What are the down sides of HE?

[ButterPie]

Can HE'ers please tell me what the downsides are and what they would have done differently? I'm a bit bothered by only being able to find positive stories (apart from the "urgh, HE is weird, your kids will be freaks" opinion, which isn't really helpful)

We are moving nearer and nearer to choosing HE, but it is putting us off that both sides of the debate are seeming to be so black and white about it.

Downsides?

Having to work hard and think creatively to get time to yourself, which is very necessary.

Fighting your desire to get the children doing stuff that looks like education, even when you trust in autonomous learning and can see how well it's working.

Explaining yourself to people while trying not to sound anti-school.

I have to say I was wracking my brains to think of anything, Butterfly!

Irritating comments are one downside, actually. I have a few things I hate hearing. Won't say them here, as they're usually meant well, they just annoy me!

And ferrying children to and from places...which I'd have to do at least twice a day if they were in school I guess. And I wouldn't have a choice about it if they were in school!

Oh yes, I agree with that one, Riven. If you have a disagreement with a fellow HEor, there's not much chance of avoiding them without depriving your DCs of a whole load of activities!

I think you should just send her to school, Butterpie

Seriously, though, none of the downsides are anything like as numerous or important as all the good points IMO.

Have you searched on here? There have been lots of discussions about this. You might (unless it's too long ago) find some posts from me that might suggest a couple of downsides. And lots of upsides, of course. But it is very difficult to post anything but wholly positive views of he on here

butterfly We live near Newcastle! So is it good round here?

Butterfly - I think seeker sometimes gets a raw deal for posting HE negatives because she's not actually an HEor AFAIK.

Seeker was HEed herself so she has just as valuable and probable a more honest opinion than any parent on this board

Was she? Oh yes. Sorry Seeker - have to apologise. I think I'm mixing you up with piscesmoon maybe?

downsides:

finding yourself at odds with the rest of society.

After the politics of the last year, I am so filled with loathing of nu-labour and the DCSF, and with fear of the State we live in, but if any of that spills over into "civilian" life, people look at me as if I'm a complete tin foil hatter.

We have less money, rent rather than buy, "holidays" are always visits to family, we don't run a car.

My OH has a completely conversation-killing reply to the "so, what do you do?" line.

But the benefits to us as a family are immeasurable. Some children just don't suit school at certain stages in their childhoods, perhaps all stages in the childhoods of some children. It is a blessing to have an alternative that does suit at least some of those children so very very well. I love it that, by this route, I am giving my children opportunities to retain their dignity, self confidence, self worth, vibrancy, enthusiasm and passion for learning and for life which, in school, these particular individuals would have lost, without question, because of the way they are.

being honest there are downsides, but not enough to make me give up.

Sometimes when i am banging my head against a brick wall trying to get dc to learn something who just tell me its 'boring'

Or when i don't feel like finding work and would rather go out to lunch with my friends.

Apart from that, not alot.

The days when the DCs drive you up the wall but TBH I have friends who say the same about their DCs, who are in school! For us it took quite a while to start meeting up regularly with other home edders and DS1 felt a bit lonely for a while. But everything is fine now and we have weekly meet ups for French and Spanish and go to a Book Club once a month too (usually at least 12 HE children, not counting babies).

I'm also glad that DH can work flexible hours so works a standard week over 4 days so he can be at home 1 day a week. With our nanny once a week, that gives me 2 days a week to work, which means that at least I get a break and the DCs get a bit more variety.

You see, like I said on your other thread, if you really rack your brains there may be some teensy, little, insignificant downsides to HE, but mostly IT'S REALLY FINE AND WE MEET UP WITH OTHER HEDDERS ALL THE TIME AND THE BENEFITS TO US AS A FAMILY AND YOU DONT HAVE TO MIX WITH CIVILIANS AND WE DO LOTS OF COOKING SO THEY DONT NEED MATHS AND ITS REALLY REALLY FANTASTIC AND NOONE MISSES HAVING TIME TO THEMSELVES TO WATCH DAYTIME TELLY BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT THAT SORT OF PEOPLE ANYWAY....

The pressure of feeling that if DD1 fails her GCSEs, it's all my fault and I can't blame it on her bad schooling.

The fact that I've been ill recently and I feel guilty that we haven't done much very exciting and the rest of the family have had to virtually take over and probably had a greater burden on them than if the girls were dumped at school all day.(though not having to find someone to do the school run had advantages)

People just not "getting it" and facing the same stupid misinformed comments over and over again.

House that looks like a bomb has hit it, day in, day out (I realise this may only be me ).

Battling governments and the constant fear that somehow the right to do it will be taken away from us.

Days when I really would like the house all to myself without 4 people always present (hubby works nights so is around in the day too).

Being scared that one day everyone will say "I told you so" and my girls will say I made the wrong decision (I don't think it will happen, but the fear does cross my mind)

I still wouldn't change it for the world, but you did want the negatives!

Is that a sarcastic post, Otters?

We've collectively come up with lots of honest downsides of HE I think, but none that are that significant. Would you prefer us to lie?

How about: HE is really shit, your children learn nothing, don't have any friends, and you'll be miserable all the time.

Seriously, what do you want us to day, Otter!? All we can do is be honest, FFS

I'll tell you a downside: The fact that the government and the media seem determined to say that HE is used as a cover for child abuse, which is completely unfounded but a pretty horrific thing to say and just makes people think we're not just mad, but potentially very dangerous!

What a strange post, Otter.

Downside for us is access to exams proving a bit tricky. Perhaps it's just me who is unfamiliar with the process but it's difficult to know where to start. Bit off-putting after phoning a couple of schools and colleges to be told that they either don't accept external candidates or they don't do IGCSE (which is what we are looking for).

And another downside, just because we are actually pleased with the lifestyle we have chosen, just because it has so many real benefits, some idiots just don't believe us and think that we must be lying and just saying the good points to 'convert' everyone else!

I don't think anyone says that HE-ers are lying to convert!

But you have to admit that anyone trying to suggest that there are any downsides at all are shot down in flames.

Oh and I HATE the fact that you are not allowed to have an opinion on HE unless you are a HE-er.

Right, who, exactly, has been shot down in flames for saying the negatives of HE? No one!

Of course non-HEors are allowed opinions about HE, but the trouble is that so, so, so often, those opinions are based on myths and misunderstandings and sensational claims made by the media. Of course HEors are going to try to refute those sort of opinions. It's not about not wanting people to have opinions of HE, but about not wanting people to have misinformed opinions about HE.

Hmm. I'm still picking out shotgun pellets!

I'm talking about on this thread, seeker - sorry, didn't make that clear.