwing/selling etc IMVHO

You are right of course Chipping and I am definitely going to continue :) I have to.

Hello everyone, am i the only one whos emotions now feel like a stirred up muddy puddle? I must admit to putting this big sorting job off till sept after the hols. DD1 (18yrs)leaves for a job abroad on 31st aug and DD2 starts secondary school, so trying to be available to them for the hols. I'm moving my work warehouse to a unit in our village in oct so alot of sorting will be done then. I'm dealing with the emotions of them moving on to new life stages and finding that difficult, chucking out baby stuff and the years that have gone by isnt easy. But i know i have to live in the present not the past.

Someone once said 'if you keep looking at the past, you are facing the future with your arse'

But back to now, i just had 2 days camping at the seaside and slipped on badly designed wet shower tiling and crashed to the floor harder than ever on myback and now am crippled in pain. Grrrrrrrr. Will have to do more mental instead of physical sorting. :-(

Hey Cleverything :) I used to work for a newsagent and have a few hundred mags from way back in the 80's! I loved all the knitting and dress making patterns and the recipes and the decorating tips...I will, one of these days extract all of those things and get rid of the rest!

Posh I hope you are Ok?