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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

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Original poster

What are the down sides of HE?

145 replies

ButterPie · 24/02/2010 12:33

Can HE'ers please tell me what the downsides are and what they would have done differently? I'm a bit bothered by only being able to find positive stories (apart from the "urgh, HE is weird, your kids will be freaks" opinion, which isn't really helpful)

We are moving nearer and nearer to choosing HE, but it is putting us off that both sides of the debate are seeming to be so black and white about it.

OP posts:

toodles · 03/03/2010 08:15

I'm an ex homeschooler. I'm only going to list the downsides of homeschooling (in my experience) as that's what you asked for. There are plenty of upsides/advantages too though, but I do believe that homeschooling is not for everybody.

Socialisation was the biggest problem for me. My dd was and is a social butterfly and I found it hard to fit in work in the morning and groups in the afternoon. There was no local group as one difficult family spoiled it for everyone so the group fell apart. The most compatible group for my dd was one hour away. It was difficult to fit everything in and trying to find compatible friends of a similar age and also dragging a toddler around, especially to workshops which he was too young for.

The most disheartening thing for me was once when I had a LEA visit, I was told that there were probably more than 50 families in my immediate area homeschooling, but I only knew of 5. I went to all the meetings in my surrounding area, up to an hour away. Of course it's everybody's right to not participate in groups etc. but I thought the home educating community could have been so much stronger if there were more participants at groups etc. Once I started homeschooling, my dd's former classmates did not want to know us.

ommmward · 03/03/2010 08:20

squishycar dammit you're right. I am a freeloader. And we use the CBeebies and other BBC educational sites loads but are non-TV therefore non-TV-license people. Hangs head in shame

piscesmoon · 03/03/2010 08:30

We are all different SDeuchars and I thought autonomous learning was learning in a way that suited you. No one has the same way of learning and one way isn't 'right' or superior. I need a teacher, I need a quiet environment and I need books. I am a visual learner. I need other people doing the same thing at the same time to discuss ideas. I find this better if a person with knowledge is leading it and we aren't rambling. I have sent for OU literature several times over the years but, although I would like the times that you get together, I know that realistically I can't do it. If I were to take a degree I physically need to be in lectures.
I fail to see the difference between college and school. My DS2'D girlfriend has just done her A'levels at FE college (she left school, got a job and decided to go back to education). At the same time my DS3 was doing his at school.
College-wear anything-including jeans
School wear anything but 'smart casual' (My DSs interpretation of this was different from mine!)
College-Go in for the lectures you attended.
School- Go in for the lessons you attended.

The girlfriend is very chatty, full of confidence and gets on with anyone so she was quite happy in the larger environment and if she had a problem she would ask for help.
DS3 is shy with very little self confidence and he was much better in a more cosy environment where he knew everyone and he got the pastoral care from teachers who had known him for some years. I think he would have been lost at college and he wouldn't have asked for help.

The difference in ability wasn't noticeable at school. They don't know how they are doing in relation to everyone else except in a vague way. DS1 came on in leaps and bounds in year 7 when he realised he was quite clever, he didn't know in Primary school! Boys (I haven't any girls so I don't know) do not come home from school saying 'I'm a level 5 in Maths!'-at least mine don't.
At home it is very noticeable if you are trying to help a non reading 6yr old and the 4 year old is reading the word across the table and upside down for him! Because they were at school I could tell DS3 that the time was DS2's and to find something else to do and then give DS3 some time. (OK-I could do this in HE but not all the time-a lot of the time they would be together).

I find this 'pecking order'at school really strange. DS2 had great difficulties academically at school but it didn't stop him having very intelligent friends. He scraped a C at GCSE for English, his girlfriend got an A in it at A'level.
Ask any of my DSs how their brothers did at school and it would be sheer guess work! If they were at home they would know for sure.

piscesmoon · 03/03/2010 08:39

I was trying to say in the last paragraph that DCs at school are not in the least interested in how the others are doing academically-they look for other qualities in friendships-sense of humour, shared interests, ability to get on with others etc They are not in the least interested in the marks they got for a spelling test!

SDeuchars · 03/03/2010 09:52

Fair enough, PiscesMoon, but in that case, I think we have to agree that it doesn't matter whether DC are at school or are EHE - we are both (from our own experience) saying that differing abilities do not matter to the children.

I am not sure why you have included the first para - I think I have upset you but I cannot see why. I specifically said that different people have different abilities and did not say that one way of learning was right.

BTW, I respect what you say about OU but, unless you have tried it, you cannot know for sure whether it would work for you. There are plenty of assessment points on OU courses to keep you up to the mark. As a tutor, a parent supporting two EHE students and someone who has taken a course, I can say that different people use the OU reseources in different ways (some people attend no tutorials) and there is not one correct way to study.

piscesmoon · 03/03/2010 16:34

You didn't upset me-it was just your first sentence 'you don't teach'-I agree that a lot of HEers don't and it isn't necessary. As long as it is recognised that some HEers teach and some children like to be taught. I do much better with a teacher. For example I was self taught on the computer, people showed me things and I discovered others for myself. I only really got on when I went to a class. A teacher stood in front and explained and then we tried it out. We were all doing the same and so could help others and have a laugh! The teacher was on hand to guide and answer questions. I haven't ruled out OU -it is something that I would like to do, but may wait until I am older. (other people would find this restricting and prefer freedom to go at their own pace)

(I think that differing abilities don't mattter to the DCs as long as they don't feel threatened by them. DS3 being able to read words upside down would have been disheartening for DS2 when he struggled with them the right way up). In the classroom DCs are aware of differing abilities but there is no way that a DC in year 4 would know the abilities of a DC in year 2.

It is like everything else, one person's downside is another persons upside-and vice versa.

SDeuchars · 03/03/2010 18:12

Sorry, piscesmoon, when I said "you don't teach", I didn't mean that it wasn't allowed or that it was a bad thing. You asked "Anyone explain how I take sciences and maths to A'level without paying for a tutor or having to go to an evening class?" and my answer was a somewhat terse and laconic "you don't teach".

I simply meant that it was not necessary for you to do this - that it was a decision that couold be deferred and tackled in a numbe of different ways when one's DC reach a stage in which they wish to do that.

piscesmoon · 03/03/2010 19:09

Understood SDeuchars-it wasn't how I read it at the time. I can see there are ways of overcoming it. In my case I just think that going through the school system was a lot simpler than trying to sort it out when I was also trying to give time to an 8yr old and 6 yr old. (Had he not been happy it would have been different.)

Original poster

ButterPie · 03/03/2010 21:00

I was always very aware of how I measured up to my sisters in different years, and so were my friends. For a start, you could see their sats levels, how many certificates they brought home, how many awards they got and so on.

EG, I am 25, I am pretty sure our year 6 sats were:- Me - 545, DSis1 - 544, DSis2 - 555. If it wasn't a big deal, how would I still remember it now?

OP posts:

SpringHeeledJack · 03/03/2010 21:31

can I just stick a quick one in?

unless you have nerves of steel and are utterly convinced that you are doing the Right Thing, you may get "oh, fuuuuuck!" wobbles on occasion- be prepared. They will pass...

piscesmoon · 03/03/2010 22:32

Gosh ButterPie-I can't even remember which subjects my brothers did at A'level-never mind the results! I am older than you, so perhaps I have an excuse!

Original poster

ButterPie · 03/03/2010 22:43

Oh, and I was the oldest, but I hear you get the teachers constantly comparing you to older siblings too. I know my best mate at high school used to get very upset by it.

OP posts:

SpringHeeledJack · 03/03/2010 22:47

My sister (younger by two years) used to get called by my name at school and sixth form

...she still hates me

piscesmoon · 03/03/2010 22:47

I was the oldest so I should know! I can't speak of comparing, being the eldest, but I know that no one ever compared my DSs at school.

squishycar · 03/03/2010 23:10

I don't think it's going to be possible to generalise much on this. Yes, the more measurements happen, the more possible comparisons (up to a point). But at the same time, the context for comparing the results of different siblings is as likely to be the home, when those results are reported back there, as the school, so the role of different kinds of parents and home environments is likely to be just as significant as the venue the measurements happened in.

In school itself you'd expect most comparison to be between classmates, which might also not necessarily be a good thing, but is a different problem to siblings comparing themselves.

piscesmoon · 04/03/2010 09:01

I think that comparing comes mainly from the parents. I have never done it. I am as proud of DS2 scraping his C in English GCSE as my DS1 getting his A-they both worked for them.
It probably came from my parents who never compared us-I failed the 11+ as did my next brother, my youngest brother passed and I have never considered that he was more intelligent-just very quick on the uptake. My parents never made us feel failures. I got to grammar school in the 6th form and on to university and my other brother got to grammar school at 12+. They just wanted the best for us.
The main criticism aimed at schools is that they don't do the comparing and that children aren't allowed to feel failures-as they were in the old days with class positions. My DC's school had the ethos that each DC did their best. One of my funniest experiences was taking DS3 to a tag rugby match. He was in the rugby club, open to all. They went off to play a mixed private school. The other school came out with an all boy team led by a burly rugby coach, ours was mixed with a woman teacher wearing her long winter coat. Ever so often she stopped the game to swap DCs so they all 'had a turn'. Two of the girls looked as if they were more suited to ballet than rugby. Needless to say we lost heavily and I don't think that the rugby coach thought us worth playing again! Now DS3 isn't really a team player-he just quite enjoyed it at the time so he was quite happy with this. DS2 would have been disgusted and felt let down. He plays to win and is highly competitive. There is place for both-this country won't produce rugby stars if they all followed -'taking part is all that matters'. Also if a DC really pushes themselves physically as DS2 does (he is training hard at the gym several times a week whereas you wouldn't get DS3 near a gym)they ought to get some recognition for the striving. I don't think that it is an easy one, we need winners and to have winners you have to have losers.

Comparing does go on-it is human nature. We automatically make judgements as parents e.g. we think we are better parents than some or we look others and think 'I wish I could be as relaxed a parent as that' etc.

I think it is a bit of 'a red herring'. It is down to how the individual or the parent handles it.

robberbutton · 23/03/2010 22:12

Resurrecting a bit of an old thread, but just wanted to add this as had a bit of a difficult time the other weekend at the inlaws. They are not really pro home ed but we get on ok in a 'don't mention it' kind of way. We're not even doing much as ds is just 4. But he had a HUGE tantrum (in a 4 year old kind of way) and I was then subjected to an afternoon of how much better it would be for him if he went to school. If he was in school they wouldn't bat an eyelid at such normal behavior ffs.

There, all vented

piscesmoon · 23/03/2010 22:20

If he was at school they would tell you that he was overtired! You can't win so I shouldn't bother trying!

ommmward · 04/06/2010 13:47

bumping an ancient thread:

Grit is the most amazing writer, really sardonic, and actually gets over some of the less-than-happy-skippy aspects of a HE life - I think she has sufficient confidence in it being the right path for her family that she can have a good old moan without fearing people saying "Send Them To School Then!"

Grit the Genius

Sometimes I wish I were Grit, but then I remember that she has triplet girls, and I am very glad just to be me.

robberbutton · 04/06/2010 22:05

Love Grit

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