What are the down sides of HE?

[ButterPie]

Can HE'ers please tell me what the downsides are and what they would have done differently? I'm a bit bothered by only being able to find positive stories (apart from the "urgh, HE is weird, your kids will be freaks" opinion, which isn't really helpful)

We are moving nearer and nearer to choosing HE, but it is putting us off that both sides of the debate are seeming to be so black and white about it.

Unless I misunderstand you, you said on this thread that people who aren't HEers shouldn't comment!

"I think seeker sometimes gets a raw deal for posting HE negatives because she's not actually an HEor AFAIK."

juuule,
you may have already seen this, but if you are doing Edexcel IGCSE, they have an email address where you can ask for a list of centres. They call it being a "private candidate" and have a private candidate handbook

"To request a list of Edexcel registered centres please send an email the following address:
[email protected] . When you send an e-mail, please ensure that you give details of
where you live, such as county or postcode and information on what qualifications and specifications
you wish to enter. This information is important to help in the search for suitable centres for you.
Currently, there is no comprehensive list of centres, as not all centres sit all specifications, offer
assistance for coursework, practical elements for science specifications or orals.
Please be aware that the list of centres provided by Edexcel contains only those centres that may
have given assistance to private candidates in the past. There is no guarantee that they will provide
assistance at the time you request assistance as circumstances can change and perhaps, available
spaces are taken. However, it is your responsibility to contact the centres to see if they can assist
you. Please remember that centres are not obligated to offer assistance to private candidates."

the handbook is at
www.edexcel.com/iwantto/I%20want%20to%20%20Tasks/Private%20Candidate%20Handbook%202009-2010.pdf

Downsides?
Less money than we would have had if I had continued with my career instead of home educating.

Thats it.

DS is today doing a presentation at college on Home Education. I asked what he'll say if the audience asks if he will home educate his own children in the future.
His answer?
"Yes without doubt"

ommmward - I feel exactly the same about the politics and fearing I come across as a "complete tin foil hatter"!!

I think downsides are a bit hard because it's such a shift in mindset and way of looking at the world that the downsides suggested by others aren't even on my own radar.

The biggest downside for me is that moment after you've told someone you home ed and you're not actually sure whether they're going to be supportive/neutral or come out with some absolute rubbish that makes your heart sink because you've heard it all before.

There is also the September Stare. After the summer holidays where no-one looks at you suspiciously for being with your child during the day you are acutely aware of it again. It's there all year, but that freedom from it makes it very obvious when it comes back.

From my personal and our family point of view, there are currently no downsides! It's amazing and an absolute JOY!! Feel free to vomit now!!

I guess the thing is you and your children won't know whether it is a good and positive experience for your own lives, needs, and personalities unless you try it. It's like having a child really.

I think, if I don't give many downsides or pitfalls (and I honestly did list all those I could possibly think of), it's because generally I know the girls are really happy and I wouldn't change what we're doing for the world. It's not through any kind of zeal to convert anybody, and it's certainly not through any kind of hiding the truth - the absolute truth is that HE is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to us.

I think that the only reason HEers will sometimes defend themselves against downsides non-HEers give is that, like MrsWobble says, these are often based on assumptions or myths and not based at all on the reality of HE.

Having had children who have been in school, one until the start of Year 4 and one right up until the start of Year 8 (so all through primary school and some of secondary), I honestly don't think there's anything about school to miss. That's not being anti-school - my eldest had a lovely experience at infant school in particular - it's just thay I don't think they got anything in school in social terms that they aren't getting the same or better with their home ed friends now. The trips we go on are very similar to school trips, we meet for group classes in all kinds of stuff, and the children in the groups are definitely not all children that my DDs would choose to be best buddies with, so that same negotiation and learning to get along with others still happens. The only thing I think they miss out on is bullying, the kind that is incessant and drains every bit of confidence from you. Ny eldest had terrible, terrible bullying in Year 5. We kept her in school and worked through it as best we could, but it was the wrong decision. She isn't a better or stronger person for it, despite those who would say such a thing is "good for you". My youngest, who came out much earlier is streets ahead in terms of confidence and getting along with the outside world - she's just less damaged by school.

I do know what people mean - virtually everyone has gone to school and it can be hard to have had a completely different childhood to everyone else - you don't have those social references that most of the country have. But if my previously schooled girls are ever asked if there's anything about not going they feel they are missing out on, they are always emphatic in their "No" - and they've been home ed for long enough now for the novelty to have worn off.

So, downsides? There are some genuine downsides sometimes, and I listed what I could think of. But if those seem small or insignificant it's not an attempt to convert or mislead - it's the truth of what HE is like for us as a family.

I tell you another one I didn't put before. The fact you have to pay to take GCSEs and IGCSEs when everyone else gets it for free. The fact that the govt then have the gall to even LOOK at outcomes for home educators and suggest they might get less GCSEs than schooled children. Some places charge £200 per GCSE, and that doesn't count textbooks or should you need to pay a tutor to verify their coursework.

No access to stuff like county music service. My DD2 would like to earn a second instrument but we can't afford it. If she was in school, she could go to the music centre on Saturdays for discounted group lessons. Because she isn't in school, she's excluded. How does that relate to her being in school? There's so much like that, government grants, all sorts of things, from which home educators are specifically excluded.

It doesn't seem to me like it would be too much effort to let HE kids take GCSEs alongside their schooled contemporaries. One extra desk in the exam room and the exam fee that everyone else gets for free - that's all it would take. So. Having to pay for stuff that schooled kids don't even have to think about.

Being a home educator from the start I genuinely don't see any downsides to home education for me (rather than DD) that aren't actually just downsides to having children at all. (time for self, arranging work, changes to income and expenditure,changes to social life, etc)

Perhaps that is because I have no experience of being a parent using school to compare it with - so I am only comparing pre-child life to post-child life.

For DD I don't see any downsides so far that can't be avoided, except that they are avoided by me taking some kind of pro-active role in it. But I'm aware that if I wasn't making that effort as a home ed parent I would be making different efforts to support DD through school.

Beswt shot for IGCSE centres is to email all the independent schools in your area. You may have to send 20 emails and only get 2 back who will oblige but you only need one.

We have managed to find one which we have used already and are using them for all subjects for the next couple of years.

There are some 'facts' about home-educating that some people would perceive to be 'negative': e.g. you spend most of every day in close proximity with your children. Obviously, the sort of person who thinks that's a negative is unlikely to be a home-educator . So I think it's less a case of there being objectively negative things about HE, and more a question of your own approach to different challenges

I home-ed four children under the age of 8, and it is sometimes exhausting, I sometimes feel like I don't get any time to myself, and it can get very intense at times, with four differing sets of needs converging on me simultaneously. But actually, I don't think it would be that different if my eldest two were in school - because it is my youngest that I find most demanding. The older ones, if anything, make it easier!

It is sometimes difficult to get time alone with the older two, uninterrupted by baby or toddler... though this would be even more the case if they were at school whilst the two little ones were having their afternoon nap. As they're at home during that time we manage some quality time then.

I have only been HEing for 6 weeks so may not have much right to comment yet but for me the downsides are completely selfish ones

My son is happier, healthier and I love having him around BUT what I wouldnt give for an evening when I could have a bath without him coming in and discussing how a pirhana would kill me if it were in the bath with me!!!

There are also so many different ways to HE which is the thing I like most, I think. You can tailor to the needs of the individual child so even if you have 2 kids they could be both learning at home but in very different ways i.e. one from workbooks, another completely autonomously or a bit of both.

The comments of others are the real downside for me....my son is so proud he is HE but I have to admit sometimes I wish he wouldnt tell everyone as I am getting tired of the raised eyebrows, tutting and general twatishness of some folks

My son is loving being HE. So much so he is now saying he doesnt want to go to juniors in september which was the original plan......I am happy to keep HE but am worried that at KS2 level I just dont have the skills neccessary - especially in maths.

ho hum.....the HE adventure continues...got my first LEA visit on 12th march....eek!

seeker (top of the page)- I think that MrsWobble was being sympathetic in that she said you got a raw deal sometimes...

I've not been home edding for long. I can see loads and loads of upsides, but the downside, as far as I can see it,is that you are taking your kids out of "normal", diverse society. the people you tend to meet are other middle class families. This does make me feel very awkward sometimes and is the only real fly in the ointment, as far as I'm concerned (mind you I did find school was a bit like that anyway sometimes!)

...oh, apart from the loss of income. But after a year you just get used to that

SpringheeledJack, what you say about diversity really shows how things differ from area to area.

We live in a big city so it probably makes a difference, but my daughter's home ed friends are a far more diverse group than the children at the local schools are.

I suspect, like CSLewis says, its more your perspective and own circumstances that give positives and negatives about HE than anything general to all home educators.

The middle class thing was one of my main reasons for discounting it at first. That and - don't take this the wrong way - creationists. I worried that the HE groups would be full of people who don't want their kids to do evolution or sex ed or talk to black people or whatever. I am reassured by the people on here being relatively normal

In fact, it is the religion/anti science thing that pushes me even more towards HE - the local school is catholic, but even at a secular school we had people telling us that evolution is impossible and climate change is made up.

I think it does depend on what sort of HEors go to what sort of groups in your area, Butterpie.

Most of the groups run locally are very informal, social groups so tend to be attended by very informal home educators. I expect we all influence one another to a certain extent too. But we have structured HEors come along to the group I help run and they've never felt unwelcome, thank goodness.

We also have a fairly diverse group of HEors locally in terms of 'class' but not in terms of ethnic origin, which is a shame! I know one family the mother of which is Chinese and that's it! But we live in a very ethnically diverse city so it's not like my children don't get any exposure to other ethnic groups.

I don't think I know anyone locally who HEs for religious reasons - that's far more common in the US, I think.

Seeker - I think you'll find I was trying to be sympathetic to the fact non-HEors get shouted down for giving negative opinions.

Claig, thanks for that. I was aware of the Edexcel thing and did contact them a while ago. Tbh they weren't very helpful and didn't supply a list of centres just advised me to schools in the area.
In the bit you quoted they do say "Currently, there is no comprehensive list of centres" so I'm not quite sure what it is they are offering.

Hanging out with people who think and believe very differently from you is a proper lesson in tolerance I would say.

Like you may not realise the beliefs of a really nice person you've been talking to for a while and when you talk to someone else about being a Christian and you qualify it with "but I'm not one of those crazy fundamentalist types" and the nice person overhears you you can really learn a lesson Like there are hippy fundy Christians out there that don't actually make a big deal of their beliefs to anyone else and are doing their best just like you are, and while some things about their life you find a bit difficult in your head, you can actually become really good friends even if you were mortified a few weeks later when you found out they were rather fundamentalist.

Our home ed group isn't middle class either!

Hey hun!
I think like many other things you are best to just go and check the groups out. I know my primary school was full of nutters on PTFA (and staff), and don't get me started about the 'we've always done it this way' people at the church hall groups. there are good bad versions of every thing.
I think with something like this, no amount of investigation is wasted! Can you sit in on a class maybe?

thanks juuule, I'm glad you told me that, I'll know for the future. Also didn't know that you had to pay £200 a pop for taking GCSEs etc. Scandalous situation.

Been reading this thread with interest, HE is a possibility so it's been nice to read so much about it!

If I'm allowed to have an opinion I think the only downside for me, if I were to HE, is that you need to be really selfless! I'm finding it quite tough being a SAHM of 2, so right now I can't imagine giving up my chance of sanity when they go off to nursery/school. I'm also a bit worried about putting a future career on hold for even longer. I'm not meaning to sound like a suck-up but I really admire you guys for HEing! I'm not sure I'm up to it myself though. You'll probably see me on HE threads as I try to figure out if it's the right thing to do.

Actually one thing I noticed on an HE thread recently (just tried finding it but couldn't) is that someone said some HE groups are reluctant to let non-HEers sit in on sessions... is that true and if so, why?

MathsMadMummy

You don't have to be really selfless, you have to be creative with how you get your own very valid and important needs met. If you don't get them met, then you won't be any good at your job (ie. home educating).

Personally I think it's a toss up - stress every morning, and stress every evening with ratty, tired children and homework etc. and the pressure to them get them all to out of school clubs OR most of your interactions with your child being calm and pleasant but less time in the day to yourself. You just find other ways of getting that time.

I go out for a walk every evening when DH gets in, or I go out and facilitate the classes I do every few weeks, or I take time out to go and window shop, or do crafts when DH or my mum is here. I sew when the children are off playing, to give me something tangibly productive to do.

Personally, I sometimes feel fairly selfish home educating - the thought of twice-daily school runs sends shivers down my spine! I'd hate to be beholden to a school and have to be there at the right time twice every day!

Career - can't help with that one, but for me it was just about rethinking my life and what I want out of it. I enjoy home educating more than I enjoyed my career so I'm happy with the choice I've made. I'm going to start an OU degree in something completely different later on this year, and maybe I'll have a whole new career when the children are old enough! It's very exciting

HE groups? I hope that's a rarity. Certainly the home ed groups in our area would welcome parents wanting to learn more about it - we have lots come to the one I help to run.